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    (Original post by Frosties1)
    It ended so abruptly and unjustly. It didn't fizzle out, me and him were just robbed.
    I don't want to get over him, I don't want to feel better and heal, I just want to be back with him.
    I can't make sense of it all and I can't let go. I don't want to let go. I love him. He's the guy I want to be with for as far into the future as I can see. I want his words, his conversation, his smiles. I want to make him happy and be the person he confides in. I so desperately want him. No one else.
    Everytime I think about all the good times my heart just drops. Reality sets in and it's so incredibly painful.
    I'm crying now, I've been crying since I got home at 3ish. I wish he'd just call. I miss his voice. God how I miss his voice.
    Life before him wasn't nearly as good as it was with him, I can't imagine my future without him. It seems so bleak.
    Why won't he just come back.
    :console: Breakups are usually not very nice. Things will get better in time though, I'm sure :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Okay, I was feeling better but then my parents pressed me about driving again. I tried to call my driving instructor, but the number is no longer recognised. I have her house number, but would rather wait until tomorrow to call because she won't want to deal with work now and at any rate her husband will be home and I hate calling people especially when I don't know them. Now there's my brother's **** music blaring, my dad accidentally chucked out my ear plugs and replaced them with ones that don't work and it's making me really panicky and I'm just completely freaking out. I can still hear the drum beat over my music and that sound just makes me really anxious...
    Hey good luck on the driving, I'm doing lessons again myself. Have you ever done any driving before?
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Hey good luck on the driving, I'm doing lessons again myself. Have you ever done any driving before?
    Thanks. Yeah I have but I keep taking breaks. When I last left it I was quite confident but nowadays (and my parents don't know this and are unlikely to be understanding) I find myself getting really panicked just being a passenger :erm:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks. Yeah I have but I keep taking breaks. When I last left it I was quite confident but nowadays (and my parents don't know this and are unlikely to be understanding) I find myself getting really panicked just being a passenger :erm:
    I also had a pretty long break, 11 months actually . My first round of lessons I wasn't making massive progress, and I got fed up and stopped for ages. I've started again last week though, with exams out of the way, but one of my main problems is nerves. I actually feel perfectly fine as a passenger, but as a driver, that's a whole other story :erm:. Hopefully we both get over it though and become great drivers in time :yep:
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    Got the psychiatrist tomorrow. I don't want to go, it means getting up early and explaining why I didn't fill out that ****** form.
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    (Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom)
    Hi, I'm just chilling out at home, feeling OK right now, thanks .

    How are you? I've actually not seen you around here for ages :beard:
    yeah sorry I have been busy, I keep telling myself to come on here but I get caught up with something, sorry.

    I'm very pleased you are feeling well

    I havn't been to bad, I still do think of suicide sometimes, its like something I can't get out of my head. I am still a little depressed but getting on well, thanks.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Got the psychiatrist tomorrow. I don't want to go, it means getting up early and explaining why I didn't fill out that ****** form.
    oh why do you have to go to see a psychiatrist may I ask?
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    oh why do you have to go to see a psychiatrist may I ask?
    Because I have depression and my GP wanted me to see one. :dontknow:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Because I have depression and my GP wanted me to see one. :dontknow:
    OH right ok, its just that I only saw one when I woke up in hospital not when I went to see my GP in the first place. But it is good that you are getting more help than 'just' pills. Good luck
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    OH right ok, its just that I only saw one when I woke up in hospital not when I went to see my GP in the first place. But it is good that you are getting more help than 'just' pills. Good luck
    I think I might have been referred to get 'just' pills. I don't care, I don't even want to go. I far less likely to go to any future appointments and even less so to take any pills, I've always had an aversion to medication.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I think I might have been referred to get 'just' pills. I don't care, I don't even want to go. I far less likely to go to any future appointments and even less so to take any pills, I've always had an aversion to medication.
    Psychiatrists don't really tend to do anything except prescribe pills ime. Psychologists are more therapy type stuff, every psychiatrist I've seen has just chucked pills at me.

    Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Hopefully he's be able to help you.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I think I might have been referred to get 'just' pills. I don't care, I don't even want to go. I far less likely to go to any future appointments and even less so to take any pills, I've always had an aversion to medication.
    I dont think anyone enjoys taking medication. But it's there to help you and they help a lot of people. Do you think that your depression might be affecting your view about it?

    I think if you were to give advice to anyone else on this thread, you'd tell them to go to their appointments because they should help. And that there's no shame in taking antidepressants and they can really help.

    I can see why you're worried about medication on the one hand, I took fluoxetine for 3 weeks and it made me feel really ill on top of the depression. But since then I took citalopram and haven't really had any bad side effects. I have got the unwanted movements occasionally like you did but people just get them normally anyway, its not really that bad. And i'll take that over feeling suicidal.

    If you're going to a psychiatrist to get a presciption, I think they'd be more likely to prescribe you the 'cleaner' medications which produce less side effects. I've been told before that no psychiatrist would usually prescribe fluoxetine for example.

    Good luck for the appointment.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Psychiatrists don't really tend to do anything except prescribe pills ime. Psychologists are more therapy type stuff, every psychiatrist I've seen has just chucked pills at me.

    Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Hopefully he's be able to help you.
    Hmm. Thanks. :erm:

    (Original post by Saffie)
    I dont think anyone enjoys taking medication. But it's there to help you and they help a lot of people. Do you think that your depression might be affecting your view about it?

    I think if you were to give advice to anyone else on this thread, you'd tell them to go to their appointments because they should help. And that there's no shame in taking antidepressants and they can really help.

    I can see why you're worried about medication on the one hand, I took fluoxetine for 3 weeks and it made me feel really ill on top of the depression. But since then I took citalopram and haven't really had any bad side effects. I have got the unwanted movements occasionally like you did but people just get them normally anyway, its not really that bad. And i'll take that over feeling suicidal.

    If you're going to a psychiatrist to get a presciption, I think they'd be more likely to prescribe you the 'cleaner' medications which produce less side effects. I've been told before that no psychiatrist would usually prescribe fluoxetine for example.

    Good luck for the appointment.
    Yeah, I know. My parents are forcing me to go anyway. I just really hate them [I'm not referring to my parents, but I can't for the life of me remember what I was referring to] and I don't like to talking to male mental health people :erm: Okay, that probably made no sense.

    My GP said shortly before saying that he was referring me that only a psychiatrist should put someone my age on antidepressants because of the increased risk of suicide :dontknow:

    I guess I am worried about being like when I was on citalopram, it got to the stage where the involuntary movements felt almost constant (at least when I have trying to sleep) which was absolutely exhausting and frankly a little terrifying. I don't really want to go through that again but I also don't think I've gotten any worse to validate my taking them.

    ---

    On top of my not wanting to go, I've only managed just under 2 hours sleep. Partly because I stayed up all night reading, but I only did that because I knew at about 1am that there was no chance I'd be falling asleep any time before dawn. This always seems to happen now before appointments like these :nothing: I can't even go back to sleep after, as I have to tidy the bloody house.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Yeah, I know. My parents are forcing me to go anyway. I just really hate them [I'm not referring to my parents, but I can't for the life of me remember what I was referring to] and I don't like to talking to male mental health people :erm: Okay, that probably made no sense.

    My GP said shortly before saying that he was referring me that only a psychiatrist should put someone my age on antidepressants because of the increased risk of suicide :dontknow:

    I guess I am worried about being like when I was on citalopram, it got to the stage where the involuntary movements felt almost constant (at least when I have trying to sleep) which was absolutely exhausting and frankly a little terrifying. I don't really want to go through that again but I also don't think I've gotten any worse to validate my taking them.

    ---

    On top of my not wanting to go, I've only managed just under 2 hours sleep. Partly because I stayed up all night reading, but I only did that because I knew at about 1am that there was no chance I'd be falling asleep any time before dawn. This always seems to happen now before appointments like these :nothing: I can't even go back to sleep after, as I have to tidy the bloody house.
    If you tell them you dont want to go back on citalopram then I'm sure they'll let you try another one which won't give that side effect.

    I know what you mean about preferring to talk to women. But you do just literally need a prescription from him which thereafter your GP will prescribe you, so you should go at least once. You could say you prefer speaking to women as well and he may refer you to a colleague? Or tell your GP that he could refer you to another one. But get the prescription first. :yes: I think it would be a step in the right direction.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    If you tell them you dont want to go back on citalopram then I'm sure they'll let you try another one which won't give that side effect.

    I know what you mean about preferring to talk to women. But you do just literally need a prescription from him which thereafter your GP will prescribe you, so you should go at least once. You could say you prefer speaking to women as well and he may refer you to a colleague? Or tell your GP that he could refer you to another one. But get the prescription first. :yes: I think it would be a step in the right direction.
    Thanks. I'm back and it went all right. He was actually great, didn't bother with this trying to be overly friendly rubbish that the CPN did and just got straight down to asking questions. He even managed to convince my mother that medication (alongside talking therapy to come) was the best route.

    I've been prescribed fluoxetine, but haven't picked it up yet (my GP surgery was shut). I just hope it works. I do have to see him again in 2 weeks, but it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating. :yep:
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    GP appointment at 5 past 10 tomorrow morning... Not got a clue what I'm going to say :erm:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    GP appointment at 5 past 10 tomorrow morning... Not got a clue what I'm going to say :erm:
    :hugs: They'll ask why you're there, so just answer honestly. Maybe try running through it in your head, so you're prepared?

    ---

    I REALLY don't want to start back at work this week, I hate it and I'm not sure I'm up to it. Besides, I'm supposed to start the antidepressants tomorrow, which means going down to the GP before or after work (probably before because I need to check when my GP appointment is, if I haven't missed it) and then turning up to work and cleaning for 4 hours on well below the average wage for a cleaner in quite a tough house to clean. That and there will be people in the house tomorrow.

    And I have to tidy this house before tomorrow and I'm still running on 2 hours sleep. Just because my exams have finished doesn't mean I won't have the breakdowns before work... I just wish my mother could continue for this week (she took over for me for exams, it's a really casual job) and then if I'm up to it, I start next week, give me some time but she's already made plans.
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    I'm fed up. I feel nothing. I want to do nothing. And yet I dont want to do nothing. I wish it were all over. I'm not revising at all because I can't be bothered.
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    Finally had a break down over work tomorrow. I'm not up to it mentally, I lied to the psychiatrist today when I said I had no problems leaving the house - that's only partially true, I can only go to certain 'safe' places, and given the number of times I've broken down crying at work, it is not one of those places. I'm not even sure I'm up to it physically, I'm still barely eating and I think I'm back to not sleeping until dawn. I want to quit, but the money would be useful for uni but then...

    Also, if/when I go to uni, I'm going to have to get a job if I want to actually be able to afford more than just a place to live :erm: I'm just not up to any of that, you know? God that sounds so self-indulgent/some other word I've already forgotten. ******* **** memory.
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    Going in and telling her that I don't think suicide is always a bad idea would be an incredibly bad plan, wouldn't it?
 
 
 
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