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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I can't. It'll wake my Dad up, he'll yell at me for that and ask why the hell I'm eating at this hour and then give me a lecture about depression and routine and eating and sleeping. Urgh. :banghead: The food thing is making me just want to sleep though, so that's good.

    Oh, and as I've said: there's **** all unhealthy food in this house and if I'm gonna binge, I'm gonna binge on crap, not fruit. So I'd have to make it which would result in one of the following: me waking up a family member and getting yelled at, me giving myself food poisoning or me burning the house down (as very nearly happened today whilst making toast :facepalm:).

    Sleep looks so appealing right now.
    Go to sleep if you feel like it! And sounds like your an awesome cook


    (Original post by Laus)
    How is everyone tonight?
    Optimistic for tomorrow. How about yourself?
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Go to sleep if you feel like it! And sounds like your an awesome cook
    I'm not sure I do want to sleep :erm: Yay for phobias of sleep. I still don't understand it, but I just can't. Well I mean, I really don't want to and I can't anyway. :banghead:

    Haha, yes, yes I am I make a mean charcoaled bread dish. Actually, that was my mother, it was just me who continued to burn it and caused all of the smoke... :erm:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm not sure I do want to sleep :erm: Yay for phobias of sleep. I still don't understand it, but I just can't. Well I mean, I really don't want to and I can't anyway. :banghead:

    Haha, yes, yes I am I make a mean charcoaled bread dish. Actually, that was my mother, it was just me who continued to burn it and caused all of the smoke... :erm:
    Is it the getting into bed and closing your eyes or getting to sleep when you do? I have real issues actually turning the computer and TV off and deciding to actually go to sleep.

    I am guessing your doors are really creeky or the walls thin? I can run down the stairs and not wake anyone up, if anyone ever breaks in I wouldn't know until they opened my door.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Is it the getting into bed and closing your eyes or getting to sleep when you do? I have real issues actually turning the computer and TV off and deciding to actually go to sleep.

    I am guessing your doors are really creeky or the walls thin? I can run down the stairs and not wake anyone up, if anyone ever breaks in I wouldn't know until they opened my door.
    It's both. As someone suggested on here a little while back, it's probably a control thing - I don't want to seemingly give up control. And I'm going to drive myself crazy because of it

    The door makes a clunking sound when I open it, the stairs creek, there's another clunking door to get through downstairs, the fridge door squeaks - everything is noisy. That, and because of the job my Dad used to do, he wakes up at the smallest change in noise, light, hell even air pressure! It's not as bad as it used to be (he'd have been in here hours ago to get me to turn off the light, stop typing etc) but he'll still wake up if I leave my room. :sad:

    Urgh, sorry for rambling today. I'm in a very chatty mood and I'm chatting about ****.
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    if you don't mind me asking, what do you feel you are giving up control of? consciousness?
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    (Original post by beecher)
    if you don't mind me asking, what do you feel you are giving up control of? consciousness?
    How would I know? I barely understand what my previous control issues were about - I was never really in control until I got help. Like now, I'm not in control by listening to whatever it is that's making me afraid of sleep - my messed up head is in control, not me. Urgh, sorry for the rant.

    If you don't mind me asking, what were you referring to earlier about self medicating?
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    I can't sleep either. I feel quite morose and very sad for someone.

    Just discovered this song - http://www.philipselway.com/music/ What do you guys think of it?
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    Don't apologise, my question was probably insensitive.

    As for me. Well, I've been having a few slight panic attacks, and started turning to drugs to help me relax. I know, it just causes more problems without solving anything :/
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I can't. It'll wake my Dad up, he'll yell at me for that and ask why the hell I'm eating at this hour and then give me a lecture about depression and routine and eating and sleeping. Urgh. :banghead: The food thing is making me just want to sleep though, so that's good.

    Oh, and as I've said: there's **** all unhealthy food in this house and if I'm gonna binge, I'm gonna binge on crap, not fruit. So I'd have to make it which would result in one of the following: me waking up a family member and getting yelled at, me giving myself food poisoning or me burning the house down (as very nearly happened today whilst making toast :facepalm:).

    Sleep looks so appealing right now.
    Do you struggle with binge eating? I had anorexia for three years, then I put on a lot of weight because I binged, obsessively, particularly at night. I went from one extreme to the other (story of my life!). It has taken me a while to shift some of the weight but I no longer binge and I'm a lot happier in myself. I'm at that place where I'm neither slim nor fat, and I think it's a good place to be. I could probably do with losing some weight, and I'm going to, sensibly, but it's extremely liberating when you feel you don't have to binge anymore. I'd recommend really trying to kick the habit, if you do binge; you'll feel better for it. It won't happen straight away and you will have relapses, but eventually eating normally will become a healthy routine. Sorry if I've completely got the wrong end of the stick and you don't have a problem with binge-eating. Admittedly I haven't read everyone's previous posts.
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    (Original post by beecher)
    Don't apologise, my question was probably insensitive.

    As for me. Well, I've been having a few slight panic attacks, and started turning to drugs to help me relax. I know, it just causes more problems without solving anything :/
    No it wasn't, I was just thinking aloud. I don't understand any of this and I have no clue who anyone else could either. My head is one giant mess :sad:

    I've turned to alcohol before and even that's not the best idea. Are you getting any help for your panic attacks? When mine get really bad I either meditate or do yoga which I know probably sounds really hippyish, but it forces me to 1) concentrate on something else and 2) focus on breathing slowly and correctly. In most beginners' yoga videos, they'll even tell you when to breathe in and out - even that can help a little. Of course there's also medication (from your doctor! :p:) that could help.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    Do you struggle with binge eating? I had anorexia for three years, then I put on a lot of weight because I binged, obsessively, particularly at night. I went from one extreme to the other (story of my life!). It has taken me a while to shift some of the weight but I no longer binge and I'm a lot happier in myself. I'm at that place where I'm neither slim nor fat, and I think it's a good place to be. I could probably do with losing some weight, and I'm going to, sensibly, but it's extremely liberating when you feel you don't have to binge anymore. I'd recommend really trying to kick the habit, if you do binge; you'll feel better for it. It won't happen straight away and you will have relapses, but eventually eating normally will become a healthy routine. Sorry if I've completely got the wrong end of the stick and you don't have a problem with binge-eating. Admittedly I haven't read everyone's previous posts.
    I don't have a problem with binge eating, the only time I ever binge is when I've not been eating enough - sort of like my body trying to correct it I guess. That's probably what's happened as I've not been eating enough recently. That or my appetite decided to return at just the same time as I started feeling ****. :dontknow:

    I'm glad to hear that you're better now :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I don't have a problem with binge eating, the only time I ever binge is when I've not been eating enough - sort of like my body trying to correct it I guess. That's probably what's happened as I've not been eating enough recently. That or my appetite decided to return at just the same time as I started feeling ****. :dontknow:

    I'm glad to hear that you're better now :hugs:
    Ah ok, glad you don't have a problem. May be a good idea to eat regularly, though. Low blood sugar can play havoc with moods.

    Thanks! Took a while but I am much, much better! And I never thought I would get better.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    Ah ok, glad you don't have a problem. May be a good idea to eat regularly, though. Low blood sugar can play havoc with moods.

    Thanks! Took a while but I am much, much better! And I never thought I would get better.
    Yeah, I know, it's just such an effort. I know that sounds stupid but it's so draining just to chew food, let alone prepare it. And I'm pretty sure my mother would go mental and haul me back to my GP if I decided to live off meal replacement smoothies :teehee:

    That's what I thought about my eating disorder but I guess that's what it makes you think when in fact there are ways to do it :yep:

    Okay, I'm making less and less sense as the night goes on :yawn:

    ---

    EDIT: Time to face my fear and try to sleep :cry2:
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    5 hours to go :yay:

    Screw sleeping.
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    ahhhhhhh. sometimes those lovely thoughts go through my mind where i just hthink: god, i dont actually care if u hit me with cancer. just do it. save me the pain of this life.
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    my sleeping pattern is the worst ever knwon to man
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    Morning
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    Heyyyy don't be upset!

    How come your sleeping pattern is so messed up?
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    because i have no commitments nowt to do nowhere to go and i'm like a vampire/owl and that's just my reality' im that depressed i prefer staying up all night and sleeping all day

    anyone else like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghPcYqn0p4Y
 
 
 
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