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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Its ok... I know a lot of people refuse to move on and don't allow others to do so but life is a journey like that say and we are continuously growing and changing and developing so there is no way you are the same person that you were 4 years ago, I'm certainly not the same person I was a year ago.
    Occationally we may do things which we regret/ mess up ( if had my fair share of messing things up) but surely the fact that its been on your mind proves that you're not the same person you were and that you can see where you went wrong shows that you are a changed and better person

    Ughh I'm managing to eat breakfast and dinner so I'll just have to take it from there really and snack in between. Just wish things were easier really, had a really rough night ( horrible dream) but the worst thing about it was that it was actually true and that my life is a mess...
    4 years ago was when something happened resulting from stupid things I did, the actual stupid things were a very very long time ago. The thing is I know I'm not like that, I know I wouldn't do it now and I thought I had proved it but I didn't and people won't ever let me forget it.

    Breakfast and dinner is definitely a good start, you seem to have the right idea about snacking and trying to build it up.

    Very rarely are lives actually a mess, I mean you can do things to change it no? You can try for a new start when you go back and work on building things from there.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    18 years on this planet and what do I have to show for it..
    :console: Tell me about it. I got 4 years on you and still nothing.

    Agree with Steffi, 18 is pretty young you still have a lot of time, from what I can tell from your posts you seem pretty on track with most people your age.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    4 years ago was when something happened resulting from stupid things I did, the actual stupid things were a very very long time ago. The thing is I know I'm not like that, I know I wouldn't do it now and I thought I had proved it but I didn't and people won't ever let me forget it.

    Breakfast and dinner is definitely a good start, you seem to have the right idea about snacking and trying to build it up.

    Very rarely are lives actually a mess, I mean you can do things to change it no? You can try for a new start when you go back and work on building things from there.
    You shouldnt have to prove it to anyone. Anyone who won't allow you to be who you are now and is trying to hold you back isn't worth it. the people who really care about you will want you to move on and will help you to do so and move on themselevs. I believe that if people genuinely want to turn over a new leaf then they should be allowed to do so and if people from the past cant accept that then its their own problem.

    I guess I can change certain aspects of my situation but I'm hurting so much...the pain...its just too much at times and I cant seem to forget about whats happened this past year, too many emotions involved and I can't even escape it in my sleep...I feel like I'm not sure who I am anymore as a person...like... I cant trust anyone and worst of all is that naturally I'm a people person, I love to be around people, to feel accepted but as of late I just want to isolate myself from everybody and everyone because I've just realised how effective/powerful peoples actions are in my life. I'm too damn sensitive but then my childhood would explain why I am the way I am. I just want to be a better and stronger person and know that I'm not completely alone and that I'm worthy of some affection :cry: ohhh how pathetic!
    Ughh I'm sooooo see through!
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    First day of college in 8 hours and I haven't slept in two days and probably won't sleep tonight. I tried to eat this morning but I felt really bad and just made myself throw up after a few bites.

    I know my problems are minuscule compared to most people's and I deserve it all anyway, but **** I feel like moaning.
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    (Original post by Bookface)
    First day of college in 8 hours and I haven't slept in two days and probably won't sleep tonight. I tried to eat this morning but I felt really bad and just made myself throw up after a few bites.

    I know my problems are minuscule compared to most people's and I deserve it all anyway, but **** I feel like moaning.
    Its ok to have a moan, I would be moaning too if I hadn't slept in two days. :hugs: No one deserves to go through it.
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    UGHHH I can't take it anymore....I just can't....I feel so alone...this hurts so much...I want it to stop!
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    (Original post by Bookface)
    First day of college in 8 hours and I haven't slept in two days and probably won't sleep tonight. I tried to eat this morning but I felt really bad and just made myself throw up after a few bites.

    I know my problems are minuscule compared to most people's and I deserve it all anyway, but **** I feel like moaning.
    good luck sleeping and good luck with college. I always found forcing myself to do stuff like that helped a bit so maybe it'll help you a bit too.

    There isn't always a reason for feeling depressed and just because other people have more tangible problems, it doesn't make depression any less real. I can't remember if you said you're getting any help but it really sounds like you could do with some- find a nice GP who'll help you? Things do get better eventually. My latest 'episode' of depression lasted about 14 months (if anything longer) and I thought it'd never end but it has I think. So there's hope for you too. (And this is on a background of episodes I've been having for 10 years)

    :hugs: for everyone else too
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    UGHHH I can't take it anymore....I just can't....I feel so alone...this hurts so much...I want it to stop!
    :hugs: Is there a helpline you feel you can call?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    You shouldnt have to prove it to anyone. Anyone who won't allow you to be who you are now and is trying to hold you back isn't worth it. the people who really care about you will want you to move on and will help you to do so and move on themselevs. I believe that if people genuinely want to turn over a new leaf then they should be allowed to do so and if people from the past cant accept that then its their own problem.

    I guess I can change certain aspects of my situation but I'm hurting so much...the pain...its just too much at times and I cant seem to forget about whats happened this past year, too many emotions involved and I can't even escape it in my sleep...I feel like I'm not sure who I am anymore as a person...like... I cant trust anyone and worst of all is that naturally I'm a people person, I love to be around people, to feel accepted but as of late I just want to isolate myself from everybody and everyone because I've just realised how effective/powerful peoples actions are in my life. I'm too damn sensitive but then my childhood would explain why I am the way I am. I just want to be a better and stronger person and know that I'm not completely alone and that I'm worthy of some affection :cry: ohhh how pathetic!
    Ughh I'm sooooo see through!
    It's my fault really, I had told them what I'd done. I guess the obvious answer is to never be honest with people. :p:


    Tbh a lot of what you're saying seems to be very much related to depression. Like not being sure of who you are, isolating yourself, lots of emotion and feeling too sensitive to things, that all sounds very much like depression (though I should obviously mention I'm not a doctor). With that in mind, you should try not to beat yourself up over things. You seem like a strong person to me, you seem like a really cool person actually so I don't think you're lacking there, but depression takes its toll on people and feeling like you've said could all be that. It's understandable that it hurts a lot, what you've said sounds like a pretty confusing situation for anyone to be in, and you're not alone, you can talk to any of us at the very least.

    If this is about the situation with your friends (from what I remember), that can be sorted, yes it does take time and effort but they're friends they'll understand. Have you tried explaining any of this to them?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Is there a helpline you feel you can call?
    ... dont know....this is just horrible though....I feel like I'm going to explode I've never been so low, its freaking me out, I feel so trapped...
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    ... dont know....this is just horrible though....I feel like I'm going to explode I've never been so low, its freaking me out, I feel so trapped...
    :hugs: This feeling will pass, in the mean time try to keep yourself busy, maybe with a movie?

    Are you getting any help?
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    ... dont know....this is just horrible though....I feel like I'm going to explode I've never been so low, its freaking me out, I feel so trapped...
    :hugs: can you try to go to sleep? Or force yourself to make a hot chocolate and watch a film? I think you should try and distract yourself. When you feel that bad there's no thinking your way out of it- which is the mistake I think I always made.
    I hope you feel okay really soon.
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    I really want to go for a walk to calm my nerves, maybe help me sleep, but apparently I can't be trusted to leave the house alone without going off to kill myself.

    Which really makes no sense, since tomorrow I'm expected to leave alone, get on the bus alone and spend seven hours at college alone.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: This feeling will pass, in the mean time try to keep yourself busy, maybe with a movie?

    Are you getting any help?
    I'm just panicing so much...I just want to forget everything. All I want is to be happy but I'm scared I will always be this way and push everyone away.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I'm just panicing so much...I just want to forget everything. All I want is to be happy but I'm scared I will always be this way and push everyone away.
    You won't always be like this, you will get better. :hugs:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    ... dont know....this is just horrible though....I feel like I'm going to explode I've never been so low, its freaking me out, I feel so trapped...
    distraction is probably a good idea right now. Chocolate/pop corn + good movie? Maybe even sleep if you can get off to sleep.

    And you won't always be this way, things will get better, just hold on through it :hugs:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    You won't always be like this, you will get better. :hugs:
    I hope so I just feel like I'm not getting the support I need. I've held back for soooooooooooooo long and its all getting a bit much now.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    I hope so I just feel like I'm not getting the support I need. I've held back for soooooooooooooo long and its all getting a bit much now.
    :hugs: Have you asked for help? If not, go and ask. If you have, go and pester :console:
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    first session of cbt went well, got second session on tuesday.

    I opened up about everything, havn't done that before because I thought things would be too complicated to explain. It was good.

    About my suicide thread (the most recent one) thanks to the people who replied.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Have you asked for help? If not, go and ask. If you have, go and pester :console:
    Yeah on the waiting list for counselling... :rolleyes: just frustrating really because no one knows just how badly I'm hurting, sometimes I just want to have a good cry on my mums sholder but she has this stif upper lip approach to life ( which I'm gutted I did not inherit lol).
 
 
 
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