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    (Original post by el1iot)
    Hey all, this was my post back in September and I appreciate all of the help and advice you were able to give me.

    Since that post I plucked up the courage to register as the University medical practice. They were suprised how well I was coping considering my situation and they put me back on meds. I was on them for about 6 months and one time when I ran out I missed an appointment to go back to the doctors. I never actually got round to going back to the doctors but I felt a lot better. A actually felt like myself again, and had somehow found some kind of overpowering inner strength that I knew would get me through, no matter how I was feeling, it is really peculiar and I still feel it inside me, almost like something supernatural like a guardian angel or something (even though I'm not really a believer of anything like that). I have since cut down on drinking and smoking a lot and I have been cutting back on smoking this summer with the intention of quitting (seems to be working so far) and I have been very strict, only allowing myself to smoke if I am offered by others (I have not been buying cigarettes or asking others for them). I have had a lot of time to think over my past and I feel that I am slowly getting over it. I am still concerned about my Hyperhidrosis, which I occasionally get anxious about it, but no longer to the extent that it is a problem. I have been extremly bored this summer so far, but I have got a job doing Betterware at home, which has kept me fairly busy, fit and has given me a bit of spare cash. I got my results the other week and managed to turn things round and get a high 2:1 for the first year! I have got my house sorted for next year and I really like it and the people I'm sharing with. I actually can't wait for the second year of uni! I am really excited about Reading (festival), which I'm going to in a couple of weeks, and I have got a job interview at Primark to work weekends there during term time when I'm at uni. All in all things are looking up!
    So good to hear things are going well for you. You haven't mentioned much about your course at uni, which leads me to believe that you've not had doubts about it and do actually enjoy it - it was more the experiences and how you were feeling that made you want to leave university. Having something you enjoy studying at uni and some sort of aim at least gives you some sort of focus, and it looks like you're doing really well at uni so things sound good there. Given everything you've been through and how you've felt throughout your teen years, it's really nice to hear about someone actually turning things around and feeling better. And in the grand scheme of things, you're still really young, so it's even better that you seem to be resolving things now rather than battling this for what may feel like forever.
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    Bored and lonely.

    How is everyone?
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    Side effects seem to be lessening... Well, the nausea is. Seems if I don't eat around taking my pill, I'm ok. Still got a fairly dry mouth (honest to God, that sounds like the most inconsequential thing ever before you get it...) and now moved onto the stomach cramps/stomach trouble side of things :o: but at least I don't feel sea sick all the time! My head feels all fuzzy though :/

    I however. Just don't feel anything. I noticed earlier... I started my shift* at midday, and it was just like time was passing and I was of no consequence to anything. Nothing I did mattered. No jokes made me laugh. Nothing made me smile. I was just going through the motions. But after my break at about half 5ish, things started to pick up and by the end of the shift at 8pm I was smiling and cracking jokes and making more of an effort. Now I can't even raise a smile again. Bleh. It's also totally killed my appetite - I've eaten a small slice of banana bread and about three bites of a banana with some chocolate on it and that's all today. I can't bring myself to eat anything...

    ETA *Yeah, went in today, was alright I guess apart from the above and the fighting travelling folk! But told them that I have depression and that it's a recurrent thing so at least they're aware now. Meh. Long old slog tomorrow night and I'm hoping to have Monday off so can relax a little.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Side effects seem to be lessening... Well, the nausea is. Seems if I don't eat around taking my pill, I'm ok. Still got a fairly dry mouth (honest to God, that sounds like the most inconsequential thing ever before you get it...) and now moved onto the stomach cramps/stomach trouble side of things :o: but at least I don't feel sea sick all the time! My head feels all fuzzy though :/

    I however. Just don't feel anything. I noticed earlier... I started my shift* at midday, and it was just like time was passing and I was of no consequence to anything. Nothing I did mattered. No jokes made me laugh. Nothing made me smile. I was just going through the motions. But after my break at about half 5ish, things started to pick up and by the end of the shift at 8pm I was smiling and cracking jokes and making more of an effort. Now I can't even raise a smile again. Bleh. It's also totally killed my appetite - I've eaten a small slice of banana bread and about three bites of a banana with some chocolate on it and that's all today. I can't bring myself to eat anything...
    I know the feeling, though I'm not on meds I can't bring myself to eat. Its been like this for a week now...I don't know if I'm being paranoid but my collar bone is looking particularlly boney...:eek: Thing is I want to eat but I just can't. The thought of food repulses me at the moment.

    I've been really foolish and put myself in a vulnerable situation so I have no one to blame but myself when things go wrong again... I'm a worthless, weak, blind, silly old fool!!! And round the not- so- merry-go-round of a life I go again :mad:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I know the feeling, though I'm not on meds I can't bring myself to eat. Its been like this for a week now...I don't know if I'm being paranoid but my collar bone is looking particularlly boney...:eek: Thing is I want to eat but I just can't. The thought of food repulses me at the moment.

    I've been really foolish and put myself in a vulnerable situation so I have no one to blame but myself when things go wrong again... I'm a worthless, weak, blind, silly old fool!!! And round the not- so- merry-go-round of a life I go again :mad:
    I don't do boney, lol... :hugs: I hate not even feeling hunger. Mmm. Nothing seems good?

    What have you done? Don't be silly :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I don't do boney, lol... :hugs: I hate not even feeling hunger. Mmm. Nothing seems good?

    What have you done? Don't be silly :hugs:
    Even my "favourite" food repulses me at the moment. Its annoying because i want to be able to enjoy food like everyone else, just proves that I'm not normal, so messed up .

    It's a long story but basically I feel that someone is taking advantage of my emotional vulnerablility and my naivity. They've hurt me in the past but I keep letting them back into my life. I've spent the majority of this week trying to get over what has happened, just when I felt things were getting back on track with my anxiety and low self worth....
    I know I just need to do whats best for me and not get attached, maybe even remove this person from my life but I can't. I'm fed up of people hurting me...I'm fed up of feeling constant pain all the time, I'm fed up with being unstable....I'm so useless and awkward and I feel like I'm never going to find my place in this world....I'm just an oddity though some people like to call it "being unique" :rolleyes: !
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Even my "favourite" food repulses me at the moment. Its annoying because i want to be able to enjoy food like everyone else, just proves that I'm not normal, so messed up .

    It's a long story but basically I feel that someone is taking advantage of my emotional vulnerablility and my naivity. They've hurt me in the past but I keep letting them back into my life. I've spent the majority of this week trying to get over what has happened, just when I felt things were getting back on track with my anxiety and low self worth....
    I know I just just do whats best for me and not get attached, maybe even remove this person from my life but I can't. I'm fed up of people hurting me...I'm fed up of feeling constant pain all the time, I'm fed up with being unstable....I'm so useless and awkward and I feel like I'm never going to find my place in this world....I'm just an oddity though some people like to call it "being unique" :rolleyes: !
    Meh, no-one is normal. Everyone has things that happen in their lives and they can't control them. The fact that you're recognising the problem and working towards a solution puts you heads above people (like me) who stick their heads in the sand. Maybe you'll feel better if you just try and eat a little bit of something... anything? It's a vicious circle.

    Mmm... Maybe this is the time to stand up and assert yourself. :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Meh, no-one is normal. Everyone has things that happen in their lives and they can't control them. The fact that you're recognising the problem and working towards a solution puts you heads above people (like me) who stick their heads in the sand. Maybe you'll feel better if you just try and eat a little bit of something... anything? It's a vicious circle.

    Mmm... Maybe this is the time to stand up and assert yourself. :hugs:
    Yeah, i'm trying to get at least three meals a day but I just feel horrid every time I eat. I hope it gets better soon...I don't like the boneiness of my collar bone lol.

    I guess I do need to get a back bone, people have been saying that to me for a long time. I tend to be so desperate for approval that I often sacrifice my happiness and my needs for others. Thats how I got into this mess in the first place...lets hope getting out of it isn't as hard as I think its going to be. Hope you are ok :hugs:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah, i'm trying to get at least three meals a day but I just feel horrid every time I eat. I hope it gets better soon...I don't like the boneiness of my collar bone lol.

    I guess I do need to get a back bone, people have been saying that to me for a long time. I tend to be so desperate for approval that I often sacrifice my happiness and my needs for others. Thats how I got into this mess in the first place...lets hope getting out of it isn't as hard as I think its going to be. Hope you are ok :hugs:
    Well I hope you can :hugs: Use the boniness as your motivation? (Not sure how you are on motivation, I know it can be a bit of a thing...)

    Don't worry, I'm exactly the same. Far too passive. I am pretty much the most passive person I know - I will do anything for someone, if it'll make them happy (within most bounds... :ninja:) and people don't respect what I say. I worry though if I change and start asserting myself, then people will stop liking me even though it feels like I'm just a doormat most of the time Maybe it's worth starting with something simple, like working on your own confidence first, before you can translate that into being more assertive? I guess that goes hand in hand with the ED though.

    I'm knackered, feel all flat again, no fun. I think I preferred the being suicidal, tbh. At least that gave me some kind of response.
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    every day I feel worse and worse, cry 85% of the day, shout and be nasty to anyone who dares try to talk to me 5% of the day and spend the other 10% at the gym trying to lose all this goddamn weight. In constant pain which painkillers do nothing for but mostly I just feel like total utter ****, I don't want to be anywhere anymore and seeing as I feel worse every ******* day I especially don't want to be here next week. My anger which has always been a problem seems to have returned 10 fold, almost smashed a hole in a door today then tried the same on a wall which wasn't such a good idea. I hate everything about myself and my life and I have to go back to that god awful room at that ******* university in a few months ******* fantastic a year of crying on my own, avoiding the kitchen, being hungry, watching everyone else have fun, dreading seminars, skipping lectures, slicing myself up and best of all being looked at by other students like I'm a piece of dog **** they just stood in. I wish I'd known everything was going to turn out like this years ago, would have saved a hell of a lot of bother.

    /rant
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    every day I feel worse and worse, cry 85% of the day, shout and be nasty to anyone who dares try to talk to me 5% of the day and spend the other 10% at the gym trying to lose all this goddamn weight. In constant pain which painkillers do nothing for but mostly I just feel like total utter ****, I don't want to be anywhere anymore and seeing as I feel worse every ******* day I especially don't want to be here next week. My anger which has always been a problem seems to have returned 10 fold, almost smashed a hole in a door today then tried the same on a wall which wasn't such a good idea. I hate everything about myself and my life and I have to go back to that god awful room at that ******* university in a few months ******* fantastic a year of crying on my own, avoiding the kitchen, being hungry, watching everyone else have fun, dreading seminars, skipping lectures, slicing myself up and best of all being looked at by other students like I'm a piece of dog **** they just stood in. I wish I'd known everything was going to turn out like this years ago, would have saved a hell of a lot of bother.

    /rant
    Hey, hey hey..Sabertooth..I hope that this rant has taking some weight from your chest?...but whats up?..what happened?...
    Im here for you
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by jakemittle)
    Hey, hey hey..Sabertooth..I hope that this rant has taking some weight from your chest?...but whats up?..what happened?...
    Im here for you
    :hugs:
    Nothing has actually happened any more than usual, I just feel like **** constantly, have done for most of my life and I know I will for a very long time yet. The thought of another year of university makes me want to kill myself so I'm trying to avoid thinking about it as much as possible and failing.

    Thanks for the hugs. Haven't seen you before...?
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    I would post a pic of me currently to put people off suicide attempts, but its still a bit raw in my mind.

    Its not worth it, though I am glad I tried. I think I now see the light.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    I would post a pic of me currently to put people off suicide attempts, but its still a bit raw in my mind.

    Its not worth it, though I am glad I tried. I think I now see the light.
    I'm sorry to hear that, well, I'm glad that you think you see the light now but not the other bit so much. :hugs:

    And don't worry, I'm not going to atm, but not so sure once I'm sitting on my own 24hours a day everyday for months. dammit.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Nothing has actually happened any more than usual, I just feel like **** constantly, have done for most of my life and I know I will for a very long time yet. The thought of another year of university makes me want to kill myself so I'm trying to avoid thinking about it as much as possible and failing.

    Thanks for the hugs. Haven't seen you before...?
    Im around..but I dont post as much as others :P

    But...whats wrong with Uni?
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Well I hope you can :hugs: Use the boniness as your motivation? (Not sure how you are on motivation, I know it can be a bit of a thing...)

    Don't worry, I'm exactly the same. Far too passive. I am pretty much the most passive person I know - I will do anything for someone, if it'll make them happy (within most bounds... :ninja:) and people don't respect what I say. I worry though if I change and start asserting myself, then people will stop liking me even though it feels like I'm just a doormat most of the time Maybe it's worth starting with something simple, like working on your own confidence first, before you can translate that into being more assertive? I guess that goes hand in hand with the ED though.

    I'm knackered, feel all flat again, no fun. I think I preferred the being suicidal, tbh. At least that gave me some kind of response.
    Thanks. What you said makes sense and I can really relate, especially about wanting to change but being scared that people wont like me anymore. I really need to work on my confidence. I thought I was getting better but if simple things like people mistreating me take me back to square one then I haven't been as successful as I thought I was. I really felt like breaking down today and I get the same old temptation to walk in front of a bus, luckily I was with friends so that stopped the thoughts but I just feel so insignificant and worthless at the moment. So dispondent...like I'm simply existing but I just feel so empty, yet so overwhelmingly full of sorrow....
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    I now have the opposite problem with my sleep - I'm counting the hours until I can sleep. I'm so tired at the moment, my sleep pattern's all over the place and despite being tired, I'm only asleep for about 3 hours before I wake up.

    Also, despite not feeling really low, I do feel low all the time at the moment. I just don't see the point in anything. I really want to get out of this rut but I can't seem to.
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    (Original post by jakemittle)
    Im around..but I dont post as much as others :P

    But...whats wrong with Uni?
    Oh ok, hey How're you?

    It sucks, a lot. :p: I'm in halls next year because again I haven't made any friends to live with, I can spend weeks without talking to anyone, people in my classes hate me, I'm shy and hate talking in front of people so seminars are hell (my psychiatrist got me out of doing presentations last year so probably again this year - means people see I'm weird), people in lectures talk about me and laugh at me, my concentration is generally **** (more than a few lines and I'm following with my mouse cursor online and forgetting the beginning which doesn't translate well to books and journals at uni), if people I live with are in the kitchen it means I avoid it unless I'm absolutely starving and haven't eaten for days, I go to a few sports socs but again people don't like me, I can't think in front of people like in seminars in group work, whenever I leave my room I get to watch everyone else having fun with friends..... basically I have no friends there no matter what I try and I'm crap at all the things you're meant to do at uni. :o:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Oh ok, hey How're you?
    Im fine man!! Thanks

    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    It sucks, a lot. :p: I'm in halls next year because again I haven't made any friends to live with, I can spend weeks without talking to anyone, people in my classes hate me, I'm shy and hate talking in front of people so seminars are hell (my psychiatrist got me out of doing presentations last year so probably again this year - means people see I'm weird), people in lectures talk about me and laugh at me, my concentration is generally **** (more than a few lines and I'm following with my mouse cursor online and forgetting the beginning which doesn't translate well to books and journals at uni), if people I live with are in the kitchen it means I avoid it unless I'm absolutely starving and haven't eaten for days, I go to a few sports socs but again people don't like me, I can't think in front of people like in seminars in group work, whenever I leave my room I get to watch everyone else having fun with friends..... basically I have no friends there no matter what I try and I'm crap at all the things you're meant to do at uni. :o:
    Mhm, some people would say go out and drink a bit..maybe that'll loosen you up..

    I would say, why dont you try and improve your confidence? your charisma?
    Why do people in your class hate you? I mean, even if someone was shy in class..thats not a reason for someone to hate you..they may find you a little weird though..

    Im sure lots of people have told you to be a little social..if all else fails..you could form some relationships with people at your Uni on TSR and then meet up with them..that way, you already have some sort of foundation?..or maybe you could join socs that interest you?..and go from there?...
    There are many people who freeze up when speaking to large crowds..thats a skill that comes with charisma..but you dont seem to have any atm..so obviously you will find it hard to talk in front of people.

    With the kitchen thing...you should do nice things..like even if youre shy, one of my flatmates was really shy..but she used to do things like..leave sweets in the living room etc..and we always used to go and thank her, and do nice things for her..and from that, she became more confident etc..maybe you could take a page from that?
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    (Original post by jakemittle)
    Im fine man!! Thanks



    Mhm, some people would say go out and drink a bit..maybe that'll loosen you up..

    I would say, why dont you try and improve your confidence? your charisma?
    Why do people in your class hate you? I mean, even if someone was shy in class..thats not a reason for someone to hate you..they may find you a little weird though..

    Im sure lots of people have told you to be a little social..if all else fails..you could form some relationships with people at your Uni on TSR and then meet up with them..that way, you already have some sort of foundation?..or maybe you could join socs that interest you?..and go from there?...
    There are many people who freeze up when speaking to large crowds..thats a skill that comes with charisma..but you dont seem to have any atm..so obviously you will find it hard to talk in front of people.

    With the kitchen thing...you should do nice things..like even if youre shy, one of my flatmates was really shy..but she used to do things like..leave sweets in the living room etc..and we always used to go and thank her, and do nice things for her..and from that, she became more confident etc..maybe you could take a page from that?
    Thanks for the advice but tbh I have tried so many of those things, actually not the last one that might be a good idea depending on the kind of people I get put with next year. Bribery is always a good way to make friends

    As for why they hate me, probably because I'm a total weirdo and when we have to work in groups in seminars one group is always unlucky and gets me which I can see why they'd hate me for that.

    Tried the TSR thing, didn't really get on with them.
    Am a member of a few socs but often I feel too **** to go to them (usually later in the year) and when I am there people don't seem to like me anyway. They're not mean exactly just try to escape if I try talking to them or won't pass me the ball/be partners depending on sport.
    Drinking kind of works, did that a few times but only works when the other person is very drunk and/or high and then they tend to have forgotten by morning...

    I'm sorry to sound so negative :p: I really appreciate you trying. And, depending on how things go, I do like the leaving stuff idea though they might think I poisoned it or something....
 
 
 
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