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    (Original post by Saffie)
    Yeah it's valium. And it's known to affect your memory. They give it to people during medical procedures to make them forget the procedure. Not being able to form memories is a side effect. So that would mean poor concentration because you need your short term memory to concentrate.
    It's not dangerous to you though.

    You could try taking a lower dose, or only take it when you don't really need to concentrate I guess.

    Also have you told your doctor about the voices you hear? Cause if you haven't, you really ought to. I don't think you should be taking diazepam if you hear voices.
    We talked about the voices for a while, he said they were more to do with low self-esteem than some kind of serious psychosis, and he never mentioned it would be a problem.

    I'm actually annoyed about that. I mean I don't think I have schizophrenia or something, but voices constantly screaming in my head to kill myself just seems like a tad more than low self-esteem.
    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    What dosage do you have? I was on it for a short amount of time and it does impair your processing speed.. to a greater amount at higher dosages..
    I can't remember the precise dosage (I'm not allowed to handle any medication due to attempted overdoses in the past) but I don't think it's especially high.

    I'm a little worried about it if it will be lowering my processing speed and concentration. The whole point was to help me with college, but now it seems like it's just going to make the academic side more difficult.


    EDIT: I went into college today and went to see the student support woman who likes me, and she basically said I look completely awful and should go home and try again on Monday. She's phoning all my lecturers to give them an idea of the situation. She also suggested I talk to that doctor about the medication he put me on, since it's just making my anxiety worse along with agitation and poor memory and concentration.

    I asked my mum about the dosage and it's 10mg, by the way. She also told me I tried it about five years ago and had a bad reaction. Seems like that might have been a good thing to mention when the doctor gave it to me this time, since she was there...
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :hugs: it can work if thats what you both want. I think its best to have a "cooling down period" where you give each other a bit of space to deal with certain emotions ( don't know if you've done this already) but I'm sure that you can work things out, at the end of the day you have to do whats best for you though.
    Mmm, yeah I think so. No, we didn't really, we went from going out --> being friends with benefits (very briefly) --> very close friends --> not so close friends and now we're back at the nice friends stage.

    I'm now in a quandry, I really want to see him before I go and have a chat with him but I don't think it'd help and I think the idea is stressing me out a lot. I dreamt about him last night... I keep dreaming about him. We're always together and happy in the dreams and I always, always wake up crying. And then spend the rest of the day in a foul mood because I can't handle that.

    I'm meant to have a date tonight with a guy I really like but I've told him I'll decide whether or not I feel up to it by 3pm - I really would like to go but atm just the thought of being around other people makes me want to cry. And I feel so guilty because I know that I can't open up my heart and let him in until my ex is out... But I can't get my ex out. And I can't exactly go 'oh yeah I'm feeling **** because I had a dream about my ex and I can't get over him' can I? He'd run for the hills. I don't want to screw him around though

    I haven't felt this low since the day before I ODed 3 weeks ago :cry:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Mmm, yeah I think so. No, we didn't really, we went from going out --> being friends with benefits (very briefly) --> very close friends --> not so close friends and now we're back at the nice friends stage.

    I'm now in a quandry, I really want to see him before I go and have a chat with him but I don't think it'd help and I think the idea is stressing me out a lot. I dreamt about him last night... I keep dreaming about him. We're always together and happy in the dreams and I always, always wake up crying. And then spend the rest of the day in a foul mood because I can't handle that.

    I'm meant to have a date tonight with a guy I really like but I've told him I'll decide whether or not I feel up to it by 3pm - I really would like to go but atm just the thought of being around other people makes me want to cry. And I feel so guilty because I know that I can't open up my heart and let him in until my ex is out... But I can't get my ex out. And I can't exactly go 'oh yeah I'm feeling **** because I had a dream about my ex and I can't get over him' can I? He'd run for the hills. I don't want to screw him around though

    I haven't felt this low since the day before I ODed 3 weeks ago :cry:
    :hugs: If you're feeling really low, try to keep yourself safe - around other people etc. This will all get better and you'll be you again
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    Just putting this here before I run out and forget...

    I'd like to find out exactly why I got dumped, what was the problem, and whether I should have tried harder back then. And if he's happier now than when we were together.
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    (Original post by mathperson)
    yeah do give my facebook offer some thought, you don't have to if you don't want, but I can assure you I don't bite

    Your example of "all americans like fast food" is a good one. Yes, the statement isn't true to everyone in america and that is the important thing - "THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE" IS NOT THE SAME AS "ALL PEOPLE". What I'm trying to say is that there may be some people you don't get on with, but that won't be the same for not getting on with everyone - there are some people who you are 'compatible' with.

    I think you criticise yourself too much, and it does seem you are stuck in a viscious circle.

    The aim of CBT is SORT OF to change the way you think, but more specifically I would say is to develop an ability to view situations from a different perspective, which it is very hard to do when depressed.
    Aha, but you changed my example. I didn't say "all Americans" I just said "Americans", putting all I agree would be wrong. :p:

    I know what you mean that the vast majority doesn't mean all, but that is how humans, and every animal actually, works. I put the example after Saffie's post.

    You're right, I do criticize myself a lot but tbh I think (especially given the list I gave you before) that I deserve it.

    (Original post by Saffie)
    I've done that as well- writing down the evidence for and against. And then rewriting the thought to take them into account.

    I think your statement is wrong because whether people like you or not is not binary- you're doing all or nothing, i.e. black and white thinking. So in your rewritten thought it could be: "My family and some friends like me so I must be a likeable person and if other people get to know me then they may like me too." I do understand what you mean about a general truth- like obviously Hitler is generally disliked even though Eva Braun or whoever liked him. But I don't think even most famous people are known by enough people to be 'generally liked or disliked'- let alone people like us. Infact part of being depressed is that you don't socialise much so you can't really test the liked/disliked hypothesis.

    Maybe if you go on big brother and tonnes of people really get to know you and then you could say whether you had general likeability or not- but even then, its probably a certain type of person that watches that show so I'm still not sure that that would be reliable.

    When you're in a situation where someone walks off while you're talking, if you weighed it all up, you'd probably come to the conclusion that the reason was more likely to be with them, i.e. they just remembered something or didn't feel well etc.
    I guess it is kind of black and white thinking, and you're right I was talking more about a general truth, your Hitler example is pretty much what I meant.

    I do try to socialize however, I try a lot, and it always fails. That's why I have that thought because I have tried so many times and failed 999,998/1,000,000. My family like me because they're my family, they kind of have to (my dad doesn't anyway...), and those 2 friends, I'll be damned if I know what it is they like about me. So perhaps my statement wasn't 100% accurate, I could rephrase it to "people I meet don't like me" - that would solve the, very valid, problem you mention of not everyone in the world knowing who I am.

    I dunno, still kind of confused about all this. To me, making generalizations seems like a normal human attribute. Whilst obviously people say don't make generalizations, that is how we as humans function. If you're on the bus and you can sit by an old woman with shopping bags or a 16year old wearing a track suit and baseball cap, who are you going to pick? Obviously not every 16 year old is a thug who wants to rob you, and not every old woman isn't a sadistic killer armed with a knife, but in general things do seem to be that way, so humans use this to make decisions. To me, doing anything other than that seems completely irrational.


    How're you, anyway, Saffie? You kind of jump in and out of here, you alright?
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    had such a horrible day think im going insane!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I do try to socialize however, I try a lot, and it always fails. That's why I have that thought because I have tried so many times and failed 999,998/1,000,000. My family like me because they're my family, they kind of have to (my dad doesn't anyway...), and those 2 friends, I'll be damned if I know what it is they like about me. So perhaps my statement wasn't 100% accurate, I could rephrase it to "people I meet don't like me" - that would solve the, very valid, problem you mention of not everyone in the world knowing who I am.

    I dunno, still kind of confused about all this. To me, making generalizations seems like a normal human attribute. Whilst obviously people say don't make generalizations, that is how we as humans function. If you're on the bus and you can sit by an old woman with shopping bags or a 16year old wearing a track suit and baseball cap, who are you going to pick? Obviously not every 16 year old is a thug who wants to rob you, and not every old woman isn't a sadistic killer armed with a knife, but in general things do seem to be that way, so humans use this to make decisions. To me, doing anything other than that seems completely irrational.


    How're you, anyway, Saffie? You kind of jump in and out of here, you alright?
    In terms of your socialising a lot- perhaps someone could say you just don't socialise in the right places? Perhaps you don't meet the right people? Certain types of people are more friendly than others- as a med student I speak to a lot of older people who're way more friendly than anyone my own age. Also my course has people of all ages and again those that are a bit older always seem more friendly to me. So even though you've refined your statement to "people I meet don't like me"- it could still probably be CBT-ed!

    I do also agree that everyone generalises, but I guess the point is that people with depression generalise things more negatively. I.e becks triad- everythings awful, I'm awful, the future will be awful. So for that I do think CBT is helpful.

    This is all a bit academic though and I think a lot of people with depression don't actually have problems that originate from the way they think. But to at least some extent it could probably help everyone.

    Yeah I'm fine thanks actually! How're you?
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    Idk why I'm posting here. I'm feeling low tonight. Maybe I'm seeking help? Idk, what would people here do if they were thinking of ending it? Go to A&E? Just do it? Speak to friends? Anyone?
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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    Idk why I'm posting here. I'm feeling low tonight. Maybe I'm seeking help? Idk, what would people here do if they were thinking of ending it? Go to A&E? Just do it? Speak to friends? Anyone?
    I have just done it (ended up with a cracked bone in my neck) and gone to A&E and going to A&E was a far better decision.. I really suggest if you feel that way that you go
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    (Original post by Ape Gone Insane)
    Night always makes you feel like that :console: I have such dark thoughts at night that seem rather trivial during the day. Whatever you are thinking of doing, you will regret it if you act - so don't.

    Speak to friends, yes. It is a temporary boost if you speak to someone - anyone. Let it out, whether you want to or not, depression is similar to anger. Confide, whether it be here or in real life.
    Tbh friends isn't an option. Last time I tried that the cops got called. Didn't end well. As for regreting it, well the point is that I wont be here to regret anything...
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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    Tbh friends isn't an option. Last time I tried that the cops got called. Didn't end well. As for regreting it, well the point is that I wont be here to regret anything...
    Suicide attempts generally do not end with success and in the process you could seriously either mess your organs up or lose limbs, break bones etc..

    I urge you go to A&E if you are seriously thinking of doing something tonight.. or ring your local crisis team if you know it.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Suicide attempts generally do not end with success and in the process you could seriously either mess your organs up or lose limbs, break bones etc..

    I urge you go to A&E if you are seriously thinking of doing something tonight.. or ring your local crisis team if you know it.
    tbh im scared they wont take me seriously. Stupid reason i know.

    (Original post by Ape Gone Insane)
    Your friends, why did they call the cops? Because they were concerned for you?
    yer. I know, I'm lucky to have them as friends. The problems it caused wasn't their fault.
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    If you go to them, then they will take you seriously. Please go and see them, Dayne, you clearly want to. :hugs:
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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    tbh im scared they wont take me seriously. Stupid reason i know.
    They will, I just walked in and said I was suicidal and planning on killing myself and they got the crisis team to see me at 3am and I have had daily visits for 2 weeks and different tablets.. they would much rather you volunteer than have to see you after an attempt.

    The A+E doctors can be ***** because they dont understand but they will make sure properly trained people see you, even if its just to save there own skin if they discharged you and you went and did something.
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    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    If you go to them, then they will take you seriously. Please go and see them, Dayne, you clearly want to. :hugs:
    I guess I do. Otherwise why am I posting here at all?

    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    They will, I just walked in and said I was suicidal and planning on killing myself and they got the crisis team to see me at 3am and I have had daily visits for 2 weeks and different tablets.. they would much rather you volunteer than have to see you after an attempt.

    The A+E doctors can be ***** because they dont understand but they will make sure properly trained people see you, even if its just to save there own skin if they discharged you and you went and did something.
    I went to a GP when i started feeling this way. I've seen 8 doctors since then, 2 of them twice. Nothing changed. I could go to A&E, but then I'll probably be back here next week I dont even know where the hospital is, and im not getting an ambulence.

    <rant> wtf? Seriourly. Life is good! So why do I feel like this? I've been happy in worse situations. Theres no reason. That makes it worse </rant. For now>
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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    I guess I do. Otherwise why am I posting here at all?



    I went to a GP when i started feeling this way. I've seen 8 doctors since then, 2 of them twice. Nothing changed. I could go to A&E, but then I'll probably be back here next week I dont even know where the hospital is, and im not getting an ambulence.

    <rant> wtf? Seriourly. Life is good! So why do I feel like this? I've been happy in worse situations. Theres no reason. That makes it worse </rant. For now>
    This is your life.. however many years it might be.. it might take a while to get it totally sorted out but when you think about it.. its a small percentage when you consider you can live 80 years... A&E and the doctors are there for such times as what you are feeling now, we contribute in tax to pay their salaries and so you might aswell make the most of them.. see as many as you can and try find something that works..

    Google maps was invented for such issues as finding the nearest hospital, I also believe the NHS direct website has a function where you input your postcode and it shows the nearest options.

    Sadly sometimes with the NHS it seems unless you are on the verge of killing yourself they couldnt give a ****. I am not promoting people to claim they are to recieve treatment but if you are.. then I would take advantage of it and get the help you are entitled too..

    I also understand what you mean by no reason as I am in very much the same situation.
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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    <rant> wtf? Seriourly. Life is good! So why do I feel like this? I've been happy in worse situations. Theres no reason. That makes it worse </rant. For now>
    that's more reason to go tbh, they'll help clear your head whilst it's good, sitting around thinking about it too much will just make you worse. I'd know
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    **** :emo:

    I'm carrying so much guilt and self hate and blame...I know I'm not 100% to blame but I feel like if I was somebody else then I wouldn't screw up all the time... **** I don't blame people for mistreating me I would hate me if I was them...
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    **** :emo:

    I'm carrying so much guilt and self hate and blame...I know I'm not 100% to blame but I feel like if I was somebody else then I wouldn't screw up all the time... **** I don't blame people for mistreating me I would hate me if I was them...
    What are you being blamed for? :hugs:
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    pain is back even worse than before, thoughts are back worse than before. dammit. I want to smash my head into a wall until they either give up or I knock myself out.
 
 
 
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