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    I'm already panicking about failing uni; I haven't even started yet.
    I'll be working 5-9pm every mon-fri and doing voluntary work at the weekend (this I'm not so worried about as I guess I can pack it in whenever I want). I've never been able to focus on work and always started the academic year with good intentions...to find that everything goes to **** around christmas time.

    I'm just hoping that fear of failing and messing up my future will keep me motivated for the next 3/4 years...I don't know what else will otherwise.
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    Feeling extremely low this evening. Have totally binge eaten today and feel like the most worthless piece of flesh ever. I just want to walk into the dakrness of the night and never return and just walk forever. This body is an imperfect vesselthat I no longer wish to be in, I want to escape this all, everything, life is so awful. I'm trying to hid the fact my eyes are watering like hell at the moment. I try so hard to make things easier, to make you happy I REALLY DO TRY. What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to someone in my life to live in this hell every day. I'm sick of being made to feel like an inferior human being just cus I haven't got a job, even though I am. I know I'm **** but I do try to do stuff round the house/sort everything else out to make up for it. I just feel like drowning for real, cus thats how I feel all the time.
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    So I thought I was over my fear of sleep. I'm not. Guess I'll be spending the next 10 hours or so watching Buffy DVDs again. I've almost finished the boxset, but that's my fault for starting at season 4...

    I'm also in a very bingey mood, but at the same time don't have an appetite. Even I don't understand that. :erm:

    How is everyone? :hugs:
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    (Original post by sauce)
    Feeling extremely low this evening. Have totally binge eaten today and feel like the most worthless piece of flesh ever. I just want to walk into the dakrness of the night and never return and just walk forever. This body is an imperfect vesselthat I no longer wish to be in, I want to escape this all, everything, life is so awful. I'm trying to hid the fact my eyes are watering like hell at the moment. I try so hard to make things easier, to make you happy I REALLY DO TRY. What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to someone in my life to live in this hell every day. I'm sick of being made to feel like an inferior human being just cus I haven't got a job, even though I am. I know I'm **** but I do try to do stuff round the house/sort everything else out to make up for it. I just feel like drowning for real, cus thats how I feel all the time.
    :hugs: You are not inferior or worthless, don't let people or negative thoughts make you believe that - you are a valuable person with a kind heart, so don't ever believe that you are anything less :jumphug:
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    (Original post by Gez1990)
    I'm already panicking about failing uni; I haven't even started yet.
    I'll be working 5-9pm every mon-fri and doing voluntary work at the weekend (this I'm not so worried about as I guess I can pack it in whenever I want). I've never been able to focus on work and always started the academic year with good intentions...to find that everything goes to **** around christmas time.

    I'm just hoping that fear of failing and messing up my future will keep me motivated for the next 3/4 years...I don't know what else will otherwise.
    Probably seems like an obvious thing to say, but you just can't worry about it until you're there and have to deal with it, I guess. Only so much you can predict right now. But I'm sure you'll be fine!

    (Original post by sauce)
    Feeling extremely low this evening. Have totally binge eaten today and feel like the most worthless piece of flesh ever. I just want to walk into the dakrness of the night and never return and just walk forever. This body is an imperfect vesselthat I no longer wish to be in, I want to escape this all, everything, life is so awful. I'm trying to hid the fact my eyes are watering like hell at the moment. I try so hard to make things easier, to make you happy I REALLY DO TRY. What have I done to deserve this? What have I done to someone in my life to live in this hell every day. I'm sick of being made to feel like an inferior human being just cus I haven't got a job, even though I am. I know I'm **** but I do try to do stuff round the house/sort everything else out to make up for it. I just feel like drowning for real, cus thats how I feel all the time.
    Oh sauce

    It's strange, but I almost felt chills reading that because I feel so similar. It's also weird, but when I read other people writing stuff like that or thinking that they feel that way, I feel so bad and want to help in any way possible. But when I'm having the same views or it's me that needs help, I just crumble and don't know what to do. Probably because I prefer to do the helping, but I guess getting help can make me better at that? Meh.

    It probably sounds like worthless words to you now, but even though everyone says 'life's short', it is long enough for this all to change. There's no reason why you should feel like this forever. Lots of people don't have jobs for whatever reason, but can make themselves useful. Money is a massive issue but unless it's life-or-death, you're not in as bad a position as you would be if you had to search for food or something every day! I'm waffling, and I know it's all relative, but my point is that you clearly are being useful and not a waste of flesh by trying to help out etc. but sometimes it's difficult to see that when everything's clouded.

    It's escapism, but maybe stick on a film, some music, read something or even rest just to take your mind off things/stop the tears :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: You are not inferior or worthless, don't let people or negative thoughts make you believe that - you are a valuable person with a kind heart, so don't ever believe that you are anything less :jumphug:
    :hugs: you're very kind but you don't know me in real life, I have done some awful things but i'm not that person anymore I was a ****** little teenager but I just want my life to go okay for once.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    So I thought I was over my fear of sleep. I'm not. Guess I'll be spending the next 10 hours or so watching Buffy DVDs again. I've almost finished the boxset, but that's my fault for starting at season 4...

    I'm also in a very bingey mood, but at the same time don't have an appetite. Even I don't understand that. :erm:

    How is everyone? :hugs:
    I've been feeling so bored too, and the weird thing is that usually watching TV or stuff online used to cure that, but now it just makes me feel worse when I can't find anything there that interests me either. Just makes me think... wow, what actually IS my life right now?



    I've managed to binge eat today as well so feel like a fat lump on top of that. I'm considering just sleeping early, but sometimes that makes me feel pretty **** too. Good luck with getting through the boxset!
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    (Original post by sauce)
    :hugs: you're very kind but you don't know me in real life, I have done some awful things but i'm not that person anymore I was a ****** little teenager but I just want my life to go okay for once.
    Everyone's done awful things, we're all just human. And you say you're not that person any more - you've learnt from your mistakes and have moved on, so allow yourself to. :hugs: Things will pick up. They have to.
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    (Original post by sauce)
    :hugs: you're very kind but you don't know me in real life, I have done some awful things but i'm not that person anymore I was a ****** little teenager but I just want my life to go okay for once.
    I know this wasn't directed at me, but just wanted to point out that I've done stupid things too. We were just teenagers... it's almost like our teen years were made for messing up, learning and becoming responsible adults. It's all part of life. And the main thing is that you've grown/learned from it which is what should happen.
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    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    Probably seems like an obvious thing to say, but you just can't worry about it until you're there and have to deal with it, I guess. Only so much you can predict right now. But I'm sure you'll be fine!



    Oh sauce

    It's strange, but I almost felt chills reading that because I feel so similar. It's also weird, but when I read other people writing stuff like that or thinking that they feel that way, I feel so bad and want to help in any way possible. But when I'm having the same views or it's me that needs help, I just crumble and don't know what to do. Probably because I prefer to do the helping, but I guess getting help can make me better at that? Meh.

    It probably sounds like worthless words to you now, but even though everyone says 'life's short', it is long enough for this all to change. There's no reason why you should feel like this forever. Lots of people don't have jobs for whatever reason, but can make themselves useful. Money is a massive issue but unless it's life-or-death, you're not in as bad a position as you would be if you had to search for food or something every day! I'm waffling, and I know it's all relative, but my point is that you clearly are being useful and not a waste of flesh by trying to help out etc. but something it's difficult to see that when everything's clouded.

    It's escapism, but maybe stick on a film, some music, read something or even rest just to take your mind off things/stop the tears :hugs:
    I'm the same, hearing someone in pain makes me want to cry and I just want to help them so much but I can't ever help myself or see a solution for me and it's killing me. I just want to go to a GP at them and scream and cry at them to give me help, to make this pain inside go away, to somehow strip it out. Even though that's impossible.

    I care so little about money it's unreal, I just want to be able to live and have enough food so I don't die, but even that I don't care much about really. Also enougb space to run, and probably a bed to sleep in would help too. Everyone else is so materialistic though and put so much pressure on me and make me feel so awful.
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    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    I've been feeling so bored too, and the weird thing is that usually watching TV or stuff online used to cure that, but now it just makes me feel worse when I can't find anything there that interests me either. Just makes me think... wow, what actually IS my life right now?



    I've managed to binge eat today as well so feel like a fat lump on top of that. I'm considering just sleeping early, but sometimes that makes me feel pretty **** too. Good luck with getting through the boxset!
    :hugs: I kow what you mean. At the moment the only thing that's holding my interest is Buffy DVDs, and I only have about 30 hours of that left, which is nothing when you take into account that it's all I do when I'm awake. :erm:

    :hugs: Try to forget about it and just ignore it. :console:
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    Anyone gets offered quetiapine in the future? Don't take it. Seriously just refuse. Not as sedating as olanzapine but it messes your thoughts up badly (disconnects them) and makes your speech slurred. Dry mouth is intolerable, and so is the constant nausea. Going to tell my cpn I'm not going to take them, be fun to see how this turns out tomorrow. Whether they'll go ahead with their threat to section me.
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    (Original post by sauce)
    I'm the same, hearing someone in pain makes me want to cry and I just want to help them so much but I can't ever help myself or see a solution for me and it's killing me. I just want to go to a GP at them and scream and cry at them to give me help, to make this pain inside go away, to somehow strip it out. Even though that's impossible.

    I care so little about money it's unreal, I just want to be able to live and have enough food so I don't die, but even that I don't care much about really. Also enougb space to run, and probably a bed to sleep in would help too. Everyone else is so materialistic though and put so much pressure on me and make me feel so awful.
    Wow, I literally could have written all of that. At least there might be some comfort in knowing that others like us do exist out there. And that there is a chance things can get better.

    It's weird, but in a way, I'd rather be like this than like one of those materialistic people. I guess they're not bothered about being like that because they're in their little bubbles, but it makes life seem like much more of a joke than it needs to be.

    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: I kow what you mean. At the moment the only thing that's holding my interest is Buffy DVDs, and I only have about 30 hours of that left, which is nothing when you take into account that it's all I do when I'm awake. :erm:

    :hugs: Try to forget about it and just ignore it. :console:
    Thanks :hugs: I'll try... that's what I normally do, anyway. And then the cycle repeats. Ugh it's such a mess, tbh.
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Anyone gets offered quetiapine in the future? Don't take it. Seriously just refuse. Not as sedating as olanzapine but it messes your thoughts up badly (disconnects them) and makes your speech slurred. Dry mouth is intolerable, and so is the constant nausea. Going to tell my cpn I'm not going to take them, be fun to see how this turns out tomorrow. Whether they'll go ahead with their threat to section me.
    :hugs: Could they just be short-term side effects? Surely there's something else out there that won't be quite as much of a pain though? :console:
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    Exams tomorrow and tues and I'm really scared. And I'm not looking forward to them being over cause I dont want to drink and thats all everyone else will do so I'll just go home.
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Anyone gets offered quetiapine in the future? Don't take it. Seriously just refuse. Not as sedating as olanzapine but it messes your thoughts up badly (disconnects them) and makes your speech slurred. Dry mouth is intolerable, and so is the constant nausea. Going to tell my cpn I'm not going to take them, be fun to see how this turns out tomorrow. Whether they'll go ahead with their threat to section me.
    :console: I lasted all of one week on quetiapine before I refused to take it any more. If it gets to the point where you know they're definitely going to section you, maybe you should offer to go into hospital voluntarily - not exactly a pleasant option but better than the alternative. That or you could go on the lam...
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :console: I lasted all of one week on quetiapine before I refused to take it any more. If it gets to the point where you know they're definitely going to section you, maybe you should offer to go into hospital voluntarily - not exactly a pleasant option but better than the alternative. That or you could go on the lam...
    My mum has severe bipolar and when they threatened to section her she always volunteers before, it is a lot better and after a week or so you can visit home for a few hours a day.
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    :console: I lasted all of one week on quetiapine before I refused to take it any more. If it gets to the point where you know they're definitely going to section you, maybe you should offer to go into hospital voluntarily - not exactly a pleasant option but better than the alternative. That or you could go on the lam...
    Congrats for lasting a week, surprised anyone is willing to put up with such a nasty medication. I know exactly why the psych wanted me on it, because it's good at sedating people. But I don't want to be sedated, and I definitely ain't going to take it lying down.

    As for going in voluntarily rather than against my own will, what would one have to say. Hey ho I'm volunteering, don't section me unless you want this to kick off?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Could they just be short-term side effects? Surely there's something else out there that won't be quite as much of a pain though? :console:
    Short term, long term, it's all unbearable. Just so fed up of them poking and prodding at me, cpn after cpn, different doctor each month, try this med now this one.

    Not sure what's worse 'the illness' they say I have, or the medications they throw at me to treat it. So far it's tipping that medications are worse.
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    Short term, long term, it's all unbearable. Just so fed up of them poking and prodding at me, cpn after cpn, different doctor each month, try this med now this one.

    Not sure what's worse 'the illness' they say I have, or the medications they throw at me to treat it. So far it's tipping that medications are worse.
    :hugs: Maybe talk things through with the doctor and explain that you're finding the side effects unbearable? There has to be something else out there. :console:
 
 
 
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