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    My sleep phobia has gotten really out of control now. I had to force myself to go to sleep at 9 this morning. :sigh: My mother gave me a mini lecture about being nocturnal about an hour ago. I'm still really tired but I don't want to go back to sleep.
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    "Everything is so ****, I really can't see the point in anything, it's all so ******* ****."
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    "Everything is so ****, I really can't see the point in anything, it's all so ******* ****."
    i can so relate, I just stuffed myself too :hmpf: ffs. such a big fat failure.

    Hope thing seem brighter tomorrow for you
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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    Exact same here, I just want to go back to bed and cry too.
    *Hugs*
    Thing is, I did go back to bed, and I am still in bed, but it's just made me feel worse...

    I hate this feeling, I thought I was getting better. A few weeks ago things were beginning to look brighter, but now I just wish that the ground would open up and swallow me.

    *Hugs back*
    Hope you feel better soon
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Thing is, I did go back to bed, and I am still in bed, but it's just made me feel worse...

    I hate this feeling, I thought I was getting better. A few weeks ago things were beginning to look brighter, but now I just wish that the ground would open up and swallow me.

    *Hugs back*
    Hope you feel better soon
    I know how you feel, like everything should just end because at least then the pain would stop. Sometimes I go back to bed but it makes me feel worse because I wasted my day.

    Hope you feel better soon too.
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Okay, so you all seem to be a nice bunch of people so I've decided to come back and post...

    Yesterday and today, all I've wanted to do is sleep, all day. I'm not bothered about eating, I just want to sleep, I also feel like crying, but I can't.

    *hugs* to all
    Hugs :hugs:

    :hugs: for all

    I feel like ****. Eating is going badly - I just stuff my face with crap. Not good. Bad me. Grr. I'm trying to work out whether I can 'afford' to have anything at work later, it's not looking likely.

    Had a horrible dream again last night... I first off dreamt that I was riding an old pony I used to look after, he kept tanking off with me but I dealt with it, I even enjoyed it. Then my Dad came home and told us that he wasn't in the RAF any more - I was so happy until he said that it's because he had cancer and couldn't continue. At a few points I remember thinking 'I must be dreaming, this isn't real' but it felt so real. Gah.
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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    I know how you feel, like everything should just end because at least then the pain would stop. Sometimes I go back to bed but it makes me feel worse because I wasted my day.

    Hope you feel better soon too.
    Part of me thinks that it's okay to 'waste a day' because after all it is the Summer, but then I keep reminding myself that I should be enjoying myself and getting refreshed to deal with things in August when I get my ****** results.

    Then I also think, if by an amazing miracle, I do get into university, how am I going to cope? If I can't drag myself out of bed to do something for leisure, how will I be able to do my degree course!?

    *headdesk*

    Let's try and be useful instead of rambling...
    How about you have a shower or go for a quick walk?
    I sound so hypocritical right now :|
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Hugs :hugs:

    :hugs: for all

    I feel like ****. Eating is going badly - I just stuff my face with crap. Not good. Bad me. Grr. I'm trying to work out whether I can 'afford' to have anything at work later, it's not looking likely.

    Had a horrible dream again last night... I first off dreamt that I was riding an old pony I used to look after, he kept tanking off with me but I dealt with it, I even enjoyed it. Then my Dad came home and told us that he wasn't in the RAF any more - I was so happy until he said that it's because he had cancer and couldn't continue. At a few points I remember thinking 'I must be dreaming, this isn't real' but it felt so real. Gah.
    :hugs: back to you and thank-you.

    Sorry to hear you're not having a good day either. This may sounds ridiculous, I'm not sure, but you say you're eating a lot at the minute, I presume that these aren't 'healthy' foods, maybe you could eat a lot of fruit or yoghurt instead? I know these aren't as half as nice as the other stuff, but it might work?

    As for the dream, has any of this happened in real life?- sorry for asking, you don't have to answer. If it hasn't, then are there any things you can do right now to remind you that it hasn't happened? These dreams are horrible, are you getting any support to deal with them?
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    :hugs: back to you and thank-you.

    Sorry to hear you're not having a good day either. This may sounds ridiculous, I'm not sure, but you say you're eating a lot at the minute, I presume that these aren't 'healthy' foods, maybe you could eat a lot of fruit or yoghurt instead? I know these aren't as half as nice as the other stuff, but it might work?

    As for the dream, has any of this happened in real life?- sorry for asking, you don't have to answer. If it hasn't, then are there any things you can do right now to remind you that it hasn't happened? These dreams are horrible, are you getting any support to deal with them?
    It's mainly biscuits... :o: I have no fruit in the house - my Dad was the only one who ate it, so my Mum doesn't buy it any more.*

    Err, the riding bit has, it wasn't so enjoyable back then though :p: I think that came up because I was talking to my friend about how hard it is to get back into right now, I don't have transport and my working hours change weekly so I'm stuffed for doing something regularly. When my Dad left, there was a **** up with the flight, so he came home about 4 hours later and stayed the morning with us until he flew out again. I won't be able to speak to him this week as he's moved camps I can email, but again I won't get a reply for days. I don't tell many people in my life about my dreams, one of my friends knows about them but I haven't told him this one, seems stupid. I've had dreams where my Dad has died before and they screwed me over for days :/ I'm not getting any help right now, I really should, I need to go to the GP but I'm scared to, to be honest.

    *(He's in Afghanistan atm, until September)
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    It's mainly biscuits... :o: I have no fruit in the house - my Dad was the only one who ate it, so my Mum doesn't buy it any more.*

    Err, the riding bit has, it wasn't so enjoyable back then though :p: I think that came up because I was talking to my friend about how hard it is to get back into right now... When my Dad left, there was a **** up with the flight, so he came home about 4 hours later and stayed the morning with us until he flew out again. I won't be able to speak to him this week as he's moved camps I can email, but again I won't get a reply for days. I don't tell many people in my life about my dreams, one of my friends knows about them but I haven't told him this one, seems stupid. I've had dreams where my Dad has died before and they screwed me over for days :/ I'm not getting any help right now, I really should, I need to go to the GP but I'm scared to, to be honest.

    *(He's in Afghanistan atm, until September)
    Ahh I have a weakness for biscuits too! It might not work for you but sometimes I drink a lot of water in one go, and sometimes that curbs the urges to eat for a while.

    That's a shame that you can't get back into horse-riding it seems like it'd be something you'd enjoy and could help your depression.

    It makes more sense now that I know your dad isn't around, I know a lot of people are affected in similar ways when they have close people in wars etc. You could e-mail him, at least you would get some reply before seeing him, and once you've sent it you might feel a little better.

    As for the doctors, maybe you could write everything down if you think that saying it would be a lot more difficult? That's what I do a lot of the time.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Hugs :hugs:

    :hugs: for all

    I feel like ****. Eating is going badly - I just stuff my face with crap. Not good. Bad me. Grr. I'm trying to work out whether I can 'afford' to have anything at work later, it's not looking likely.

    Had a horrible dream again last night... I first off dreamt that I was riding an old pony I used to look after, he kept tanking off with me but I dealt with it, I even enjoyed it. Then my Dad came home and told us that he wasn't in the RAF any more - I was so happy until he said that it's because he had cancer and couldn't continue. At a few points I remember thinking 'I must be dreaming, this isn't real' but it felt so real. Gah.
    :hugs: Try to ignore the eating - at least you're getting enough food, not eating enough will make you feel like crap. You're probably also exaggerating to yourself how much you're eating (I say this because of the "'afford'").

    :hugs: Having a parent in the forces sucks, but they can't work forever and they can't stay away forever. :console: I had a similar dream last night, but my Dad's only away for a week or so. :jumphug:

    Just out of interest, are you on antidepressants? They can cause quite vivid dreams apparently. I know since starting on them I haven't had a dream that I didn't wake up from thinking it was real.
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Part of me thinks that it's okay to 'waste a day' because after all it is the Summer, but then I keep reminding myself that I should be enjoying myself and getting refreshed to deal with things in August when I get my ****** results.

    Then I also think, if by an amazing miracle, I do get into university, how am I going to cope? If I can't drag myself out of bed to do something for leisure, how will I be able to do my degree course!?

    *headdesk*

    Let's try and be useful instead of rambling...
    How about you have a shower or go for a quick walk?
    I sound so hypocritical right now :|
    I'm not in the mood for a shower right now and my parents start to ask questions if I randomly go out late in the afternoon, if I tell them I want to go for a walk they just tell me not to be stupid and ask rhetorically "why do you want to that for?" Sorry I just pulled down your suggestions for me :p:

    I'm sure you'll be motivated when you get to university, you'll be happy when you get the results you need for your firm or insurance and you'll have a totally fresh start.

    Normally I listen to my favorite calming music when I feel like this, some of it makes me cry in both good and bad ways. Maybe this would work for you?
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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    I'm not in the mood for a shower right now and my parents start to ask questions if I randomly go out late in the afternoon, if I tell them I want to go for a walk they just tell me not to be stupid and ask rhetorically "why do you want to that for?" Sorry I just pulled down your suggestions for me :p:

    I'm sure you'll be motivated when you get to university, you'll be happy when you get the results you need for your firm or insurance and you'll have a totally fresh start.

    Normally I listen to my favorite calming music when I feel like this, some of it makes me cry in both good and bad ways. Maybe this would work for you?
    Don't worry about pulling my suggestions down, my parents would do the same, especially as it's raining here.

    I really hope you're right about getting motivated, I need to get my motivation back, I lost it about half way through AS level...

    I could listen to music but I'd need to something else with it, I could lie on my bed, but I've been here all day. I think I'm going insane though as I just made myself smile by using a really cheesy pun in another thread - I need a life lol
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Don't worry about pulling my suggestions down, my parents would do the same, especially as it's raining here.

    I really hope you're right about getting motivated, I need to get my motivation back, I lost it about half way through AS level...

    I could listen to music but I'd need to something else with it, I could lie on my bed, but I've been here all day. I think I'm going insane though as I just made myself smile by using a really cheesy pun in another thread - I need a life lol
    Yeah it's raining here too. I like to open the window and watch the ran while reading and listening to music, it gives me a few things to do at least.

    Ha, I think I''m going insane on here too! I answer all the threads on 'what A-levels/GCSEs should I choose' that people post, I like helping people like that, but I really need a life too, I can spend all day on TSR! You smiled by posting, that's a good thing

    Is there anything you really want to be in the future? I really want to be a secondary school teacher, so I think of that and how good it will be when I'm depressed, even though it's five years away.
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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    Yeah it's raining here too. I like to open the window and watch the ran while reading and listening to music, it gives me a few things to do at least.

    Ha, I think I''m going insane on here too! I answer all the threads on 'what A-levels/GCSEs should I choose' that people post, I like helping people like that, but I really need a life too, I can spend all day on TSR! You smiled by posting, that's a good thing

    Is there anything you really want to be in the future? I really want to be a secondary school teacher, so I think of that and how good it will be when I'm depressed, even though it's five years away.
    :eek: I didn't get told that you had quoted me!
    Oh I love watching the rain, but sadly, here it's just spitting, so it's not even good rain to watch.

    Ahh I never know what to say on those threads, to be fair I don't even read them... I need to start posting more. I spend all day on here, TSR and RYL (support site). Yeah, me and this other poster were seeing who could come up with the most puns...

    Yeah I want to teach GCSE/A-level kids but if my year in France puts me off then I might go into speech therapy, I imagine the future to be great, but if this depression is still here then I doubt it!
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    :eek: I didn't get told that you had quoted me!
    Oh I love watching the rain, but sadly, here it's just spitting, so it's not even good rain to watch.

    Ahh I never know what to say on those threads, to be fair I don't even read them... I need to start posting more. I spend all day on here, TSR and RYL (support site). Yeah, me and this other poster were seeing who could come up with the most puns...

    Yeah I want to teach GCSE/A-level kids but if my year in France puts me off then I might go into speech therapy, I imagine the future to be great, but if this depression is still here then I doubt it!
    It's been doing the quote thing to me all day too! if I get out off teaching for some obscure reason then I'll go into biology research. Speech therapy sounds like a really selfless thing to do, you live to make other peoples' lives better that might be feeling like you do right now,

    I'm checking out RYL now, thanks for mentioning it Puns are fun, wish I could think of some

    Wow a year in France would cheer me up right now, and I assume you're getting work experience from it too? That's gotta be something to look forward too.
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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    It's been doing the quote thing to me all day too! if I get out off teaching for some obscure reason then I'll go into biology research. Speech therapy sounds like a really selfless thing to do, you live to make other peoples' lives better that might be feeling like you do right now,

    I'm checking out RYL now, thanks for mentioning it Puns are fun, wish I could think of some

    Wow a year in France would cheer me up right now, and I assume you're getting work experience from it too? That's gotta be something to look forward too.
    Most of the time it's worked for me.
    Yeah I've always wanted to help people, I originally wanted to go into psychology, but A2 psychology has killed me, so I'm doing French and linguistics at degree, hence speech therapy.
    If you went into biology research, what would you do?

    S'alright, anytime! I've been around RYL for 3+ years now. It's pretty good, although there are some *****y people on there, but you get that everywhere.

    France is going to be scary, I'm being dumped in France alone and expected to look after myself. Yeah I'll be going over there as a teaching assisstant, I'm looking forward to it, but it's so scary. But I agree, a holiday in France right now would be amazing.
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Most of the time it's worked for me.
    Yeah I've always wanted to help people, I originally wanted to go into psychology, but A2 psychology has killed me, so I'm doing French and linguistics at degree, hence speech therapy.
    If you went into biology research, what would you do?

    S'alright, anytime! I've been around RYL for 3+ years now. It's pretty good, although there are some *****y people on there, but you get that everywhere.

    France is going to be scary, I'm being dumped in France alone and expected to look after myself. Yeah I'll be going over there as a teaching assisstant, I'm looking forward to it, but it's so scary. But I agree, a holiday in France right now would be amazing.
    I've always wanted to help people too. If I went into biology research I would research the cures for incurable diseases for others, and the route to immortality for myself

    I'm going to join RYL right now

    Do you not even get planned accommodation or routine? That would be scary! I'd imagine it would be fun though, what subject will you be teaching?
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    Oooh that sounds great, far too complicated and difficult for me.
    Yay, I hope you're welcome there.
    I'm not sure about accommodation, we've had French assisstants come over here and they've been given a bit of accommodation to shelter them, but they've had to find their own afterwards. I'll be teaching them English, I'm hoping they will be our age, it'll be so much easier!
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Oooh that sounds great, far too complicated and difficult for me.
    Yay, I hope you're welcome there.
    I'm not sure about accommodation, we've had French assisstants come over here and they've been given a bit of accommodation to shelter them, but they've had to find their own afterwards. I'll be teaching them English, I'm hoping they will be our age, it'll be so much easier!
    Wow you're going to teach them English, I think that's really great! I think that teaching kids new languages, especially English is a fantastic thing to do. Our age would be much easier than younger people who might not listen as much I hope you get somewhere nice to live
 
 
 
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