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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Ok, well, just do what you can

    What do you see a point in doing? Unless those things are self destructive or going to impact on other people, I see no reason why you shouldn't do them.

    (Sorry, when I go up, I get incredibly productive - but meaninglessly productive, because I never end up doing the right bits of work :o: )
    Thanks. Yeah, they're very self-destructive. I'm feeling a lot better now, a friend of mine called me and totally took my mind off everything by talking about random rubbish. I love those really long phone calls you can have with friends you've know your entire life haha, especially as we only see each other once a year!

    I'm going to try and do some work, after I get some horlicks (with coffee... This could go horribly wrong!)
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks. Yeah, they're veyr self-destructive. I'm feeling a lot better now, a friend of mine called me and totally took my mind off everything by talking about random rubbish. I love those really long phone calls you can have with friends you've know your entire life haha, especially as we only see each other once a year!

    I'm going to try and do some work, after I get some horlicks (with coffee... This could go horribly wrong!)
    :hugs: Glad you had a nice chat with your mate
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    (Original post by Zebrastripes)
    Maybe there is some truth in it. My counsellor said I don't work because perhaps I don't feel like I deserve a degree as my ex used to tell me how stupid I was, even though I'm actually quite bright. I don't know whether to believe her either, and I'm about to fail my dissertation and exams too. :hugs:
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    That's exactly how I feel! Mind you, that's exactly how I felt and sometimes still do about my ED, despite that having quite clear physical symptoms. :erm:

    Just try to ignore them, I've come to the conclusion that people are ****, only you know how you're feeling so ignore what other people think. She probably didn't mean it in that way anyway, she may have meant that you've had a gap or something from working 'normally' and now the fear of the unknown may be causing your mind to not be able to do it even more. Does that apply?

    Thanks for the advice BTW.
    Ah well I feel like less of a freak that I'm not the only one.

    I haven't really had a gap, I had the same thing pretty much last year, I still have no idea how I passed exams with absolutely no revision. This year I won't be so lucky.


    ps. steffi, thanks for the rep I'm glad I was helpful. Good luck with your essay, like KMN suggested work at it in small bursts and it should be done before you know.
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    I think the big problem with depression (definitely for me anyway) is an inability exactly what is causing it. I honestly feel like it's thousands of weights on my shoulders keeping me down. There's so many things that I couldn't even begin to deal with, it's such a worthless feeling.
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    Hello everyone.

    Off to the see the doc today. The week's been bad. Mum ended up in hospital with some strange ailment that we can't get to the bottom of, and dad is physically struggling to help both her and me. My best friend I happen to be utterly besotted with, but she's not interested, and to say I'm dealing with it badly would be an understatement, veering in and out from stability to utter despair. Regardless of romance, she's my best friend so being without her at all would be catastrophic; she's had a tough time this week, and that has me in tears as I can't fix it for her. I hate knowing she's upset. A further two harming triggers for the week too. Another friend is desperately trying to get me to use ice cubes to minimise the damage to my arms, but I react instinctively and making a dash for the fridge feels so stupid. :facepalm2: Appetite has been destroyed, I'm simply not eating, and I feel constantly sick.

    I'm waking up at the moment disappointed for simply waking up, and suicide has been on my mind. I was making massive progress in getting out of my comfort zone and then all of a sudden this part of me starts ******* around trying to get me to stfu and stay where I am. Academically, I have Oxford on the horizon and that's the last place I need to end up like this; I need to do my degree, but the thought of more books is terrifying me - they're all I've had since I was seven, but I need something else now so badly! There are things to look forward to and live for but nothing's clicking. I just feel so damn alone and invalidated. And I really do wish, ironically, that I could stop moaning and process this all in an ordered manner.

    I'm puzzled how this has happened when I entered the year so stable and confident. :lolwut:

    As always, I hope you guys are all battling hard and valiantly. You seem to support one another so very admirably, and my heart goes out to all of you.
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    Hello everyone.

    Off to the see the doc today. The week's been bad. Mum ended up in hospital with some strange ailment that we can't get to the bottom of, and dad is physically struggling to help both her and me. My best friend I happen to be utterly besotted with, but she's not interested, and to say I'm dealing with it badly would be an understatement, veering in and out from stability to utter despair. Regardless of romance, she's my best friend so being without her at all would be catastrophic; she's had a tough time this week, and that has me in tears as I can't fix it for her. I hate knowing she's upset. A further two harming triggers for the week too. Another friend is desperately trying to get me to use ice cubes to minimise the damage to my arms, but I react instinctively and making a dash for the fridge feels so stupid. :facepalm2: Appetite has been destroyed, I'm simply not eating, and I feel constantly sick.

    I'm waking up at the moment disappointed for simply waking up, and suicide has been on my mind. I was making massive progress in getting out of my comfort zone and then all of a sudden this part of me starts ******* around trying to get me to stfu and stay where I am. Academically, I have Oxford on the horizon and that's the last place I need to end up like this; I need to do my degree, but the thought of more books is terrifying me - they're all I've had since I was seven, but I need something else now so badly! There are things to look forward to and live for but nothing's clicking. I just feel so damn alone and invalidated. And I really do wish, ironically, that I could stop moaning and process this all in an ordered manner.

    I'm puzzled how this has happened when I entered the year so stable and confident. :lolwut:

    As always, I hope you guys are all battling hard and valiantly. You seem to support one another so very admirably, and my heart goes out to all of you.
    I find ice cubes crap tbh but perhaps you should throw out whatever it is you're using to self harm with so that dashing to the fridge is the easier option than just picking up whatever you use? I've heard of people putting blades in locked boxes just to try to reduce the impulsivity (making up words ftw!) of it. Either that or you could put an elastic band round your wrist and flick it really really hard, hurts like a *****. Maybe worth a try.

    Good luck with Oxford. University is pretty ******* hard with depression so if you're not already getting help from your gp or whoever perhaps look into that so you've got the best chance at it.
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    Yeah, they do seem rather tame. It might sound really rather odd to someone who reads this and doesn't harm, but I don't like the cold. :p: It's not the kind of pain that gives me any semblance of satisfaction or control. Rubber bands though I have heard of using but I never thought to just put one round my wrist. :embarrassed: That sounds a lot better, and would keep it to red patches probably.

    Thanks. My gp is a sweetheart so I'm pretty lucky I think in that regard. Obviously though the problem is not just within her ambit. This mess makes me feel so damn powerless, and no doubt the doc too actually.
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    Yeah, they do seem rather tame. It might sound really rather odd to someone who reads this and doesn't harm, but I don't like the cold. :p: It's not the kind of pain that gives me any semblance of satisfaction or control. Rubber bands though I have heard of using but I never thought to just put one round my wrist. :embarrassed: That sounds a lot better, and would keep it to red patches probably.

    Thanks. My gp is a sweetheart so I'm pretty lucky I think in that regard. Obviously though the problem is not just within her ambit. This mess makes me feel so damn powerless, and no doubt the doc too actually.
    My self harming is more scratching (unless I'm mid-breakdown) and I find the rubber band thing quite good, perhaps because it just gives me something to stall myself with, rather than having another breakdown and scratching myself with my nails/something else.

    ----

    I gave up on my coursework last night so now only have today to write the remaining 1,900 or so words and redraft that and another one as much as possible... :nothing: Oh joy, I have under 300 words to play with for my redrafted essay... I need more words than that! This is going to be such a fun day(!)

    Oh well, the friend that managed to cheer me up yesterday is coming over tomorrow and then I have to go to the pub with a group of friends (not looking forward to that part), I'm hoping it all goes okay and I don't burst into tears in front of her, but IIRC, she understands anyway.

    I can't decide if I'm on the verge of a mini-breakdown or am very happy. I feel both quite happy and very sad at the moment.
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    Hmm, that's what I usually do too. It's just instinctive, but when I'm thinking about it more manipulatively I realise it allows me to introduce a fairly significant amount of pain without doing great noticeable damage. Red patches aren't as difficult to manage as cuts, it seems.

    Just got back from the doc. He actually wasn't as alarmed as I thought he would be, though wanted to discuss my suicide ideation in depth as one would expect. I really, really want to go to dance class tonight, but am feeling so sick from all the worry. He suggested that these things are almost good signs - I'm no longer dismissing change arbitrarily, and instead have accepted they need to happen. As a result, physiologically I'm reacting to the stress of it actually occurring, and am harming thanks to the little part of me that wishes to sabotage my progress, which I don't feel I deserve. Quite insightful.
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    Hey how is everyone doing?

    Haven't been on here for a while due to lots of revision. My head feels like its about to explode. Had a panic attack in one of my exams yesterday...it lasted for about 30mins and I just couldn't think straight, took longer than I should have to answer some questions so I ran out of time and didn't finish the paper, I'll be lucky to even pass....
    Todays exam was better I actually managed to finish that but I'm still not complacent ( never am). Whats worse is family life is....well for want of a better word, pants! I just wish I was at home so I could support my mum, I love her to bits and she is going through hell at the moment. She told me she is fine but from what she has told me that has been going on I doubt that many people would be fine....:cry: I just want to be there for her as no one else seems to be. I love my family but 2/3 of them are JERKS and just don't see it. I don't need this right now but I'm scared of what is going to happen...
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    Hmm, that's what I usually do too. It's just instinctive, but when I'm thinking about it more manipulatively I realise it allows me to introduce a fairly significant amount of pain without doing great noticeable damage. Red patches aren't as difficult to manage as cuts, it seems.

    Just got back from the doc. He actually wasn't as alarmed as I thought he would be, though wanted to discuss my suicide ideation in depth as one would expect. I really, really want to go to dance class tonight, but am feeling so sick from all the worry. He suggested that these things are almost good signs - I'm no longer dismissing change arbitrarily, and instead have accepted they need to happen. As a result, physiologically I'm reacting to the stress of it actually occurring, and am harming thanks to the little part of me that wishes to sabotage my progress, which I don't feel I deserve. Quite insightful.
    I think that's why I turn to it too.

    IMO you should try to go to the dance class, it might make you feel better. I went to a (school) class today and it made me feel a lot better just sort of getting on with it (and having the teacher tell me that it would be okay catching up :rolleyes:). Obviously if you really can't, then don't but it'd probably be good to go.
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    Swimming later with my two mates... scared that they'll more than notice the cuts on my arm! There's four more than there were last time
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I think that's why I turn to it too.

    IMO you should try to go to the dance class, it might make you feel better. I went to a (school) class today and it made me feel a lot better just sort of getting on with it (and having the teacher tell me that it would be okay catching up :rolleyes:). Obviously if you really can't, then don't but it'd probably be good to go.
    How was your energy level with it, if you don't mind me asking?

    If I'm going to go, I have about an hour. Feel so weak though and sick. I'm positive I'd faint. Either way, there's a chance every Tuesday, and I honestly don't think it's a stalling tactic in this case - you don't get this nervous generally over something you don't intend to do, I guess. As far as I'm concerned I've already done it, it's that certain.

    Why do I get the feeling that if I did what you suggest I'd be shocked just how ridiculously convoluted I've made the whole situation?
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    How was your energy level with it, if you don't mind me asking?

    If I'm going to go, I have about an hour. Feel so weak though and sick. I'm positive I'd faint. Either way, there's a chance every Tuesday, and I honestly don't think it's a stalling tactic in this case - you don't get this nervous generally over something you don't intend to do, I guess. As far as I'm concerned I've already done it, it's that certain.

    Why do I get the feeling that if I did what you suggest I'd be shocked just how ridiculously convoluted I've made the whole situation?
    Energy level with what? (Sorry if it was obvious, I'm feeling a little out of it right now)

    If you're feeling too rough physically, then a dance class may not be the best thing. If it's nerves, they'll probably go after a while there (that's what I find anyway).

    Haha, I make things a lot more complicated for myself too. Thankfully I have friends/people around me who push me to just do it if they notice I'm not. (One of my friends told me she'd drag me to my lesson if I didn't go... I didn't want to risk that!).
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    Well, moving about so much. Right now my legs feel like jelly and I can barely walk around. :lolwut: Sorry that you're feeling as you do. :hugs:

    That's exactly what my friend said. :p: She's being very gentle though generally, and bearing with me. If I'm stalling she knows, but if I'm truly unable she knows that too, and acts accordingly.
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    Well, moving about so much. Right now my legs feel like jelly and I can barely walk around. :lolwut: Sorry that you're feeling as you do. :hugs:

    That's exactly what my friend said. :p: She's being very gentle though generally, and bearing with me. If I'm stalling she knows, but if I'm truly unable she knows that too, and acts accordingly.
    I was talking about a school lesson, as in sitting down taking notes, rather than any form of exercise! Thanks, it's probably just an ill-timed migraine :grumble:

    It's great that you have a friend that's being so considerate. :yes:
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    Ah!!!! iFail. :facepalm2: :p:

    We all need them in situations like this one suspects. The risk tonight will be self aggression if I think too much about not going, so must try and focus on next week.
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    Ah!!!! iFail. :facepalm2: :p:

    We all need them in situations like this one suspects. The risk tonight will be self aggression if I think too much about not going, so must try and focus on next week.
    I probably wasn't very clear - I'm really tired at the moment (almost fell asleep next to my laptop earlier :rolleyes:).

    If you think the risk in going is too great, then don't go. I do find that it makes me feel slightly better mentally to just try and do things I'm supposed to (like turn up to lessons, work etc).
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    (Original post by Hubert Poo)
    If I'm going to go, I have about an hour. Feel so weak though and sick. I'm positive I'd faint. Either way, there's a chance every Tuesday, and I honestly don't think it's a stalling tactic in this case - you don't get this nervous generally over something you don't intend to do, I guess. As far as I'm concerned I've already done it, it's that certain. S
    I get that feeling every week before sports practice.

    Try to think about it logically; have you ever actually fainted or thrown up there all the times you've been? If you have this doesn't really work....:p:




    I'm feeling so angry right now. I downloaded a not impossible number of journal articles to read for one module and I've spent the last 3 days trying to read the first one and got absolutely no where. :banghead:
 
 
 
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