Depression Society MKIII

I'm so drunk and nothing is any better normally it helps but not this time goddamnit. I can't stop thinking about suicide all the time or at least cutting, it makes everything better even more than alcohol does. I'm like 98% sure I'm going to fail this year my assessed essay was a piece of **** and I haven't got a chance in the exams at all ,all the lecturers hate me because of extensions and non-attendence I havn't got a ******* chance I was ******* kidding myself thinknig I could do this **** WHAT THE **** WAS I ******* THINKING? I'm a ****** failure I always will be. psychologist and counsellor tomorrow I don't want to see eiter there's absolutely no point anymore I 've been trying for over 3 years it makes no difference ******* kidding myself that it would. I mean all the ******* time they don't shut the **** up and i'm just tired of it I can't even do what they say to shut them up don't want a criminal record for it but if I don't I';m stuck. there's only one thing and they'll go soon enough when they realize I'm not worth it. I hate this. I want out.

I'm so drunk and nothing is any better normally it helps but not this time goddamnit. I can't stop thinking about suicide all the time or at least cutting, it makes everything better even more than alcohol does. I'm like 98% sure I'm going to fail this year my assessed essay was a piece of **** and I haven't got a chance in the exams at all ,all the lecturers hate me because of extensions and non-attendence I havn't got a ******* chance I was ******* kidding myself thinknig I could do this **** WHAT THE **** WAS I ******* THINKING? I'm a ****** failure I always will be. psychologist and counsellor tomorrow I don't want to see eiter there's absolutely no point anymore I 've been trying for over 3 years it makes no difference ******* kidding myself that it would. I mean all the ******* time they don't shut the **** up and i'm just tired of it I can't even do what they say to shut them up don't want a criminal record for it but if I don't I';m stuck. there's only one thing and they'll go soon enough when they realize I'm not worth it. I hate this. I want out.

Just made another doctor's appointment, but I have to make it through until Monday before I can see them...

I'm going to write a list of the things that I want to tell them, but never do so hopefully I can hand that to them if I can't say it. I really hate feeling like this, I want to work and do well in my exams and go to uni, but this is making it impossible.

The list is a good idea... it's what I did.

Yeah, I've written it but I'm worried my Mum or someone will find it... I've been pretty honest about things.

---

Great, on the verge of tears again.

Also, I'm bored and reading H&R threads - anyone know the difference between mild/moderate/severe/whatever depression? Just wondering.

I think it's differentiated by the score you get on questionnaires they give you. When you see your GP he might get you to fill one out. Writing everything down is definitely a good idea, I did that and just handed him it as I'm **** at talking to people.



Thanks for the hugs last night guys, feeling a little better today, psychologist was pretty helpful.

Also, I'm bored and reading H&R threads - anyone know the difference between mild/moderate/severe/whatever depression? Just wondering.

As people have said, you can measure it from questionnaires and stuff, which you can usually find online. GPs usually use the PHQ9 scale, this link tells you all about it and you can answer the questions there: I got 27/27 when I did it last week. http://www.depression-primarycare.org/clinicians/toolkits/materials/forms/phq9/

According to the ICD-10 (the psychological classification system used in Europe):

Mild: 2 typical symptoms and 2 other core symptoms
Moderate:2 typical symptoms and 3+ other core symptoms
Severe: 3 typical symptoms and 4+ other core symptoms

The 'typical symptoms' are depressed mood, inability to feel pleasure (anhedonia) and tiredness.
The 'core symptoms' are weight change, disturbed sleep, being slow or agitated, reduced libido, feelings of worthlessness or inappropritate guilt, indecisiveness or inability to concentrate, recurrent thoughts of death or suicide.

The Americans use the DSM-IV and classify depression as having 5 of the symptoms and then the amount of social and occupational impairment is used to determine severity.

Wow, thanks for that detailed answer! I got 22 I would disagree with that though, IMO it's only mild - I could be a LOT worse off.

Why am I always so bloody tired?!? I need sleep, but I also need to study.

No probs.
Yeah I guess it's quite subjective.
And I also find it surprising that I can score 27/27 and can still pretend to be just about okay. But I think I'm a pretty determined person and would always go into placements until I really really physically couldnt.

I was just thinking this, been asleep most the day yet I'm still exhausted.

coffee?

Gaah, my doctor put me on Citalopram and the side effects have hit me hard! I'm drowsy and very nauseous. I've only been on them for two days so hopefully the side effects will fade after my body gets used to the tablets.

I'm feeling extremely anxious again. Everything seems unreal and it's scaring me. Meh.

.

.