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    (Original post by superwolf)
    I hate being alive. I hate myself for being so ******* pathetic, crying every night over the same stupid things. It's never getting any better, I saw the psychiatrist today and she was talking about moving me onto new pills cos the ones I'm on aren't helping. But they're the only ones which have done any good at all so I don't know if I stop them I might get even worse again. I don't even want to get better, I just want to die.

    If you've already been in hospital once, does that mean they're more likely to consider hospitalising you again?

    Sorry, that's enough confused ramblings for one night, hope everyone's feeling alright.
    What does she want to change your medication to? I know it makes no difference but you seem really nice and intelligent and I would never want you to die and I hardly know you. I hope those feelings pass soon. And they definitely can go quite quickly, its strange.

    I think hospitalising someone is always a big decision and would be based on in how much danger you were in, not whether you've been hospitalised before. I suppose if you found it helpful before then that might be an indication that it might be helpful again, but it shouldn't effect they're decision.
    Hope you're feeling better this morning.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm back to my old ways of not wanting to sleep. :dry: I really don't understand why I get so panicky about it.
    Do you think you're scared of losing control by going to sleep? I guess it might also tie in with having had an eating disorder if that was sort of about control? I don't know maybe that's not relevant. Hope you got some sleep.
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    :cry: I want out now. I can't feel like this any more. I don't want help, I just don't want to be alive right now.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    :cry: I want out now. I can't feel like this any more. I don't want help, I just don't want to be alive right now.
    :hugs: Try to remember those around you who love you and the fact that things will improve for you. :console: Have you tried calling anyone?
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Do you think you're scared of losing control by going to sleep? I guess it might also tie in with having had an eating disorder if that was sort of about control? I don't know maybe that's not relevant. Hope you got some sleep.
    I don't know. I think it's the thought of what sleep is, it's a bit weird to be honest haha. That and I hate dreams. I seem fine with trying to sleep after dawn though. :dontknow:

    Thanks. I did manage to get quite a bit with the help of a eye mask and classic fm all night - something about having the radio on helps me sleep by making me feel like I'm not going to sleep :erm:

    How're you?
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    i sleep easier with controlled background noise such as the tv
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Try to remember those around you who love you and the fact that things will improve for you. :console: Have you tried calling anyone?
    I don't want to talk to people right now, I just snap at them. I had a go at one of my friends about an hour ago for no reason :o: I'm a horrible person sometimes.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I don't want to talk to people right now, I just snap at them. I had a go at one of my friends about an hour ago for no reason :o: I'm a horrible person sometimes.
    :hugs: You're not a horrible person, you're a human being. A human being going through a really tough time right now so try not to be so harsh on yourself. You could try helplines etc if you feel you need to or watch a good DVD or something?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I don't know. I think it's the thought of what sleep is, it's a bit weird to be honest haha. That and I hate dreams. I seem fine with trying to sleep after dawn though. :dontknow:

    Thanks. I did manage to get quite a bit with the help of a eye mask and classic fm all night - something about having the radio on helps me sleep by making me feel like I'm not going to sleep :erm:

    How're you?
    Ah. I have horrible dreams too. Classic fm sounds very cultured!

    I'm surprisingly okay actually. I think revising a lot and having something to work towards is good. Although I do lack motivation a lot of the time. For the last couple of months I wasn't sure I would sit the exams so I feel like anything I do now is good I guess.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Ah. I have horrible dreams too. Classic fm sounds very cultured!

    I'm surprisingly okay actually. I think revising a lot and having something to work towards is good. Although I do lack motivation a lot of the time. For the last couple of months I wasn't sure I would sit the exams so I feel like anything I do now is good I guess.
    I can't stand even nice ones at the moment, they all seem so exhausting. Well it has a nice mix of talking, adverts and music that isn't going to wake me up but will help me relax though they do play very 'upbeat' music at about 3am :dry:

    Good luck with your exams :hugs: I know what you mean about it's nice to have something to focus on/work towards. It'll all help, no matter how much you do each bit will count.
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    Dreams suck, tbh. Mine have been absolutely awful for the last week or so - not just nightmares, but so vivid that I can't tell what's a dream and what's not.
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    *Pokes head around the door*
    Hello all, just thought I'd show my face and give hugs to all.
    Hopefully, I'll come back a show my face, just going to follow the thread for a bit though
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    *Pokes head around the door*
    Hello all, just thought I'd show my face and give hugs to all.
    Hopefully, I'll come back a show my face, just going to follow the thread for a bit though
    Howdy howdy :hugs:
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    What does she want to change your medication to? I know it makes no difference but you seem really nice and intelligent and I would never want you to die and I hardly know you. I hope those feelings pass soon. And they definitely can go quite quickly, its strange.

    I think hospitalising someone is always a big decision and would be based on in how much danger you were in, not whether you've been hospitalised before. I suppose if you found it helpful before then that might be an indication that it might be helpful again, but it shouldn't effect they're decision.
    Hope you're feeling better this morning.
    She didn't say which pills. I just really don't want to go through the whole thing of new side-effects and waiting to see if the things actually work. Thanks, but I don't see this going away any time soon. I've been depressed for years now and it almost always seems to get worse rather than better.

    I wouldn't say hospital really helped, just kept me from killing myself. I'm pretty determined not to go back there.

    Hope you're feeling alright.
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    I don't want to sleep. I really, really don't but I have work at 9 tomorrow... Maybe if I stay up, drink coffee, go to work and then sleep when I get home? I hate the thought of going to sleep and I know it's a stupid phobia and I have to stop getting so panicky about it but I can't. I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm fine with that but I just can't sleep.

    I keep running things through my head, what I'll do there etc and it makes me panic about sleeping more - I think about how I'll feel if I don't get enough sleep etc and then I want to sleep even less. I am really panicky today anyway - it took me half an hour to get into the shower because I was checking things etc but why can't I just go back to enjoying my sleep rather than being so anxious to avoid it?

    Okay, enough ranting from me, how is everyone?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Dreams suck, tbh. Mine have been absolutely awful for the last week or so - not just nightmares, but so vivid that I can't tell what's a dream and what's not.

    :hugs: I hate vivid dreams, they're awful. Try to think things through as soon as you wake up/remember them maybe? That normally helps me. It does take some concentration but it might help clear things up that little bit quicker.
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    I still haven't calmed down, I'm just getting more and more panicky. What the hell is wrong with me? It's sleep for God's sake! Something everyone does on a regular basis :erm:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I still haven't calmed down, I'm just getting more and more panicky. What the hell is wrong with me? It's sleep for God's sake! Something everyone does on a regular basis :erm:
    :hugs: Lots of people have trouble sleeping. My current routine involves spending one hour minimum crying before I can get off to sleep. If you don't want to sleep, is there anything else you can do, like reading or playing computer games, that'll at least distract you and stop you feeling bad about not being asleep?
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :hugs: Lots of people have trouble sleeping. My current routine involves spending one hour minimum crying before I can get off to sleep. If you don't want to sleep, is there anything else you can do, like reading or playing computer games, that'll at least distract you and stop you feeling bad about not being asleep?
    It's not the not sleeping that bugs me, it's the panic attack I have because I don't want to sleep. I might just go play computer games for bit yeah, anything that'll calm me down. I'm also feeling suddenly really low so that's probably causing more stress about the sleep.

    How're you?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    It's not the not sleeping that bugs me, it's the panic attack I have because I don't want to sleep. I might just go play computer games for bit yeah, anything that'll calm me down. I'm also feeling suddenly really low so that's probably causing more stress about the sleep.

    How're you?
    I'm... also avoiding sleep. Or rather, avoiding trying to get to sleep, cos I'll only end up crying my eyes out. Been feeling really anxious all day today, no idea what that's about.
 
 
 
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