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    I just feel like dying in my bed eating myself in obesity OR pounding myself into exercise oblivion. Does that make sense?
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    (Original post by Blueflare)
    Is there actually such a thing as a "breakdown"? If there is, I think I might be having one.
    I need time to myself but I am stuck at home with nowhere the **** to go. Even if I did go out that's not the same thing as being at home being able to relax. I miss being able to come home and not having to ******* deal with anyone. Stop asking me if I'm okay, what's up, just be quiet and leave me the **** alone. No one else is actually doing anything wrong, I just can't do the insufferable presence of other people anymore. I just want to be ALONE. Is that really so much to ask?
    I am at the end of my tether now. I can't do anything. I can't even read anymore because I am too over-stimulated for my brain to do anything. All I can do is post on ******* forums and watch TV. I feel like a vegetable. I'm also seeing lots of random issues I thought I had grown out of coming back, like being incredibly sensitive to all noise. My brain is trying to abandon ship.
    Yes, there is such thing as a breakdown. My mum had a nervous breakdown when I was a child and it's ******* nasty. I can relate to most things in relation to the over stimulation and not being able to read and ****. ******* horrendous. And I agree with the asking if you're okay thing. I just want to hide in a hole. Please?
    (Original post by (_Andrew_))
    x
    all i can say is massive hugs.
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    (Original post by sauce)
    I just feel like dying in my bed eating myself in obesity OR pounding myself into exercise oblivion. Does that make sense?
    It does make sense, i too was going to do this. If i work myself so hard, the pain of the exercise might distract me from other things
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    (Original post by Saffie)
    :hugs: hope you feel better soon

    I've had a major clear out of my room and it does feel scarily like tying up loose ends. But I know thats silly.
    I think I've started to move into that phase. I'm going to send a couple more emails... and spend tomorrow tidying... and then we'll see. I don't think there's anything I'll need to do, apart from maybe sort money out... Argh

    I'm going ******* nuts here :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I got on a train and went and sat in Regents Park for a few hours... had a panic attack and looked like an idiot, crying and shaking sat on the grass... What a div. Up until about three hours ago I felt much better (I think the panic attack kinda cleared myself of a bit of pent up stress for a little while) but now I feel like utter **** again. I can't do this any more. The only thing stopping me from slitting my wrists right now is the fact that the house is a state - I want to tidy it first, then my Mum won't have to deal with that.
    seriously, if you want to meet up, then just say, as I'd really love to. It would be good for you to just escape everything for a bit :hugs:
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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    seriously, if you want to meet up, then just say, as I'd really love to. It would be good for you to just escape everything for a bit :hugs:
    If I come up again, I'll drop you a line x
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    If I come up again, I'll drop you a line x
    you'd better :mad2: :p: :hugs:
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    I've started thinking up a plan and written a few things... That's not a good sign, right?
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    **** u life


    hate this world.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I've started thinking up a plan and written a few things... That's not a good sign, right?
    Not really, no. :console:

    I know it'll be hard but is there any way you could tell someone about this?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Not really, no. :console:

    I know it'll be hard but is there any way you could tell someone about this?
    I hate talking to people :cry: I can't stand it. I have a doctors appointment on Thursday, just a check up, to make sure that the meds are working but it's with my childhood doctor and I get really embarrassed (no idea why, she's seen me for everything!). Blahh. My plan requires the motivation to clean the entire house, so it almost certainly won't happen.
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    :sad: All of you are feeling terrible, it really isn't fair at all...
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    I don't know what to do, I can't do this much longer :cry:
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    I survived going out last night, sitting in a car on a motorway and going shopping with loads of people around me without a full-blown panic attack. I think that's due to the no doubt placebo effects of Rescue Remedy. I don't care if it's **** 1) It tastes nice :teehee: and 2) Placebos work right now. I did almost burst into tears because I felt so guilty that my father was spending money on me, I still feel really guilty and he keeps reassuring me that it's fine etc but I just feel like I should be paying my own way now, plus I really can't read people at the moment.

    I feel like I'm exhausted from the effort of not freaking out though. I could really sleep all day now.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    **** u life


    hate this world.
    :hugs: Wanna talk? :console:


    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I don't know what to do, I can't do this much longer :cry:

    :hugs: What's up? :console:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: What's up? :console:
    I'm standing at a cross roads. In one direction, I can man up, get some help and go on with my life. In another direction, I can walk into the kitchen now, take the pills and slit my wrists and hope that no-one finds me until it's too late.

    Direction one is too hard. It'd change me as a person. I'd have to change myself and most importantly I'd have to change the ideas that I have that keep me from fully accepting help.

    Direction two is an easy way out but if it fails then I'm ******.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I'm standing at a cross roads. In one direction, I can man up, get some help and go on with my life. In another direction, I can walk into the kitchen now, take the pills and slit my wrists and hope that no-one finds me until it's too late.

    Direction one is too hard. It'd change me as a person. I'd have to change myself and most importantly I'd have to change the ideas that I have that keep me from fully accepting help.

    Direction two is an easy way out but if it fails then I'm ******.
    :hugs: Direction one is easy once you get the ball rolling, which you already have. You don't change you just become who you are again and start enjoy life again. And talking therapy seems to start from a point where they know you're likely to be resistant to change in a way. :console:

    Direction two will hurt those you care about, your Dad will come back from war to find his daughter is dead and you won't have the chance to be you again, the you that enjoys life and has fun. You can get there and you will. :grouphugs: Are you still taking the meds?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Direction one is easy once you get the ball rolling, which you already have. You don't change you just become who you are again and start enjoy life again. And talking therapy seems to start from a point where they know you're likely to be resistant to change in a way. :console:

    Direction two will hurt those you care about, your Dad will come back from war to find his daughter is dead and you won't have the chance to be you again, the you that enjoys life and has fun. You can get there and you will. :grouphugs: Are you still taking the meds?
    Like I said, decisions. One involves living like this until I get sorted... years in the future... and the other is more simple than that. Yep, still taking the meds, **** all good they're doing.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Like I said, decisions. One involves living like this until I get sorted... years in the future... and the other is more simple than that. Yep, still taking the meds, **** all good they're doing.
    :hugs: Not months, weeks. I'm in week 8 at the moment and I'm definitely starting to feel a lot better. Hell, I did my hair last night, my nails this morning and I'm wearing make up - all things I haven't done much at all in the past 6 months. You'll start feeling better soon :console: Just wait it out a little while.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Not months, weeks. I'm in week 8 at the moment and I'm definitely starting to feel a lot better. Hell, I did my hair last night, my nails this morning and I'm wearing make up - all things I haven't done much at all in the past 6 months. You'll start feeling better soon :console: Just wait it out a little while.
    I'm too impatient to wait. I'm waiting for the dishwasher to finish atm to get some stuff out of it :o:
 
 
 
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