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    (Original post by Loz17)
    :hugs: don't go there for a while, and just get on with some work for a bit if you can, or do a little bit, then treat yourself for every little thing you do

    I'm not gonna post there tonight until I've done as much as I can. I'm leechblocking TSR and FB for an hour as well so I can get some done

    Do you use firefox?
    Hmm, it's hard though, I'll get annoyed if I go back and there are 300 new pages :rolleyes: It's not like the old one :cry2:

    Ah, I remember leechblock, it was very useful. :yep: But Firefox took ages to open for me, so I swapped to Opera, might be something similar for it though... Or I could just re-download the parental control stuff I had haha.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Hmm, it's hard though, I'll get annoyed if I go back and there are 300 new pages :rolleyes: It's not like the old one :cry2:

    Ah, I remember leechblock, it was very useful. :yep: But Firefox took ages to open for me, so I swapped to Opera, might be something similar for it though... Or I could just re-download the parental control stuff I had haha.
    I don't mind missing loads of pages. Its only the same thing over and over again these days. I do miss the old one, especially at the beginning :erm:

    Leechblock is awesome but I do miss posting when its blocked :emo: I think you should either look if they have something or get the parental controls :p:. Anything in place helps.
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I don't mind missing loads of pages. Its only the same thing over and over again these days. I do miss the old one, especially at the beginning :erm:

    Leechblock is awesome but I do miss posting when its blocked :emo: I think you should either look if they have something or get the parental controls :p:. Anything in place helps.
    True. I wasn't there for the beginning of the old one :sad: I just waded in and spread my misery

    I've just re-downloaded K9, and used a password I don't have a chance in hell of remembering so looks like I won't be online between 8am-8pm. That'll probably motivate me to get up early, just to catch up on TSR haha.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Hey guys. How is everyone?

    I've been up and down but mostly improving, recently, which is good. Still got the sensitivity and shaky self-esteem that threatens to set me off whenever things get tougher, though - it worries me that I can't fix this. Does anyone ever feel like they have a skin missing? Like you're so thin-skinned or vulnerable that people's comments or depressing news, etc, can just shatter you and pierce through you to a ridiculous extent? I've been trying to build up my "emotional armour", but I'm not very good at it... :s
    :hugs: At least you're improving, this will too in time.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    True. I wasn't there for the beginning of the old one :sad: I just waded in and spread my misery

    I've just re-downloaded K9, and used a password I don't have a chance in hell of remembering so looks like I won't be online between 8am-8pm. That'll probably motivate me to get up early, just to catch up on TSR haha.
    Well done. That should help you loads :yep:

    I came in after about 150 posts and also started sharing my misery :p: that was the time where I was at the brink of getting help
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    Oh man, here we go.

    Currently, I am in Secondary school, in my 5th year. I am currently taking 4 Highers, (English, Computing, Graphics & Art & Design). I would have taken Higher maths but I completely ****** up my SG (I got like 90% in the General and failed the Credit - LOL). That put me off doing Maths this year, and I just wanted a break from it. I HATE Maths, If I could, I would tear apart Math itself with my bare hands, just to hear it's agonising screams. I loathe it that much.

    Things are going fine in those subjects, I'm passing them all, just need to bump grades up in a couple. The only problem is, I have NO idea what the hell I want to do in my life, NONE. I'm so indecisive and unmotivated to the point of insanity. I only took these subjects because I felt I 'had' to, or I'd just be a disappointment. 6th year choice forms are out, and I'm thinking of doing AH Graphics, AH Art, H Chem, H Biology and Int 2 Maths (I figure if I need any higher level of Maths I could just take a HNC or something later on). Once again, I'm only taking these subjects because I feel like I am forced to.I don't know if they are going to be worth anything. I am just so conflicted and not knowing what the **** I am supposed to do.

    I always thought I was pretty bad at Art, but surprised myself with a 1 in SG, so I took Higher to see how I'd do. I'm currently predicted for a B (My teacher has yet to see my final design piece so we'll see how that goes anyway). I got 86% in my written paper without studying, highest in the year, so that's all good. So, it seems like I'm good at creative/arty things (Even though I never do art unless I have to for school stuff, once again, the motivation stuff comes into play). I got an A2 in the prelim for graphics so that's decent too. (Just for reference, 1 mark from a B in Computing, second highest in class, and a failic C in English because I screwed up the close reading). I just don't study enough, and I know this, because I lack the motivation because my life is just full of depressive moments that only exist to throw me into some deep abyss that I can't crawl my way back out from.

    Anyway, I just don't know what I enjoy doing in life anymore, and I hate it. I'm so conflicted. Do I want a creative route? Or go to Science? (When I was younger I always had a passion for science and I got a 1 in my SG Chem with pretty much 0 study). It's just that I lost this passion after the math aspect came into play, because I find no enjoyment in it at all, all Math serves to do is just piss me off royally. That's why I'm experimenting by taking the two Highers in Science this year, to see how I like them, but I just don't know anymore.

    I hate being so down and depressed, but I don't feel like professional help is the option. "Here, take this pill and go feel better". Um, no thanks. I don't want some drug induced happiness, I want REAL happiness. I just have no damn idea how to do this, all school does is depress the living crap out of my since I have no idea what I want to do in life, and living in the UK itself just saddens me even more because I really, really ******* hate everything about the UK. (Must mention at this point that I don't have very many friends at all because I'm just socially awkward, so most of my days are spent inside the house as a loner, guess that makes it worse).

    Most of my friends that I actually give a damn about live in the US, and I was thinking after 6th year I should just transfer to a college in the US or something, and see if one of those people I know from the US could help me with a place to stay and curb those living expenses costs. I know they'd do anything to help me, because they know how I feel about living in the UK and my depression. Because at this point, I really feel like a change of scenery, atmosphere, and people, is what I really desire. Is this unrealistic, and I'm just trying to beg for the impossible to come save me from this kind of ****** depression? I don't think, well, KNOW, I couldn't bear another 5ish years in the UK going through Uni - especially when I have no F'ing idea what it is that I want to do in the first place! ARGH.

    I won't lie, I've had suicidal thoughts many times before and still currently do. I hate life, I'll admit. I'm depressed and lonely all of the time, but I try to make due, because right now, I don't think I have the balls to go through with actually doing away with myself. I really just don't know what to do anymore. My lack of motivation and indecisiveness is just killing me, literally. I really don't want it to get to the point where I'm like "Alright, **** this, peace out" because all I want is to be happy, I just don't know how to get this anymore.

    One thing I'm sure of though, is **** the UK. I really want to live in the US in the future.

    There is a basic summary of my crappy life right now.

    (The only thing I really seem to know I'm good at is writing, because my English teacher said my writing NAB was one of the best she's ever read, and she's nearly 70. I get people telling me my calling is writing, but once again my indecisive nature comes into play. I also find it very hard to open myself up to people - I think I have a general hatred for humanity, heh. I'm also extremely down on myself and doubt my abilities 100% of the time. I'd need a constant ego stroking squad just to keep me going haha.)
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif At least you're improving, this will too in time.
    Thanks :hugs: Yeah I'm trying to accentuate the positive; it's just harder some times than others! How're you, back at college yet? I hope things are ok
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Stop looking for one and just wait. And IMO relationships tend to be overrated, but what do I know, I plan on being a crazy cat lady :shakecane:

    Seriously though, don't look for one. It's odd but for both me and most of my friends, it only ever seems to happen when we're not looking for one. Just be yourself and friendly towards a girl, if you like her for God's sake just tell her/ask her out, girls find it just as hard as guys to know if he/she likes them back. Worst that can happen is she says no, but at least you tried - you did it and you survived. Best that can happen, she says yes.

    However, I am pretty much against relationships right now, so I'm probably not the best person to try and give advice about it haha.

    Also, you need to learn to be happy by yourself, having a girlfriend isn't going to make all your problems go away, they'll still be there and they won't change. Are you getting any form of treatment ATM?
    No treatment atm no The problem is my mood goes from black to white over the day. During the night when I feel bad, there's no one open to call and book and I'm convinced I need help..whereas during the day I feel pretty good and convince myself I don't need help

    It's a harsh cycle
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    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    No treatment atm no The problem is my mood goes from black to white over the day. During the night when I feel bad, there's no one open to call and book and I'm convinced I need help..whereas during the day I feel pretty good and convince myself I don't need help

    It's a harsh cycle
    Just call them tomorrow, write a note saying that you need to and you know that you need to. Things will start to get a bit easier once you know that people are looking out for you.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Thanks :hugs: Yeah I'm trying to accentuate the positive; it's just harder some times than others! How're you, back at college yet? I hope things are ok
    :hugs:

    It's the Easter holidays at the moment, but I have an exam when I go back next week... I can't really miss any more school, despite feeling worse than when this whole thing began.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/hugs.gif

    It's the Easter holidays at the moment, but I have an exam when I go back next week... I can't really miss any more school, despite feeling worse than when this whole thing began.
    God, of course it is - sorry for my dimwittedness, term and holidays tend to merge together at uni (especially now I've stopped going home). Did you make it to any lessons before the holiday started? Eurgh, exams - good luck I have a coursework deadline so have to try to keep momentum going. Sorry to hear you're feeling worse :hugs: Did you manage to arrange for a new counsellor or is that on hold over the holidays?
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    God, of course it is - sorry for my dimwittedness, term and holidays tend to merge together at uni (especially now I've stopped going home). Did you make it to any lessons before the holiday started? Eurgh, exams - good luck I have a coursework deadline so have to try to keep momentum going. Sorry to hear you're feeling worse :hugs: Did you manage to arrange for a new counsellor or is that on hold over the holidays?
    not seen you in ages How're you holding up,
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    Today I got told I can't see my psychologist any more, instead I have to see a CPN and Psychiatrist instead. I hate the outpatient place where I have to go now, it is literally a prison it's a secure unit with an outpatient service as well. Electronic door locks, windows to small to climb out of. It's pretty bleak there.
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    Well I can honestly say I've never felt this bad before. I've just found out that my best female friend who I've known since March '09 isn't as friendly as I thought she was

    Turns out all the stuff I've been confiding in her with, she's been telling all her friends about and laughing about it with them :bawling: Her then boyfriend (who I had fell out with but mates with now) told me that she pretty much took what I told her, told him and had a right old laugh about it :mad: I told her lots of stuff I've never dared tell my closer circle of friends because I thought she could hold a secret :bawling:

    Ever since all but one of my mates has moved away from Uni I've spoken to her about everything and now I fear that whatever Ive told her, anyone could know now I honestly feel like such a **** and start to well up when I think about how much of a stupid prick I am. I've never come as close to SH'ing as I have done tonight..but I still didn't so I feel good about that..but I just feel like I've wasted a year of my life on a useless person

    I've had so many arguments in the past with my friends having to defend her, and have nearly fallen out with my close friends over her..I feel like such a **** for putting my close friends ahead of her I've honestly never cried for this long in a row before..:bawling: my life was great 'til I met her and all of a sudden my insecurities, anxieties and depression came flooding back :sadnod: almost as if she was a bad omen..

    I feel so stupid..another girl who broke my trust..and I didn't even try sleeping with this one I honestly can't see myself trusting anyone again for a long time..no doubt this is gonna affect my confidence in the future now..and my trust in the opposite sex in general..seeing as every one of them I've got close to fucks me around in the end. I hate it when people apply this phrase to such mundane situations but I think I can use it in this situation...FML :bawling:
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    :'(
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    (Original post by blue_shift86)
    not seen you in ages How're you holding up,
    Hey! I hope the " " is about my return, not my absence Yeah, I've been hectically busy in my attempt to get back into the world of jobs and essays... How've you been? I hope things are less disruptive at home now, or at least that you've found somewhere quieter/calmer to spend most of your days! I'm good thanks; feeling better now I'm off the medication I think, and getting there slowly (touch wood...)

    EDIT: PS: Wow, your rep has changed a lot in a short time!!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :'(
    What's wrong? :hugs:
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    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    Well I can honestly say I've never felt this bad before. I've just found out that my best female friend who I've known since March '09 isn't as friendly as I thought she was

    Turns out all the stuff I've been confiding in her with, she's been telling all her friends about and laughing about it with them :bawling: Her then boyfriend (who I had fell out with but mates with now) told me that she pretty much took what I told her, told him and had a right old laugh about it :mad: I told her lots of stuff I've never dared tell my closer circle of friends because I thought she could hold a secret :bawling:

    Ever since all but one of my mates has moved away from Uni I've spoken to her about everything and now I fear that whatever Ive told her, anyone could know now I honestly feel like such a **** and start to well up when I think about how much of a stupid prick I am. I've never come as close to SH'ing as I have done tonight..but I still didn't so I feel good about that..but I just feel like I've wasted a year of my life on a useless person

    I've had so many arguments in the past with my friends having to defend her, and have nearly fallen out with my close friends over her..I feel like such a **** for putting my close friends ahead of her I've honestly never cried for this long in a row before..:bawling: my life was great 'til I met her and all of a sudden my insecurities, anxieties and depression came flooding back :sadnod: almost as if she was a bad omen..

    I feel so stupid..another girl who broke my trust..and I didn't even try sleeping with this one I honestly can't see myself trusting anyone again for a long time..no doubt this is gonna affect my confidence in the future now..and my trust in the opposite sex in general..seeing as every one of them I've got close to fucks me around in the end. I hate it when people apply this phrase to such mundane situations but I think I can use it in this situation...FML :bawling:

    omg wat a *****. thts such a bad situation to be in. poor u
    This sort of thing has hapened to me before. it taught me to really watch wht i say to ppl and to find out if i can trust them 1st.
    turns out there are very few of my friends tht i can actually trust to keep their mouths shut.

    have u asked this girl about it?


    dnt b put of trusting girls. Ive been fuked over by most guys ive met too.
    it will all blow over-
    'ask yourself will this matter a year from now'
    xxx
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    Hey! I hope the " " is about my return, not my absence Yeah, I've been hectically busy in my attempt to get back into the world of jobs and essays... How've you been? I hope things are less disruptive at home now, or at least that you've found somewhere quieter/calmer to spend most of your days! I'm good thanks; feeling better now I'm off the medication I think, and getting there slowly (touch wood...)

    EDIT: PS: Wow, your rep has changed a lot in a short time!!
    yup it was for your return and some working class pro labour people pos repped me for standing up against posh tory scum:rolleyes: Woo!
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    What's wrong? :hugs:
    Hey, haven't seen you in aaaaages. You alright?

    Meh just been feeling really **** past few days, can't read properly, crying a lot, everything is going down hill. I'm sure all my doctors are completely wrong only I'm worried about telling them that.
 
 
 
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