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    I don't know what to do. I feel so bad. I don't think I want to kill myself but I am considering another overdose.
    The psychiatrist LAUGHED at me the other day.
    My keyworkers don't seem to have noticed anything at all.
    And I just don't want to do this anymore.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I think a timetable would be a good idea actually, I'm just fed up of it all at the moment though. You are right, ignoring feelings are the only way to get over things. I tend to blow things wayyyy out of proportion and get upset over the smallest of things, at least I'm learning to hold my tongue.

    How are you?
    I'm alright, no worse than usual. I'm spending the entire day playing mindless computer games to try and keep from thinking. It's working ok so far.
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    I managed to not comfort eat during school today, which I'm happy about (I am currently eating a LOT of Kendal Mint Cake, but it helps my sore throat). Not so happy about the return of my tonsillitis though!

    Spent all day watching Dollhouse and feeling kind of numb. It's better than crying 24/7 I guess... For now.

    How's everyone else? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Fail Whale)
    I don't know what to do. I feel so bad. I don't think I want to kill myself but I am considering another overdose.
    The psychiatrist LAUGHED at me the other day.
    My keyworkers don't seem to have noticed anything at all.
    And I just don't want to do this anymore.
    :hugs:

    I'd complain to him/her about that - unless you were cracking a joke, that's out of order.

    Things will pick up and when they do, you'll be glad that you didn't. :console:
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    Eurgh I am absolutely through with my college now. If I was an AS student I would considering dropping out now but because I'm A2 I have under 8 weeks left but it's absolutely killing me I absolutely hate college and hope that when I leave it I'll be happier again hopfully.
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    I hope you guys don't mind me posting here. Not entirely sure why I am really tbh. Just nice to believe someone is listening, I guess.

    Just harmed again. That's twice I've triggered in the past week after a gap of almost five years. No satisfaction. No sense of control. Just complete emptiness. Funnily enough that's frightened me more than relapsing - at least on past occasions I got something from it, some sense it was worth it. This time, nothing.

    As for why, well, that would be a long story, but suffice to say it's not for reasons too dissimilar to the majority really. We all go through relationship and friendship worries, and some just deal with it better than others. I don't deal with it at all. I know all the right words and all the logic, but it just never seems to latch on to my own situation. I'm now constantly jealous, constantly lonely, constantly angry, and constantly emotional; this is not the person I wanted to be. People come to me for support and advice, and though I'm happy to give it for its own sake, it always ends up a case of me being on my own. In so many ways it makes sense why but in others I'm puzzled. I'm so starved of affection that I'm running out of the energy to give it. The jealousy is perhaps the worst - why them! Why not me! Gah, look at how irrational and contradictory it all is. I'm answering my own damn question.

    This is all right on the cusp of major changes in my life, admittedly - I've in so many ways, paradoxically, become more outgoing, more confident. Certainly more willing to make changes and challenge the status quo in my life. But something is holding me back. Something that insists I don't deserve it. Prepared indeed to do violence to myself to stop me. I'm hardly a psychologist but I'm guessing there's some huge inner warfare going on at the moment as that part tries desperately to keep me onside with how I've always been. Finishing the work it started by having me as this unpleasant ******* for keeps.

    Bah. Don't even know why I'm doing this.

    Hope all of you find your own way to happiness.
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    I hope you guys don't mind me posting here. Not entirely sure why I am really tbh. Just nice to believe someone is listening, I guess.

    Just harmed again. That's twice I've triggered in the past week after a gap of almost five years. No satisfaction. No sense of control. Just complete emptiness. Funnily enough that's frightened me more than relapsing - at least on past occasions I got something from it, some sense it was worth it. This time, nothing.

    As for why, well, that would be a long story, but suffice to say it's not for reasons too dissimilar to the majority really. We all go through relationship and friendship worries, and some just deal with it better than others. I don't deal with it at all. I know all the right words and all the logic, but it just never seems to latch on to my own situation. I'm now constantly jealous, constantly lonely, constantly angry, and constantly emotional; this is not the person I wanted to be. People come to me for support and advice, and though I'm happy to give it for its own sake, it always ends up a case of me being on my own. In so many ways it makes sense why but in others I'm puzzled. I'm so starved of affection that I'm running out of the energy to give it. The jealousy is perhaps the worst - why them! Why not me! Gah, look at how irrational and contradictory it all is. I'm answering my own damn question.
    I feel exactly the same, especially the part about affection. My depression has also made me socially awkward, jealous and angry, too. It makes me so angry! It's not me at all, I feel like 60% of my personality is temporarily lost. Remember the temporary part, though, for it really is, only temporary!

    But, take comfort in the fact that you're not alone! Keep in mind that one day, we'll be complete, and we'll be a better person than we've ever imagined.

    (Sorry for grammatical errors, I'm in a rush!) :P
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    (Original post by Ducklighter)
    Eurgh I am absolutely through with my college now. If I was an AS student I would considering dropping out now but because I'm A2 I have under 8 weeks left but it's absolutely killing me I absolutely hate college and hope that when I leave it I'll be happier again hopfully.
    I feel like this a lot too, by hey, at least you are predicted A*s, and are going to uni this year. I'm having to redo some A Levels, and with the way I feel I can barely scrape an E sometimes, lol. Partly my fault for not pulling my weight though. :hugs: Hope you feel better, you're gonna go places after all.
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    I need somewhere to get stuff off my chest. I don't suffer from depression anymore but when I feel low a lot of the symptoms that I had when I was suffering come back. I got up at 4pm today because I just couldn't be bothered and wanted to pretend like the world doesn't exist. I have uni work to do but I'm gonna have to do it over the weekend.

    My mum came to visit me for the week and I took holiday from work. My mum is my best friend but I have someone at work called Regina who I consider to be another best friend. I told Regina on Wednesday that I would probably be feeling low when my mum left to go home to the UK and that I would need her for support at the weekend. She said we could maybe do something and to call her yesterday. I called and it seemed like she was trying to shrug me off as she said, "Well Cristina (another work colleague) is going out at the w/e, why don't you go with her?" She said she might have time for a coffee but not much and that I could go to this Bavarian thing with her, herself and her husband tomorrow but I probably wouldn't understand it. So I basically lied and said that I wasn't feeling that sad and got off the phone as we made no plans.

    I think I'm feeling low because all of my "friends" I thought I had at uni stopped talking to me when we went on the year abroad and because the last best friend I had at A-Level dumped me when I was seriously depressed. That made me retract a lot and I don't trust people easily and don't want to get attached in case they screw me over again. I feel like this is happening with Regina and I really thought she was gonna support me this weekend. I have to go back to work on Monday and someone is having a leaving do but I just can't be bothered to socialise. Part of me thinks that there's no point bothering because I don't seem to get anywhere even when I try.
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    Went up town cos I needed to sort some stuff out and I wasn't feeling too bad earlier, but then I started feeling worse, started crying on the way home and I still can't stop.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Went up town cos I needed to sort some stuff out and I wasn't feeling too bad earlier, but then I started feeling worse, started crying on the way home and I still can't stop.
    :hugs: I know the feeling, I've been crying a lot.
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    Why are parents such nobs sometimes????
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    (Original post by hannah_dru)
    :hugs: I know the feeling, I've been crying a lot.
    Sorry you've been feeling bad too. Try not to jump to conclusions about your friend though - it might just be that she's got problems of her own to deal with at the moment. Hope the weekend doesn't go too bad for you, maybe you could do something by yourself like going to a museum or the cinema, so you don't end up thinking so much about your mum.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Sorry you've been feeling bad too. Try not to jump to conclusions about your friend though - it might just be that she's got problems of her own to deal with at the moment. Hope the weekend doesn't go too bad for you, maybe you could do something by yourself like going to a museum or the cinema, so you don't end up thinking so much about your mum.
    Thanks Yeah, I told my mum about it and she said that Regina maybe felt she needed to be with her family. I'd like to go out but I have uni work to do which is a pain.
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    I'm in one of those horrible moods where you just can't stop thinking about all your problems and you're too pathetic to do anything about any of them. And every single one of them would go away if I could just be normal but I'm not, I'm ****** in the head.

    Meant to be starting new antidepressants on monday but I'm so sick of waiting for the drugs to work and they never ******* do.
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    Hmm, I still seem to be great at forgetting things, anyone want to remind me why I came on the computer?It was pretty important I think... :o:

    I went to the doctor's on Friday about my throat and they assumed I was there to talk about depression/whatever... I'd seen a doctor on Wednesday! I see far too much of my doctor right now :erm:

    How is everyone? I wanted to get my coursework done today, but although I have the motivation, my body just won't let me and my parents have told me I'm to stay in bed and rest. I'm not complaining, they bought ice cream. I've even managed to read some stuff today (all based on Greek mythology, because I'm just a nerd). I think when I'm ill, my mind doesn't get a say in how I feel. Did have a nice freak out in the local shop though.

    Seriously, why did I come on the computer?...
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I'm in one of those horrible moods where you just can't stop thinking about all your problems and you're too pathetic to do anything about any of them. And every single one of them would go away if I could just be normal but I'm not, I'm ****** in the head.

    Meant to be starting new antidepressants on monday but I'm so sick of waiting for the drugs to work and they never ******* do.
    I feel like that most days too, but then I look at my friends and people in general and realise that being 'normal' is actually quite abnormal. Everyone has problems no matter how big or small. Some people may not even have any mental health problems but will be far less 'normal' than you.

    Just try them, try to keep and open mind. These may be the ones that work for you. I've seen loads of people comparing them to the contraceptive pill in terms of you having to find the right one and if they are anything like them (I'm not allowed on antidepressants any more being under 21), then that is totally true, it's insane the number you can go through before you find one that suits your body. Anyway, enough comparing them to that, but just remember that everyone's body is different and you need to find the one that suits you, it might have taken a while, but you'll get there :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I feel like that most days too, but then I look at my friends and people in general and realise that being 'normal' is actually quite abnormal. Everyone has problems no matter how big or small. Some people may not even have any mental health problems but will be far less 'normal' than you.

    Just try them, try to keep and open mind. These may be the ones that work for you. I've seen loads of people comparing them to the contraceptive pill in terms of you having to find the right one and if they are anything like them (I'm not allowed on antidepressants any more being under 21), then that is totally true, it's insane the number you can go through before you find one that suits your body. Anyway, enough comparing them to that, but just remember that everyone's body is different and you need to find the one that suits you, it might have taken a while, but you'll get there :hugs:
    Yeah, but it's got to the stage where I can barely even look after myself any more. Even basic stuff like washing and eating, half the time I can't see the point. Don't know how much longer I can just keep on trying different drugs, there's got to come a breaking point, I can't keep on like this forever. I know it is possible that something might help me, but I've already given up hope.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Yeah, but it's got to the stage where I can barely even look after myself any more. Even basic stuff like washing and eating, half the time I can't see the point. Don't know how much longer I can just keep on trying different drugs, there's got to come a breaking point, I can't keep on like this forever. I know it is possible that something might help me, but I've already given up hope.
    :hugs:

    If you give up hope, then you'll not see any positives when taking them, just keep trying to try them. And try to be as open as you can with whoever you see, as otherwise they'll find it difficult to help you. Eventually something will click. :yes:
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    Sometimes, suicide seems the only logical path to escape the suffocating sadness. Anyone else feel the same? I need to cheer up!
 
 
 
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