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    (Original post by Laus)
    No. What I told you in my PM came to a head on Monday. I went through the most demoralising experience, I have no idea how I did it, or why I didn't crack-up at the time. The outcome, however, was good... but the experience has set me back and has made me feel very depressed. Memories are hard to let go of, and it's so much simpler for outsiders to tell you to "move on", when they have no idea what it feels like.

    I've also had some other things on my plate, which I can't really talk about in here. But I feel utterly miserable.

    The good news is my mum has put on some weight. It's hard for cancer patients to put on weight, so this can only be a positive thing.

    I hate that I felt as though I was getting better. It seems worse than before.

    Thanks for asking. How are you today?

    :hugs:
    :hugs: I'm glad that things came to a positive outcome at least. I'm just sorry you had to go through it all. About the other issues - do you have someone around who you can talk to about them if you need to (boyfriend / relative / friend / counsellor, etc)?

    That's great news about your mum.

    I'm ok, bit nervous about starting uni. When do you start at York by the way? I've managed to come off the venlafaxine now, which is hopefully a good sign. :unsure:

    Try and focus on the good things hun. I know that's easier said than done.

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: What's up?
    :cry: I don't know whats making me like this I just feel so so empty and scared :'(
    I feel pathetic for feeling like this but I can't help it and now in a dead end circle of feeling low :'(
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    (Original post by Vienna Cannon)
    :cry: I don't know whats making me like this I just feel so so empty and scared :'(
    I feel pathetic for feeling like this but I can't help it and now in a dead end circle of feeling low :'(
    Is there anything you could do to distract yourself? Go for a walk perhaps? :hugs:
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    Is there anything you could do to distract yourself? Go for a walk perhaps? :hugs:
    I dont like going for walks by myself but I have no one to go for a walk with
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    :hugs: to everyone who needs it.



    Feel empty and once again spent most of the day in bed like a pathetic piece of poo. I feel like I've completely lost whatever strength I had because my way of 'coping' is just holing myself in my room because I can't face anything else. It's ridiculous. I need to start dealing with this properly but I feel so exhausted.
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    Well said Laus.

    :hugs: to all who need them.

    Keep fighting diamond dust, it will be worth it in the end. Try to set yourself a goal each day. Even if it is just a small one, such as bake a cake, phone a friend, do a piece of homework. You will feel a sense of accomplishment for doing those little things. I know it is hard but keep going.
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    (Original post by Vienna Cannon)
    I dont like going for walks by myself but I have no one to go for a walk with
    this may be a rubbish suggestion but you could start a dog walking thing. That way you have a responsibility to the dogs and their owners that will force you to get out of the house, you're not walking on your own and you can earn a bit of money while you're at it.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    this may be a rubbish suggestion but you could start a dog walking thing. That way you have a responsibility to the dogs and their owners that will force you to get out of the house, you're not walking on your own and you can earn a bit of money while you're at it.
    yeh... only one problem with that... i can't stand picking dog mess up... the smell makes me physically sick
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: I'm glad that things came to a positive outcome at least. I'm just sorry you had to go through it all. About the other issues - do you have someone around who you can talk to about them if you need to (boyfriend / relative / friend / counsellor, etc)?

    That's great news about your mum.

    I'm ok, bit nervous about starting uni. When do you start at York by the way? I've managed to come off the venlafaxine now, which is hopefully a good sign. :unsure:

    Try and focus on the good things hun. I know that's easier said than done.

    :hugs:
    What can I say? All I can do is go over what happened, and I don't see how that will help. I don't know. I just feel like I've been pushed down, kicked and spat on and now I can't back up again. It's all very nice people saying they care, that they love, but it changes very little. I don't trust words as much as I used to. People use powerful, life changing, words too flippantly. "Love" is one such word. It messes with my head. I don't want to be told I'm loved because I don't know if love is possible. I don't see how anyone can love me, and people who I thought loved me have demonstrated that is, and never was, the case.

    I am supposed to be starting at York on the 11th or the 12th of October, but I have nowhere to live, and might not be able to live on campus. They're leaving those with 'special circumstances' until last, which seems utterly ridiculous and preposterously unfair, as I'm a part of a college already.

    Weight gain is positive, but what is a few pounds in the grand scheme of things? She isn't receiving chemo, we don't know what's happening inside, we don't know whether or not the cancer has spread or is spreading. All we can do is hope, but it's very hard to hope when I read so many accounts of people at my mum's stage dying. I love my mum more than anyone in the world.

    I feel suicidal, but hell do I belong in a mental institution. Everything in my head is too much. I'm absolutely exhausted. I know I **** up and make mistakes but I don't think anyone deserves this. I wouldn't wish anything like this on my worst enemy.

    What is the point? (Rhetorical question; I know you do not have the answer.)

    :hugs:
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    Well done for coming off Efexor; I found withdrawal hellish, so you have done amazingly well. I am very proud of you and how far you have come. :hugs:
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    Laus... I just want to hug you, tbh. :hugs: ***** advice and whatever but hey.
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    Laus you really need all the hugs you can get :hugs:

    how is everyone else?
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    Feel ****. I'm talking to my best mate about when she's going to uni and I'm now in floods of tears. :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Feel ****. I'm talking to my best mate about when she's going to uni and I'm now in floods of tears. :cry:
    :console:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Feel ****. I'm talking to my best mate about when she's going to uni and I'm now in floods of tears. :cry:
    her going to uni doesn't have to be the end of your friendship. loads of people I went to school with are still in contact and really close.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Feel ****. I'm talking to my best mate about when she's going to uni and I'm now in floods of tears. :cry:
    :hugs:

    That must really suck. Cry if you want to cry, sometimes it helps. Sometimes you just need a cry, so don't feel bad about crying. I'm sorry you feel bad. Let me know if there is anything I can do.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    What can I say? All I can do is go over what happened, and I don't see how that will help. I don't know. I just feel like I've been pushed down, kicked and spat on and now I can't back up again. It's all very nice people saying they care, that they love, but it changes very little. I don't trust words as much as I used to. People use powerful, life changing, words too flippantly. "Love" is one such word. It messes with my head. I don't want to be told I'm loved because I don't know if love is possible. I don't see how anyone can love me, and people who I thought loved me have demonstrated that is, and never was, the case.

    I am supposed to be starting at York on the 11th or the 12th of October, but I have nowhere to live, and might not be able to live on campus. They're leaving those with 'special circumstances' until last, which seems utterly ridiculous and preposterously unfair, as I'm a part of a college already.

    Weight gain is positive, but what is a few pounds in the grand scheme of things? She isn't receiving chemo, we don't know what's happening inside, we don't know whether or not the cancer has spread or is spreading. All we can do is hope, but it's very hard to hope when I read so many accounts of people at my mum's stage dying. I love my mum more than anyone in the world.

    I feel suicidal, but hell do I belong in a mental institution. Everything in my head is too much. I'm absolutely exhausted. I know I **** up and make mistakes but I don't think anyone deserves this. I wouldn't wish anything like this on my worst enemy.

    What is the point? (Rhetorical question; I know you do not have the answer.)

    :hugs:
    I wish there was something I coukd say. You're right, no-one deserves what you're going through.

    (That business with York sounds utterly ridiculous - have you contacted the disability advisors there at all? Often they can help to chivvy along the accommodation people.)

    I know it doesn't help much, but :hugs:
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    I hate wanting to die.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    I hate wanting to die.
    :hugs:
    It is a horrible feeling. Keep fighting. Just because you can't see the light doesn't mean it's not there. Please don't give in.
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    (Original post by Laus)
    What can I say? All I can do is go over what happened, and I don't see how that will help. I don't know. I just feel like I've been pushed down, kicked and spat on and now I can't back up again. It's all very nice people saying they care, that they love, but it changes very little. I don't trust words as much as I used to. People use powerful, life changing, words too flippantly. "Love" is one such word. It messes with my head. I don't want to be told I'm loved because I don't know if love is possible. I don't see how anyone can love me, and people who I thought loved me have demonstrated that is, and never was, the case.

    I am supposed to be starting at York on the 11th or the 12th of October, but I have nowhere to live, and might not be able to live on campus. They're leaving those with 'special circumstances' until last, which seems utterly ridiculous and preposterously unfair, as I'm a part of a college already.

    Weight gain is positive, but what is a few pounds in the grand scheme of things? She isn't receiving chemo, we don't know what's happening inside, we don't know whether or not the cancer has spread or is spreading. All we can do is hope, but it's very hard to hope when I read so many accounts of people at my mum's stage dying. I love my mum more than anyone in the world.

    I feel suicidal, but hell do I belong in a mental institution. Everything in my head is too much. I'm absolutely exhausted. I know I **** up and make mistakes but I don't think anyone deserves this. I wouldn't wish anything like this on my worst enemy.

    What is the point? (Rhetorical question; I know you do not have the answer.)

    :hugs:
    Oh Laus... :sad: :hugs:
    I don't know what to say.
 
 
 
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