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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I know, it's just I thought that I was doing much better and now I don't think I was. I thought the worst of it was gone anyway.

    How're things going with your psychiatrist?
    If you felt you were doing better then that seems very much like you were doing better. This is just one of those dips, hopefully it's not too deep and you'll get out of it and continue doing better soon. Just view it as a temporary setback, it doesn't change that you were feeling a bit better before.

    I haven't seen her in aaaaaaages. No plans to see her any time soon either. Spent last night before bed thinking about her actually, how she's planning on transferring me to other people possibly because it's more my personality than anything else otherwise drugs would do something. Yet all information on personality stuff says it's untreatable and things will be like this forever. Fantastic.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I bloody hate TSR. So full of people that are actually going to achieve what they want and go to uni this year and do well. I'm going to have to sit here for another bloody year like the useless lump that I am and no doubt still end up nowhere. I should really stop coming on here, it just makes everything worse.
    :hugs: It's full of annoying people like that, but I guess you just have to know where to post - we're not all like that.

    I've definitely had a pretty **** experience with higher education. You're not a useless lump at all... plenty of people don't go to uni - besides, you say you plan on going in a year anyway. As long as you have some sort of realistic goal in mind, that's all you really need. Having said all that, I thought you were going to uni this year, or did I completely imagine that?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I bloody hate TSR. So full of people that are actually going to achieve what they want and go to uni this year and do well. I'm going to have to sit here for another bloody year like the useless lump that I am and no doubt still end up nowhere. I should really stop coming on here, it just makes everything worse.
    Oiii, wait until your results before you start being negative!
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Oiii, wait until your results before you start being negative!
    Oh, I get it now... didn't realise it was just a case of exam nerves

    Pretty natural, but no matter what happens, there's always options!
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    Wish I could stop feeling so blank all the time. I don't even feel that depressed any more, just sort of empty. I know I should be trying to keep myself busy, but I'm too tired and indifferent. Meh.
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    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    I've already been to my GP and he referred me to a CBT psychotherapist I think, to address my thinking in particular (because I think that's the main issue here). I don't know if I'm being cynical or just not putting enough effort in, and it's so annoying because I know things could be better but I can't seem to accept that, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Maybe I need to give it a bit more time...

    And I do generally try to force myself, but it feels like a chore. Plus of course, it's back to square one as soon as I'm on my own again.
    I think you need to give it more time. CBT takes months of hard work to give proper results.

    Hmmm... know what you mean. Could you try to fill your time with things on your own if you don't feel up to meeting up with people? I go to the gym a lot and find it's helped a fair bit with energy levels and motivation, I'm not suggesting to hit the gym, just an example.

    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I bloody hate TSR. So full of people that are actually going to achieve what they want and go to uni this year and do well. I'm going to have to sit here for another bloody year like the useless lump that I am and no doubt still end up nowhere. I should really stop coming on here, it just makes everything worse.
    :hugs: Every person has different paths and yeah loads of people do school then straight to university but a load of other people don't. They get a job or go traveling or just sit at home and learn to play an instrument or whatever they want. The point is that whilst it might seem like a massive bad reflection on you if you don't go this year, it's not really. University isn't one of those things you can only do when you're 18, you can go any time. Don't think this means I don't understand how much it means to you, if I'd had to spend another year at home I would have been inconsolable, but there are things you can do instead which are in no way suggestive that you're a "useless lump" (which you're not). One of which is focussing on getting over depression so when you do go you'll be better able to do it.

    You haven't got your results yet.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    If you felt you were doing better then that seems very much like you were doing better. This is just one of those dips, hopefully it's not too deep and you'll get out of it and continue doing better soon. Just view it as a temporary setback, it doesn't change that you were feeling a bit better before.

    I haven't seen her in aaaaaaages. No plans to see her any time soon either. Spent last night before bed thinking about her actually, how she's planning on transferring me to other people possibly because it's more my personality than anything else otherwise drugs would do something. Yet all information on personality stuff says it's untreatable and things will be like this forever. Fantastic.
    Yeah I guess.

    :hugs: Or maybe she's just **** at her job?

    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    :hugs: It's full of annoying people like that, but I guess you just have to know where to post - we're not all like that.

    I've definitely had a pretty **** experience with higher education. You're not a useless lump at all... plenty of people don't go to uni - besides, you say you plan on going in a year anyway. As long as you have some sort of realistic goal in mind, that's all you really need. Having said all that, I thought you were going to uni this year, or did I completely imagine that?
    If I get the grades this year (in about 16 days but honestly I prefer thinking that time is frozen ), I'll be going. Won't be happening though whilst loads of people here on TSR go and all my friends get the grades and then there'll just be me, the one who did ****.

    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Oiii, wait until your results before you start being negative!
    They're going to be crap :nothing:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    They're going to be crap :nothing:
    I am sure you did fine but there is no point worrying, it won't change your grades.

    I'm taking a year out, a year is nothing in your life.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :hugs: Every person has different paths and yeah loads of people do school then straight to university but a load of other people don't. They get a job or go traveling or just sit at home and learn to play an instrument or whatever they want. The point is that whilst it might seem like a massive bad reflection on you if you don't go this year, it's not really. University isn't one of those things you can only do when you're 18, you can go any time. Don't think this means I don't understand how much it means to you, if I'd had to spend another year at home I would have been inconsolable, but there are things you can do instead which are in no way suggestive that you're a "useless lump" (which you're not). One of which is focussing on getting over depression so when you do go you'll be better able to do it.

    You haven't got your results yet.
    The on thing I used to enjoy and was possibly even good at was academic stuff but now I don't even have that - what uni is going to want to give me an offer based on resits if I really mess up this year? Plus I'm not sure I'll be able to pick myself up and get on with things if I get rejected, especially given how I've been feeling recently.

    And it's not because it's August that I'm feeling like this, I only remembered a few minutes ago when I say a countdown in someone's sig. :sad:
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    I am sure you did fine but there is no point worrying, it won't change your grades.

    I'm taking a year out, a year is nothing in your life.
    There are loads of reasons to worry, not least about how I'll feel when I don't get in. If I'm having suicidal thoughts now, without all of that, how will I feel when the last chance of returning to my old ueber geek self any time soon is taken away?

    It's not so much to do with the time, more the rejection and failure and abysmal grades.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I think you need to give it more time. CBT takes months of hard work to give proper results.

    Hmmm... know what you mean. Could you try to fill your time with things on your own if you don't feel up to meeting up with people? I go to the gym a lot and find it's helped a fair bit with energy levels and motivation, I'm not suggesting to hit the gym, just an example.
    It's definitely a good example... again, though, maybe it's a motivation issue and that I think I just won't stick to it. But maybe a bike ride, or playing an instrument, or anything might make me feel better about doing things again. I dunno. Just feels like a mammoth task at the moment. And I guess I do need to give CBT a bit more time... my therapist seems to be making me feel worse about things at the moment, though, but maybe that's just how it has to start.


    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    If I get the grades this year (in about 16 days but honestly I prefer thinking that time is frozen ), I'll be going. Won't be happening though whilst loads of people here on TSR go and all my friends get the grades and then there'll just be me, the one who did ****.
    Oh, I get you. I'm sure you've done well enough, but I guess you can never be sure about these things and everyone seems to say that. But as I always say, there's always options, even if you have to go through crap to get there to start with. Comparing yourself to others won't help either, given that you're all individuals and probably all have different goals - besides, it's not like school grades are the be-all and end-all even if it may feel like that at the moment. If you did have to take a gap year, or changed your mind, or anything, make the best of it because maybe it's just what you needed! But definitely good luck all the same for your results - hopefully you've done great!
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    There are loads of reasons to worry, not least about how I'll feel when I don't get in. If I'm having suicidal thoughts now, without all of that, how will I feel when the last chance of returning to my old ueber geek self any time soon is taken away?

    It's not so much to do with the time, more the rejection and failure and abysmal grades.
    You won't have got bad grades, your intelligent. You won't have failed, not getting into uni one year is not faliure. People who apply for medicine can get 5 rejections, if they end up 10 years later as a doctor do they really care they got rejected? No.

    Providing you get to where you want to be, who cares what route it is. And that is if you don't get in, which I am as sure as I can be you will.
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    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    It's definitely a good example... again, though, maybe it's a motivation issue and that I think I just won't stick to it. But maybe a bike ride, or playing an instrument, or anything might make me feel better about doing things again. I dunno. Just feels like a mammoth task at the moment. And I guess I do need to give CBT a bit more time... my therapist seems to be making me feel worse about things at the moment, though, but maybe that's just how it has to start.
    do you have any goals you could set so that you're more likely to stay motivated? the only reason I would go to the gym was to lose weight, I just needed to look in the mirror to get motivation, but now I've got more energy it's easier to continue. Or if playing an instrument set yourself a goal of a certain song and then learn ones leading up to it which will help you get there one step at a time. The goals don't have to be huge, it's better if they're not, but if you set them in your mind then it might be easier to stick to things if your mind works that way.

    If you're worried about how CBT is going you could bring it up with the therapist and see what they say.

    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    The on thing I used to enjoy and was possibly even good at was academic stuff but now I don't even have that - what uni is going to want to give me an offer based on resits if I really mess up this year? Plus I'm not sure I'll be able to pick myself up and get on with things if I get rejected, especially given how I've been feeling recently.

    And it's not because it's August that I'm feeling like this, I only remembered a few minutes ago when I say a countdown in someone's sig. :sad:
    Probably quite a few I'd imagine, you have a very good reason for not doing well, if you don't do well that is, which is more than can be said for a lot of people. You also have good GCSEs from what I remember and are doing "academic" A level subjects. You have, from what I've seen, a love of your subject and a willingness to study it at university, again, a lot of people just go for the big loan to spend on alcohol.

    Also: I agree with idiot finder.
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    (Original post by Stressworthy)
    Oh, I get you. I'm sure you've done well enough, but I guess you can never be sure about these things and everyone seems to say that. But as I always say, there's always options, even if you have to go through crap to get there to start with. Comparing yourself to others won't help either, given that you're all individuals and probably all have different goals - besides, it's not like school grades are the be-all and end-all even if it may feel like that at the moment. If you did have to take a gap year, or changed your mind, or anything, make the best of it because maybe it's just what you needed! But definitely good luck all the same for your results - hopefully you've done great!
    Thanks. I know but even just comparing it against my own standards for myself...

    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    You won't have got bad grades, your intelligent. You won't have failed, not getting into uni one year is not faliure. People who apply for medicine can get 5 rejections, if they end up 10 years later as a doctor do they really care they got rejected? No.

    Providing you get to where you want to be, who cares what route it is. And that is if you don't get in, which I am as sure as I can be you will.
    It's the grades that will be a failure for me, a personal failure. Everything has been at an all time low this year, my results will follow suit.

    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Probably quite a few I'd imagine, you have a very good reason for not doing well, if you don't do well that is, which is more than can be said for a lot of people. You also have good GCSEs from what I remember and are doing "academic" A level subjects. You have, from what I've seen, a love of your subject and a willingness to study it at university, again, a lot of people just go for the big loan to spend on alcohol.

    Also: I agree with idiot finder.
    Do I really though? Do I actually have depression or is it all just in my head, all made up after it was suggested? And I have zero desire to do anything, I doubt a year will change that. I can't even see a year ahead.

    ---

    Why does my mother have to chose now to start being able to pick up on how I'm feeling? I tried to fob her off with 'I'm just feeling tired' she didn't buy it. She didn't even buy me using results day as a reason. What am I supposed to tell her is bothering me when I don't even know?
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    I feel so dissapointed and really confused . I just hope I got the grades cos id hate to stay here for aanother year. I really dont want a gap year. I want to get away from this place. Just when i thought things were getting better it just got a whole lot worse.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Do I really though? Do I actually have depression or is it all just in my head, all made up after it was suggested? And I have zero desire to do anything, I doubt a year will change that. I can't even see a year ahead.

    ---

    Why does my mother have to chose now to start being able to pick up on how I'm feeling? I tried to fob her off with 'I'm just feeling tired' she didn't buy it. She didn't even buy me using results day as a reason. What am I supposed to tell her is bothering me when I don't even know?
    I think that sometimes about myself. But then I always wonder why would I do that? It seems like a lot of bother for your brain to go to and for what exactly? Humans are animals, animals like to be happy and generally won't stay in a situation they don't like, there's no reason for you to make up having depression, failing your exams and feeling like ****. You can't sleep right? How can you make that up? Your brain won't just decide I'm not going to sleep because it makes me feel like crap if I don't unless there is something to be gained from it. Which, from where I am, I don't see what that something could be.

    Tell her the truth? That you don't know it's just a feeling of crap inside.
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    Tomorrows to do list:
    Tidy the flat properly.
    Go swimming for at least an hour.
    Make two wholemeal pizzas(one for me and one for bf) or one big half and half one. (preferably cycling to get all the groceries)
    Go for an evening run.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I think that sometimes about myself. But then I always wonder why would I do that? It seems like a lot of bother for your brain to go to and for what exactly? Humans are animals, animals like to be happy and generally won't stay in a situation they don't like, there's no reason for you to make up having depression, failing your exams and feeling like ****. You can't sleep right? How can you make that up? Your brain won't just decide I'm not going to sleep because it makes me feel like crap if I don't unless there is something to be gained from it. Which, from where I am, I don't see what that something could be.

    Tell her the truth? That you don't know it's just a feeling of crap inside.
    Hmm I guess. I just... What if my brain is so ****** that it does that? But then I guess that'd be a whole separate mental illness.

    That just worries her more. I hate worrying her.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    It's the grades that will be a failure for me, a personal failure. Everything has been at an all time low this year, my results will follow suit.
    Just waitttt before coming to conclussions
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Just waitttt before coming to conclussions
    Nooooo. I've done ****. I know it. It's going to be awful.

    BTW, I did remember to get a thermos tonight but now my tea smells of thermos and is too hot to see if it tastes of it too. :erm:

    ---

    I really just want to plug in my headphones and play very loud music for a while. But I can't because they're broken :sad: My new ones should arrive tomorrow but that's hours away... God I am so whiney. I'm gonna leave you guys alone now and go stare at languages I can't understand.
 
 
 
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