Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    Well I'm doing a gliding course at the moment (taking time off of uni', doing maths) and I really enjoy it but I can't get the same joy out of everything.

    Just, I don't know what to say or do anymore to make things better...:cry2:
    Glide forever! let the winds take you! lol - I sometimes feel that way - I hope you get better and you feel better
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    I've spoken to a few people on here who are 'concerned' that they havn't had sex yet. Could I ask why you are? I mean who's business is it if you've had sex. Will it make any difference to you or anyone else if you had? I'm a virgin and 20 years old, I couldn't care less and I don't particularly want to be in a relationship at this point in time and frankly could not care if I never have sex. People treat it as a big thing these days and it really isn't.
    I'd like to field my own answer to this question if I may..

    I do care that I haven't had sex yet. I feel it reflects badly on me as a person that I lack enough basic social skills/confidence/self esteem to even talk to women. I die inside when people say I'm a virgin through choice..because it's not my choice. I feel 'behind' compared to all my other friends. Every single one of them has had at least one relationship and it makes me feel **** that I can't have one for whatever reason. In secondary school I was bullied a lot and depressed and had severely low self esteem which I grew out of after I left. I have felt better since and feel that having a girlfriend would be the last step to 'growing out of my childhood'. Which is why now I wait longer and longer I'm starting to get more and more upset because I feel like I'm never gonna grow out of the childhood where I was made to feel useless.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    I'd like to field my own answer to this question if I may..

    I do care that I haven't had sex yet. I feel it reflects badly on me as a person that I lack enough basic social skills/confidence/self esteem to even talk to women. I die inside when people say I'm a virgin through choice..because it's not my choice. I feel 'behind' compared to all my other friends. Every single one of them has had at least one relationship and it makes me feel **** that I can't have one for whatever reason. In secondary school I was bullied a lot and depressed and had severely low self esteem which I grew out of after I left. I have felt better since and feel that having a girlfriend would be the last step to 'growing out of my childhood'. Which is why now I wait longer and longer I'm starting to get more and more upset because I feel like I'm never gonna grow out of the childhood where I was made to feel useless.
    Why would it reflect badly on you as a person? that is completely illogical. This is the kind of thing people say when they havn't had sex, but all of it is completely illogical.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    Why would it reflect badly on you as a person? that is completely illogical. This is the kind of thing people say when they havn't had sex, but all of it is completely illogical.
    Well it shows I'm not confident enough in myself, that I have low self esteem, that I don't go after what I want and that I'm not very sociable. Seems logical to me

    I assume you yourself have had sex..so can't really comment on the fact as to why other's haven't. Some people just fail at life and no one wants to get to know them whereas all their friends seem to effortlessly swan around in relationships.
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    Well it shows I'm not confident enough in myself, that I have low self esteem, that I don't go after what I want and that I'm not very sociable. Seems logical to me

    I assume you yourself have had sex..so can't really comment on the fact as to why other's haven't. Some people just fail at life and no one wants to get to know them whereas all their friends seem to effortlessly swan around in relationships.
    Don't worry about not having sex. My male friend is 25 and hasn't had sex yet - and he has lots of friends. I know quite a few of my friends who are in their first/second year at uni haven't either.

    --------------

    Doctors are useless! I was diagnosed with depression, which I always felt was wrong, as I'm quite content most of the time, and everyone has their down days. I think I have social phobia, as reading about that I answer yes to a lot of the statements/questions that suggest the phobia. I only get down when I realise I have no proper friends and can't get a good job cos I'm so shy and anxious about it. Not that the doctors listen to me, they still think I'm depressed cos of all the abuse I've been through. Yes it happened, but I don't really feel anything about it anymore. Whereas panicing about going out and wanting to just stay in is more social phobia than depression. Useless!

    Doesn't help that I'm in agony today. Really bad lower back pain, which has now spread to my thighs. And my skin has gone all sensitive to touch - nhs direct had no idea what's going on as there's no rash or anything. I can hardly walk right now so I'm stuck in my flat which I hate. I can't even really concentrate on my dissertation.
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    I can see where you're all coming from with the virginity thing. I feel a lot like SharpDressedMan, feeling a bit down and behind, but I would like to feel more like mathperson, and not care a lot about it at all much. For me though, it's not at all about what others think about my virginity, because I don't care so much about that. It's more about myself really, just wanting to experience this special something one day, but being at this age it's just a little irritating, all the waiting. But I know I'd much rather lose it in a good relationship, than with a f buddy or one night stand. Not that I've really had any opportunities, but still :o:. I've also been slightly knocked down by some nasty comments that a few people made when I was younger, making me feel like I'm a bit too worthless to have a relationship. But I know some of the stuff they said was nonsense anyway and I should really get over it, but it's even harder when those bullies are doing well in relationship stuff, and I really am not . But I try to put it out of mind, since there are more important things to work on, especially when you are young. I did limit my opportunities a bit as well, by stupidly staying at this annoying same school that I've been at since I was 11. I realised at some point last year that, if none of the guys here are paying me attention anymore, then it's likely they never will, since they've seen me around for so long so it's hard for people to suddenly change their opinions or feeling about you. I think I might just have to wait till moving to college or uni to be more optimistic about finding a boyfriend. At the moment, my goal is to survive these upcoming exams, hopefully, then try to succeed in the driving :o: Just gonna takes things step by step in order of priority.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    Well it shows I'm not confident enough in myself, that I have low self esteem, that I don't go after what I want and that I'm not very sociable. Seems logical to me

    I assume you yourself have had sex..so can't really comment on the fact as to why other's haven't. Some people just fail at life and no one wants to get to know them whereas all their friends seem to effortlessly swan around in relationships.
    No I have not had sex, however may I asked why you assumed I had?
    I know why you feel slightly 'low', but low self asteem etc is something seperate from not having had sex. I'm just talking about sex itself, it isn't a big deal. Do you agree with that (I'm just talking about sex remember, not other things like self asteem and 'sociability').
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    I can see where you're all coming from with the virginity thing. I feel a lot like SharpDressedMan, feeling a bit down and behind, but I would like to feel more like mathperson, and not care a lot about it at all much. For me though, it's not at all about what others think about my virginity, because I don't care so much about that. It's more about myself really, just wanting to experience this special something one day, but being at this age it's just a little irritating, all the waiting. But I know I'd much rather lose it in a good relationship, than with a f buddy or one night stand. Not that I've really had any opportunities, but still :o:. I've also been slightly knocked down by some nasty comments that a few people made when I was younger, making me feel like I'm a bit too worthless to have a relationship. But I know some of the stuff they said was nonsense anyway and I should really get over it, but it's even harder when those bullies are doing well in relationship stuff, and I really am not . But I try to put it out of mind, since there are more important things to work on, especially when you are young. I did limit my opportunities a bit as well, by stupidly staying at this annoying same school that I've been at since I was 11. I realised at some point last year that, if none of the guys here are paying me attention anymore, then it's likely they never will, since they've seen me around for so long so it's hard for people to suddenly change their opinions or feeling about you. I think I might just have to wait till moving to college or uni to be more optimistic about finding a boyfriend. At the moment, my goal is to survive these upcoming exams, hopefully, then try to succeed in the driving :o: Just gonna takes things step by step in order of priority.
    Hi,

    How are you.

    Do you think other's attitude towards sex and relationships has influenced yours. For example if other people were also relaxed about it all would you be more relaxed?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    No I have not had sex, however may I asked why you assumed I had?
    I know why you feel slightly 'low', but low self asteem etc is something seperate from not having had sex. I'm just talking about sex itself, it isn't a big deal. Do you agree with that (I'm just talking about sex remember, not other things like self asteem and 'sociability').
    Yes, because you seemed cold hearted and ignorant to those who were upset about never having had sex.
    How can I judge if sex is a big deal or not if I've never had it
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    Yes, because you seemed cold hearted and ignorant to those who were upset about never having had sex.
    How can I judge if sex is a big deal or not if I've never had it
    I'm sorry if I've upset you :s

    Anyway yeah I'm quite relaxed about it thats all, but it isn't a big deal.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    I'm sorry if I've upset you :s

    Anyway yeah I'm quite relaxed about it thats all, but it isn't a big deal.
    Its ok it just really upsets me when people say it's nothing to worry about..because some people just aren't as comfortable with themselves about it as other people, like you, seem to be I mean kudos to not being bothered by it yourself :yep: but I'm not relaxed about it..I'm extremely edgy about it because I got treated all through secondary school as if I didn't deserve one..now I'm out of it I started to feel better but I've still never had a relationship so I feel like I'm back in secondary school..it's like a barrier I need to overcome to feel like I've moved on..but now I'm stuck in a downward spiral of depression and self loathing :bawling:
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    Its ok it just really upsets me when people say it's nothing to worry about..because some people just aren't as comfortable with themselves about it as other people, like you, seem to be I mean kudos to not being bothered by it yourself :yep: but I'm not relaxed about it..I'm extremely edgy about it because I got treated all through secondary school as if I didn't deserve one..now I'm out of it I started to feel better but I've still never had a relationship so I feel like I'm back in secondary school..it's like a barrier I need to overcome to feel like I've moved on..but now I'm stuck in a downward spiral of depression and self loathing :bawling:

    Ok.
    Do you think that being in a relationship will suddenly 'cure' your perceived issues with self confidence, or if you deal with your issues with depression etc first will help with getting into a relationship, not that getting into a relationship should be some kind of aim.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    Ok.
    Do you think that being in a relationship will suddenly 'cure' your perceived issues with self confidence, or if you deal with your issues with depression etc first will help with getting into a relationship, not that getting into a relationship should be some kind of aim.
    I honestly think it would yes. Because I'm no different to how I was 12 months ago..but all my problems have stemmed from me never having had a relationship and constantly questioning where I'm going wrong. Not having a girlfriend is the only reason the self-loathing and depression kicked into place. I'm sure that if Idve had at least one before I'd be questioning myself less because at least I'd be able to say 'Hey it's happened once before..it can happen again'
    Offline

    19
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    Hi,

    How are you.

    Do you think other's attitude towards sex and relationships has influenced yours. For example if other people were also relaxed about it all would you be more relaxed?
    Yes, I think other people's attitudes have influenced mine a little. Though, I thought it was human nature to want someone, since relationships seem to be a big part of life and all, but it does look like I want it too much and take things too seriously. Though, a lot of my friends are still virgins and are relaxed about it, just I'm not as much, but I do need to try to learn to be more like that. Even my sisters who are teenagers don't seem too bothered about boy stuff, though they are younger than me, but even when I was their ages 13-16 I was pretty boy-crazy at times, lol, and it must be a problem I have. It's also what I've seen in TV/movies and read in girly magazines over the years, it's all about love and sex. It shocks me a little how some people have sex at 14/15, not that I would have wanted to do it that young anyway, but I still can't help feeling a little envious that at least they seem a little clued up about these things and how to be desirable and get what they want, unlike me. Anyway, I know the whole "everybody's different, be happy being single, wait for the right time" mantra, so I guess I have no choice but to go along with that and live my life.

    Sorry for jabbering again :o:, hope you're all good too
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Heeeeeello there, me again Hope tricks are good with everyone...
    I went to see the psychiatrist man for the first time this afternoon and even though I felt like it went quite well considering I got lost and was 15 minutes late, I feel a bit weird now. Has anyone else ever gotten that? I suppose it's just opening up to someone outside my family, I'm not really used to that... also my dad came with me and the doctor asked me a few questions that I didn't really want to say yes to in front of my dad, such as things about self harm and such forth... :shifty: also he caught me on a "good" day so I'm not sure how serious I came across. And I'm kind of worried about my next appointment (Monday next week) because he said "If you get one of your depressed moods, write a bit about it" and now I think "Well what if I don't get one of those moods?! Will I still be taken seriously?"
    Anywho, sorry for the big post
    xk
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    I haven't posted in here for over a year (well it was the old thread). But I felt pretty rubbish today. Feel a little better right now, so I'll see how it is tomorrow.

    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    I honestly think it would yes. Because I'm no different to how I was 12 months ago..but all my problems have stemmed from me never having had a relationship and constantly questioning where I'm going wrong. Not having a girlfriend is the only reason the self-loathing and depression kicked into place. I'm sure that if Idve had at least one before I'd be questioning myself less because at least I'd be able to say 'Hey it's happened once before..it can happen again'
    Sounds like me about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately for me it seems thinking 'Hey it's happened once before..it can happen again' only works for a certain amount of time.

    For me, getting a girlfriend completely and instantly stopped the depression. The relationship didn't really last that long but even after it ended I felt pretty good. Now it's nearly a year since it ended, and I'm starting to feel it creeping back. Not good.

    I seem to spend half my day day-dreaming about where and how I might meet a girl. But then I feel crappy because it's just a fantasy that is completely removed from reality. About 8 months ago I moved somewhere new where I didn't know anyone. I still don't really have a social life here. So it's pretty unlikely I'd meet any girls on a night out, and it's even more unlikely I'd meet one at work.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Psyk)
    I haven't posted in here for over a year (well it was the old thread). But I felt pretty rubbish today. Feel a little better right now, so I'll see how it is tomorrow.


    Sounds like me about a year and a half ago. Unfortunately for me it seems thinking 'Hey it's happened once before..it can happen again' only works for a certain amount of time.

    For me, getting a girlfriend completely and instantly stopped the depression. The relationship didn't really last that long but even after it ended I felt pretty good. Now it's nearly a year since it ended, and I'm starting to feel it creeping back. Not good.

    I seem to spend half my day day-dreaming about where and how I might meet a girl. But then I feel crappy because it's just a fantasy that is completely removed from reality. About 8 months ago I moved somewhere new where I didn't know anyone. I still don't really have a social life here. So it's pretty unlikely I'd meet any girls on a night out, and it's even more unlikely I'd meet one at work.
    As much as I feel sorry for your situation atm I feel comfort in the fact that A. I know at least ONE other person who understands my train of thought :yep:

    And B. like you said it will cure my depression, albeit for a short time....but still cure it
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    As much as I feel sorry for your situation atm I feel comfort in the fact that A. I know at least ONE other person who understands my train of thought :yep:

    And B. like you said it will cure my depression, albeit for a short time....but still cure it
    Well I'd say a year is pretty good going. And even now, I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did. I'm just worried it might get worse.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by SharpDressedMan)
    As much as I feel sorry for your situation atm I feel comfort in the fact that A. I know at least ONE other person who understands my train of thought :yep:

    And B. like you said it will cure my depression, albeit for a short time....but still cure it
    I think this is my first post here.

    Please, don't do the same mistake as I did and get into a relationship just for the sake of it, aka because it "cures" you of your depression. I was "cured" for a year or so, well, with occasional (several times per week) crying on my ex-boyfriend's shoulder, because his eyes seemed cold :rolleyes: (they did). Sex was crap, for me at least, he seemed to enjoy it. When we broke up I fell into the hugest sadness ever, yes it was heartbreak, but that heartbreak just turned into another lapse of depression... I thought I would be happy again once I forget my ex, I've forgotten my ex, but sadly, I'm still not happy.

    Stick to the golden rule: To be loved, you must first love yourself. To make somebody happy and to be made happy by somebody, you must first learn how to be happy on your own.

    Virginity at 20 is nothing to be ashamed about =) And when the time comes and you find a girl, you don't have to tell her you're a virgin. Just have the basic female anatomy on your mind
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Yes, I think other people's attitudes have influenced mine a little. Though, I thought it was human nature to want someone, since relationships seem to be a big part of life and all, but it does look like I want it too much and take things too seriously. Though, a lot of my friends are still virgins and are relaxed about it, just I'm not as much, but I do need to try to learn to be more like that. Even my sisters who are teenagers don't seem too bothered about boy stuff, though they are younger than me, but even when I was their ages 13-16 I was pretty boy-crazy at times, lol, and it must be a problem I have. It's also what I've seen in TV/movies and read in girly magazines over the years, it's all about love and sex. It shocks me a little how some people have sex at 14/15, not that I would have wanted to do it that young anyway, but I still can't help feeling a little envious that at least they seem a little clued up about these things and how to be desirable and get what they want, unlike me. Anyway, I know the whole "everybody's different, be happy being single, wait for the right time" mantra, so I guess I have no choice but to go along with that and live my life.

    Sorry for jabbering again :o:, hope you're all good too
    Don't worry, you're not jabbering lol.

    I know what you mean about the 'its natural' thing and of course it is natural to want to have sex. But what I'm saying is that sex shouldn't be made to be a 'big thing' because it simply isn't.
    I don't want to sound like a t**t because I'm not (and I hope this doesn't sound like I am) but to be honest I've noticed that the sort of people who are obsessed with sex or think that they are clever because they 'can have it' are the sort of people who have nothing else in their lives. I know that may come across wrong but its not what I mean (hence why I said in the first place not to take it the wrong way ). What I mean is that you are very intelligent individuals with alot of potential and when you have a good career etc, the sort of people I described will still be in the same place still trying desperately to convince themselves that they are big boys and girls and that they are in some way 'clever' because they have had sex. I assure you that sex is not a big deal and it does not matter what age you loose your virginity because it is nobody elses business (and if when you meet a partner he/she treats you 'differently' because of it, well then its a good sign that he/she isn't worth having in your life anyway). You will meet someone eventually who loves and cares about you.

    Take care
 
 
 
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 22, 2010
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    What's your favourite Christmas sweets?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.