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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :cry:

    I need to work and revise, but I'm feeling so... Urgh, I hate this.
    I felt the same last week! Its now been a week or more since holidays have started and i only just began to work.
    I'd say don't feel that you must pressure yourself to work. This last school term must have been very tiring. You NEED rest. Rest for a bit in the morning.. (i see you're doing history) so do some of the reading in a relaxed environment maybe?

    Oh and schedules/plans. I stick by it come hell or what. I used to be terrible with organisation (screwed up gcses in this way). but its self control..?

    I think its important not to pressure yourself to do work, and perhaps want to do work (i know it sounds silly, but i actually enjoy studying one of my subject immensely) ?

    Ah advice :rolleyes: :p:
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    (Original post by I'm New)
    Awh true. wow you have brains compared to me! :p: i just couldn't see that. true. one must focus on oneself and concentrate on their life than glance with high frequency at others'.
    Oh god the US fees are extortionate! its around 35,000 + annual US dollars. aah.. i'm starting to feel lucky myself :P
    Thanks!! :hugs: its so nice to have other peoples' points of view. All my friends know my friend more or less.. and i hate being judged on this.
    Haha, no I'm not very intelligent - you clearly are and clearly work heard to have been given an offer for your first choice uni here. And you'll have a lot less debt than your friend (that can help with a house, further education, whatever - there's loads more time to 'get ahead', if you wish to see life as a competition).

    They won't judge you on it, your successes and her's will be separate to them. :yep:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Haha, no I'm not very intelligent - you clearly are and clearly work heard to have been given an offer for your first choice uni here. And you'll have a lot less debt than your friend (that can help with a house, further education, whatever - there's loads more time to 'get ahead', if you wish to see life as a competition).

    They won't judge you on it, your successes and her's will be separate to them. :yep:
    :eek: sorry! oh god it was an edit and i meant
    '' i have no brains compared to you''

    Awwwh i'm sorry! i feel so bad now. this is what happens when emotions take over me..
    Awh
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    (Original post by Zebrastripes)
    You can do your A Levels, you just need to believe in yourself. I'm going to plow through, but as I'm JUST a 2.1 at the moment, I'm accepting that I'll get a 2.2 by the end. I emailed the head of department today saying I was struggling, so I'll see if he allows me an extension. Although I don't think an extension will help, I'll still leave it til the last minute. I have two other essays in the week before my diss is due, which isn't useful! Are you going to uni next year? If I was in your situation, I'd take a gap year and see if counselling and such could help in that year, so the when starting uni I'd have a clearer head. I was pressured into uni, so it's been quite a hard journey for me.
    Do you have to do the essays? (I have no idea how uni works). Try to rush those rather than your dissertation. Even just try sitting next to some of the stuff you need for it, even if that's a pad of paper and a pen.

    I don't want to take a year out, I don't want to live here anymore, with people I know I can't trust and who don't care. (Not my family, but the people locally). And what's the use of taking time out to get over it? I've only just begun to be in the very final stages of recovering from my eating disorder and suddenly I'm lumped with possible depression, panic attacks and a return of my OCD... No, I'm going to try and get into uni... Try.

    I'm sorting treatment out now, but I just want the pills back - the second ones were beginning to help - I can see that now that I'm off them because I feel so much worse.
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    (Original post by I'm New)
    :eek: sorry! oh god it was an edit and i meant
    '' i have no brains compared to you''

    Awwwh i'm sorry! i feel so bad now. this is what happens when emotions take over me..
    Awh
    Haha, don't worry - I'm arrogant enough to have read it as that. :p:

    EDIT: actually, in the version I quoted you said 'you have brains compared to me!', so I did read what you meant!
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Haha, don't worry - I'm arrogant enough to have read it as that. :p:
    :p: okay. You sound very self-assured actually :yep: You do.
    Ah i don't recognise myself when i get all emotional (gawd.. about most things really :p:) Sorry again! :o:

    Thanks for the advice! :hugs:
    and i totally know how i feel about exams
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    (Original post by I'm New)
    I felt the same last week! Its now been a week or more since holidays have started and i only just began to work.
    I'd say don't feel that you must pressure yourself to work. This last school term must have been very tiring. You NEED rest. Rest for a bit in the morning.. (i see you're doing history) so do some of the reading in a relaxed environment maybe?

    Oh and schedules/plans. I stick by it come hell or what. I used to be terrible with organisation (screwed up gcses in this way). but its self control..?

    I think its important not to pressure yourself to do work, and perhaps want to do work (i know it sounds silly, but i actually enjoy studying one of my subject immensely) ?

    Ah advice :rolleyes: :p:
    See, the problem is:
    -my first exam is in 13 days
    -I haven't been to lessons for the past half term.

    FML

    No, no, I can do it. Oh wow, writing poetry really does help me, or maybe it's just this thread. :hugs:

    EDIT: I will follow your advice about sticking to the timetable come rain or shine though, or I never will make it.
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    (Original post by I'm New)
    :p: okay. You sound very self-assured actually :yep: You do.
    Ah i don't recognise myself when i get all emotional (gawd.. about most things really :p:) Sorry again! :o:

    Thanks for the advice! :hugs:
    and i totally know how i feel about exams
    I'm the furthest from self-assured TBH. I doubt everything about me and know nothing about myself or... Yeah... Very far removed from self-assured, or confident, or sociable or... :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Do you have to do the essays? (I have no idea how uni works). Try to rush those rather than your dissertation. Even just try sitting next to some of the stuff you need for it, even if that's a pad of paper and a pen.

    I don't want to take a year out, I don't want to live here anymore, with people I know I can't trust and who don't care. (Not my family, but the people locally). And what's the use of taking time out to get over it? I've only just begun to be in the very final stages of recovering from my eating disorder and suddenly I'm lumped with possible depression, panic attacks and a return of my OCD... No, I'm going to try and get into uni... Try.

    I'm sorting treatment out now, but I just want the pills back - the second ones were beginning to help - I can see that now that I'm off them because I feel so much worse.
    I'm definitely going to rush the essays, they're worth a quarter of what my dissertation is worth. So doing those in 2 days max hopefully, well that was the plan, only did an hour today.

    Can you not ask for the pills back? If your home town is hell, definitely get out. I haven't been back home in over a year, I find it best to just cut it out. Have you chosen your unis? My advice (After being at 2), go for one you like best, ignore reputation. I'm at KCL, and although I like it socially, I went for reputation over course content and overall feel of the place.. which I'd chosen elsewhere!
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    (Original post by Zebrastripes)
    I'm definitely going to rush the essays, they're worth a quarter of what my dissertation is worth. So doing those in 2 days max hopefully, well that was the plan, only did an hour today.

    Can you not ask for the pills back? If your home town is hell, definitely get out. I haven't been back home in over a year, I find it best to just cut it out. Have you chosen your unis? My advice (After being at 2), go for one you like best, ignore reputation. I'm at KCL, and although I like it socially, I went for reputation over course content and overall feel of the place.. which I'd chosen elsewhere!
    An hour is something though! Hours add up after all :yep:

    Well, they offered them to me, but the doctors aren't keen because I'm under 21 and the assessment guy doesn't think I'm depressed and my doctors agree. Oh well, I'm seeing this guy on Friday - I'll either burst into tears as soon as I enter the waiting room or not show up... Either way I wish they'd accept that when I say 'I don't know', I do know just hate asking for help.

    I'm fed up of feeling like this, fed up of bloody everything. I'm fed up of the fact that the scary thoughts don't scare me anymore and fed up of me letting myself down at every ******* opportunity.

    EDIT: I can't even spell swear words :nothing:
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    Urgh, I really want to eat, but I can't tell if it's a want to comfort eat or genuine hunger. I'm fed up of putting weight on now. Wow, I really am fed up of everything, best stop using that phrase!
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    I think I speak for both me and Steph when I say :mad2:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I think I speak for both me and Steph when I say :mad2:
    :hugs:

    I've lost all my anger now, which is good because it means I have no urges to sh, but now I'm just apathetic and down.

    Wanna talk?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs:

    I've lost all my anger now, which is good because it means I have no urges to sh, but now I'm just apathetic and down.

    Wanna talk?
    Mines basically the same as you I think.

    Last few days have been amazing. I've got so much work done, and I got really ahead and then bam; all concentration gone, good mood gone and if I so much as try to do some work then I fail completely. Then that makes me really angry, and really down, and then really anxious, which if it persists will result in panic attacks and severe mood swings where I begin to contemplate self-harming and even suicide. Its even more frustrating now as I know I can to do the work, and be in a good mood and super productive if I set my mind to it, but the moment I fall I have to climb a mountain to get back out of it again. I'm can't say I haven't improved, I've gone from barely sleeping to sleeping loads since being on the Citalopram, and I'm not sure if this is the tablets or the gym but my appetite has sored so I am no longer losing weight, and now on top of it I am gaining muscle so its not even fat that I am gaining.

    Something started on my mind today as well. While Toby (my boyfriend) was away, I was really productive and happy. I was estatic when he was home, then I crashed today. I know its only irrational but it made me think is it coz hes a distraction and possibly causing all this? However I am determined to prove that this isn;t the case

    Sorrry, guess I really did need to talk after all :erm:
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    how is everyone tonight? (ps: remember to quote me, and if anyone feels they need to talk PM me ofcourse )
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    Mines basically the same as you I think.

    Last few days have been amazing. I've got so much work done, and I got really ahead and then bam; all concentration gone, good mood gone and if I so much as try to do some work then I fail completely. Then that makes me really angry, and really down, and then really anxious, which if it persists will result in panic attacks and severe mood swings where I begin to contemplate self-harming and even suicide. Its even more frustrating now as I know I can to do the work, and be in a good mood and super productive if I set my mind to it, but the moment I fall I have to climb a mountain to get back out of it again. I'm can't say I haven't improved, I've gone from barely sleeping to sleeping loads since being on the Citalopram, and I'm not sure if this is the tablets or the gym but my appetite has sored so I am no longer losing weight, and now on top of it I am gaining muscle so its not even fat that I am gaining.

    Something started on my mind today as well. While Toby (my boyfriend) was away, I was really productive and happy. I was estatic when he was home, then I crashed today. I know its only irrational but it made me think is it coz hes a distraction and possibly causing all this? However I am determined to prove that this isn;t the case

    Sorrry, guess I really did need to talk after all :erm:
    Talking helps. :yep:

    And yeah, pretty much the exact same thing with me!

    It's probably just a coincidence, unless you feel under pressure to be 'perfect' for him or something? If you do, please realise that that's not something you need to do - he wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you!

    Try to distract yourself from the sh and suicidal thoughts, they'll fade. I normally write them out on paper in an ill-formed poem (I also the put them on dA, so I can pretend that I'm talking about things with my friends/it is a good way of telling them you're not okay and really need to talk without saying that haha), maybe that's something you could try? It may help. I find it clears the thoughts from my head a little.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Talking helps. :yep:

    And yeah, pretty much the exact same thing with me!

    It's probably just a coincidence, unless you feel under pressure to be 'perfect' for him or something? If you do, please realise that that's not something you need to do - he wouldn't be with you if he didn't like you!

    Try to distract yourself from the sh and suicidal thoughts, they'll fade. I normally write them out on paper in an ill-formed poem (I also the put them on dA, so I can pretend that I'm talking about things with my friends/it is a good way of telling them you're not okay and really need to talk without saying that haha), maybe that's something you could try? It may help. I find it clears the thoughts from my head a little.
    Nahh its not that I feel like I need to be perfect for him - nobody's perfect and I am a strong believer of that. We've been together for over 2 years so we're pretty settled with each other. If anything hes the one that has the biggest positive impact on all of this, and I think I'm starting to rely on him with this a little too much.

    I know they fade but at the time they are just so overwhelming. I might just try writing it all out ina log or something to get rid of the thoughts. I'll get a book and make it all pleasant for it when I can. Might be the only way otherwise I might start resorting to harming which I really don't want to do. I've never harmed before and I know the moment I start I will never look back. I have seen it 1st hand, including the suicide.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    When I met Toby, he was suicidal - long story but thats the way it is. He also self harmed a lot. He is lucky in that his scars aren't very visable, I haven't ever noticed them at all but I have seen him harm before, and I know he has while being with me. When something happens like we have a arguement he will more than likely self harm. I wish he didn;t but I know he is likely to do it tfor the rest of his life and I don;t want both of us doing that if I need to be there for him. He'd kill me (yet be supportive) if I started but it is so tempting :emo:


    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    Nahh its not that I feel like I need to be perfect for him - nobody's perfect and I am a strong believer of that. We've been together for over 2 years so we're pretty settled with each other. If anything hes the one that has the biggest positive impact on all of this, and I think I'm starting to rely on him with this a little too much.

    I know they fade but at the time they are just so overwhelming. I might just try writing it all out ina log or something to get rid of the thoughts. I'll get a book and make it all pleasant for it when I can. Might be the only way otherwise I might start resorting to harming which I really don't want to do. I've never harmed before and I know the moment I start I will never look back. I have seen it 1st hand, including the suicide.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    When I met Toby, he was suicidal - long story but thats the way it is. He also self harmed a lot. He is lucky in that his scars aren't very visable, I haven't ever noticed them at all but I have seen him harm before, and I know he has while being with me. When something happens like we have a arguement he will more than likely self harm. I wish he didn;t but I know he is likely to do it tfor the rest of his life and I don;t want both of us doing that if I need to be there for him. He'd kill me (yet be supportive) if I started but it is so tempting :emo:


    :hugs:
    :jumphug:

    I read it all and he's right - you don't want to start self harming, just try to ride the thoughts out, distract yourself, don't move, whatever's going to help. :yep:
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    I don't know what's different but my self esteem of never having had a girlfriend has kicked in to make me cry..it's progress I guess :o:

    First time in weeks I don't get upset ....I wish I could talk to her though
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    i hate myself@:
 
 
 
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