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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Not much. Too much sambuca - wicked hang over. Been throwing up every ten minutes since ten o clock this morning.

    OhandImayhavetoldmyexthatIstilll ovedhimandIwantedhimbackandIcrie dinhisarmsforagoodtwentyminutest ellinghimtoeithergetoutofmylifec ompletelyorstopbeingsogorgeousbe causeitwastoohardforme :ninja:
    :hugs: I know the feeling... :emo:.
    Hope you feel better soon, I hate hangovers, mine are always delayed so I wake up feeling as fresh as a daisy then come the afternoon, boom... :o:

    Ughh....I'm so sick and tired and fed up of everything....I woke up with a splitting headache and I'm just so full of regret I wish I could rewind back to this time last year and start again, no anxiety no messed up eating habits...I was fine life was good. I just want to disappear, I can't even escape reality in my dreams now...I would call it a nightmare but its actually my reality too. I'm not really looking forward to going back to uni anymore...I don't really want to see anyone....I just want to be left alone, I'm already ****** up and I don't need people to play mind games with me.
    I want the pain to stop...now I understand why people do drink and drugs..I need something to make me forget...forget everything....
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    Eating is going out of the window atm. I don't want to swap one mental disorder for another :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Eating is going out of the window atm. I don't want to swap one mental disorder for another :cry:
    :hugs: tell me about it. Mum keeps telling me to eat little and often, food with high calorific values.
    I'm so ****** up, I just want to be how I was before. I want to forget everything that has happened and just start again...nothing to look forward to but death...
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    I realized something today. It has been almost 4 years since something really ******* awful happened which really did knock me down. I mean, yeah I had felt very **** for many years, actually I the last time I remember feeling proper happy was when I was 4, but this thing really completely messed everything up even more. I was just thinking...it's been 4 years and I'm still in this **** place, ok yes I don't drink and smoke myself into oblivion every day anymore but the vast majority of things are the same. That's pathetic. 4 years and I'm still here, pottering along still thinking about/being affected by that thing. By no means is it the only thing, it's just the thing that hurt most second most out of everything. I can't believe it's 4 years, it feels like 2 months. I'm going to give up soon, I'm not waiting another 4 years.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I realized something today. It has been almost 4 years since something really ******* awful happened which really did knock me down. I mean, yeah I had felt very **** for many years, actually I the last time I remember feeling proper happy was when I was 4, but this thing really completely messed everything up even more. I was just thinking...it's been 4 years and I'm still in this **** place, ok yes I don't drink and smoke myself into oblivion every day anymore but the vast majority of things are the same. That's pathetic. 4 years and I'm still here, pottering along still thinking about/being affected by that thing. By no means is it the only thing, it's just the thing that hurt most second most out of everything. I can't believe it's 4 years, it feels like 2 months. I'm going to give up soon, I'm not waiting another 4 years.
    :hugs: Are you getting any form of talking therapy to deal with it? It could really help you :console:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Are you getting any form of talking therapy to deal with it? It could really help you :console:
    It won't help because talking therapy tackles bad ways of thinking no? My problem is that there's nothing wrong with my thinking, there's a lot of things actually wrong with me. I've had talking therapies and seen the way they look at me it's usually an "oh ****" kind of look. There's not even anything to deal with, I don't know how to explain, like when you deal with stuff by talking you look at all the reasons and then try to rationalize it right? I know the reasons, I know it was my fault and I know I can't change that.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    It won't help because talking therapy tackles bad ways of thinking no? My problem is that there's nothing wrong with my thinking, there's a lot of things actually wrong with me. I've had talking therapies and seen the way they look at me it's usually an "oh ****" kind of look. There's not even anything to deal with, I don't know how to explain, like when you deal with stuff by talking you look at all the reasons and then try to rationalize it right? I know the reasons, I know it was my fault and I know I can't change that.
    :hugs: It can help you to find ways to deal with things so you can live a normal life. Maybe just try it, you might just have had some **** therapists.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: It can help you to find ways to deal with things so you can live a normal life. Maybe just try it, you might just have had some **** therapists.
    I don't know how I'd even go about seeing another therapist. I've decided I'm not talking to these people again, and if I go to a GP they'll probably tell me to see these people I'm refusing to talk to.

    I dunno....I think I've dealt with it, it's just the fact it's 4 years yet it still hurts a lot. What happened doesn't hurt, it's the fact it's my fault and I can't change the thing about me that caused it. This thing just showed me how crap I am as a person, that's the part that hurts.


    How're you today? Still on a high?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I don't know how I'd even go about seeing another therapist. I've decided I'm not talking to these people again, and if I go to a GP they'll probably tell me to see these people I'm refusing to talk to.

    I dunno....I think I've dealt with it, it's just the fact it's 4 years yet it still hurts a lot. What happened doesn't hurt, it's the fact it's my fault and I can't change the thing about me that caused it. This thing just showed me how crap I am as a person, that's the part that hurts.


    How're you today? Still on a high?
    :hugs: Maybe tell the GP you want someone different?

    :hugs: But surely regretting that etc shows that you're different now?

    Nope, I'm crashing.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Maybe tell the GP you want someone different?

    :hugs: But surely regretting that etc shows that you're different now?

    Nope, I'm crashing.
    It's some team, I don't think there's any choice in it. And I am different, as I was then, but I can't change something I did in my childhood.

    :console: Damn. Anything I can do? You could try doing something to take your mind off it, go for a run with mp3 player, or watch a movie or cook something difficult so you don't have time to think?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    It's some team, I don't think there's any choice in it. And I am different, as I was then, but I can't change something I did in my childhood.

    :console: Damn. Anything I can do? You could try doing something to take your mind off it, go for a run with mp3 player, or watch a movie or cook something difficult so you don't have time to think?
    :hugs: No you can't, but it's over now that's not who you are.

    No, I'm just getting down about grades etc. My lows don't last as long as they used to any more so I'll be fine. Thanks though.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: No you can't, but it's over now that's not who you are.

    No, I'm just getting down about grades etc. My lows don't last as long as they used to any more so I'll be fine. Thanks though.
    Most people don't think like that.

    Your grades were pretty good from what I recall? :confused: (I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask if you don't want to talk about it). It's good lows don't last as long as before, that's really good actually. Hopefully it's just a matter of time until things get even better.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I don't know how I'd even go about seeing another therapist. I've decided I'm not talking to these people again, and if I go to a GP they'll probably tell me to see these people I'm refusing to talk to.

    I dunno....I think I've dealt with it, it's just the fact it's 4 years yet it still hurts a lot. What happened doesn't hurt, it's the fact it's my fault and I can't change the thing about me that caused it. This thing just showed me how crap I am as a person, that's the part that hurts.


    How're you today? Still on a high?
    :hugs: I know how you feel. I had a bit of counselling at Uni last year and realised that an accumulation of things from my past are possibly responsible for the way I'm feeling now. Its weird how if you dont deal with things/just brush them under the carpet the way I did then the past can often come back to bite you on the bum . The things I was talking to the counsellor happened about 5/6 years ago...:o:

    Hope you are feeling better, don't allow your past to dictate your future.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Most people don't think like that.

    Your grades were pretty good from what I recall? :confused: (I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask if you don't want to talk about it). It's good lows don't last as long as before, that's really good actually. Hopefully it's just a matter of time until things get even better.
    It's how you think that matters.

    Yeah it is. I got the grades I needed for uni but I'm surrounded by people who got 5465168 A*s :nothing:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    It's how you think that matters.

    Yeah it is. I got the grades I needed for uni but I'm surrounded by people who got 5465168 A*s :nothing:
    :p: Don't worry about other people. Either a) they're super super intelligent so us mortals can't do that or b) they worked every single hour of the day for months on end. I dunno about you, but I'd prefer ok grades and watching movies/playing games/chilling than best grades ever having worked way too hard for them. That's not to say you didn't work, I remember you saying how much you'd done but enjoying yourself and chilling out and still getting what you need is better than stressing for no reason.

    (there's always c) they slipped a few notes into their papers )

    Tbh, if it makes you feel any better, no one will really care about your A levels once you're at university. They're like gcses, seem really important at the time but when you're looking for a job no one will look twice. Obviously they're important for getting to uni, but once you have the degree they're kind of useless.


    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :hugs: I know how you feel. I had a bit of counselling at Uni last year and realised that an accumulation of things from my past are possibly responsible for the way I'm feeling now. Its weird how if you dont deal with things/just brush them under the carpet the way I did then the past can often come back to bite you on the bum . The things I was talking to the counsellor happened about 5/6 years ago...:o:

    Hope you are feeling better, don't allow your past to dictate your future.
    Thanks, I know, I'm just ergh I dunno actually. I try not to think now about things I've done but that doesn't change the fact they happened. I'm trying not to let the past dictate the future, the problem is other people.

    I spent 1.5years of the last 4 thinking about nothing but this thing, so I know I've definitely thought it through. I did speak to "professionals" about it and tbh I could see they agreed with the people involved, as anyone would tbh.


    I'm sorry for moaning. I don't really know why, just I realized how long it had been and it really hit me. How's the food situation?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :p: Don't worry about other people. Either a) they're super super intelligent so us mortals can't do that or b) they worked every single hour of the day for months on end. I dunno about you, but I'd prefer ok grades and watching movies/playing games/chilling than best grades ever having worked way too hard for them. That's not to say you didn't work, I remember you saying how much you'd done but enjoying yourself and chilling out and still getting what you need is better than stressing for no reason.

    (there's always c) they slipped a few notes into their papers )

    Tbh, if it makes you feel any better, no one will really care about your A levels once you're at university. They're like gcses, seem really important at the time but when you're looking for a job no one will look twice. Obviously they're important for getting to uni, but once you have the degree they're kind of useless.




    Thanks, I know, I'm just ergh I dunno actually. I try not to think now about things I've done but that doesn't change the fact they happened. I'm trying not to let the past dictate the future, the problem is other people.

    I spent 1.5years of the last 4 thinking about nothing but this thing, so I know I've definitely thought it through. I did speak to "professionals" about it and tbh I could see they agreed with the people involved, as anyone would tbh.


    I'm sorry for moaning. I don't really know why, just I realized how long it had been and it really hit me. How's the food situation?
    Yeah I guess. I'm feeling better now anyway haha.

    :hugs: I really hope you get some help that works well for you.
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    18 years on this planet and what do I have to show for it..
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    18 years on this planet and what do I have to show for it..
    :hugs: What do any 18 year olds have to show for it? We've barely begun life! And things are going to improve :yep:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Thanks, I know, I'm just ergh I dunno actually. I try not to think now about things I've done but that doesn't change the fact they happened. I'm trying not to let the past dictate the future, the problem is other people.

    I spent 1.5years of the last 4 thinking about nothing but this thing, so I know I've definitely thought it through. I did speak to "professionals" about it and tbh I could see they agreed with the people involved, as anyone would tbh.


    I'm sorry for moaning. I don't really know why, just I realized how long it had been and it really hit me. How's the food situation?
    Its ok... I know a lot of people refuse to move on and don't allow others to do so but life is a journey like that say and we are continuously growing and changing and developing so there is no way you are the same person that you were 4 years ago, I'm certainly not the same person I was a year ago.
    Occationally we may do things which we regret/ mess up ( if had my fair share of messing things up) but surely the fact that its been on your mind proves that you're not the same person you were and that you can see where you went wrong shows that you are a changed and better person

    Ughh I'm managing to eat breakfast and dinner so I'll just have to take it from there really and snack in between. Just wish things were easier really, had a really rough night ( horrible dream) but the worst thing about it was that it was actually true and that my life is a mess...
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    18 years on this planet and what do I have to show for it..
    Whats up? Don't be hard on yourself I'm sure you have achieved a lot and just overlooked it. 18 years may sound like a long time but you still have many years left to do what you want to do.
 
 
 
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