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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    Wow you're going to teach them English, I think that's really great! I think that teaching kids new languages, especially English is a fantastic thing to do. Our age would be much easier than younger people who might not listen as much I hope you get somewhere nice to live
    Yeah at least with A-level kids they want to do that subject and aren;t too young so you can relate to them more easily. I love languages, they're my passion. Thank-you me too.
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    Let go of the steering wheel and accelerated, bottled it at the last second, how I did not slam into the barrier I really do not know, dunno if to feel happy or sad that I didn't.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Let go of the steering wheel and accelerated, bottled it at the last second, how I did not slam into the barrier I really do not know, dunno if to feel happy or sad that I didn't.
    happt that you didn't, would be rubbish not having you around.
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    "Everything is so ****, I really can't see the point in anything, it's all so ******* ****."
    took the words right out of my mouth

    :hugs:

    mehhhhh
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    :cry:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :cry:
    Whats up?
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Whats up?
    Lots of stuff. But everything I was using to distract myself is either boring or not working :nothing:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Lots of stuff. But everything I was using to distract myself is either boring or not working http://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/i...es/nothing.gif
    :hugs: Not even films and TV? I'm having one of those days too... How are things?

    I haven't been on here in ages. How is everyone?
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    It's weird, I've been feeling ok for a while: concentrated on getting help, got my essays in, found a couple of part-time jobs, new house, etc - then suddenly I just feel like bashing my head against a wall again :s Keep crying over nothing. It might just be hormones though: I seem to become virtually suicidally depressed for a week and a half of every month... sorry, I know it's rubbish to moan about this and that i should just be grateful that I don't always feel that way anymore - but I hate it when it hits me that life is utterly pointless etc
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    :hugs: Not even films and TV? I'm having one of those days too... How are things?

    I haven't been on here in ages. How is everyone?
    No. I was going to watch the latest episodes of a few TV shows I'm watching, but I couldn't get them to load properly so gave up. I have chocolate now so that totally makes up for not having anything to do.

    I thought I was doing fine until today. Today just pointed out to me that I'm not healthy/happy.

    :hugs: Have you mentioned that to your doctor? They might be able to help.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Try to ignore the eating - at least you're getting enough food, not eating enough will make you feel like crap. You're probably also exaggerating to yourself how much you're eating (I say this because of the "'afford'").

    :hugs: Having a parent in the forces sucks, but they can't work forever and they can't stay away forever. :console: I had a similar dream last night, but my Dad's only away for a week or so. :jumphug:

    Just out of interest, are you on antidepressants? They can cause quite vivid dreams apparently. I know since starting on them I haven't had a dream that I didn't wake up from thinking it was real.
    A friend from work offered to drive me home so I had a panini and chocolate waffle... Healthy :/

    Nope, not on anything, not seeing anyone, I've always had vivid dreams but when I'm upset, stressed or it's near 'that' time of the month, they get a lot worse. Hmm.

    Wonder what fun I'll get tonight. I need to go to sleep now as I'm being picked up for shopping with a friend at 11, but for the last week I've not been able to get up before half 11 each day. Hmm.
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    Ahh I have a weakness for biscuits too! It might not work for you but sometimes I drink a lot of water in one go, and sometimes that curbs the urges to eat for a while.

    That's a shame that you can't get back into horse-riding it seems like it'd be something you'd enjoy and could help your depression.

    It makes more sense now that I know your dad isn't around, I know a lot of people are affected in similar ways when they have close people in wars etc. You could e-mail him, at least you would get some reply before seeing him, and once you've sent it you might feel a little better.

    As for the doctors, maybe you could write everything down if you think that saying it would be a lot more difficult? That's what I do a lot of the time.
    I try that sometimes, I just end up feeling ill from bolting water :o:

    I'd love to get back into it - I'm going to when I get to uni. I have some strange idea that when I get to uni everything will be so much easier and I'll do all these wonderful things and have so much fun and finally understand myself - who am I kidding? :rolleyes:

    I think I've burnt my bridges well and truly with my doctors surgery tbh.
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    I ******* hate my irrational mind!! :bawling:
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    I was crying again last night, haven't cried since exams finished. I'm dreading the thought of final year. I know it's going to be tough, there's so much pressure. Last year there was 5 and 6 exams per semester, it was overwhelming.
    Inactivity doesn't help. I need something else to think about. And I just ate a whole pack of M&S peppermint creams. So much for getting healthy this summer.
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    (Original post by dappleddawndrawndauphin)
    It's weird, I've been feeling ok for a while: concentrated on getting help, got my essays in, found a couple of part-time jobs, new house, etc - then suddenly I just feel like bashing my head against a wall again :s Keep crying over nothing. It might just be hormones though: I seem to become virtually suicidally depressed for a week and a half of every month... sorry, I know it's rubbish to moan about this and that i should just be grateful that I don't always feel that way anymore - but I hate it when it hits me that life is utterly pointless etc
    :console:

    The cycling from normal to depressive sounds like bipolar disorder. Maybe you should go see your GP?
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    Argh **** I really do not know what to do.

    I am mentally self destructing.
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    Okay... Where to start. I have to get this out, or it'll stay in my head for days.

    - Right now, I'd say I'm depressed. This is not normal. I can't stand it. I don't see a point in life. I am definitely at the worst I've been
    - My eating disorder's rearing it's ugly head again and I hate that
    - I'm blowing off social events because I can't deal with them (and it means getting showered, wearing something other than my comfy clothes, pretending to not hate everything etc)
    - I'm starting to get paranoid. Today I had to carry a knife with me whilst I checked the garage because of odd sounds. It was just rain. I'm constantly checking the room for things there. I know deep down nothing's there but I still check (I'm guessing this is an anxiety thing)
    - I have no talents, I've got nothing to offer. At best I'm mediocre at everything I try.
    - I'm lazy and never learn from my mistakes
    - I have said and done horrible things that I wish I could take back and I regularly feel guilty about them, even though they were a long time ago and I'm a different person now

    There's more but that's all of the unloading I can do right now.

    EDIT: These pills aren't going to magically sort out that and everything else on their own but I got a letter today about talking therapy basically saying 'We have no room, wait some more'.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Who are 'they'? Tbh I don't think there is anyone trying to mess with you, things go wrong for everyone all the time and its just unlucky.
    Everyday people crash their cars, get burgled, lose their jobs, bump into people they dont want to see, lose things, burn their dinner, get their electricity turned off etc.

    Maybe lots of things are going wrong for you but it's extremely unlikely to be because anyone's working against you. Perhaps it just shows that you're relying on a few things too much, so if your shins hurt or game doesnt work, it affects you too much?
    that's entirely my point, yes everyone has things go wrong but it's impossible for so many things to go wrong every single day. Another universe appearing out of nothing and another solar system with planets capable of having life grow on them is more likely. That's how completely massively hugely unlikely all this is. But I'm a realist so I realize it's clearly not because the chance is too tiny for this to not be these people intentionally ******* with me. I agree with you that these things affect me too much, but the problem is right now I enjoy nothing so of course when I find something which makes my life marginally less bad I'm going to get annoyed when they snatch it away from me. That just shows it even more. I've tried so many things to stop feeling so **** but nothing much works and the things that do work they have to **** up to stop me from doing them.



    So confused right now I can't really think about anything except them, keep seeing them and they're even ******* with my dreams. I have no one to talk to my friend forbid me from talking about them, yet I don't get how they don't see what these people are doing! The past few days have shown me absolutely that those "doctors" were liars and getting paid to lie to me this is not coincidence or chance no way. My ears are still agony and even worse this pain is NOT healthy and fine!! and those ******* drugs, and that test it was just to work me out to annoy me more I shouldn't have done it or at least not truthfully. I hate them but more I hate myself for falling into it and not stopping them sooner. I'm gonig to work out how but don't know yet. ******* angry so much them and me and all the other people.
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    I mainly just lurk here, but I hope you're all getting on OK. It's scary how a lot of labels people seem to be labelling themselves with here, I could definitely apply to myself as well. And it's genuinely believing them, too - not just passing thoughts. I don't know how I can be expected to get rid of them when it's all I've ever known. I feel like I just wasted away my teen years having all these thoughts, but I guess that's the time you're 'finding yourself' anyway.

    I've got my first high intensity appointment with a therapist today at 2pm. I'm quite cynical about it all because I can't see it helping much, but I guess that's the wrong attitude to have - at least it's a start. But I'm dreading it.
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    I think i'm going crazy and my thoughts are starting to become unhealthy. Basically, I've never had the life that I wanted (not that I'm crying out to be spoiled or anything like but my life has never been normal or even average, there's always lots of giant problems and inadequacies and pain that I won't go into detail right now). I want to be a scientist and really I want to invent cloning and eternal life, so I can go back to being a child with a normal/basically perfect life that I never had, with no memories of this life through some new scientific method I'm want to invent in the future.

    I keep thinking of how good it will be but am I going mad? I'm basically trying to live this new life in my head (if it ever happens) instead of my current life (which to be honest I don't really mind at the moment). Am I crazy/deluded/mental etc? It feels like I am.
 
 
 
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