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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    I already am, I've been here all summer (and all year before) :sigh: I have nowhere else to go, no family. Some things will improve, I'm sure, but only some, most things are already final and can't possibly be changed, and they're not a good final either. I am so lonely, and there's nobody here but me, I can't go anywhere because of the massive negative in my bank balance. I'm just pointlessly prolonging the inevitable now, I have nothing else left :sigh:
    :hugs: Do you have a job to keep you busy or maybe do some temping? It's not the inevitable, things will improve and you'll feel better and love life again. Are you receiving any treatment at the moment?

    Or could you meet friends or TSR members locally to do something free?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Do you have a job to keep you busy or maybe do some temping? It's not the inevitable, things will improve and you'll feel better and love life again. Are you receiving any treatment at the moment?

    Or could you meet friends or TSR members locally to do something free?
    I've been applying for jobs for over a year, and either get ignored or rejected every time. That just makes me feel even more worthless. I think I've got a kind of job now, though, but I'm not sure what I'm doing with regards to it yet, I don't think I can start for another week at the least :sigh: I don't want to love life, everytime I do someone takes it away, everytime I find happiness, someone brings me right back down again. I'm not going to start taking medication, I don't want to be reliant on it, and I wouldn't trust myself at times like these tbh. How pathetic am I :erm:
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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    I've been applying for jobs for over a year, and either get ignored or rejected every time. That just makes me feel even more worthless. I think I've got a kind of job now, though, but I'm not sure what I'm doing with regards to it yet, I don't think I can start for another week at the least :sigh: I don't want to love life, everytime I do someone takes it away, everytime I find happiness, someone brings me right back down again. I'm not going to start taking medication, I don't want to be reliant on it, and I wouldn't trust myself at times like these tbh. How pathetic am I :erm:
    :hugs: Call NHS Direct/the Crisis Team/go to A&E, they can help.

    Loads of people are finding getting jobs at the moment really hard so don't take it personally, you'll get one eventually :hugs:

    I personally believe that everything happens for a reason, even the **** stuff can eventually result in a good outcome. For example, my eating disorder led to me being able to help out 3 friends going through the same, doing quite a bit of charity work in aid of mental health and am a much stronger person thanks to recovery. In my opinion, that was part of God's plan in a way. So you may not be able to see it now, but there may well be a reason that you're going through this now. Yes it's **** right now but in a while you'll be able to look back and realise that it has in fact influenced your life in a positive way.

    You don't have to go on meds if you don't want to, talking therapy may be a better idea for you. Going to your GP would help :console:

    For now though, call those I mentioned above to have a professional to talk things through with.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Call NHS Direct/the Crisis Team/go to A&E, they can help.

    Loads of people are finding getting jobs at the moment really hard so don't take it personally, you'll get one eventually :hugs:

    I personally believe that everything happens for a reason, even the **** stuff can eventually result in a good outcome. For example, my eating disorder led to me being able to help out 3 friends going through the same, doing quite a bit of charity work in aid of mental health and am a much stronger person thanks to recovery. In my opinion, that was part of God's plan in a way. So you may not be able to see it now, but there may well be a reason that you're going through this now. Yes it's **** right now but in a while you'll be able to look back and realise that it has in fact influenced your life in a positive way.

    You don't have to go on meds if you don't want to, talking therapy may be a better idea for you. Going to your GP would help :console:

    For now though, call those I mentioned above to have a professional to talk things through with.
    hmmm, it's always been **** though :erm: I will shut up now anyway, I feel better, so thanks for talking to me about it you've no idea how much I appreciate that :sad:
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    :hugs: Moo
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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    hmmm, it's always been **** though :erm: I will shut up now anyway, I feel better, so thanks for talking to me about it you've no idea how much I appreciate that :sad:
    :hugs: The **** can last a long time, but accepting help will stop the **** and you can start getting better and feeling better and realising what you may have learnt from this or from recovery :console:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: The **** can last a long time, but accepting help will stop the **** and you can start getting better and feeling better and realising what you may have learnt from this or from recovery :console:
    It's not like that though, getting "help" won't change my life, it won't change the things I've been through, or the things I'm going through, or the things I will have to go through. It will only cover up the problems, as if they're not real, they don't exist, they're all in my head. They're not in my head though, I can't help it that I've been through what I have, there's nothing that can change any of that. Help can't help me :erm:
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    Feel so very poorly in and out
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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    It's not like that though, getting "help" won't change my life, it won't change the things I've been through, or the things I'm going through, or the things I will have to go through. It will only cover up the problems, as if they're not real, they don't exist, they're all in my head. They're not in my head though, I can't help it that I've been through what I have, there's nothing that can change any of that. Help can't help me :erm:
    That's not at all about what getting help is about, it's about accepting that the problems are real and that you have to tackle them and being given the tools to do so.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    That's not at all about what getting help is about, it's about accepting that the problems are real and that you have to tackle them and being given the tools to do so.
    I can't
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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    I can't
    You can, it's hard at first but it gets easier. :hugs:
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    Wish I didn't have to go back. I'm actually starting to feel okish sometimes. Been watching movies with girlfriend, just chilling, going for pizza or beer with her friends, playing basketball/tennis with them and later today we're going to play a bit of football. I'm trying to sit back and enjoy it all but the whole time there's this feeling that I shouldn't allow myself to because in just over a month I'm back at uni, with no one.
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    I'm actually wondering if I've made a good choice now :erm:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    I'm actually wondering if I've made a good choice now :erm:
    :hugs: Why?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Why?
    Had a look at the pharmacy freshers thread, and it breaks my heart knowing that I put my heart and soul into trying to get a place on that course, but have now had to settle for another course. Yes its interesting, but it is not my area of interest nor expertise whereas pharmacy is :cry:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    Had a look at the pharmacy freshers thread, and it breaks my heart knowing that I put my heart and soul into trying to get a place on that course, but have now had to settle for another course. Yes its interesting, but it is not my area of interest nor expertise whereas pharmacy is :cry:
    :hugs: You can still get into pharmacy afterwards and you never know, you may end up loving your new course even more.
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    Spoiler:
    Show
    The secret side of me, I never let you see
    I keep it caged but I can't control it
    So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
    I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

    It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls
    It comes awake and I can't control it
    Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head
    Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

    I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
    I must confess that I feel like a monster
    I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
    I must confess that I feel like a monster

    I, I feel like a monster
    I, I feel like a monster

    My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
    I keep it caged but I can't control it
    'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
    Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?


    Such good lyrics, sums me up perfectly right now.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: You can still get into pharmacy afterwards and you never know, you may end up loving your new course even more.
    There is no way I'm gonna be able to afford to do another 4 year degree after this other one.
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    There is no way I'm gonna be able to afford to do another 4 year degree after this other one.
    :hugs: You never know how things will work out. Are you considering trying again or just going with this course?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: You never know how things will work out. Are you considering trying again or just going with this course?
    I don't know now tbh. I want to try it and waity and see, but then part of me just wants to try again, but then thats 2 years later than it should be and it means getting another job and living at home for another year :sigh:

    I am starting to think I'm not ready for uni yet, I get so anxious just thinking about it :sigh:
 
 
 
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