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    (Original post by jakemittle)
    Why would a boyfriend change your life?...

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    you can PM if you want
    Well, not necessarily change my life, just a nice addition to it, someone to love and all that jazz. Anyway, I feel silly complaining about it all the time, I'ma stop now, lol.

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    Might consider your offer though
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Well, not necessarily change my life, just a nice addition to it, someone to love and all that jazz. Anyway, I feel silly complaining about it all the time, I'ma stop now, lol.

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    Might consider your offer though
    Its okay, people want some form of companionship....
    But dont you already have people to love..? i.e friends/family..I mean its not the same thing, but its something..you understand?
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    (Original post by jakemittle)
    Its okay, people want some form of companionship....
    But dont you already have people to love..? i.e friends/family..I mean its not the same thing, but its something..you understand?
    I do actually, so it's cool. I'm just the type of person who always wants more though, lol, but I'll learn to be content with what I have at the moment
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    I do actually, so it's cool. I'm just the type of person who always wants more though, lol, but I'll learn to be content with what I have at the moment
    If you have had exs or tried to get with someone...maybe this is a reason why its not as easy...and maybe this is a reason why you are not asss happy as you could be?
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    I want this week to be over with. I am putting on a brave face but I'm dying inside. There's so much happening this week and its really affecting me :cry:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I want this week to be over with. I am putting on a brave face but I'm dying inside. There's so much happening this week and its really affecting me :cry:
    :hugs:
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    Wish I could just switch my brain off... Can't stop worrying that everything's going to get worse again even though I seem to be getting better. I just feel like it can't last and I'm not even supposed to get better, I'm supposed to get worse and worse until I kill myself. Wish I could disappear completely and not even leave a corpse behind.
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    Going back home today which means that my holiday is edging closer and closer....I don't want to go damn it! My head isn't in the right place, I feel like all the progress I've made has been for nothing...I can't eat again, I jut panic and feel sick everytime I even think about food. I just want to crawl into a ball and sleep forever.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Wish I could just switch my brain off... Can't stop worrying that everything's going to get worse again even though I seem to be getting better. I just feel like it can't last and I'm not even supposed to get better, I'm supposed to get worse and worse until I kill myself. Wish I could disappear completely and not even leave a corpse behind.
    :jumphug: I know what you mean. I can't stop worrying either...its actually making me ill...I just want to disappear too.
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    I have been feeling so depressed for a while now and I mope and do nothing...I've been prescribed on anti-depressants, and I'm taking Prozac; does anyone know about the benefits of this drug?

    (I don't want to know about the side effects - different people get different ones)
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    (Original post by Superstar6318)
    I have been feeling so depressed for a while now and I mope and do nothing...I've been prescribed on anti-depressants, and I'm taking Prozac; does anyone know about the benefits of this drug?

    (I don't want to know about the side effects - different people get different ones)
    Makes you feel less ****...apparently. :dontknow:

    srsly though, it takes a fair few weeks to "kick in", and antidepressants apparently don't make you feel awesome they just make you feel enough less **** that you can get back to a normalish lifestyle.


    I use apparently because they've never worked for me.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Makes you feel less ****...apparently. :dontknow:

    srsly though, it takes a fair few weeks to "kick in", and antidepressants apparently don't make you feel awesome they just make you feel enough less **** that you can get back to a normalish lifestyle.


    I use apparently because they've never worked for me.
    My doctor told me they'd kick in after one week...yeah I'm not expecting an awesome feeling tbh...just want to move on with life
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    (Original post by Superstar6318)
    My doctor told me they'd kick in after one week...yeah I'm not expecting an awesome feeling tbh...just want to move on with life
    It's like 6-8 weeks to get properly into your body from what I've read (I'm not a doctor). I guess you might start to feel something after a week, though I usually just got side-effects badly for first few weeks.
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    :woo: Half-term, and then study leave! So I think I can relax somewhat. Still revision to do for English Lit and Media Studies :sigh:. At least that's only half of my subjects to go now.
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    :nothing:

    Done nothing today apart from yelling at my Mum over nothing and hitting myself in public. I think it's fair to say that I didn't react so well to my little trip out of the house. :cry:

    Over the past few weeks I've come to really understand the feeling of being numb. I think that's the reason I've managed to do work, but I can feel myself shifting towards feeling really low again and today's been an awful day in terms of revision which makes me feel even worse.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :nothing:

    Done nothing today apart from yelling at my Mum over nothing and hitting myself in public. I think it's fair to say that I didn't react so well to my little trip out of the house. :cry:

    Over the past few weeks I've come to really understand the feeling of being numb. I think that's the reason I've managed to do work, but I can feel myself shifting towards feeling really low again and today's been an awful day in terms of revision which makes me feel even worse.
    Don't beat yourself up over it, everyone has off days.

    What happened in public? (don't worry if you don't want to say). Would taking an mp3 player help perhaps?




    You know guys, I think I have actually really started to lose my mind. For the past 3 days or so I have found myself talking to myself constantly, often for ages without realizing then suddenly having to shut myself up, only to start again as soon as I let my guard down. Wtf? I can only assume it's because I'm so bloody lonely.

    Some **** is definitely following me with a camera when I'm outside, even through my window inside, I haven't caught him yet but I am going to kick his ass when I do and I have some questionaire to fill out for my shrink, looking at it I think I can work out what the "socially acceptable" answers are and I'm pretty concerned with how many of mine are not those ones.


    Still....didn't take quetiapine last night, woo!! :woo:
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    blah i feel low.. not as bad as I have been, but bad nonetheless. I know I need to get out and talk to people, I'm starting to feel lonely and it's rubbish.

    I had my first CBT session this week and thought it was pretty slow and I'm worried it's going to be so basic and simplistic and I'm going to think it's just ridiculous. The lady was talking about how we need to get to know each other and build our relationship and I need to start to feel safe, and it was just so contrived and weird.

    I think I need some serious psychotherapy to be honest. I really dont think changing my thoughts and behaviours a little bit will make much difference. I dont think any sort of reward system would work for me- I mean you have to enjoy something to be rewarded. And the few things I should enjoy, I do still do as and when I want to. So basically I feel like nothing's going to change anytime soon and I'm probably right.
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    I really don't know what to do with myself.. I haven't posted here in a long, long time because I've made a lot of progress over the last year and felt pretty good. But lately I've been feeling pretty lonely. I only really have 2 friends. 2 great friends. But one of them is 20 miles away and the other is around 60. I talk a lot with one of them via MSN and I've felt safe talking with them about a lot of my issues.

    They seem to care a lot but for some reason I've been doubting it lately and found myself asking them about it. I stupidly kept on texting them about how I was feeling and I've made them feel like they had no time to themselves and caused them a load of stress over it. It's actually got to the point that they don't want to talk to me because I cause them too much stress. They've deleted me from everything that we were linked by.

    I really don't know what to do about it. They've told me that they'll email me in a few months when they feel better but I just don't feel I can manage without them just being there as a friend to chat with. I'm scared that they'll never get back in touch. It actually feels almost as though somebody's died because I may never get to talk to my friend again. I really can't cope with this.
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    ****. ****. ****.

    Started my training for my new job today. Went into college this morning (was up at 8, late again) and did a full morning's hard work as literature makes my brain die a little each time... Anyway. Left for my training at half 1, got there to find I was half an hour late - had been given the wrong information The entire afternoon was filled with random crap that everyone over the age of 4 years old knows, common sense stuff, like how to wash your hands. The rest of the group seem to be divided into three sets of people - those I used to work with and love, those who I think I'll grow to like and those who I could quite happily never see again. Sadly the latter made up the largest group. And the thing that really upset me and made me cry most of the last two hours? They want so much from us! I did nearly 8 hours today (should have been 1 til 8, turned into 1 til 8:30) and I'm in 10 - 6 tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday for 8 hours. Then Thursday we have a special day where we act as if the pub is actually open and hand out vouchers to our friends and family so that we can do a test run with no money being exchanged, so that'll be a 6 or 8 hour shift, I'd imagine. Friday we open for good so I'll definitely have some work then. I don't shy away from work, in fact I love being busy, HOWEVER. I had planned to have my half term free to do all the college work that I've got piling up and now that's not going to happen because I can't physically fit it all in :cry: I have 3 Psychology pieces to do + 1 Sociology + 2 literature + 1 study skills + whatever I missed this afternoon to do = around 15,000 words to write in amongst learning the new job, the new people and the new company rules. OH, AND I have my Maths GCSEs next Monday and Friday. I haven't had a chance to revise for them yet, I'm sure as hell not going to have the chance now! So I'll fail again. And will probably fail my course :cry:

    Oh, and my room is a ******* tip, and I need to start sorting out what I have from university last time, and sending a package to my dad, and a billion and one other ******* things. I wanted to start riding this week, but it's clear that whilst I will now have the money, I am going to have all my time taken away from me so I can't even do that. I won't have time for a driving lesson this week either. ARGH.

    ETA - And just remembered, I didn't have a chance to celebrate my birthday with friends, so was putting aside Thursday night to go out for the first time in a few months, that won't happen now either. So ******* typical. Lazy **** me couldn't organise my way out of a wet paper bag, and now it shows.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Don't beat yourself up over it, everyone has off days.

    What happened in public? (don't worry if you don't want to say). Would taking an mp3 player help perhaps?




    You know guys, I think I have actually really started to lose my mind. For the past 3 days or so I have found myself talking to myself constantly, often for ages without realizing then suddenly having to shut myself up, only to start again as soon as I let my guard down. Wtf? I can only assume it's because I'm so bloody lonely.

    Some **** is definitely following me with a camera when I'm outside, even through my window inside, I haven't caught him yet but I am going to kick his ass when I do and I have some questionaire to fill out for my shrink, looking at it I think I can work out what the "socially acceptable" answers are and I'm pretty concerned with how many of mine are not those ones.


    Still....didn't take quetiapine last night, woo!! :woo:
    It was just all the people, walking slowly, stopping in the middle of the pavement to stare at shop windows, generally being arses. there were too many of them and I'm not the greatest fan of loads of people at the best of times. It just bugs me that after all these years I can still have off days with my eating disorder too.

    I doubt anyone's following you with a camera and it's best to fill out the form honestly, or no one can do anything to help you. :hugs: Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to (such as being honest with that form) in order to be happy again :console:
 
 
 
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