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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Thanks for the advice but tbh I have tried so many of those things, actually not the last one that might be a good idea depending on the kind of people I get put with next year. Bribery is always a good way to make friends

    As for why they hate me, probably because I'm a total weirdo and when we have to work in groups in seminars one group is always unlucky and gets me which I can see why they'd hate me for that.

    Tried the TSR thing, didn't really get on with them.
    Am a member of a few socs but often I feel too **** to go to them (usually later in the year) and when I am there people don't seem to like me anyway. They're not mean exactly just try to escape if I try talking to them or won't pass me the ball/be partners depending on sport.
    Drinking kind of works, did that a few times but only works when the other person is very drunk and/or high and then they tend to have forgotten by morning...

    I'm sorry to sound so negative :p: I really appreciate you trying. And, depending on how things go, I do like the leaving stuff idea though they might think I poisoned it or something....

    Hey man, no problem!..

    Hahaha one could say that..but I mean it worked with my flatmate…so im sure it can work with you if you try

    Yeah, but why are you a weirdo?

    Ahh..okay then mhm…when I say do TSR I mean..get involved more often with your Uni forum…be positive, help them out..become like a main source of info and by doing that people may recognize you..and even want to meet up with you..and then you will feel happy cus’ you made someones day better..you get?

    Mhm…I don’t mean sports clubs..I mean societies lol..like I dunno writing society, or a religious one..or mhmm a music one…sth like that..something that’s a hobby/interest…are you part of any? At least if youre part of say reading soc..then you guys can talk about something that everyone wants to talk about..sth like that

    Na its fine..haha, no prob for the idea..just trying to see how I can help you
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    Depression is the worst illness ever.
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    My feelings have returned... With a vengeance it would appear. I laid in bed for a good 45 minutes this morning just thinking 'I'll die before work today. I'll be dead before work starts. I won't be there to go in. I'll be dead' and thinking of ways to do it. That block of ice inside has returned :sad: and I nearly nicked a steak knife from work to do it with :o: My appetite is well and truly gone. Today I ate half a pizza (a big one though, 4 cheese and onion ) and... two chips. Yep. Two. That's it. :/ I know it's not good... But I've nearly reached 130lbs, which was my long term goal back when I was 164lbs. And is only 2lbs from what I want to be when I go to uni - 128lbs.

    I'm oddly starting to enjoy work now, now that I've started to think about leaving. It's not actually that bad, even with the angry pikeys and the co-workers who do **** all. I got told today that talking about transferring wouldn't be a problem for the manager as I'm a 'valued member of the team and they would like me back in the holidays'
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    My feelings have returned... With a vengeance it would appear. I laid in bed for a good 45 minutes this morning just thinking 'I'll die before work today. I'll be dead before work starts. I won't be there to go in. I'll be dead' and thinking of ways to do it. That block of ice inside has returned :sad: and I nearly nicked a steak knife from work to do it with :o: My appetite is well and truly gone. Today I ate half a pizza (a big one though, 4 cheese and onion ) and... two chips. Yep. Two. That's it. :/ I know it's not good... But I've nearly reached 130lbs, which was my long term goal back when I was 164lbs. And is only 2lbs from what I want to be when I go to uni - 128lbs.

    I'm oddly starting to enjoy work now, now that I've started to think about leaving. It's not actually that bad, even with the angry pikeys and the co-workers who do **** all. I got told today that talking about transferring wouldn't be a problem for the manager as I'm a 'valued member of the team and they would like me back in the holidays'
    :hugs: How're you today?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: How're you today?
    Just feel like sitting down and crying this morning. I've forced myself to get up because I want to go swimming (gonna make sure I eat something first)... Sigh. I don't want this any more. I'm trying to make plans with friends through the week as work have only given me 12.5 hours this week - Saturday night 3 to finish just to keep me going.

    I've noticed that my memory seems to have been a bit affected to, I can't remember before the weekend very well and I've made a few 'oh, were you there?' comments to people who I spent 6 hours with :o: Told my mum the pikey story a few times as well now, I think she's getting fed up with that.
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    I thought things were getting better :nothing: I don't think they are. After yet another night of barely being able to sleep I'm sitting here doing nothing instead of getting ready. A friend's coming round to drop something off in a bit but I'm still in my PJs with no intention of getting changed or even leaving my room. I don't want to see anyone today, I just want to curl up in bed and be left alone.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I thought things were getting better :nothing: I don't think they are. After yet another night of barely being able to sleep I'm sitting here doing nothing instead of getting ready. A friend's coming round to drop something off in a bit but I'm still in my PJs with no intention of getting changed or even leaving my room. I don't want to see anyone today, I just want to curl up in bed and be left alone.
    :hugs: I know the feeling. Are you feeling any better now?

    Whoever said things will look better in the morning lied, waking up in the morning is the worst time of the day for me because its when I remember everything that has happened and how I'm a **** excuse for a human being. Every day I wish I could just disappear into nothing, that way the pain would stop and everyone would be glad that I was gone. I'm sick of me and I'm pretty sure everyone else is too. I just feel weird...like I'm not human so why should people treat me the way a human deserves to be treated? I feel like I've died on the inside and yet I'm still here...I know I should be thankful for what I have and that there are people worse off than me but its just one of those times where the bad outweighs the good. I can't even pretend to be ok anymore, mum said I should be careful or I'll be put on meds if I don't snap out of it...all I want is for someone to care...to show me a bit of love ...I've always felt so neglect and rejected and it just seems like I'm going to continue living life that way in everything I do, everywhere I go with everyone I meet. I can't take it anymore. Why am I here? What do I have to do to stop this? :cry:

    .... sorry....I should have saved that for the counsellor....who I'm still waiting to hear from... :cry:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :hugs: I know the feeling. Are you feeling any better now?

    Whoever said things will look better in the morning lied, waking up in the morning is the worst time of the day for me because its when I remember everything that has happened and how I'm a **** excuse for a human being. Every day I wish I could just disappear into nothing, that way the pain would stop and everyone would be glad that I was gone. I'm sick of me and I'm pretty sure everyone else is too. I just feel weird...like I'm not human so why should people treat me the way a human deserves to be treated? I feel like I've died on the inside and yet I'm still here...I know I should be thankful for what I have and that there are people worse off than me but its just one of those times where the bad outweighs the good. I can't even pretend to be ok anymore, mum said I should be careful or I'll be put on meds if I don't snap out of it...all I want is for someone to care...to show me a bit of love ...I've always felt so neglect and rejected and it just seems like I'm going to continue living life that way in everything I do, everywhere I go with everyone I meet. I can't take it anymore. Why am I here? What do I have to do to stop this? :cry:

    .... sorry....I should have saved that for the counsellor....who I'm still waiting to hear from... :cry:
    Not really.

    :hugs: Parents can be odd about mental illness and meds, do whatever you think will get you help with regards to doctors etc. People do care about you and do want you around :console: You can't help how you feel, you have depression.

    When were you referred to see the counsellor? :jumphug:

    ---

    Why does my mother have to be so in tune with how I'm feeling nowadays? She just asked if I was okay (when I was in a different room so it clearly couldn't have been my expression or anything) I lied and said I was but TBH I feel almost as **** as I did before. For the first time in weeks I thought about how things would be easier if I wasn't alive/didn't exist. I know things will improve, it's just that there's going to be **** before then.
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    I hate how I stress excessively about every little thing - life is just unbearable sometimes because of it...

    wish I didn't even exist sometimes... had to walk outside for a bit earlier, and just wished more than anything that I was invisible
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    (Original post by jakemittle)
    Hey man, no problem!..

    Hahaha one could say that..but I mean it worked with my flatmate…so im sure it can work with you if you try

    Yeah, but why are you a weirdo?

    Ahh..okay then mhm…when I say do TSR I mean..get involved more often with your Uni forum…be positive, help them out..become like a main source of info and by doing that people may recognize you..and even want to meet up with you..and then you will feel happy cus’ you made someones day better..you get?

    Mhm…I don’t mean sports clubs..I mean societies lol..like I dunno writing society, or a religious one..or mhmm a music one…sth like that..something that’s a hobby/interest…are you part of any? At least if youre part of say reading soc..then you guys can talk about something that everyone wants to talk about..sth like that

    Na its fine..haha, no prob for the idea..just trying to see how I can help you
    Hey, sorry, I appear to have forgotten to answer you Thought I did, apparently not...

    Why am I a weirdo? I completely lack the ability to successfully interact socially. Some people are slow runners, others are crap with computers, some are stupid, I'm a complete failure when it comes to talking to people. My psychologist said I don't give enough facial expression, I also don't tend to look people in the eyes, I've been trying to change it but obviously no luck. I'm ok online kind of, so yeah I'll probably give your suggestion of being more involved in my uni forum a go, that might work, but societies give the same problem. I'm not religious or cultural or anything, I play music but I'm crap especially in front of other people, so I don't think that would work.


    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    I hate how I stress excessively about every little thing - life is just unbearable sometimes because of it...

    wish I didn't even exist sometimes... had to walk outside for a bit earlier, and just wished more than anything that I was invisible
    :hugs:

    What's bugging you?
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    Home finally, been put on fluoxetine for my depression and got some appointments booked, also been told if I need to get away for a day or two I can go to the psychiatric hospital near by.

    Neck swelling is going down although it is still very bruised and walking still feels weird. Going to take 6 weeks for the bone to heal apparently, the sooner the better as this brace is annoying.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Home finally, been put on fluoxetine for my depression and got some appointments booked, also been told if I need to get away for a day or two I can go to the psychiatric hospital near by.

    Neck swelling is going down although it is still very bruised and walking still feels weird. Going to take 6 weeks for the bone to heal apparently, the sooner the better as this brace is annoying.
    :hugs: I take it you accepted the help then? :p: Sorry I haven't been online much, my laptop and I are having massive fallings out right now. How're you feeling?

    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    .
    I used to be rubbish with the whole looking people in the eyes thing. Now I fake it. I fake being sociable as and when I need to and slowly I got better around people. I'm still really shy but not as bad as I used to be. Maybe that's worth a shot? this is going to sound odd, but you have to practise playing an instrument to get good at it, so maybe practising being around people is what you need and then one day you'll be an excellent around person people.

    I think the above confusing sentence just shows how little sleep I've been getting. :coffee:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Not really.

    :hugs: Parents can be odd about mental illness and meds, do whatever you think will get you help with regards to doctors etc. People do care about you and do want you around :console: You can't help how you feel, you have depression.

    When were you referred to see the counsellor? :jumphug:

    ---

    Why does my mother have to be so in tune with how I'm feeling nowadays? She just asked if I was okay (when I was in a different room so it clearly couldn't have been my expression or anything) I lied and said I was but TBH I feel almost as **** as I did before. For the first time in weeks I thought about how things would be easier if I wasn't alive/didn't exist. I know things will improve, it's just that there's going to be **** before then.
    Ughh I'm feeling so **** though, and I just keep looping in my head all the lives I have made difficult but just existing. People would be so much better off and happier without me, I just want to isolate myself from the world because all I seem to do is make people unhappy and cause problems. I deserve everything that comes my way really, I deserve to have people mistreat me the way that they have, there must be a reason for it otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it. My head is just spinning now...its all too much at the moment, I've been messed about with so much and it hurts.

    You are right about how things will improve and they will, they always do...I just want my situation to improve, I want to be the person everyone else wants me to be, I want to make people happy and for them not to reject me...I obviously have a major defect in my personality which makes me so easy to be rejected. I just wish I could change it...
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: I take it you accepted the help then? :p: Sorry I haven't been online much, my laptop and I are having massive fallings out right now. How're you feeling?
    I wasn't given much choice :p: , but yeah its worth a shot.

    Is it your internet still playing up? And have you tried sleeping?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Ughh I'm feeling so **** though, and I just keep looping in my head all the lives I have made difficult but just existing. People would be so much better off and happier without me, I just want to isolate myself from the world because all I seem to do is make people unhappy and cause problems. I deserve everything that comes my way really, I deserve to have people mistreat me the way that they have, there must be a reason for it otherwise they wouldn't keep doing it. My head is just spinning now...its all too much at the moment, I've been messed about with so much and it hurts.

    You are right about how things will improve and they will, they always do...I just want my situation to improve, I want to be the person everyone else wants me to be, I want to make people happy and for them not to reject me...I obviously have a major defect in my personality which makes me so easy to be rejected. I just wish I could change it...
    :hugs: None of that is true, you just feel that way because the depression is messing with your head :console:

    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    I wasn't given much choice :p: , but yeah its worth a shot.

    Is it your internet still playing up? And have you tried sleeping?
    I'm not surprise and yeah it is.

    I don't know, my screen has had issues for months now but it's getting much worse at the moment, to the point that it's not even worth turning my laptop on as I can't see anything (I can now obviously, but it's so hit and miss). Haha, of course I've tried sleeping. I sleep for about an hour and then wake up and can't go back to sleep :nothing:
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Home finally, been put on fluoxetine for my depression and got some appointments booked, also been told if I need to get away for a day or two I can go to the psychiatric hospital near by.

    Neck swelling is going down although it is still very bruised and walking still feels weird. Going to take 6 weeks for the bone to heal apparently, the sooner the better as this brace is annoying.
    Glad to hear you've got some appointments booked and hopefully the fluoxetine will really help you out.

    About your neck..it's summer so at least you don't have to be in school I guess but I can imagine a neck brace would be very annoying. :console:


    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I used to be rubbish with the whole looking people in the eyes thing. Now I fake it. I fake being sociable as and when I need to and slowly I got better around people. I'm still really shy but not as bad as I used to be. Maybe that's worth a shot? this is going to sound odd, but you have to practise playing an instrument to get good at it, so maybe practising being around people is what you need and then one day you'll be an excellent around person people.

    I think the above confusing sentence just shows how little sleep I've been getting. :coffee:
    It makes sense I think... :p: I know I need practice but the problem seems to be that people think I'm a total freak when I practice on them. I didn't notice you're meant to look people in the eyes when talking to them until 4 years ago, I've been forcing myself since then and still can't do it - it feels like a window to my brain and I don't like that :o: Either that or I look too much at their eyes then they get uncomfortable. Thinknig the whole time "am I looking too much, oh **** I think I need to look somewhere else, now back, argh why are they giving me that look??" makes it hard to concentrate on the conversation/smiling/looking like I'm interested (I am interested, just don't show it well) so can't really get it to work. I'm not sure it's shyness, because when I'm drunk I'm not shy but unless the other person is very drunk they will still make an effort to get away from me.

    Tbh I'm starting to think it's just like being stupid. Yes, stupid people can study for hours and hours to get the grades but they'll probably hate it, and even if they get the grade once, they need to continue studying their whole lives to continue doing it. They're not actually more intelligent, just extremely hard working.


    What's the problem with your sleep? Still the same as before?

    Sounds like your laptop needs someone to take a look at the screen, I looked into it a bit after my thread about screen problems; shouldn't be too expensive so that's better than a new laptop.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    It makes sense I think... :p: I know I need practice but the problem seems to be that people think I'm a total freak when I practice on them. I didn't notice you're meant to look people in the eyes when talking to them until 4 years ago, I've been forcing myself since then and still can't do it - it feels like a window to my brain and I don't like that :o: Either that or I look too much at their eyes then they get uncomfortable. Thinknig the whole time "am I looking too much, oh **** I think I need to look somewhere else, now back, argh why are they giving me that look??" makes it hard to concentrate on the conversation/smiling/looking like I'm interested (I am interested, just don't show it well) so can't really get it to work. I'm not sure it's shyness, because when I'm drunk I'm not shy but unless the other person is very drunk they will still make an effort to get away from me.

    Tbh I'm starting to think it's just like being stupid. Yes, stupid people can study for hours and hours to get the grades but they'll probably hate it, and even if they get the grade once, they need to continue studying their whole lives to continue doing it. They're not actually more intelligent, just extremely hard working.


    What's the problem with your sleep? Still the same as before?

    Sounds like your laptop needs someone to take a look at the screen, I looked into it a bit after my thread about screen problems; shouldn't be too expensive so that's better than a new laptop.
    That's what I used to do (and sometimes still do if the person's making me feel uncomfortable) but the more you do it, the less difficult it becomes. Also, I'm not convinced that eyes give everything away, they just work in unison with the rest of the body in giving others information, which isn't a bad thing. Is there somewhere you could go and practise maybe or maybe in front of a mirror (sort of like a sim haha)?

    No, now I can get to sleep but wake up about an hour later and lie awake for the rest of the night :nothing:

    My dad doesn't seem to think it'll cost much and as he's the one paying for it... :teehee: He's promised to get it fixed when he's 'on leave' but I don't have a clue when that is other than probably sometime this month.
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    Swim timeeee. My mood has been in the gutter all day, hopefully a night out (alcohol free, ofc) will sort it? :/
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: None of that is true, you just feel that way because the depression is messing with your head :console:



    I'm not surprise and yeah it is.

    I don't know, my screen has had issues for months now but it's getting much worse at the moment, to the point that it's not even worth turning my laptop on as I can't see anything (I can now obviously, but it's so hit and miss). Haha, of course I've tried sleeping. I sleep for about an hour and then wake up and can't go back to sleep :nothing:
    Sorry forgot to say, I was referred for counselling in March I think....still waiting for an appointment though. For a while I felt like I didn't need it anymore but now days I feel like I really do. Mum's saying that I'm not hidding my emotions as well as I used to...

    Sorry about the insomnia, sucks have you tried camomile tea?... a bit of a naff suggestion but works for me sometimes.
 
 
 
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