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    (Original post by Duckzilla)
    I think i'm going crazy and my thoughts are starting to become unhealthy. Basically, I've never had the life that I wanted (not that I'm crying out to be spoiled or anything like but my life has never been normal or even average, there's always lots of giant problems and inadequacies and pain that I won't go into detail right now). I want to be a scientist and really I want to invent cloning and eternal life, so I can go back to being a child with a normal/basically perfect life that I never had, with no memories of this life through some new scientific method I'm want to invent in the future.

    I keep thinking of how good it will be but am I going mad? I'm basically trying to live this new life in my head (if it ever happens) instead of my current life (which to be honest I don't really mind at the moment). Am I crazy/deluded/mental etc? It feels like I am.
    No it seems logical but you need to put it into context of your life now. Such a scientific feat any scientist has such a small chance of cracking alone, along with all the ethical and moral ******** you get in todays society.

    While it's great to have direction and know where your going, you need to try live your life now, and do the things you need for later on to reach your goal, good grades to get the right options later on etc...
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    that's entirely my point, yes everyone has things go wrong but it's impossible for so many things to go wrong every single day. Another universe appearing out of nothing and another solar system with planets capable of having life grow on them is more likely. That's how completely massively hugely unlikely all this is. But I'm a realist so I realize it's clearly not because the chance is too tiny for this to not be these people intentionally ******* with me. I agree with you that these things affect me too much, but the problem is right now I enjoy nothing so of course when I find something which makes my life marginally less bad I'm going to get annoyed when they snatch it away from me. That just shows it even more. I've tried so many things to stop feeling so **** but nothing much works and the things that do work they have to **** up to stop me from doing them.



    So confused right now I can't really think about anything except them, keep seeing them and they're even ******* with my dreams. I have no one to talk to my friend forbid me from talking about them, yet I don't get how they don't see what these people are doing! The past few days have shown me absolutely that those "doctors" were liars and getting paid to lie to me this is not coincidence or chance no way. My ears are still agony and even worse this pain is NOT healthy and fine!! and those ******* drugs, and that test it was just to work me out to annoy me more I shouldn't have done it or at least not truthfully. I hate them but more I hate myself for falling into it and not stopping them sooner. I'm gonig to work out how but don't know yet. ******* angry so much them and me and all the other people.
    :hugs: I'm going to be totally honest: what you're writing isn't healthy, you need to go back to the doctor and say what you've said here and also get them to check your ears again. I know sometimes it can seem like the entire world's against you, but that's just your viewpoint and not fact. Did you feel like this when you were on those pills? If not maybe ask to try some different ones (explain that you didn't like the weight gain side effects).

    :jumphug: You do not deserve to feel like this but the only way to stop it is to see your doctor.
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    I'm going to sit and read my horror story and hope that it takes my mind off the fact that I just can't cope with life right now.
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    Any experiences of taking the atypical antipsychotic risperidone? My new psychiatrist wants me to start on it asap, but I'm feeling very reluctant. Can't be doing with all the nasty side effects plus the other things... olanzapine when I was on it made me too lethargic, gave me hypotension and affected my concentration too much. Need to make my mind up about it by friday as they're coming to my house to check up on me.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Okay... Where to start. I have to get this out, or it'll stay in my head for days.

    - Right now, I'd say I'm depressed. This is not normal. I can't stand it. I don't see a point in life. I am definitely at the worst I've been
    - My eating disorder's rearing it's ugly head again and I hate that
    - I'm blowing off social events because I can't deal with them (and it means getting showered, wearing something other than my comfy clothes, pretending to not hate everything etc)
    - I'm starting to get paranoid. Today I had to carry a knife with me whilst I checked the garage because of odd sounds. It was just rain. I'm constantly checking the room for things there. I know deep down nothing's there but I still check (I'm guessing this is an anxiety thing)
    - I have no talents, I've got nothing to offer. At best I'm mediocre at everything I try.
    - I'm lazy and never learn from my mistakes
    - I have said and done horrible things that I wish I could take back and I regularly feel guilty about them, even though they were a long time ago and I'm a different person now

    There's more but that's all of the unloading I can do right now.

    EDIT: These pills aren't going to magically sort out that and everything else on their own but I got a letter today about talking therapy basically saying 'We have no room, wait some more'.
    Aww :console: no-one is perfect we wish we didn't do but we learn from our mistakes. It seems like you've done this so dont be so hard on yourself. I really think you should try your very best to push yourself and go out with some of your friends. You never know it might take your mind of things and you might enjoy yourself . It might seem like a lot of effort but give yourself plenty of time to get ready.

    Hope you feel better
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Any experiences of taking the atypical antipsychotic risperidone? My new psychiatrist wants me to start on it asap, but I'm feeling very reluctant. Can't be doing with all the nasty side effects plus the other things... olanzapine when I was on it made me too lethargic, gave me hypotension and affected my concentration too much. Need to make my mind up about it by friday as they're coming to my house to check up on me.
    My mum takes it, would not recommend.

    She sleeps less than I do and I average about 3 hours a night, she does this weird humming thing... though that could be her condition, and she cant lose any weight on them. Also are an extreme ******* to come off from when she tried, she stopped them straight away which I know your not suppost to do and she started seeing evil things in pictures and ended up having to be sectioned. But even now just lowering the dose slowly its been like 6 months and she is still on a mild dosage trying to get off them. There are more but these are off the top of my head.

    They affect people in different ways but after seeing her having them, I would never ever take them. It is what has put me off antidepressants/psychotic or any drug in that area full stop. So if they effect different people differently then its up to you.
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    I feel like just breaking down. I'm too weak for life. :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I try that sometimes, I just end up feeling ill from bolting water :o:

    I'd love to get back into it - I'm going to when I get to uni. I have some strange idea that when I get to uni everything will be so much easier and I'll do all these wonderful things and have so much fun and finally understand myself - who am I kidding? :rolleyes:

    I think I've burnt my bridges well and truly with my doctors surgery tbh.
    No need to feel :o: I've felt the same.

    It's good that you see university as an opportunity to do this like this, I see university completely differently to how things will actually be.

    Could you maybe try a different surgery? You're more than within your rights to move.

    Well, I've just spent day 3 in bed... I thought I was getting better? Seems not.
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    (Original post by Justeen910)
    No need to feel :o: I've felt the same.

    It's good that you see university as an opportunity to do this like this, I see university completely differently to how things will actually be.

    Could you maybe try a different surgery? You're more than within your rights to move.

    Well, I've just spent day 3 in bed... I thought I was getting better? Seems not.
    I have no idea where the other surgeries are. I liked the doctor I had, she was lovely, but I've messed them around too much now.

    Mmm :hugs:
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    My mum takes it, would not recommend.

    She sleeps less than I do and I average about 3 hours a night, she does this weird humming thing... though that could be her condition, and she cant lose any weight on them. Also are an extreme ******* to come off from when she tried, she stopped them straight away which I know your not suppost to do and she started seeing evil things in pictures and ended up having to be sectioned. But even now just lowering the dose slowly its been like 6 months and she is still on a mild dosage trying to get off them. There are more but these are off the top of my head.

    They affect people in different ways but after seeing her having them, I would never ever take them. It is what has put me off antidepressants/psychotic or any drug in that area full stop. So if they effect different people differently then its up to you.
    I heard that insomnia is a common side effect, which has made me pretty reluctant. Usually takes me 3-4 hours from getting into bed until I eventually fall asleep anyway as my visual symptoms go crazy at night usually see people in my room hear them as well. So if it worsens insomnia I imagine that would be unbearable in its self.

    The evil things in pictures though is probably part of her condition rather than the medication, before I took olanzapine I used to see names in things everything from creases in clothes to the way clouds moved across the sky and thought they were warnings about people who were going to be killed and replaced. Like a hit list or something. Scary shizz. That hasn't returned since stopping olanzapine but other visual stuff is back.

    Sorry to hear your mum got sectioned though, traumatic when that happens.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I have no idea where the other surgeries are. I liked the doctor I had, she was lovely, but I've messed them around too much now.

    Mmm :hugs:
    Could you get someone to go with you maybe?
    I'm sure they'll welcome you, it's their job after all.
    How about looking on Google?

    :hugs: back
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    I heard that insomnia is a common side effect, which has made me pretty reluctant. Usually takes me 3-4 hours from getting into bed until I eventually fall asleep anyway as my visual symptoms go crazy at night usually see people in my room hear them as well. So if it worsens insomnia I imagine that would be unbearable in its self.

    The evil things in pictures though is probably part of her condition rather than the medication, before I took olanzapine I used to see names in things everything from creases in clothes to the way clouds moved across the sky and thought they were warnings about people who were going to be killed and replaced. Like a hit list or something. Scary shizz. That hasn't returned since stopping olanzapine but other visual stuff is back.

    Sorry to hear your mum got sectioned though, traumatic when that happens.

    I don't know, I knew her before she went on them and while she thought people at work were out to get her etc.. She was nothing compared to what she was when she stopped taking them, she tried to attack me because she thought I was laughing at her when she wasn't looking, when all I had done is walk up the stairs listening to my music.

    If you start them I would seriously watch your weight, she is a stone heavier than me and I eat far more. Shes also goes running etc.. but she just cannot get any weight off and if she eats like me for any period of time her weight increases retardly.

    But you might find you get none of that, I am just being honest.
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    Are you allowed to drink on fluoxetine?

    I have to get up by about 9am tomorrow for a psychiatrist appointment. I might get a few hours, wake up and go and come home and sleep - I don't think changing my sleep pattern on one night is going to happen.

    I've been exhausted all day :yawn:
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    A friend emailed me a couple of days ago and I'm finding it impossible to think of anything to write back. Her life is going perfectly - she's graduated with a first, she's been travelling and had an amazing time, she's going on to do a masters... I'm really happy for her, but I don't know what to say back - I've been nowhere, done nothing, my life is completely empty. But I have to write back something cos I've lost half my friends down to my depression already and I don't want to lose her too. I just feel completely cut off from her and the entire world.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Are you allowed to drink on fluoxetine?

    I have to get up by about 9am tomorrow for a psychiatrist appointment. I might get a few hours, wake up and go and come home and sleep - I don't think changing my sleep pattern on one night is going to happen.

    I've been exhausted all day :yawn:
    you're not really meant to drink with it but I dont think it makes much difference. Though personally I never drank while taking it, probably because it made me feel so awful. I have drunk on citalopram which has been fine.

    Good luck with your appointment. I have my first CMHT appointment on friday. I'm really not looking forward to it even though I've seen a psychiatrist before.

    I had been quite well for about 10 days and today I just crashed. Depression properly slows me down and tires me out. I really dont think it is a problem with how I think, its biological.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    A friend emailed me a couple of days ago and I'm finding it impossible to think of anything to write back. Her life is going perfectly - she's graduated with a first, she's been travelling and had an amazing time, she's going on to do a masters... I'm really happy for her, but I don't know what to say back - I've been nowhere, done nothing, my life is completely empty. But I have to write back something cos I've lost half my friends down to my depression already and I don't want to lose her too. I just feel completely cut off from her and the entire world.
    I think the only way you can really respond is honestly. She's obviously an intelligent girl so I'm sure she will respect what you tell her and be sympathetic.
    I've always kept myself to myself, so I know being really honest is not necessarily easy, but I think we all get to a stage where we have to admit to ourselves that what we're doing isn't really working for us and you have to take risks.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    ...
    Just saw your name on the home page, thought I'd say Hi.
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    you're not really meant to drink with it but I dont think it makes much difference. Though personally I never drank while taking it, probably because it made me feel so awful. I have drunk on citalopram which has been fine.

    Good luck with your appointment. I have my first CMHT appointment on friday. I'm really not looking forward to it even though I've seen a psychiatrist before.

    I had been quite well for about 10 days and today I just crashed. Depression properly slows me down and tires me out. I really dont think it is a problem with how I think, its biological.
    I drank anyway :teehee:

    Thanks good luck to you too - I'm sure it'll be fine though! :hugs:

    :hugs: Yeah it seems to do the same to me.
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    (Original post by mc_watson87)
    Just saw your name on the home page, thought I'd say Hi.
    Hmm cringe :p:
    How're you doing? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Hmm cringe :p:
    How're you doing? :hugs:
    I'm good cheers, trying to figure out wat to do with my life now that i've finished uni! :eek:

    How about you?
 
 
 
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