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    (Original post by natty_d)
    My school are being really really supportive, and one teacher in particular is making life really so much easier despite what's going on at home, at school and in my head. She's amazing - pulling all these strings, and making me feel ok, and giving me hugs. I really am so grateful to have her around http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...milies/yes.gif

    I'm just worried about lots of things atm. I'm being watched a lot this weekend because of some of the stuff that happened last weekend.
    It's great that your school are being supportive, should help a bit. :yep:

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Okay, I'll admit it, I'm having a really bad day. Should've realised when I couldn't get to sleep/got anxious about sleeping, struggled to wake up and then got really panicky about having a shower. :dry:

    Then there was this report on the news about eating disorders and it brought back all the old feelings and reminded me of a friend who has recovered (well... We'll see) and two who have not, which made me worry about them.

    Then this site, so many successful people - it makes me feel like a failure. Everyone's worked so hard and are going to amazing unis. I haven't worked hard and whilst I love Manchester, it seems that everyone doing the job I'd love to do studied at Oxford or Cambridge or one of the top, top unis. I don't want to sound arrogant or stuck up, but I do think if I'd actually worked last year rather than being lazy or using my eating disorder as an excuse to not pay full attention and work hard in class and admitted that I hated science at the end of year 11 and and never dropped AS history after just one lesson, I might have had a shot at 'better' unis.

    Had I got better grades last year in relevant subjects, maybe Bristol or Durham would've given me an offer? I probably would never have gotten into Oxford or Cambridge (especially as they don't offer my subject), but I might have had a better shot at doing what I want to. But now I'm unlikely to ever be able to do what I want.

    Of course it doesn't matter, I won't be going to uni because I'll be missing my offers this year. I am a lazy, lazy failure.

    Okay... Maybe I'm feeling a LOT worse than I'm admitting to myself :erm:

    ETA: Oh, and I feel really bad about skipping a friend's 18th party because it means leaving the house and I'm not sure I can handle that. Not only do I feel guilty for doing that to her, after she's been there for me when I feel like ****, but I also know I'll feel really low when I see the photos on Facebook of them all having a great time. I feel so bad for hating to see other people happy, but it just makes me feel so much worse. Would've started half an hour ago :erm:
    :console:

    You're not alone there; I also feel really envious of the people on here who got such brilliant GCSEs and A Levels, even you did good compared to me. Your grades so far are already pretty good, I'm sure you can make it into uni this year if you just push yourself. And if it turns out you don't get in, it's not the end of the world, deferring a year could maybe give you a bit of a breather whilst you get better? Well, I dunno, just a suggestion. I suppose I'm not the best person to advise you, I'm doing pretty crap in school myself and seriously considering taking a break from education after this school year, it's just all doing my head in. I've made so many bad decisions in the past and they're all just catching up on me right now :sigh:. Life is actually a ***** :nothing: Just try to keep your head up, I guess, and hope things are going to be better in the near future.
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    After about a week (especially today) of feeling really happy, I now feel like complete **** again
    Hope the happiness returns soon enough :jumphug:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...y-illness.html

    What a complete moron. :mad: I like how she starts with:
    "I am not denying that clinical depression is a real mental illness"

    Writes a load of complete bull in between, including such gems as
    "Get a grip, girls!" and
    "The idea of feeling sorry for a bloke with low self-esteem is, frankly, risible. Let's just call it karmic revenge for all those years men have been in charge of everything."

    and finishes with what was obvious was her feelings throughout:
    "They're even dredging up dodgy statistics to prove that depression - assuming there is such a thing - is on the increase."


    I really really really hope one day she feels depressed, no not just one day scratch that, how about 10 years worth that might be more fun. I hope nothing works for her, that antidepressants do nothing, counselling does nothing, psychology and CBT do nothing. I hope she can't bear to be awake, that every waking hour is filled with suicidal thoughts and self-loathing. I would say I hope she sees no way out and after years of agony finally kills herself but possibly that's a step too far. Stupid *****.
    Dw the daily mail is written by uneducated morons, dont think ive ever read a half decent article by them.

    The only reason why depression might seem to be on the rise is because a couple of years ago it wasn't well known, but with more and more people aware of it they are able to diagnose more people with it. And more people can recohnise the symptoms of it. Therefore its not a trend its just that people are more aware of it than before.
    If that makes sense.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...es/console.gif

    You're not alone there; I also feel really envious of the people on here who got such brilliant GCSEs and A Levels, even you did good compared to me. Your grades so far are already pretty good, I'm sure you can make it into uni this year if you just push yourself. And if it turns out you don't get in, it's not the end of the world, deferring a year could maybe give you a bit of a breather whilst you get better? Well, I dunno, just a suggestion. I suppose I'm not the best person to advise you, I'm doing pretty crap in school myself and seriously considering taking a break from education after this school year, it's just all doing my head in. I've made so many bad decisions in the past and they're all just catching up on me right now http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...ilies/sigh.gif. Life is actually a ***** http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...es/nothing.gif Just try to keep your head up, I guess, and hope things are going to be better in the near future.
    I haven't been to lessons in over 3 months now... I doubt I'll get into uni. :nothing: I can't face the thoughts of being at home for another year either :erm: And yeah, the jealousy really gets me down. Guess I just have to work, which I haven't done today really :cry2:

    I guess we both just have to go with whatever happens. It should work out in the end.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Hope the happiness returns soon enough :jumphug:
    :hugs: Thanks. I ******* hope so I don't need this now
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/ar...y-illness.html

    What a complete moron. :mad: I like how she starts with:
    "I am not denying that clinical depression is a real mental illness"

    Writes a load of complete bull in between, including such gems as
    "Get a grip, girls!" and
    "The idea of feeling sorry for a bloke with low self-esteem is, frankly, risible. Let's just call it karmic revenge for all those years men have been in charge of everything."

    and finishes with what was obvious was her feelings throughout:
    "They're even dredging up dodgy statistics to prove that depression - assuming there is such a thing - is on the increase."


    I really really really hope one day she feels depressed, no not just one day scratch that, how about 10 years worth that might be more fun. I hope nothing works for her, that antidepressants do nothing, counselling does nothing, psychology and CBT do nothing. I hope she can't bear to be awake, that every waking hour is filled with suicidal thoughts and self-loathing. I would say I hope she sees no way out and after years of agony finally kills herself but possibly that's a step too far. Stupid *****.
    She needs to do the world a favour and take a long walk off the edge of a building, tbh. :rolleyes:

    I kinda understand the point she is trying to make though - people bandy around the phrase 'I'm so depressed' like it's a buzz word without truly understanding what it's like to live with the fog of it. HOWEVER. She has turned it into her own little PR piece, that's the thing with JSP, she has to say something controversial to feed her own ego :rolleyes: Dumb bint.

    This comment: "Well said!!! Sure, depression can be totally clinical but honestly I believe laziness is its partner. So many depressives would be 'cured' if they got up early, excercised, worked hard, rested well and, most importantly practiced gratitude. I think it used to be called going to church." Ahh, go join JSP on top of that building, please.

    Grrr. I hate, hate, hate arrogant people.

    Having more ups and downs than I'd like atm
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    It's things like what that woman is saying in the Daily Mail, thats making me really hard to accept depression atm
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    (Original post by natty_d)
    It's things like what that woman is saying in the Daily Mail, thats making me really hard to accept depression atm
    Ignore the bigots, they don't have a cats hope in hell of understanding the pain of a fingernail falling off let alone depression their hearts are so made out of stone :rolleyes:

    :hugs: How you feeling?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Ignore the bigots, they don't have a cats hope in hell of understanding the pain of a fingernail falling off let alone depression their hearts are so made out of stone :rolleyes:

    :hugs: How you feeling?
    I don't really know. I feel :nothing: atm. I haven't done any work today and I spent most of today in bed, I had a rough night - kept waking up in cold sweats, throwing up so I was too tired to go to the library.

    It's been a week since I've felt the urge to harm and I'm coping better than everyone said and I thought I would be this weekend. There is still tomorrow, but I'm so afraid of Monday. Ah well :moon:
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    (Original post by natty_d)
    I don't really know. I feel :nothing: atm. I haven't done any work today and I spent most of today in bed, I had a rough night - kept waking up in cold sweats, throwing up so I was too tired to go to the library.

    It's been a week since I've felt the urge to harm and I'm coping better than everyone said and I thought I would be this weekend. There is still tomorrow, but I'm so afraid of Monday. Ah well :moon:
    Congrats on the week. I've not harmed since early February (I think!?)... one week is a brilliant step.

    Is something on your mind that's stopping you sleeping well?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Congrats on the week. I've not harmed since early February (I think!?)... one week is a brilliant step.

    Is something on your mind that's stopping you sleeping well?
    Lots. I haven't slept well since about Christmas.
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    (Original post by natty_d)
    Lots. I haven't slept well since about Christmas.
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by natty_d)
    Lots. I haven't slept well since about Christmas.
    :hugs: I hope you start sleeping better soon. I know what its like, I don't think I slept well in about 2 years, until I went onto citalopram and now I can't stop sleeping.

    When I was sleeping bad I started trying a sleeping technique, were I clear my mind, and solely focus on relaxing each part of my body from my toes upwards, slowly, and making sure that each part was fully relaxed before moving onto the next body part. In theory if you keep focused you should be asleep before you reach your head
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    When does it get better? I think a lot of this is me making myself worse because I've had enough of trying and there's nothing to try for. But its really hard living like this because I also don't actually want to completely give up.
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    I honestly think I have started declining again. I'm not as bad as I was last night but I'm not as good as I've been recently whatsoever :cry:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I honestly think I have started declining again. I'm not as bad as I was last night but I'm not as good as I've been recently whatsoever :cry:
    :hugs: Has anything triggered it off or has it just been getting bad in general recently?

    ____
    I thought I was getting better, but I just cant stop getting upset. I know most people dont hurt me intentionally but they could at least try and see that I'm feeling crap anyway so dont try and bring me down anymore.

    Things arent great with the bf as well, i'm unhappy with him a lot of the time, but I will be even worse if i didnt have him at all. He was so understanding about everything when he first found out, now its like he just doesnt care how i'm feeling :sad:
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    (Original post by emmalou098)
    :hugs: Has anything triggered it off or has it just been getting bad in general recently?

    ____
    I thought I was getting better, but I just cant stop getting upset. I know most people dont hurt me intentionally but they could at least try and see that I'm feeling crap anyway so dont try and bring me down anymore.

    Things arent great with the bf as well, i'm unhappy with him a lot of the time, but I will be even worse if i didnt have him at all. He was so understanding about everything when he first found out, now its like he just doesnt care how i'm feeling :sad:
    I'm not sure. I think so; exams are looming and I'm stressed about that, and theres some family issues revolving around illness and some problems with the bf's family involving my depression so that might've done it.

    I am having the same problems with my bf as well really. At the very beginning he was very understanding, and now hes like "when you're with me I want you to be happy at all times" and "everyone can see that you being unhappy is getting to me", "I have my parents on my back saying I should think about if I am happy with you", "I do tell you when your mood is getting to me but I just get no response" (I don't ever recall him directly telling me that it does) Its a difficult situation to be in and its stressing me out too. I wish I could offer some advice in this but atm I can't. I'm looking to try and have a long chat about this with my bf but I don't really see any good it will do tbh :erm:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I'm not sure. I think so; exams are looming and I'm stressed about that, and theres some family issues revolving around illness and some problems with the bf's family involving my depression so that might've done it.

    I am having the same problems with my bf as well really. At the very beginning he was very understanding, and now hes like "when you're with me I want you to be happy at all times" and "everyone can see that you being unhappy is getting to me", "I have my parents on my back saying I should think about if I am happy with you", "I do tell you when your mood is getting to me but I just get no response" (I don't ever recall him directly telling me that it does) Its a difficult situation to be in and its stressing me out too. I wish I could offer some advice in this but atm I can't. I'm looking to try and have a long chat about this with my bf but I don't really see any good it will do tbh :erm:
    At least when youre exams are done soon that'll be a weight lifted for a while. I really dont see why people cant be understanding. Why don't they realise how important support is with depression.

    I wish I could give advice to you too, except I had a quick chat with my bf late last night about it, barely scraping the surface of the issues we have and now he isnt talking to me. doesnt help that he is 200 miles away at uni so I dont get to talk to him face to face about anything.
    Just be careful with what you say if you do talk to your bf if he is the type to make it seem as if it it your fault for feeling ****.
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    I've just realised that I've lost any interest in ancient history again. Whilst it's still the thing that I'd love to spend my time on if I was still interested in any thing, it's tough because it makes me question whether or not I'll stand studying it for 3 years. Which is stupid because I've wanted to study it since I was about 7, but then how much to I actually know about it? :nothing:

    It's hard to make myself work when I can't even pick up a book on the subject I'm studying for so that I can study (that made no sense ). It was the one thing that held my interest, but every now and then that goes too. The only thing I do now is surf TSR aimlessly or watch TV. :erm: I need to work or I will fail, but the fear just doesn't seem to be getting me. If I do fail, I know I'll feel worse, but from where I'm standing that's ages away so why sould I care?
 
 
 
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