Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
x Turn on thread page Beta

Depression Society MKIII watch

Announcements
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    ******* tired and upset and every little thing is getting to me today.

    Would it be a really bad idea to ask my ex to coffee (something we do occasionally anyway, so it wouldn't be a massive abnormal thing) and to try and tell him how I'm still feeling stuff for him? I don't know what else to do. And a weird, twisted part of me needs to hear that he's moved on.
    :hugs: If you think it'll help you to hear that, then do it. :console:
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: If you think it'll help you to hear that, then do it. :console:
    I don't know how to ask him to say it though. Without being a complete *****. 'Cos I'm pretty sure bowling up and going 'GET THE **** OUT OF MY HEAD' or 'I'm still struggling with this whole thing, you're the one I want to run to but can't, I wish I'd never met you' wouldn't go down well. Seems like I keep trying to go over old ground with him... Maybe I'm just making excuses to see him? Speak to him? Keep in contact with him? I'm very concious about the fact that he wants a new start when he goes to uni - well so do I. And a fairly large part of that new start is forgetting him and being happy with the occasional text/FB post if it happens until Christmas when we work together again. I want to move on and be happy and let him be just a memory but I can't and the more I think about it and the further he moves away from me the worse I get. I don't want to rely on him any more. But he's... he's safety to me. He's the only one who knows every single secret I have. It drives me crazy. I got really angry with myself at the pool today because all the time I was just thinking about him, seeing him, wondering what he was doing and I was upsetting myself and ruining my relaxing swim time. Today in the therapy we did a visualisation where we had to gather up our life on the shore of a beach and leave everything behind whilst we went on a journey, he was the only thing, the only thing I couldn't bear leaving.

    This is just retarded now. :cry:
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I don't know how to ask him to say it though. Without being a complete *****. 'Cos I'm pretty sure bowling up and going 'GET THE **** OUT OF MY HEAD' or 'I'm still struggling with this whole thing, you're the one I want to run to but can't, I wish I'd never met you' wouldn't go down well. Seems like I keep trying to go over old ground with him... Maybe I'm just making excuses to see him? Speak to him? Keep in contact with him? I'm very concious about the fact that he wants a new start when he goes to uni - well so do I. And a fairly large part of that new start is forgetting him and being happy with the occasional text/FB post if it happens until Christmas when we work together again. I want to move on and be happy and let him be just a memory but I can't and the more I think about it and the further he moves away from me the worse I get. I don't want to rely on him any more. But he's... he's safety to me. He's the only one who knows every single secret I have. It drives me crazy. I got really angry with myself at the pool today because all the time I was just thinking about him, seeing him, wondering what he was doing and I was upsetting myself and ruining my relaxing swim time. Today in the therapy we did a visualisation where we had to gather up our life on the shore of a beach and leave everything behind whilst we went on a journey, he was the only thing, the only thing I couldn't bear leaving.

    This is just retarded now. :cry:
    Why not send him an email explaining exactly what you've just said here? That way you get to think through what to put and he has time to think about his response too?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Why not send him an email explaining exactly what you've just said here? That way you get to think through what to put and he has time to think about his response too?
    I sent him an email on FB before, about two days before my OD. Didn't go down well, and it ended with me telling him that I was going to top myself. Plus either his FB is spazzing or he's blocked me as we don't appear to be friends any more... :/ I think I'll text and ask him if we can do coffee at the weekend.

    I feel awful though, I have a date tomorrow night with a sweet guy and I don't want to string him along, but I don't think I can do anything with him until I've sorted this out. I don't know how to tell him that either
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I sent him an email on FB before, about two days before my OD. Didn't go down well, and it ended with me telling him that I was going to top myself. Plus either his FB is spazzing or he's blocked me as we don't appear to be friends any more... :/ I think I'll text and ask him if we can do coffee at the weekend.

    I feel awful though, I have a date tomorrow night with a sweet guy and I don't want to string him along, but I don't think I can do anything with him until I've sorted this out. I don't know how to tell him that either
    :hugs: Maybe prepare what you'll say before hand, so you get out what you want?

    And FB has been massively playing up for me recently so I wouldn't read too much into that right now.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    If I were a woman, I'd be pregnant a lot. I keep forgetting to take my pills
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Maybe prepare what you'll say before hand, so you get out what you want?

    And FB has been massively playing up for me recently so I wouldn't read too much into that right now.
    Well I had a proper half an hour near panic attack spaz about it last night before figuring out that he was still listed as a mutual friend with my best mate so I texted her and she said that she couldn't get on his page either, so I think it is a technical fault.

    Mmm, maybe. I tend to cry when I think about it atm. Yay.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Well I had a proper half an hour near panic attack spaz about it last night before figuring out that he was still listed as a mutual friend with my best mate so I texted her and she said that she couldn't get on his page either, so I think it is a technical fault.

    Mmm, maybe. I tend to cry when I think about it atm. Yay.
    :hugs: You will start feeling better soon :console:

    Yeah, my FB is just being so much of an arse that I've given up for now haha, so don't worry.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    Mmm, I don't know how to phrase the text now. Sigh. Such a fail.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Mmm, I don't know how to phrase the text now. Sigh. Such a fail.
    :hugs: How have you phrased it before?
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: How have you phrased it before?
    He's always suggested it. I'm thinking 'Can I grab you for a coffee sometime before we go our seperate ways?' might work.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    He's always suggested it. I'm thinking 'Can I grab you for a coffee sometime before we go our seperate ways?' might work.
    :hugs: Sounds good :yep:
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Sounds good :yep:
    I'll report back.

    And now my friend is getting on my back because she wants to see me but I'm very busy this week... Argh guilt trips are not fun WHEN ITS NOT MY FAULT.
    Offline

    20
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by mathperson)
    Yes, I am saying that unhelpful thoughts can sometimes be based on past experiences and partial truths, this is quite different to be being based on facts however.

    So for example your example of "I'm stupid" (does this example apply to you?) is a good one, and one that is quite hard to argue with because of the way you put it. It is always assumed that it must be the students fault that he isn't doing well (and it usually is by the way), but a techer who isn't very good at his/her job won't help the situation. Nor will no support from family/friends/help outside classroom from teacher/etc.
    Also, it may just be a subject that the individual doesn't understand very well (I can't see the point in art, and that won't change, however I am good at maths and do it at uni') - that does not mean that somebody is stupid.

    I hope this helps in explaining what I mean (I think you were right, we were talking about slightly different things).
    I agree that people don't like/aren't good at certain subjects, or they have **** teachers, but even taking that into consideration they can still be stupid. Whilst IQ tests obviously have their flaws, if this person did one it would come out pretty low. They're not lazy either, like I said they worked their ass off at school but it didn't help, not through any fault of their own. To me the statement here "I'm stupid" would be true, I'm not saying that person is worthless or anything, but that they are not intelligent and in this case the statement isn't unhealthy in fact it can help to protect them from risks. It's not a nice statement but it is true. You get where I'm coming from? This is why the CBT approach doesn't make sense to me - that isn't to say it won't work for you, actually, it's great you're giving it a go and I really hope it works out for you.

    (And no, it's not an example which I think applies to me.)

    (If you don't want to continue this I understand completely, it does kind of sound like I'm laying into you which isn't my intention, I just wanted to have a friendly discussion with you. Similar to how someone might talk with their friends in a bar for example)

    How're you today?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I agree that people don't like/aren't good at certain subjects, or they have **** teachers, but even taking that into consideration they can still be stupid. Whilst IQ tests obviously have their flaws, if this person did one it would come out pretty low. They're not lazy either, like I said they worked their ass off at school but it didn't help, not through any fault of their own. To me the statement here "I'm stupid" would be true, I'm not saying that person is worthless or anything, but that they are not intelligent and in this case the statement isn't unhealthy in fact it can help to protect them from risks. It's not a nice statement but it is true. You get where I'm coming from? This is why the CBT approach doesn't make sense to me - that isn't to say it won't work for you, actually, it's great you're giving it a go and I really hope it works out for you.
    The idea of CBT is to change the way you think and act. The thought: "I'm stupid", doesn't have to be changed to: "I'm only stupid because I had a bad teacher or no support".

    It could just be changed to: "I'm not the smartest person but I have many other good attributes, I am a kind, loyal friend and I think that's much more important". Or "Maybe I'm not the cleverest person on the planet but if I work hard I can learn a lot more"

    Or is that not what you mean?
    Offline

    2
    For some people it's never enough. I am ill, ******* ill and having a massive downer of a day so basically I'm suffering emotionally, mentally and physically in all ways imaginable really and I still made my bf dinner, well I cooked some pasta(which was easy to just add soem cheese/sauce to) and cooked him some sausages. However he decided to completely unappreciate it and go"Is that it?" and make me feel **** about it and act in a ******* strop about it. Now he's gone out and left me alone which was killing me all day and gone to have a meal and go to the cinema. I'm so upset right now, I just want to leave this ******* world.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sauce)
    For some people it's never enough. I am ill, ******* ill and having a massive downer of a day so basically I'm suffering emotionally, mentally and physically in all ways imaginable really and I still made my bf dinner, well I cooked some pasta(which was easy to just add soem cheese/sauce to) and cooked him some sausages. However he decided to completely unappreciate it and go"Is that it?" and make me feel **** about it and act in a ******* strop about it. Now he's gone out and left me alone which was killing me all day and gone to have a meal and go to the cinema. I'm so upset right now, I just want to leave this ******* world.
    :hugs: That was out of order of him. Is there anything you're up to doing that could help?
    Offline

    2
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: That was out of order of him. Is there anything you're up to doing that could help?
    I was considering going for a run but I think he took both set of ******* keys.
    Offline

    16
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by sauce)
    I was considering going for a run but I think he took both set of ******* keys.
    Ah. Can you call him and check that? Also are you up to a run if you're ill? :console:
    Offline

    2
    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    Ah. Can you call him and check that? Also are you up to a run if you're ill? :console:
    I need to do something or I'm just going to end up screaming and getting into a panic attack. He didn't take his phone either.
 
 
 
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: October 22, 2010
Poll
Do I go to The Streets tomorrow night?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.