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    I think this quote of today sums it up (said by the guy who hung himself Thursday night's best mate)
    "I loved him. I still love him. I'll never stop loving him. But he is a complete and utter see you next tuesday for doing this to us."

    I'm going to try and remember that the next time I feel like hurling 50+ pills down my throat. We touch so many people as we walk through life and it's the curse of depression to fail to notice how much joy everyone brings to others. Peace and love guys. I'm off out tonight, like I said I didn't know the guy well but my friends did, so I'll be supporting them for now. :hugs:

    Steffi/Sauce, hopefully my Dad will be back in about 5 weeks, though it could be anything between 5 and 9 weeks.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I hate this, and I hate myself. Every little thing. I'm fat and ugly and mediocre at everything. I'm never going to be happy or have friends as I have a ****** up horrible personality and people who meet me pick up on this right away. I'm never going to do anything with my life so why am I still here trying? Everything just gets worse and worse and worse and always will, and I'm never seeing those ******* liars again. Haven't drank any soda in about 3 weeks and what good has it done? **** all. They forced me to take that horrible stuff to "help" my ass did it help it made everything worse, now I'm so huge none of my clothes fit and I can't even drink the one thing I really really really really really enjoy. So ******* stupid listening to them, bet they're all sitting there having a right old laugh, lighting their cuban cigars with all the money they made. *******. The one time that ***** didn't lie she made it quite clear everything will be like this forever. I wish I'd had the guts to kill myself when I was 12 but I couldn't even do that.
    :hugs: I truly hope you find something that works for you :console:

    (Original post by sauce)
    What is wrong with me? why am i so uncertain and see every one as a threat to myself/my relationship/my friendship? I guess the past is just so hard to get over, I used to be so relaxed about friend making/relationships now I constantly feel paranoid. Saddest thing is I'm risking pushing everyone away further and causing even worse behaviour in the long run with this behaviour.
    ****.
    :console: That you're recognising this is a good thing though, surely? That you know that they're not really a threat, I mean as I don't know whether or not you really are pushing people away. :jumphug:

    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I think this quote of today sums it up (said by the guy who hung himself Thursday night's best mate)
    "I loved him. I still love him. I'll never stop loving him. But he is a complete and utter see you next tuesday for doing this to us."

    I'm going to try and remember that the next time I feel like hurling 50+ pills down my throat. We touch so many people as we walk through life and it's the curse of depression to fail to notice how much joy everyone brings to others. Peace and love guys. I'm off out tonight, like I said I didn't know the guy well but my friends did, so I'll be supporting them for now. :hugs:

    Steffi/Sauce, hopefully my Dad will be back in about 5 weeks, though it could be anything between 5 and 9 weeks.
    :grouphugs: Again, you're right :yep:

    That's great, not long left now :hugs:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I hate this, and I hate myself. Every little thing. I'm fat and ugly and mediocre at everything. I'm never going to be happy or have friends as I have a ****** up horrible personality and people who meet me pick up on this right away. I'm never going to do anything with my life so why am I still here trying? Everything just gets worse and worse and worse and always will, and I'm never seeing those ******* liars again. Haven't drank any soda in about 3 weeks and what good has it done? **** all. They forced me to take that horrible stuff to "help" my ass did it help it made everything worse, now I'm so huge none of my clothes fit and I can't even drink the one thing I really really really really really enjoy. So ******* stupid listening to them, bet they're all sitting there having a right old laugh, lighting their cuban cigars with all the money they made. *******. The one time that ***** didn't lie she made it quite clear everything will be like this forever. I wish I'd had the guts to kill myself when I was 12 but I couldn't even do that.
    PM me, I will help you diet wise if you want.

    No reason you can't drink it now and again.
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    i have baskin robbins icecream for tomorrow....and popcorn :ninja: and a chocolate bar :ninja:
    fatty :cool:
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    Ugh...what's wrong with me? Just want to break down, I can't even eat properly, my stomach is killing me, I don't want to be around anyone right now I just want to be left alone. :cry:
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    I'm tired yet don't want to sleep I'm scared ill end up waking at around 2-3am and being wide awake.
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    Feel so alone....like I can't trust anyone. I'm so naive, I'm so stupid I deserve everything I get, I deserve it all I brought it on myself. I'll never be what people want me to be, I'm such a disappointment, I HATE myself I ******* HATE MYSELF I just want to disappear!!! Its like history is repeating itself all over again, is that all my life amounts to? One big da ja vu of disappointments, regrets and heartache? Oh joy....
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Feel so alone....like I can't trust anyone. I'm so naive, I'm so stupid I deserve everything I get, I deserve it all I brought it on myself. I'll never be what people want me to be, I'm such a disappointment, I HATE myself I ******* HATE MYSELF I just want to disappear!!! Its like history is repeating itself all over again, is that all my life amounts to? One big da ja vu of disappointments, regrets and heartache? Oh joy....
    I feel exactly like this . Try distracting yourself with a book/tv or getting some sleep
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    Meh.
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    Why am I not tired yet?!? I've had one hour of sleep in the past 34 hours. How I am still so awake?!? And hungry. Damn it. :sigh:

    But seriously, I'm practically bouncing off the walls I'm so awake. What the hell is wrong with me?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Why am I not tired yet?!? I've had one hour of sleep in the past 34 hours. How I am still so awake?!? And hungry. Damn it. :sigh:

    But seriously, I'm practically bouncing off the walls I'm so awake. What the hell is wrong with me?
    Watch HSM 2. I'm losing the will to live over here...
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Watch HSM 2. I'm losing the will to live over here...
    Haha, because of the film? :hugs: How are you apart from that?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Haha, because of the film? :hugs: How are you apart from that?
    Yep, I dunno if it's the superficial storyline, the crap attempts at lyrical empathy or the flat notes that they seem to hit in every song but it's god awful!

    I'm ok. Conflicted I guess. My head is telling me that I shouldn't feel like I want out of life with what's happened recently (in town today, there was an entire club filled with friends of the previously mentioned suicide guy, it was surreal... they were toasting and doing speeches and everything) but my heart just can't stop being impulsive and childish and wanting to give up when things get hard. :o: I need sleep, I think.
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    Earlier on today I actually thought I might be getting better. Who the **** was I kidding? Just spent the last hour crying cos I'm so lonely. I know I've got my sister, who's amazing, but I miss having friends. I've got people I can email, but they're not even in the same country as me and it's just not the same as actually seeing them.

    In a way I almost miss being properly suicidal, back then at least I was certain it would be over soon. Now I still feel terrible, but not so bad that I can justify killing myself. So instead I have to keep on existing, not wanting to but not really having a choice.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Yep, I dunno if it's the superficial storyline, the crap attempts at lyrical empathy or the flat notes that they seem to hit in every song but it's god awful!

    I'm ok. Conflicted I guess. My head is telling me that I shouldn't feel like I want out of life with what's happened recently (in town today, there was an entire club filled with friends of the previously mentioned suicide guy, it was surreal... they were toasting and doing speeches and everything) but my heart just can't stop being impulsive and childish and wanting to give up when things get hard. :o: I need sleep, I think.
    Haha, I've only seen part of it - I was forced to watch it whilst babysitting once.

    :hugs: Sleep always helps (yep, I'm being a hypocrite). And things are gonna start improving soon - your Dad's due back home after all. :console:

    (Original post by superwolf)
    Earlier on today I actually thought I might be getting better. Who the **** was I kidding? Just spent the last hour crying cos I'm so lonely. I know I've got my sister, who's amazing, but I miss having friends. I've got people I can email, but they're not even in the same country as me and it's just not the same as actually seeing them.

    In a way I almost miss being properly suicidal, back then at least I was certain it would be over soon. Now I still feel terrible, but not so bad that I can justify killing myself. So instead I have to keep on existing, not wanting to but not really having a choice.
    :hugs: But you did feel like you were getting better, so maybe you are? I mean, you're not going to be 100% better straight away but a little bit of better is good, right? Wow, sorry if that made no sense! :p: So things should be starting to get better especially if, as you say, you don't feel as bad as you used to.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Thanks. I ought to try and get more sleep I guess :erm:

    How're you?
    It might help. :yes:

    I feel a bit empty at the moment, tbh... like I'm trying to do more things like go to the cinema and spend more time at work to take my mind off things and actually feel useful, but then I'm back to square one as soon as I'm alone again. And I keep panicking that something awful is about to happen (probably based on stuff that's gone wrong in the past) and keep worrying... but I wish I didn't, because there's no point worrying about something that hasn't happened. I just seem to lack motivation to do anything anymore which sort of makes me feel like a blob.

    :nn:
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    (Original post by superwolf)
    Earlier on today I actually thought I might be getting better. Who the **** was I kidding? Just spent the last hour crying cos I'm so lonely. I know I've got my sister, who's amazing, but I miss having friends. I've got people I can email, but they're not even in the same country as me and it's just not the same as actually seeing them.

    In a way I almost miss being properly suicidal, back then at least I was certain it would be over soon. Now I still feel terrible, but not so bad that I can justify killing myself. So instead I have to keep on existing, not wanting to but not really having a choice.
    I was listening to a podcast from a psychictric lecture in the States, and they pointed out that the 'worst' part of feeling suicidal is not when you're at your lowest, but when you're coming out of a depressive cycle, as that's when you feel low, and have the motivation/impulsivity to do things, and feel like you're always going to struggle. But... you're on the way up! So nearly out of it. Seems a shame to waste that. Mmm. I dunno if that makes sense or fits for you, but it did for me :yep:

    Back to feeling nothing. Yay :yy:
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    :emo: I hurting so much...don't know what to do with myself, I can't concentrate long enough to read and I usually love reading. I can't sleep properly. I'm having a panic attack...want to eat but I can't bring myself to do so., I don't want to loose anymore weight..everything just seems so pointless right now...it hurts....everything hurts....I just want to cry but my family are everywhere, I don't want them to know I'm hurting. When will it end? :cry:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :emo: I hurting so much...don't know what to do with myself, I can't concentrate long enough to read and I usually love reading. I can't sleep properly. I'm having a panic attack...want to eat but I can't bring myself to do so., I don't want to loose anymore weight..everything just seems so pointless right now...it hurts....everything hurts....I just want to cry but my family are everywhere, I don't want them to know I'm hurting. When will it end? :cry:
    :hugs: Are you still getting any help? :console:

    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    It might help. :yes:

    I feel a bit empty at the moment, tbh... like I'm trying to do more things like go to the cinema and spend more time at work to take my mind off things and actually feel useful, but then I'm back to square one as soon as I'm alone again. And I keep panicking that something awful is about to happen (probably based on stuff that's gone wrong in the past) and keep worrying... but I wish I didn't, because there's no point worrying about something that hasn't happened. I just seem to lack motivation to do anything anymore which sort of makes me feel like a blob.

    :nn:
    :hugs: I feel exactly like that at the moment :nothing:

    ---

    Why does my Mum have to yell down the bloody phone? I don't know why but it makes me really panicky. :erm: Eating is going badly - woke up at 5pm and have only just had food. I was really hungry but yet again I ate a kids' sized portion and was stuffed. :erm: I don't care if those shakes make me feel a bit rough (maybe it was something else anyway?), I'm going to have to use them if I want to get anywhere near enough.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Are you still getting any help? :console:


    ---

    Why does my Mum have to yell down the bloody phone? I don't know why but it makes me really panicky. :erm: Eating is going badly - woke up at 5pm and have only just had food. I was really hungry but yet again I ate a kids' sized portion and was stuffed. :erm: I don't care if those shakes make me feel a bit rough (maybe it was something else anyway?), I'm going to have to use them if I want to get anywhere near enough.
    Still on the waiting list for therapy....taking their time about it.
    Everything seems so bleak right now, I can't even describe how I'm feeling...I feel so helpless, its affecting me physically, I feel sick all the time, my stomach is killing me I just can't eat anything and if I do its not enough.
    I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems with eating too, I suppose starting off with small portions is a good start but make sure you make it regular and eventually your stomach will get used to having larger quantities of food.
    Nothing is more of a turn off than food for me right now. Whats worse is even the things which used to make me happy just don't hit the spot anymore, tv is boring, I'm too wrapped up in my own thoughts to read...I really need to get everything off my chest but I have no one to off load to without feeling bad about it after it. I can't make sense of everything right now, my head is a mess, thoughts just buzzing around my head... :cry:
 
 
 
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