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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Was crying unable to do anything for about 3 hours straight. The pain inside was so immense, I've only felt that bad once before in my life that I remember. Just lying in bed, fists clenched, so so much emotional pain ripping me to shreds, I wanted to punch the wall until my knuckles bled just to take my mind off how awful I felt inside. Toyed with the idea of smashing my head into the wall until I knocked myself out, took everything I had just to resist that. In the end, yeah I snapped. Quite a lot of pain but it worked, now it's more a dull ache inside and can't really straighten my right fingers but so worth it. And you know, it was a pretty insignificant thing that set me off, it just built up. Feel like a psycho.
    I don't know how badly you've injured yourself but if it warrants a trip to A&E, then go :hugs: You will stop feeling like this one day and things will improve but you have to do your part too and yes, I am referring to that form, or even just seeing a different psychiatrist if your current one is still being rubbish :console:

    You could try going for a long walk perhaps? Or a bike ride or something. Just like gentle exercise. I dunno if that will work. sorry.
    Haven't eaten enough to do that, and I barely have the energy to stay out of bed I'm just going to be very strict about eating enough until I see my doctor next and see what he suggests. Lord only knows how I managed to study and revise last year when it was even worse than I feel now, at least I don't have the thoughts alongside it!
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I don't know how badly you've injured yourself but if it warrants a trip to A&E, then go :hugs: You will stop feeling like this one day and things will improve but you have to do your part too and yes, I am referring to that form, or even just seeing a different psychiatrist if your current one is still being rubbish :console:



    Haven't eaten enough to do that, and I barely have the energy to stay out of bed I'm just going to be very strict about eating enough until I see my doctor next and see what he suggests. Lord only knows how I managed to study and revise last year when it was even worse than I feel now, at least I don't have the thoughts alongside it!
    nah it's fine, I've punched things before, just typing is very much a left handed affair right now :p: Done about half the form so far, and yeah I have been truthful, I'm just so worried what they're going to say when I give it them.

    That's what I was thinking. If you use more energy then you'll get hungry but too much and you'll feel ****. but yeah if you haven't got enough energy for a walk probably not a good idea. Are you staying out of bed? even if you just watch tv it should hopefully make you more hungry than sleeping. asking a doctor is definitely a good idea. It's good you're feeling improvement on last year, maybe if you try to think about how far you've come and how much regarding a levels and uni is left it might help motivate you?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    nah it's fine, I've punched things before, just typing is very much a left handed affair right now :p: Done about half the form so far, and yeah I have been truthful, I'm just so worried what they're going to say when I give it them.

    That's what I was thinking. If you use more energy then you'll get hungry but too much and you'll feel ****. but yeah if you haven't got enough energy for a walk probably not a good idea. Are you staying out of bed? even if you just watch tv it should hopefully make you more hungry than sleeping. asking a doctor is definitely a good idea. It's good you're feeling improvement on last year, maybe if you try to think about how far you've come and how much regarding a levels and uni is left it might help motivate you?
    :hugs: They'll have seen it before, honestly. They'll also have come across people a million times more 'messed up' (for lack of a better phrase/a brain that can actually work properly) than you. They only want you to be truthful so that they know how to help you and get you what's going to work for you.

    I am staying out of bed but all I want to do is sleep! Just walking downstairs to print off some revision cards has left me breathless and given that my house isn't that big, that's a very bad thing indeed.

    It's not my eating disorder, it's just my body doesn't go, 'Hey Steff, you know what? I'm hungry. Give me some food and then I can get on with things' It just stays quiet and when it does eventually pipe up I just don't eat enough because it's not telling me how hungry it is. I've worked it out and I am way below what I need and I just feel ****. See what I mean about the effect lack of food has on you? Urgh. Time for another meal I think if I can get to the kitchen haha.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Was crying unable to do anything for about 3 hours straight. The pain inside was so immense, I've only felt that bad once before in my life that I remember. Just lying in bed, fists clenched, so so much emotional pain ripping me to shreds, I wanted to punch the wall until my knuckles bled just to take my mind off how awful I felt inside. Toyed with the idea of smashing my head into the wall until I knocked myself out, took everything I had just to resist that. In the end, yeah I snapped. Quite a lot of pain but it worked, now it's more a dull ache inside and can't really straighten my right fingers but so worth it. And you know, it was a pretty insignificant thing that set me off, it just built up. Feel like a psycho.
    I dont have any helpful advice unfortunately. But I want to say you're definitely not a psycho and you're pretty good at describing how you feel, I can relate in some way anyway. I hope you feel a bit calmer and are in less pain now. And I hope everything gets better for you really quick. I don't think anyone deserves to feel like that. :hugs:
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    I think I might just be lazy, rather than depressed. Hmm.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: They'll have seen it before, honestly. They'll also have come across people a million times more 'messed up' (for lack of a better phrase/a brain that can actually work properly) than you. They only want you to be truthful so that they know how to help you and get you what's going to work for you.

    I am staying out of bed but all I want to do is sleep! Just walking downstairs to print off some revision cards has left me breathless and given that my house isn't that big, that's a very bad thing indeed.

    It's not my eating disorder, it's just my body doesn't go, 'Hey Steff, you know what? I'm hungry. Give me some food and then I can get on with things' It just stays quiet and when it does eventually pipe up I just don't eat enough because it's not telling me how hungry it is. I've worked it out and I am way below what I need and I just feel ****. See what I mean about the effect lack of food has on you? Urgh. Time for another meal I think if I can get to the kitchen haha.
    I dunno, there are some really messed up answers to some of those questions. Feel totally ashamed about some of them. But yeah you're absolutely right, just have to tell the truth.

    I've only been hungry maybe 2 times in the past month or so, what I find helps is having a routine. If you have 3 meals a day at a certain time each and force yourself to eat them it might help? Even set an alarm if you think you might forget. That way it doesn't matter if you feel hungry or not. No idea if this will work for you though, sorry.

    (Original post by Saffie)
    I dont have any helpful advice unfortunately. But I want to say you're definitely not a psycho and you're pretty good at describing how you feel, I can relate in some way anyway. I hope you feel a bit calmer and are in less pain now. And I hope everything gets better for you really quick. I don't think anyone deserves to feel like that. :hugs:
    Hey thanks. I'm alright now, more just a dull ache inside, using tsr to take my mind off how I'm feeling, though omg my hand hurts. :o:

    I don't think I've seen you round here? (or maybe I have and just forgot). You alright?
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    Just had a mild anxiety attack - I think
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    (Original post by natty_d)
    Just had a mild anxiety attack - I think
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    :hugs:
    It started when my mum started yelling and screaming at me. I did what she wanted and then went back into my room, locked the door like I've been told to and I just freaked out. Curled up into a ball under the duvet and couldn't breathe or think straight for ages. Had to resist the urge to get up and find a pair of scissors which I managed to fight. One good thing I suppose
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    (Original post by natty_d)
    It started when my mum started yelling and screaming at me. I did what she wanted and then went back into my room, locked the door like I've been told to and I just freaked out. Curled up into a ball under the duvet and couldn't breathe or think straight for ages. Had to resist the urge to get up and find a pair of scissors which I managed to fight. One good thing I suppose
    Well done, that is good (about the scissors). I think we all have moments like that... I had one last week, freaked out completely for no reason in the car on the way to the train station and I couldn't get out of the car because I was crying so much. :/ But hey. We move on, we work through it, right?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Not feeling great tonight at all.
    Any reason? Feeling a little better now?
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I'd see missing uni as a good thing. It shows you must have enjoyed it at least a bit. How did exams go? Hope you do end up having a good holiday, whereabouts are you going? Life-changing decision sounds pretty ominous...

    I'm sort of ok, spent the last two months in hospital and while I am relieved to be out I just feel like nothing's changed. I'm still pretty depressed, still pretending to my family that I feel better then I really do. Feels like I'll never really get better, just have the occasional minor improvement then back to being a complete mess.
    Yeah I did enjoy the first year despite my anxiety issues. Thanks, I'm going to north africa but I can't stop worrying about every tiny thing. I just don't want to ruin the holiday for my friends but I need to bite the bullet and face my fears and just go for it, I can't keep avoiding things.
    I'm really bad at making decissions...I just don't know what to do...whether to take the advice of someone who has seen people in my position make the wrong decission and suffer the consequences or should I grab the bull by the horns and hope that I don't end up in the same position with regrets....
    Exams were ok thanks, though I was very emotional during revision for my last exam so I'm not expecting amazing results for that. I just hope I can pass this year.

    :hugs: sorry to hear that you are still feeling bad but you can get better. So many people have and whos to say that you should be any different. With the right support and attitude you can make it through. Minor improvements are better than no improvements even if you take a few steps back. Thats what I'm trying to tell myself every time I find myself back at square one.
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    (Original post by allieRAWR!)
    Any reason? Feeling a little better now?
    Feeling a lot worse. Can't sleep and I want to cut really ******* badly. The only thing stopping me is that I don't have anything to hand.
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    Fail.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I dunno, there are some really messed up answers to some of those questions. Feel totally ashamed about some of them. But yeah you're absolutely right, just have to tell the truth.

    I've only been hungry maybe 2 times in the past month or so, what I find helps is having a routine. If you have 3 meals a day at a certain time each and force yourself to eat them it might help? Even set an alarm if you think you might forget. That way it doesn't matter if you feel hungry or not. No idea if this will work for you though, sorry.
    Honesty is always the best policy, however hard it may be :hugs: And they will have seen it all before, I doubt you can surprise them.

    I'm trying to make sure that I eat breakfast and lunch (because of my history with food my parents always make sure I have dinner) and have so far managed to do it, even though I didn't feel hungry but I also need to pretty much double my portion sizes which will probably be more the issue as I'll probably start feeling full. However, I want to have some energy and actually be able to work, so I have to make sure I eat enough. I think I should mention it to my dr though :erm:

    How's your hand?

    ---

    Okay, from today onwards I'm going to be really strict about sleep because I'm getting to sleep about 1am at the earliest and then waking up at about 1pm (apart from today thanks to not closing my curtains, a lot of water and 3 obnoxious alarms ). So from now on I'm going to try and switch off my laptop at 8pm and be in bed by 9pm. I'll just have to watch any TV programmes after 9pm online, my sleeping is far too messed up and it's getting in the way of everything.

    Also I can't sleep if I know I'm the last person in the house awake, which normally means that I stay up until dawn. I had been managing to overcome this recently but it's back to where I was for some reason and I really don't need that on top of everything else. That, and I tend to feel really low after about 9pm, so if I'm asleep by then, maybe I can avoid it? I can hope...
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    I just cant do it anymore. I have exams in a week and I feel so unbothered about them. I've been staying at home to "revise" but haven't even managed to sit still and do a good solid hour (and an hour is NOTHING)
    Im gonna fail so whats the point
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    Ouch, my wrist hurts. I deserve that one...

    I was meant to get up early this morning, at like 9, so that I could get my college work done before work later at 4, I have just got up... I kept 'waking up' in my dream and thinking that I was awake and then realising that I wasn't. Creepy.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Hey thanks. I'm alright now, more just a dull ache inside, using tsr to take my mind off how I'm feeling, though omg my hand hurts. :o:

    I don't think I've seen you round here? (or maybe I have and just forgot). You alright?
    Is your hand better today?
    Yeah I've posted here a few times in the last few weeks, although not much. I'm a bit better than I have been but as with everyone else, trying to revise and just failing miserably. I'm thinking of not even sitting these exams and just sitting the retakes. But then I would have to revise all Summer for certain. Argh.
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    Fry up for lunch. Sigh. :nothing: I hate fry ups with a passion.
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    I'm managing to eat enough and feel a lot better already but it's a bit weird eating at set times! :p:

    However, I'm feeling really low because of exams, social stuff etc.

    Exams etc: I just feel like a failure TBH, I can't even read quickly/at a decent rate at all at the moment or concentrate or give a damn. :sad:

    Social stuff: I don't give a damn about 'missing out' it's people's reactions to it I can't stand. I was momentarily sad when I saw the 'Last Days' photos on facebook on the last day of sixth form but I don't care now, it's one stupid day that I wouldn't have enjoyed, doesn't matter as I can't wait to get away from things there and I'll probably have to go back to resit next year anyway.

    Then there the Leavers' Ball. If I'm honest, I don't want to go, but again there's the whole other peoples' reactions thing and also the fear that I may regret it.

    Meh, I just needed to rant.

    ETA: Oh, and last night I got really anxious about going to sleep because the past two nights I've had these weird and horrible dreams (but not nightmares if that makes any sense) that seem, when I wake up, to have gone on for ages and I just didn't want to have to go through that again. I don't think I did but... Well sleep freaks me out anyway so it's not helping. :erm:

    Basically everything's far more messed up than I'm letting myself tell myself, especially my sleep - my fear of it is coming back quite quickly...
 
 
 
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