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    Eurgh. I hate the little triggers that I have... seems to be three or four people I hang out with!

    Nothing against them, I only hang out with people I really enjoy the company of... but it's just... eurrgh. Met up with three of the four tonight - one was lovely and just normal so had fun with him, one was very merry and a bit loose with her mouth going into her childhood when she was super-depressed and tried to kill herself several times over which made me a bit... :/ and the other... sigh. He's a lovely, lovely lad, I love him to pieces, I would hang around with him all day, but if that boy isn't bipolar, I'm not sure who is... But the way he's so open with it... just gets to me. In an odd way. I'm not making much sense, I know, but hey. Writing it down helps I think. The awkward silences where I just *wish* I could jump in and share how I feel too happen too much. And I never say anything, even though his girlfriend (my best mate, who knows it all, I think) is often the only other person there. I just... can never be that open. I can make jokes about cutting, about suicide, about anything in the world, but I can't tell you anything relating to me. I am just emotionally dumb, I think. What's the point of being around if I can't share the simple things like how I really feel to the people who care about me? :nothing:

    May be triggering:
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    I have a massive bruise covering my kneecap atm... I got drunk on Wednesday night and fell off a low wall straight onto my face (but that's another story...). The urge to slice into it and see all that blood coming out is so intense. I want it back. I promised myself no more... my cuts from last time are still incredibly visible and one's going keloid... I don't have any blades... I don't know what to do :cry:
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Thanks a lot for the advice, I'll book the appointment asap on Monday, hopefully that will go well. I will try mood gym also, thank you :yep:
    Anytime I wish you the best of luck and hope that they can help :yep: although I will warn you they may test for thyroid problems if your symptoms are similar.

    KMN please don't do it!! Stay strong!!!!! :hugs: you will feel much better if you were able to resit rather than havring a scar to constantly remind you
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    ...life seems so tough right now. I'm physically defeated, I can't eat/sleep I just feel sick and :cry: . I'm trying to be strong but I just feel so low...so low...I'm just a nervous wreck I can't stop shaking...I thought I was getting better. I hate pretending everything is fine but then I don't want to tell everyone what I'm feeling. When will it end?...
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    I should be studying, I have so much to do. I even quit work last night because of the pressure of work and studying given that I'm self teaching huge parts of my A levels. I would be at work right now, but instead of working, I'm sitting here crying for no reason. :sad: Why can't I just get a grip?!?
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    Does anyone else ever think they're stuck in the past?

    I can't stop crying, I keep thinking about how I'll never see Chelsea (old loan horse) again... It's ******* pathetic. I gave her up 4 years ago and it still bloody hurts. I miss her :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Does anyone else ever think they're stuck in the past?

    I can't stop crying, I keep thinking about how I'll never see Chelsea (old loan horse) again... It's ******* pathetic. I gave her up 4 years ago and it still bloody hurts. I miss her :cry:
    Don't feel bad, we all have moments where the past catches up with us and hurts. You're not weird for feeling that.
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    :cry:
    I give up now, I can't be bothered trying to change things or hoping that they will eventually.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Does anyone else ever think they're stuck in the past?

    I can't stop crying, I keep thinking about how I'll never see Chelsea (old loan horse) again... It's ******* pathetic. I gave her up 4 years ago and it still bloody hurts. I miss her :cry:
    :console: I often obsess about bad things from the past as well. It's not a good habit though :no:. Sorry to hear about your horse :hugs:. We need to learn how to be strong and move on for a better life.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Thanks a lot for the advice, I'll book the appointment asap on Monday, hopefully that will go well. I will try mood gym also, thank you :yep:
    Yeah, just to reiterate what Loz said - I've started taking AD's today because I've got my exams coming up in a few weeks. My counsellor said it might be worth it, at least for the exam period. It's a suprisingly straightforward process as well tbh. Also, have you looked into mitigating circumstances?
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    I wish the doctors would hurry up and get my appointments sorted, the mental health services are so painfully slow. They don't seem to realise how urgently I need the appointment where i'll be started on antipsychotics, a week or two to them might seem relatively short but to a person with crippling long term depression and psychosis on top of that it's virtually a life time. I can feel myself slipping daily now, to the point that the voices are beginning to win and suicide is literally just a flip of a coin away. The largest suspension bridge in the country is just a 20 minute walk away. It doesn't matter though when you tell that to them, you're just another number another statistic.

    I don't think I've been this low in a good few months. Eurgh.

    When I reach this point this is usually where my psychotic symptoms start to play havoc with me. If it's not too much to ask, are there any others here on tsr who experience hallucinations such as hearing voices? I really cannot cope with them at the moment.
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    (Original post by Prudy)
    Yeah, just to reiterate what Loz said - I've started taking AD's today because I've got my exams coming up in a few weeks. My counsellor said it might be worth it, at least for the exam period. It's a suprisingly straightforward process as well tbh. Also, have you looked into mitigating circumstances?
    I've thought about mitigating circumstances, but the thing is my depression isn't even properly diagnosed by the doctors yet, they just keep me waiting and I don't know what is happening at the moment. I'm gonna contact them this week anyway about the ADs and counselling. I feel a bit embarrassed about telling anyone about my problems, so I'm trying my best to deal with them how I can. My priority right now is to get the grade in these A Levels, so I'll need somehow put my mind to it and have all the help I can get.
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    I wish the doctors would hurry up and get my appointments sorted, the mental health services are so painfully slow. They don't seem to realise how urgently I need the appointment where i'll be started on antipsychotics, a week or two to them might seem relatively short but to a person with crippling long term depression and psychosis on top of that it's virtually a life time. I can feel myself slipping daily now, to the point that the voices are beginning to win and suicide is literally just a flip of a coin away. The largest suspension bridge in the country is just a 20 minute walk away. It doesn't matter though when you tell that to them, you're just another number another statistic.

    I don't think I've been this low in a good few months. Eurgh.

    When I reach this point this is usually where my psychotic symptoms start to play havoc with me. If it's not too much to ask, are there any others here on tsr who experience hallucinations such as hearing voices? I really cannot cope with them at the moment.
    I'm so sorry you feel like that. I can't imagine what it's like to hear voices. Why don't you go to the doctor on duty, i.e. just some doctor and tell him how you feel and that you need meds ASAP? Have you thought about checking yourself into a hospital?
    Hope you feel better and don't give in to those stupid voices, they're w.a.n.k.e.rs :rolleyes:


    I had a good day today. Don't know about tomorrow (today, technically), when I wake up and realise I haven't been studying. And that if I don't start studying harddd, I'll fail the year. Yippee. Well, maybe then I can finally travel the world. And disappoint the whole family I swear to God, if it wasn't for my grandad who cares so much about my education, I'd probably be somewhere in Thailand now, sipping a pineapple juice. I mean I love my grandad, but it's not my fault my brain's ****** up ever since my dad died. Which is like half of my life!

    I hate higher education, it's not even useful any more, it's just... A piece of paper. I need education of life so much more right now.
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    (Original post by Prudy)
    Yeah, just to reiterate what Loz said - I've started taking AD's today because I've got my exams coming up in a few weeks. My counsellor said it might be worth it, at least for the exam period. It's a suprisingly straightforward process as well tbh. Also, have you looked into mitigating circumstances?
    Some doctors don't like giving them to under 21s though - I was put on them by two locums and then when my 'proper' doctors came back they both agreed that they pretty much never give them to under 21s.

    However, it is worth a try.
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    Wow, I never realised there was a Depression Soc. I don't feel so alone now that I can actually 'talk' to other people in similar positions. I suffer from depression and stress/anxiety - one can be more than the other at any given time. The depression used to be really severe (from when I hit rock bottom and did stupid things to get out of awkward situations), but it's more moderate now that things seem to be looking up (at least, according to my therapist)... going to uni, no longer on a gap year/in my job, away from home as I see my parents as a negative influence etc. They do a lot for me, but go about everything wrong and often make me feel pretty low about myself.

    The problem is that I feel like I'm stuck in a rut now as I'm often quite tearful, constantly doubting myself and worried what others think of me, and can't motivate myself to do anything so literally just sit there because I feel like I'm not worth anything. It took a lot for me to seek counselling when I hit rock bottom, but that didn't seem to work. Never wanted to go through medication and am currently with a CBT psychotherapist, but that's not really helping either - it still happens. Obviously I don't expect it to go overnight and I don't know if I'm being cynical, but I just don't feel happy at all and can't get happiness out of anything anymore. It's a bit of a vicious circle I guess but I really want to snap out of it... the next few months are going to be pretty crap otherwise. Thanks in advance to anyone for reading this post.
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    Family gathering today, my Dads leaving party. Had a lovely day but at the end when everyone was leaving I started to feel quite upset and now I'm quite down He'll be gone this time next week. :cry:
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    Scared I'll fail my first year at Uni. Depression is a life ruiner
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    Saw the psychiatrist again today. Not really that great... he basically told me that he didn't want to label me because it would basically ruin my life with the stigma of that. I know I have a massive bad habit of downplaying things but what he was saying made me more depressed if anything... if this is normal what the hell is life about?! Argh. Also I know I downplayed a lot of things because my dad was there and I didn't want to say... so now I feel awful.
    Sorry for offloading on you guys x
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    (Original post by TheGhostofODonahue)
    Saw the psychiatrist again today. Not really that great... he basically told me that he didn't want to label me because it would basically ruin my life with the stigma of that. I know I have a massive bad habit of downplaying things but what he was saying made me more depressed if anything... if this is normal what the hell is life about?! Argh. Also I know I downplayed a lot of things because my dad was there and I didn't want to say... so now I feel awful.
    Sorry for offloading on you guys x
    hey

    Would it be worth seeing the psychiatrist without your dad there next time? I'm sure your dad would understand if you asked him not to sit in on your meetings.

    Don't worry about not having a label, some psychiatrists don't like to put labels on people and prefer just to treat the symptoms instead. My other psychiatrist told me not to worry about a diagnosis but I looked at their notes to my gp and they had lied and it just made me feel so much worse so try not to let it bother you.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    hey

    Would it be worth seeing the psychiatrist without your dad there next time? I'm sure your dad would understand if you asked him not to sit in on your meetings.

    Don't worry about not having a label, some psychiatrists don't like to put labels on people and prefer just to treat the symptoms instead. My other psychiatrist told me not to worry about a diagnosis but I looked at their notes to my gp and they had lied and it just made me feel so much worse so try not to let it bother you.
    Thanks I think maybe he's referring me for some CBT but I'm still a little nervous! x
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    Hey everyone
    been reading everyones posta for a few days now and finally pucked up the courage to contribute. No guesses for why I am here! lol
    its nice to know that there are people out there going through the same thing!
    i started uni this year at lse studying law in october-november i had a manic episode ended up getting sectioned and in hospital for a month really scary time, i went straight back to uni and everything was great again but when i went back after christmas i started really struggling with the work started to self harm, i knew that i wasnt right so i came home which as it turns out was the worse thing i could have done. i felt like a complete and utter failure life suddenly had no meaning i felt worthless pathetic and a plague on my family
    i took an overdose of 150 sleeping tablets ended up in intensive care then back on the mental health ward for another month
    been home for a few weeks now and i think the depression is getting better im just really scared about the future
    i spent all morning in bed i just want to sleep all the time
    i really dont know whether to go back to lse i dont know whether the course was just too hard for me or whether it was just too hard because of the month out that i had due to my manic episode.
    gosh thats a long post lol thanks for anybody who could be bothered to actually take the time to read it x
 
 
 
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