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Depression Society MKIII
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Past cuts certainly needed stitches (there are seriously dozens of highly raised red scars at least a year old on I cnfore arms) but I don't quite think these ones need them, deep enough to be visible for a long time, but not so that the wounds will take longer than a couple days to completely close.
A bus stop right outside my house gets to the centre of Edinburgh within 10 minutes or so, so I'm guessing I could find out where the nearest a&e is and be there within an hour, but I'm really worried about getting thrown back into an in-patient unit again. When I first started having problems with metal health a couple years ago it ****** up my education and meant I could do my Standard Grade exams, I've only just now enrolled in college to being study again starting next week, so it feels like I've just come full circle really.
Above all else though, I just really wish to die. Life is just so ******* lonely. I haven't had a single friend in at least three years, and I doubt I'll ever make any again. I have nothing to offer anyone, not a single good quality. Everything would be better off if I just disappeared.
A bus stop right outside my house gets to the centre of Edinburgh within 10 minutes or so, so I'm guessing I could find out where the nearest a&e is and be there within an hour, but I'm really worried about getting thrown back into an in-patient unit again. When I first started having problems with metal health a couple years ago it ****** up my education and meant I could do my Standard Grade exams, I've only just now enrolled in college to being study again starting next week, so it feels like I've just come full circle really.
Above all else though, I just really wish to die. Life is just so ******* lonely. I haven't had a single friend in at least three years, and I doubt I'll ever make any again. I have nothing to offer anyone, not a single good quality. Everything would be better off if I just disappeared.
You probably know this, but if you can see yellow fat in the cuts or if you used a dirty blade it'd probably be best to try getting to the hospital about them.
Obviously I can't say that they wouldn't admit you again but they might be able to help you in other ways. You could try explaining about the new college course and how you don't want to **** that up - though if you did kill yourself tomorrow you're not going to be doing the course so it might be worth asking for help in other ways.
Mate, I didn't have friends all through school, I made one proper friend at university nearly 4 years ago, that's about it. Loneliness is awful, it really is one of the worst feelings in the world, you definitely have my sympathy there, but like you say you're about to start college so how do you know that's not going to change things? The thing about friends is that you never know when you're going to meet any, you might meet one tomorrow, yeah the chance isn't as high as starting a new course though so why not give it a go?
Everyone has something to offer other people, and you have great qualities I'm sure. I mean Hitler was a great guy to Eva Braun, he was nice to his dog, a great car company wouldn't be around without him - I'm not saying you're Hitler, or anything near, I'm saying even the worst people in history have nice aspects to them.
Seriously, your doctors sound like idiots by telling you you're fine, but don't let it cause you to kill yourself, because equally there will be other doctors who will recognize you're not and will try to help you.
How am I going to deal with uni if I can't even deal with a 4 hour a week job?!? I'm freaking out about it and woke up feeling like **** anyway.
And I've just checked and I don't think I've actually missed any pills, just had loads of near misses so I doubt that's why I feel like ****.
And I've just checked and I don't think I've actually missed any pills, just had loads of near misses so I doubt that's why I feel like ****.
steffi.alexa
How am I going to deal with uni if I can't even deal with a 4 hour a week job?!? I'm freaking out about it and woke up feeling like **** anyway.
And I've just checked and I don't think I've actually missed any pills, just had loads of near misses so I doubt that's why I feel like ****.
And I've just checked and I don't think I've actually missed any pills, just had loads of near misses so I doubt that's why I feel like ****.
You are still going to have ups and downs just far more ups than you did before
. Drugs just mask it.. its the other stuff which goes a way to trying to "cure" it.Idiot-Finder
You are still going to have ups and downs just far more ups than you did before . Drugs just mask it.. its the other stuff which goes a way to trying to "cure" it.
. Drugs just mask it.. its the other stuff which goes a way to trying to "cure" it.Well I still feel like ****. I demand my up now.
I did go to work though. Have yet to do any of the normal day-to-day things though
They keep pushing drugs at me again, I didn't want them in the first place, they got me into this mess and I don't want them now either. Sod off.
kiss_me_now9
They keep pushing drugs at me again, I didn't want them in the first place, they got me into this mess and I don't want them now either. Sod off.
Hmm, i got offered anti depressants once but then I didnt actually take them...i stopped all that counselling crap .. that is what you are talking about right?
Sine
Hmm, i got offered anti depressants once but then I didnt actually take them...i stopped all that counselling crap .. that is what you are talking about right?
Not quite. I'll be getting counselling at uni, I need it... It's **** and I don't believe in any of it but it'll help hopefully. I avoided drugs as long as I could because I don't believe that you should mess with the body that way but they put me on citalopram about a month and a half ago and it sent me over the top.
kiss_me_now9
Not quite. I'll be getting counselling at uni, I need it... It's **** and I don't believe in any of it but it'll help hopefully. I avoided drugs as long as I could because I don't believe that you should mess with the body that way but they put me on citalopram about a month and a half ago and it sent me over the top.
hmmm, counselling for me was helping but it was also making things a bit worse because I was getting emotional during the sessions
so what do the drugs do to you?? they are supposed to make you happier right?
Sine
hmmm, counselling for me was helping but it was also making things a bit worse because I was getting emotional during the sessions
so what do the drugs do to you?? they are supposed to make you happier right?
so what do the drugs do to you?? they are supposed to make you happier right?
Just to butt in - the drugs took ages for me to kick in. Just over 2 months I think. The don't exactly make me happier as such, but I just feel more like I used to.
KMN: are you now not going to try any meds at all or would you be willing to try one of the other million and one ADs out there?
steffi.alexa
Just to butt in - the drugs took ages for me to kick in. Just over 2 months I think. The don't exactly make me happier as such, but I just feel more like I used to.
KMN: are you now not going to try any meds at all or would you be willing to try one of the other million and one ADs out there?
KMN: are you now not going to try any meds at all or would you be willing to try one of the other million and one ADs out there?
Oh okay.
steffi.alexa
Just to butt in - the drugs took ages for me to kick in. Just over 2 months I think. The don't exactly make me happier as such, but I just feel more like I used to.
KMN: are you now not going to try any meds at all or would you be willing to try one of the other million and one ADs out there?
KMN: are you now not going to try any meds at all or would you be willing to try one of the other million and one ADs out there?
No, I don't really want them at all tbh.
kiss_me_now9
No, I don't really want them at all tbh.
Oi, what did I say last night?
Nothos
Oi, what did I say last night?
kiss_me_now9
But seriously, I know meds aren't pleasant if you're not put on the right ones for you, but it's worth trying, you owe it to yourself, your family, your friends, et al. to try and do all you can to get better. Nobody wants to see anything bad happen to you
Nothos
But seriously, I know meds aren't pleasant if you're not put on the right ones for you, but it's worth trying, you owe it to yourself, your family, your friends, et al. to try and do all you can to get better. Nobody wants to see anything bad happen to you
I'm scared they'll make me worse again
kiss_me_now9
I'm scared they'll make me worse again
Trying to be tactful here, but I may come off a bit arseish, so I apologise:
They now know that you could possibly be a risk to yourself, and they will monitor you more than they would have done otherwise. If they or you notice that the meds you are on are causing you more harm than good, they will intervene and change them. Eventually you will find one that works for you.
Anyway, Citalopram is, in my mind, a horrible, horrible drug so you didn't get much luck there. You'll get put on something better, so you don't have much to worry about on that front.
Nothos
Trying to be tactful here, but I may come off a bit arseish, so I apologise:
They now know that you could possibly be a risk to yourself, and they will monitor you more than they would have done otherwise. If they or you notice that the meds you are on are causing you more harm than good, they will intervene and change them. Eventually you will find one that works for you.
Anyway, Citalopram is, in my mind, a horrible, horrible drug so you didn't get much luck there. You'll get put on something better, so you don't have much to worry about on that front.
They now know that you could possibly be a risk to yourself, and they will monitor you more than they would have done otherwise. If they or you notice that the meds you are on are causing you more harm than good, they will intervene and change them. Eventually you will find one that works for you.
Anyway, Citalopram is, in my mind, a horrible, horrible drug so you didn't get much luck there. You'll get put on something better, so you don't have much to worry about on that front.
I agree with everything Nothos has said here and earlier. I too felt even ******* on citalopram and got all sorts of side effects. It works for some but didn't for me. You just need to find that one that works and isn't horrible
kiss_me_now9
I'm scared they'll make me worse again
Hmm, see I feel the same as you. I never want to have drugs because:
1) I don't want to be dependant on them
2) They will make me worse, and I can't really have myself being worse for even 1 day, let alone a prolonged period. It'd screw my life up.
3) They're not solving the problem.
I'll probably be shot down for saying it
but I don't think drugs are necessary, and I think they're actually quite bad for you. The best way is to look at what your problems are, and deal with them head on, so say do what you said you were going to do the other day (I can't remember the terms you used 
)Magnum Opus
.
Just to say thanks for my yellow gem
steffi.alexa
How am I going to deal with uni if I can't even deal with a 4 hour a week job?!? I'm freaking out about it and woke up feeling like **** anyway.
You CAN cope with it and you'll be fine - just think of all the great things you've achieved academically already!!
