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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Yeah, it's a horrible boat :dry:

    That sounds like a good idea :yep: I've had talking therapy before for another problem and have just started it for depression.
    Yes, a boat that feels like it's sinking

    I see... do you feel better for it? Is it better to try and get your feelings out in the open? I know I'd probably find it difficult to put them into words.

    Thank you to everyone else for your kind words :hugs: (I don't know how to get many quotes into one post!)
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    (Original post by VanillaCat)
    Yes, a boat that feels like it's sinking

    I see... do you feel better for it? Is it better to try and get your feelings out in the open? I know I'd probably find it difficult to put them into words.

    Thank you to everyone else for your kind words :hugs: (I don't know how to get many quotes into one post!)
    :hugs: Sometiems I find it so hard to express how I feel, as the pit I emotions running through my head feel simply indescribable!
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    I'm going back down again, I must fight this!
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    (Original post by sauce)
    :hugs: Sometiems I find it so hard to express how I feel, as the pit I emotions running through my head feel simply indescribable!
    Yes... and for that reason, I think I have lately been getting worse, as I struggle to tell people exactly what it is that that's the problem. Because I've had depression most of my life and I was denying it for so long, I would simply make excuses to my friends like "being around people makes me tired" and "I just can't be bothered to do anything anymore" - rather than simply saying "I have depression". They didn't seem to understand, and I just considered myself weird and stayed in my room a lot (which is lethal at first year of uni, I know - but if I dragged myself to a social situation, I just wanted to go to sleep within an hour or two of being there).

    I did okay in terms of grades in my first year, but I know I could have done so much better in certain classes. So much work was left to the last minute because I felt so drained and unmotivated all the time. I know that students are master procrastinators and all, but everyone else seemed to be leaving theirs because they were out partying or whatever.

    I haven't really spoken to any of my uni friends since term ended. We exchange quick messages on facebook, but nothing really good. It doesn't help that I live in the middle of the countryside (where I used to go to sixth form, I travelled in by train - and uni made me lose contact with my old friends anyway). My parents and siblings are out all day, so I am alone a lot. As you probably know, this is not good for a depressed person.
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    (Original post by VanillaCat)
    Yes... and for that reason, I think I have lately been getting worse, as I struggle to tell people exactly what it is that that's the problem. Because I've had depression most of my life and I was denying it for so long, I would simply make excuses to my friends like "being around people makes me tired" and "I just can't be bothered to do anything anymore" - rather than simply saying "I have depression". They didn't seem to understand, and I just considered myself weird and stayed in my room a lot (which is lethal at first year of uni, I know - but if I dragged myself to a social situation, I just wanted to go to sleep within an hour or two of being there).

    I did okay in terms of grades in my first year, but I know I could have done so much better in certain classes. So much work was left to the last minute because I felt so drained and unmotivated all the time. I know that students are master procrastinators and all, but everyone else seemed to be leaving theirs because they were out partying or whatever.

    I haven't really spoken to any of my uni friends since term ended. We exchange quick messages on facebook, but nothing really good. It doesn't help that I live in the middle of the countryside (where I used to go to sixth form, I travelled in by train - and uni made me lose contact with my old friends anyway). My parents and siblings are out all day, so I am alone a lot. As you probably know, this is not good for a depressed person.
    :hugs: what ohter interests do you have, or passions? :Partying isn't everyones cup of tea anyway and doesn tmake you wierd and depression can make partying something that doewsnt appeal even at the best of times Making friends is not easy, I have none atm and it is horrible and I am scared of being hurt if I make new ones.


    Had a kinda hour long little panic attack when I was out, was really hard to breathe and i was so hot.. :nothing:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I'm going back down again, I must fight this!
    :hugs: we are here if you need any more soldiers!
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    yeah, im not good either
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    (Original post by sauce)
    :hugs: we are here if you need any more soldiers!
    :hugs:

    I might have a rant later, see if that helps.
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    :hugs:

    I might have a rant later, see if that helps.
    It may do, or just write it out in a word document to vent it out and look back on later
    (Original post by Kaaatieee)
    yeah, im not good either
    What's up pet?
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    (Original post by sauce)
    :hugs: what ohter interests do you have, or passions? :Partying isn't everyones cup of tea anyway and doesn tmake you wierd and depression can make partying something that doewsnt appeal even at the best of times Making friends is not easy, I have none atm and it is horrible and I am scared of being hurt if I make new ones.


    Had a kinda hour long little panic attack when I was out, was really hard to breathe and i was so hot.. :nothing:

    I'm into languages a lot (studying French and German, and used to be keen on doing Russian on the side). But now, I just can't get myself to practise and be interested in the literature and stuff like I used to. Panicking a little because I am going to Berlin on a summer school soon, for 3 weeks - I love that city, but I'm worried I'll feel too crappy to make the most of it.

    When I'm around people I feel like they view me as this horrible freak who shouldn't be there - do you ever feel like that? I'm scared of making new friends in case I get hurt, too. Even though I'm keen to meet new people, in practice I just find it hard. I put on this cheerful face, but I'm scared when they find out that's the total opposite, they won't really like me.

    I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack - being new to this, I don't know whether they are common to you? Have you ever taken steps to try and prevent it? :hugs:

    I haven't even been out today - still in my pyjamas, just on TSR... can't be bothered.
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    :hugs:

    I might have a rant later, see if that helps.
    It may well do. Sometimes it helps to try and get it out in words - although I find that impossible very often.
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    (Original post by VanillaCat)
    I'm into languages a lot (studying French and German, and used to be keen on doing Russian on the side). But now, I just can't get myself to practise and be interested in the literature and stuff like I used to. Panicking a little because I am going to Berlin on a summer school soon, for 3 weeks - I love that city, but I'm worried I'll feel too crappy to make the most of it.

    When I'm around people I feel like they view me as this horrible freak who shouldn't be there - do you ever feel like that? I'm scared of making new friends in case I get hurt, too. Even though I'm keen to meet new people, in practice I just find it hard. I put on this cheerful face, but I'm scared when they find out that's the total opposite, they won't really like me.

    I'm sorry to hear about your panic attack - being new to this, I don't know whether they are common to you? Have you ever taken steps to try and prevent it? :hugs:

    I haven't even been out today - still in my pyjamas, just on TSR... can't be bothered.
    :hugs: If people don't realise people all have their little niggles, quirks and problems then they're obviously not of much substance and not really worth being a friend tbh.
    I can control them but there were so many people around getting in my way bumping into me cus the kids are broken up from school and I was just feeling tight in the chest and short of breath. I rarely get panic attacks but today I'm very stressed out and have been having a semi panic attack almost constantly! :p:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Yeah, and there's an anon thread about wanting to overcome anorexia from someone with the same stats :holmes:

    I know, but... Because I've lost weight recently, my ED is more active (if that makes sense), so if I'm not careful I could relapse and threads like that make me feel awful about myself.

    Possible ED trigger
    I've never told anyone before, but when I hear/read of people with anorexia that are the same height as me and got to a lower weight than me, not that I can even remember what I got to at my lowest, it makes me feel like I even failed at being anorexic, like all I've ever been is a fraud and a failure.
    ED/cutting stuff
    I think I get what you mean. I feel the same way about cutting. When I see someone who's got marks all over their arms... It makes me feel like I don't have a problem. Like my cutting is so insignificant compared to theirs...? But it's not. And neither is your ED - Think about it this way, you're stronger than them as you didn't let the ED take over your life to the same point. I don't think that makes sense. But meh.

    Cut again last night. He's gonna ******* kill me.


    I went out, had a decent night in the end but I think two of my guy mates might be getting a little bit too... close. They were having a competition to see who could give me the best massage and there was definitely a few of 'those' glances being shared amongst the group. Do. not. want. Both are lovely guys but I'm not looking for anything, certainly not just before I go to uni. R came in and swept me off my feet, I got burnt and it hurt but I got a good friend out of it, someone I can tell anything to. Who knows where that'll go when we go to uni but I hope we stay as close as we are atm. It's nice! But difficult sometimes. Argh. And he's definitely not going to be happy about last nights slip up. Bad me.

    Yay. Work. Yay.
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    Argh being alone is making me more and more paranoid (i think, i cant even tell) and over-analysising everything
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    Had a awful disturbed and disorientated sleep. Now fele very unwell to boot and all I can think is that if I don't feel better by tomorrow I'll let themself down by not going for a run :sad: *goes to get some :pepsi: max*
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    (Original post by sauce)
    I feel guilty for not at least lying awake in the dark with bf Cus when I stay up he stays up so I managed to get some sleep around 12-1 till 8 so Just come back from my run, eating some breakfast before popping out to the shops. I was gonna bike but I am low on energy today.
    Really hard swallowing this damn yoghurt this morning
    :hugs: It's good that you are eating and getting some sleep though, not getting enough of either of those is going to make you feel even crappier. And sounds like a nice bf you have there :yep:

    (Original post by VanillaCat)
    Yes, a boat that feels like it's sinking

    I see... do you feel better for it? Is it better to try and get your feelings out in the open? I know I'd probably find it difficult to put them into words.

    Thank you to everyone else for your kind words :hugs: (I don't know how to get many quotes into one post!)
    Urgh, I know.

    Yeah, the talking therapy I had for my eating disorder definitely helped - despite coming close to relapse yesterday because of the talking therapy I was eventually able to put into place the techniques etc that they taught me and so I'm fine again now. I also find it hard to put things into words, but whoever you have talking therapy with will be expecting that and will guide you at first whilst you get used to it.

    Oh, and about the still being in your PJs: So am I. Well, I've changed my top because my parents bought one for me on a trip away and it ironically says, "I'm up and dressed what more do you want?" :teehee:

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    ED/cutting stuff
    I think I get what you mean. I feel the same way about cutting. When I see someone who's got marks all over their arms... It makes me feel like I don't have a problem. Like my cutting is so insignificant compared to theirs...? But it's not. And neither is your ED - Think about it this way, you're stronger than them as you didn't let the ED take over your life to the same point. I don't think that makes sense. But meh.

    Cut again last night. He's gonna ******* kill me.


    I went out, had a decent night in the end but I think two of my guy mates might be getting a little bit too... close. They were having a competition to see who could give me the best massage and there was definitely a few of 'those' glances being shared amongst the group. Do. not. want. Both are lovely guys but I'm not looking for anything, certainly not just before I go to uni. R came in and swept me off my feet, I got burnt and it hurt but I got a good friend out of it, someone I can tell anything to. Who knows where that'll go when we go to uni but I hope we stay as close as we are atm. It's nice! But difficult sometimes. Argh. And he's definitely not going to be happy about last nights slip up. Bad me.

    Yay. Work. Yay.
    You're right, of course. :hugs:

    You slipped up, that's a normal part of getting better - you went ages without cutting, you can do that again, don't let one slip up make you feel that you can't. :console:

    It's great that you're both still friends and the fact that you have 2 guys after you, despite you not wanting anything right now, shows that you must be a lovely person :yep:

    ---

    Just got a letter from the talking therapy I've been waiting on for months. I have to fill out yet more assessment forms and have a telephone assessment in a few weeks time. :erm:

    My sleep was so bad last 'night'. I didn't get to sleep until 10am and woke up at 3pm. :facepalm:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: It's good that you are eating and getting some sleep though, not getting enough of either of those is going to make you feel even crappier. And sounds like a nice bf you have there :yep:



    Urgh, I know.

    Yeah, the talking therapy I had for my eating disorder definitely helped - despite coming close to relapse yesterday because of the talking therapy I was eventually able to put into place the techniques etc that they taught me and so I'm fine again now. I also find it hard to put things into words, but whoever you have talking therapy with will be expecting that and will guide you at first whilst you get used to it.

    Oh, and about the still being in your PJs: So am I. Well, I've changed my top because my parents bought one for me on a trip away and it ironically says, "I'm up and dressed what more do you want?" :teehee:



    You're right, of course. :hugs:

    You slipped up, that's a normal part of getting better - you went ages without cutting, you can do that again, don't let one slip up make you feel that you can't. :console:

    It's great that you're both still friends and the fact that you have 2 guys after you, despite you not wanting anything right now, shows that you must be a lovely person :yep:

    ---

    Just got a letter from the talking therapy I've been waiting on for months. I have to fill out yet more assessment forms and have a telephone assessment in a few weeks time. :erm:

    My sleep was so bad last 'night'. I didn't get to sleep until 10am and woke up at 3pm. :facepalm:
    :hugs: silly sleep!

    I can has google chrome now :teeth: so much faster, I love it!
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    i hate being single and ive been single for 5 months, the only attention i get is from older guys or guys say they like me then stop talkin to me before i even meet them i just feel like ive given up on relationships when all i need is a guy who likes me, and cuddles me and tell me everything is fine...but i cant see that happening, ever
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    (Original post by Kaaatieee)
    i hate being single and ive been single for 5 months, the only attention i get is from older guys or guys say they like me then stop talkin to me before i even meet them i just feel like ive given up on relationships when all i need is a guy who likes me, and cuddles me and tell me everything is fine...but i cant see that happening, ever
    :hugs: sorry to hear you're feeling down about this. Maybe try focusing on something else? I have found when you stop stressing out and thinking too much about finding someone they seem to pop along. Just try to pursue other interests and passions(as hard as it is when you are feeling upset about other things)
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    (Original post by Kaaatieee)
    i hate being single and ive been single for 5 months, the only attention i get is from older guys or guys say they like me then stop talkin to me before i even meet them i just feel like ive given up on relationships when all i need is a guy who likes me, and cuddles me and tell me everything is fine...but i cant see that happening, ever
    It will happen :yep:. It just seems when you try, it never seems to happen. Maybe don't look for it as much and it will happen.

    Your taste in music from your profile is also rather awesome :yep:.
 
 
 
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