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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    <rant> wtf? Seriourly. Life is good! So why do I feel like this? I've been happy in worse situations. Theres no reason. That makes it worse </rant. For now>
    :hugs: This is something I can entirely relate to - though it sounds strange, I'm having difficulty coming to terms with not having cancer. When I was ill I had something to focus on, to beat, whereas now I'm a bit aimless. I'm still not entirely well, but I feel like I should be, so I get angry at myself for giving in to it. Then feel depressed because I'm getting angry and down over nothing when I should be happy.

    Sorry, this started off being empathy and turned into a bit of a rant myself :o:
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    Mmhmmm...........

    Date went awesome, film was ok, afterwards we went for a drink whilst I waited for my mates to turn up, we were stood at the bar and low and behold who appears, the ex. So I turned and said hi to him - bearing in mind I was stood next to him, he definitely heard me - and he glanced over and then blanked me. We got our drinks, went to a table and sat and talked (a little bit about him, both of us coming to the conclusion that he really wasn't worth it) and had a generally great time. Went to find my friends and got a good night kiss and whilst I with them I text the ex saying 'I can't be bothered with this any more, if you can't make the effort then neither can I, so screw it. Forget about the coffee on Saturday.' Got a 'Eh, what?' reply to that one, which I left. Little bit of an awkward moment when I saw one of my old work mates outside and went running out to meet him with a jump hug to find the ex standing next to him with a girl but I thought **** it, I'm not there to see him and if he wants an answer then he can make the effort and talk to me. Had a mini-conflab with the work colleague (a couple actually, found another one later on lol) and we all generally decided that he's not worth the hassle. Sent him another text saying that I can't recover myself with him being a stumbling block all the time so I will either see him face to face or won't see him again til Christmas - he decides. He's trying to make out that the guy I was with tonight is an idiot but tbh I don't care right now.
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    (Original post by Drogue)
    :hugs: This is something I can entirely relate to - though it sounds strange, I'm having difficulty coming to terms with not having cancer. When I was ill I had something to focus on, to beat, whereas now I'm a bit aimless. I'm still not entirely well, but I feel like I should be, so I get angry at myself for giving in to it. Then feel depressed because I'm getting angry and down over nothing when I should be happy.

    Sorry, this started off being empathy and turned into a bit of a rant myself :o:
    lol, you're a great person. You're generous and kind. Not many people are like you and I would miss anyone who was. I'm glad cancer didn't take you. If you need someone to fight, fight injustice. Fight those who hold power but refuse to help those who need it. Fight capitalism my my brother.

    I love you, dipak, bruce, kiren and so many people from TSR. Bye.
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    (Original post by DayneD89)
    lol, you're a great person. You're generous and kind. Not many people are like you and I would miss anyone who was. I'm glad cancer didn't take you. If you need someone to fight, fight injustice. Fight those who hold power but refuse to help those who need it. Fight capitalism my my brother.

    I love you, dipak, bruce, kiren and so many people from TSR. Bye.
    Thank you, that's utterly touching :o: Though I doubt you'd think that if you had to live with me - I feel sorry for Helen a lot of the time! But I think that's something of a universal: we all have parts of us that never surface in public, things we don't like about ourselves, deep-seated feelings we're ashamed or scared of. Things we can keep from the public eye but not from ourselves.

    I think you'd be surprised at how many people have a huge amount of respect and affection for you. Not just the usual suspects we interact with often in the HoC or MUN, but people who pop in and see that you're a bright, talented, kind guy - it's not something you keep well hidden! The kind of person there simply aren't enough of, on TSR or the world as a whole.

    You've been through things I can't imagine, yet you still post "wtf? Seriourly. Life is good! So why do I feel like this? I've been happy in worse situations. Theres no reason". I know you see this combined with depression as a negative, but I'd disagree. That you can post something like that shows that underneath you know there's something good. That you go through a difficult time and look at it positively, even if you don't feel that way, says a lot about your character.

    You have so much ahead of you and so many good qualities to get there with that the depressed feeling won't last, however deep-rooted it seems now. One day you'll wake up, think "life is good!", and your emotions won't disagree. One day the parts of you that don't surface in the Dayne we all see and love won't be pulling you in the other direction. And in the meantime, talk about it with close friends, about how you feel and why you feel the way you do even when you things seem like they should be positive, and I bet you'll find they're a lot more widely shared than you think, and don't conflict with the positive way people see you.

    Right now, when you're feeling like this, is the time for talk, not the time for action. It's the time to realise how many people care for you and are much the better for having met you, even just online. It's the time to work through with people why how you feel doesn't seem to match what you think - why you think life is good but don't feel it. You'll find out in the end your logic is right, but that your emotions take a while to realise it and catch up.
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    Thanks everyone btw for the kind messages yesterday. I think tonight has been the night I have finally accepted in my mind that my dad is going to die.. and it has hit me like a hammer. He has been the only sort of foundation that has helped me and pretty much the only reason I am still here. But thats going to ******* crumble and then what... If his life expectancy is 6 months.. which if he carries on like this it will be far sooner.. I would put mine at 7 or 8.. I would bet everything I own that in the month after he dies I will lie infront of a train.
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    Daynes been taken by Hampshire police thanks to Bruce. I'm trying to get to Portsmouth for tomorrow though this may be difficult.

    If anyones been keeping an eye on account activity to check up on him, i apologise. When i ran out of options i logged in on his account (has his password saved on me laptop) to see if anyone i knew in the back room could help. I have not read any personal messages, i promise.
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    If anyones been keeping an eye on account activity to check up on him, i apologise. When i ran out of options i logged in on his account (has his password saved on me laptop) to see if anyone i knew in the back room could help. I have not read any personal messages, i promise.
    Ach, that explains why Keiran and I were confused :o:
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    (Original post by Drogue)
    Ach, that explains why Keiran and I were confused :o:
    Whoops, sorry.

    This also means i am locked out of my own house. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day (assuming i can get to Portsmouth in the first place).

    Edit: wow, that just sounds selfish. It is not meant like that at all, i have exhausted all my attempts at 3am travelling...
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    I am glad he is ok.. it did make me wonder when his account came back online.
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    Daynes been taken by Hampshire police thanks to Bruce. I'm trying to get to Portsmouth for tomorrow though this may be difficult.
    Many thanks to yourself and Bruce - I hope Dayne is OK. I was really worried last night after he sent me a PM - I eventually took to tracking his posts to see what was going on :o:
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    (Original post by Student2806)
    Many thanks to yourself and Bruce - I hope Dayne is OK. I was really worried last night after he sent me a PM - I eventually took to tracking his posts to see what was going on :o:
    On the coach to Porsmouth to make sure he's alright and support him for a bit atm (coaches have wifi? :eek3:) Haven't slept all night.

    I shouldn't have left him alone :/
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    What are you being blamed for? :hugs:
    Ughh its a long story but I just feel that everytime something goes wrong its my fault because I'm so useless. People will say "oh its not your fault you did nothing wrong" but I some how manage to convince myself that it is me and that I should just stay away from people. I really want to. I think when I go back to Uni I'm just going to isolate myself because I'm not good to anyone, I just disappoint....most people had a hard time forgiving others but I've come to realise that the one person I cannot and probably will never forgive is myself. I deserve everything I got to be honest.

    Hope you're feeling ok
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Ughh its a long story but I just feel that everytime something goes wrong its my fault because I'm so useless. People will say "oh its not your fault you did nothing wrong" but I some how manage to convince myself that it is me and that I should just stay away from people. I really want to. I think when I go back to Uni I'm just going to isolate myself because I'm not good to anyone, I just disappoint....most people had a hard time forgiving others but I've come to realise that the one person I cannot and probably will never forgive is myself. I deserve everything I got to be honest.

    Hope you're feeling ok
    It sounds like you have low self esteem? You don't deserve to feel like that.. everyone makes mistakes.. but you seem to be blaming yourself for stuff that is not your fault.

    Dont isolate yourself! Go and enjoy uni, you have as much right as everyone else to do so!
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    On the coach to Porsmouth to make sure he's alright and support him for a bit atm (coaches have wifi? :eek3:) Haven't slept all night.

    I shouldn't have left him alone :/
    Please let us know how he is... Hope he's ok. And no, don't be silly Clip :hugs: You're an incredible person tbh.
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    On the coach to Porsmouth to make sure he's alright and support him for a bit atm (coaches have wifi? :eek3:) Haven't slept all night.

    I shouldn't have left him alone :/
    Hey, you're doing a lot for him as it is, and that means more to him than you can imagine. He has a lot of support from us all, and that's shown through the 2 hours I spent last night, and waking up Bruce at God awful hours. Dayne needs to know he's not alone, but so do you too. :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Please let us know how he is... Hope he's ok. And no, don't be silly Clip :hugs: You're an incredible person tbh.
    (Original post by Magnum Opus)
    Hey, you're doing a lot for him as it is, and that means more to him than you can imagine. He has a lot of support from us all, and that's shown through the 2 hours I spent last night, and waking up Bruce at God awful hours. Dayne needs to know he's not alone, but so do you too. :hugs:
    Thanks guys :o:

    The police have had him all day. They contacted me a few hours ago to let me know that they were still unaware what they were gonna do with him and they'd contact me when there's some an update. Though it's obvious he's gonna be sectioned, imo.

    I suppose they're waiting for a psychologist, i wish i'd asked to speak to him

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    Thanks guys :o:

    The police have had him all day. They contacted me a few hours ago to let me know that they were still unaware what they were gonna do with him and they'd contact me when there's some an update. Though it's obvious he's gonna be sectioned, imo.

    I suppose they're waiting for a psychologist, i wish i'd asked to speak to him

    :hugs:
    I tried numerous times to be allowed to speak to him, they wouldn't have a bit of it :dry:

    EDIT: He's already been seen by a mental health nurse, btw, she rung me earlier and asked a few questions. I told her that I don't think sectioning would help him. I told him he feels better in the presence of friends.
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    (Original post by paperclip)
    Thanks guys :o:

    The police have had him all day. They contacted me a few hours ago to let me know that they were still unaware what they were gonna do with him and they'd contact me when there's some an update. Though it's obvious he's gonna be sectioned, imo.

    I suppose they're waiting for a psychologist, i wish i'd asked to speak to him

    :hugs:
    Most probably (I'm not entirely sure what the procedure is...) :console: Sounds harsh but I've learnt this past two weeks that being sectioned isn't the worst thing that could happen, in fact it's normally the best thing because you get the help you need and you get it fast. Big hugs to you both, take care of yourself please, make sure you eat and sleep :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Big hugs to you both, take care of yourself please, make sure you eat and sleep :hugs:
    Ditto. Regardless of what you may say, you're both amazing people for being there for Dayne
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    I agree with KMN, the most important thing is he gets the help he needs...

    Going to get drunk tonight for the first time since these new tablets... this could end up horrifically or I could just fall asleep... we will see..
 
 
 
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