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    Feel awful. Just down...down...down...down. I don't want to go back, I want to run off and hide somewhere, probably kill myself after a bit but at least it will be on my terms that way. They refuse to help so what am I meant to do? They just want to see me to keep a check on me.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :jive: Aww I'm happy for you . Glad you had the strength to stick it out and do what is right for you...wish I could do the same
    You shouldn't be.

    I caved today and texted him asking once again if we could patch it up (no idea why... possibly because the other guy showed himself up this morning for what he seems to be - sex obsessed and not looking for the same things as me) and he said sure we could try but atm he's struggling with himself and has spent the weekend trying not to go manic. I'm really worried about him now.

    I'm definitely cycling through moods, Saturday despite the **** that went down with the above and a really crappy couple of things I was high as a kite, today I just want to sit and cry and I've come home from a party early because I was snapping at everyone and just not taking anything as a joke. I'm thinking about cutting again and that big black hole has started to appear. Right after the day I move into my uni accommodation. I can't tell them at the hospital otherwise they won't discharge me :cry:

    :hugs: Saber, what have they tried to do to help you?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Feel awful. Just down...down...down...down. I don't want to go back, I want to run off and hide somewhere, probably kill myself after a bit but at least it will be on my terms that way. They refuse to help so what am I meant to do? They just want to see me to keep a check on me.
    Hey.. when you say refuse you help can you expand? I know you have the problems with the ears and stuff.. so just want to clarify!

    Things will get better.. even if they seem like they wont
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Feel awful. Just down...down...down...down. I don't want to go back, I want to run off and hide somewhere, probably kill myself after a bit but at least it will be on my terms that way. They refuse to help so what am I meant to do? They just want to see me to keep a check on me.
    :hugs: If you want help then you need to demand it. And if the people you're seeing aren't any use, ask to see new people. You deserve to get proper help and get better.
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    I feel like **** today...It's one of those nights where I just cry for no proper reason.. I did something stupid tonight and feel like things never go right and that people always let me down.
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    (Original post by Sine)
    I feel like **** today...It's one of those nights where I just cry for no proper reason.. I did something stupid tonight and feel like things never go right and that people always let me down.
    :hugs: Trust me, it will get better, it honestly does. What help are you receiving at the moment?
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Trust me, it will get better, it honestly does. What help are you receiving at the moment?
    None, I used to go counselling but I stopped...hated the woman and the way she just made me end up crying every session plus, she sorta told my parents ...well hinted....things which I didn't want them to know
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    (Original post by Sine)
    None, I used to go counselling but I stopped...hated the woman and the way she just made me end up crying every session plus, she sorta told my parents ...well hinted....things which I didn't want them to know
    :hugs: Go and talk to your GP about how they can help you - there's the option of talking therapy or pills and both can help immensely.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: Go and talk to your GP about how they can help you - there's the option of talking therapy or pills and both can help immensely.
    Hmmm, i heard antidepressents are bad though...might try talking again..you see I think I know where my depression stems from like...the cause..but it's something I have no control over ..it's also in the past..but it seems to be bothering me still.
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    I want to be at peace.. No more mental fights, low moods, mistakes, problems.. Yet I seem to be lacking the courage right now to go for it..
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    (Original post by Sine)
    Hmmm, i heard antidepressents are bad though...might try talking again..you see I think I know where my depression stems from like...the cause..but it's something I have no control over ..it's also in the past..but it seems to be bothering me still.
    I'm on antidepressants and for me they've worked wonders. Depends on the person I guess - treatment is a very personal thing.

    Maybe talking therapy would help then? Your GP will be able to refer you to someone like a psychologist to help you :hugs:
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Hey.. when you say refuse you help can you expand? I know you have the problems with the ears and stuff.. so just want to clarify!

    Things will get better.. even if they seem like they wont
    Ears have suddenly got a lot worse again, but it's not that, well partly that, but I mean help for other stuff, like depression and **** mainly.

    Like an example, since around march or april or something 2009 I've been taking mirtazapine, which for about 3 months worked a bit and I was pretty surprised. Then it stopped working entirely, I told them this they said keep taking it. Then in about may 2010 I stopped taking it because I felt really really **** and it hasn't done anything in a year so why take something which does nothing? Also stopped quetiapine then. When certain things got worse they asked why I'm not taking mirtazapine so I told them and they just told me to take it again :mad: IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. :banghead: I'm pretty sure it's the reason I sweat my ass off at the gym all summer and lose pretty much no weight at all, which again adds to the feeling ****. If I ask to see the psychiatrist when I feel myself going down it takes ages and then she just sits there says "medication doesn't do anything, you're the problem, bye".....so why the **** am I taking this ******* mirtazapine?

    I started quetiapine around sometime october 2009 or bit after, it didn't help AT ALL. I told them this, they said keep taking it. I'm now 3 stone overweight, will probably get diabetes or something and my arms are covered in self harm from me trying desperately not to kill myself whilst on the quetiapine. I kept saying I hate this it does nothing but they don't give a ****. Only "let" me stop it once I threatened that I would stop it cold turkey and refuse to talk to them again if they didn't let me.

    I'm pretty sure things won't get better, I'm about 95% sure I'll be dead by next june because I just can't do this anymore. It's ok-ish right now, and it'll be ok for the first 2 weeks of uni but once I completely fail once again to make any kind of friends or understand work or do anything right then it'll be more hell.

    Sorry this turned out so long. You don't have to answer, damn, I'm sorry. I'm just really ******* angry with them. I hate talking to people in person, but I did it, I told them everything, things I shouldn't have, because I stupidly thought they'd help and they refuse.

    Are you feeling better than the other day, IF?

    (Original post by superwolf)
    :hugs: If you want help then you need to demand it. And if the people you're seeing aren't any use, ask to see new people. You deserve to get proper help and get better.
    I can't see anyone else. Apparently I have psychosis but I also apparently don't have it so I have to see the psychosis team who say "it's your personality, bye".

    Anyway, if I saw someone else they'd just do the same. Promise to help so I tell them things and then pass on the information and report on me. That's all they're doing. I know they could help, I even went through their guidelines, which they're not following.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm on antidepressants and for me they've worked wonders. Depends on the person I guess - treatment is a very personal thing.

    Maybe talking therapy would help then? Your GP will be able to refer you to someone like a psychologist to help you :hugs:
    Hmmmm okay need to deffo go see the GP in that case.
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    (Original post by Sine)
    Hmmmm okay need to deffo go see the GP in that case.
    :hugs: It's a huge help to get help, makes a massive difference.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    :hugs: It's a huge help to get help, makes a massive difference.
    Thanks a lot!
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Ears have suddenly got a lot worse again, but it's not that, well partly that, but I mean help for other stuff, like depression and **** mainly.

    Like an example, since around march or april or something 2009 I've been taking mirtazapine, which for about 3 months worked a bit and I was pretty surprised. Then it stopped working entirely, I told them this they said keep taking it. Then in about may 2010 I stopped taking it because I felt really really **** and it hasn't done anything in a year so why take something which does nothing? Also stopped quetiapine then. When certain things got worse they asked why I'm not taking mirtazapine so I told them and they just told me to take it again :mad: IT DOESN'T DO ANYTHING. :banghead: I'm pretty sure it's the reason I sweat my ass off at the gym all summer and lose pretty much no weight at all, which again adds to the feeling ****. If I ask to see the psychiatrist when I feel myself going down it takes ages and then she just sits there says "medication doesn't do anything, you're the problem, bye".....so why the **** am I taking this ******* mirtazapine?

    I started quetiapine around sometime october 2009 or bit after, it didn't help AT ALL. I told them this, they said keep taking it. I'm now 3 stone overweight, will probably get diabetes or something and my arms are covered in self harm from me trying desperately not to kill myself whilst on the quetiapine. I kept saying I hate this it does nothing but they don't give a ****. Only "let" me stop it once I threatened that I would stop it cold turkey and refuse to talk to them again if they didn't let me.

    I'm pretty sure things won't get better, I'm about 95% sure I'll be dead by next june because I just can't do this anymore. It's ok-ish right now, and it'll be ok for the first 2 weeks of uni but once I completely fail once again to make any kind of friends or understand work or do anything right then it'll be more hell.

    Sorry this turned out so long. You don't have to answer, damn, I'm sorry. I'm just really ******* angry with them. I hate talking to people in person, but I did it, I told them everything, things I shouldn't have, because I stupidly thought they'd help and they refuse.

    Are you feeling better than the other day, IF?
    Your psychiatrist sounds strange, medication are used for pretty much every mental illness, can you not see another?

    Some meds work, some dont.. I have no clue how many there are, but theres a ******* lot.. can you not force to be put on something different? Or see a different doctor?

    I dont know much about the US system and so im finding it hard to offer you actual constructive help.. but you just have to keep banging on the doors until at some point they open I guess.. thats what I am telling myself anyway..
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Your psychiatrist sounds strange, medication are used for pretty much every mental illness, can you not see another?

    Some meds work, some dont.. I have no clue how many there are, but theres a ******* lot.. can you not force to be put on something different? Or see a different doctor?

    I dont know much about the US system and so im finding it hard to offer you actual constructive help.. but you just have to keep banging on the doors until at some point they open I guess.. thats what I am telling myself anyway..
    This is the UK system, that's what the problem is. To see a psychiatrist I need a referral from a GP, but because I'm seeing this team of people I can't get another referral because they say I need to see these people.

    And yeah I know some work and some don't, I've tried 9 (possibly 10) antidepressants and 5 antipsychotics, from the former only the mirtazapine helped and like I said it stopped. From the latter the one that worked isn't licensed for how I made it work so can't take that either (plus it ****** up my concentration worse too). This psychiatrist looked at my notes and just said you've taken many and they haven't really worked and that was it. I asked to try a class I hadn't taken of antidepressants and she completely refuses, just got me to do some personality test.

    When I get back I'm trying to decide whether to bother talking to them at all. It seems like the only thing they've done is made everything worse, they're not interested in helping.

    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    I want to be at peace.. No more mental fights, low moods, mistakes, problems.. Yet I seem to be lacking the courage right now to go for it..
    That's a good thing I guess that you're not going to do it right now. Did you call them the other night? Worth doing again?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    This is the UK system, that's what the problem is. To see a psychiatrist I need a referral from a GP, but because I'm seeing this team of people I can't get another referral because they say I need to see these people.

    And yeah I know some work and some don't, I've tried 9 (possibly 10) antidepressants and 5 antipsychotics, from the former only the mirtazapine helped and like I said it stopped. From the latter the one that worked isn't licensed for how I made it work so can't take that either (plus it ****** up my concentration worse too). This psychiatrist looked at my notes and just said you've taken many and they haven't really worked and that was it. I asked to try a class I hadn't taken of antidepressants and she completely refuses, just got me to do some personality test.

    When I get back I'm trying to decide whether to bother talking to them at all. It seems like the only thing they've done is made everything worse, they're not interested in helping.



    That's a good thing I guess that you're not going to do it right now. Did you call them the other night? Worth doing again?
    Hmm.. so I am guessing this team either includes or sends you too the same psychiatrist each time?

    Is there no way to get these people off your back? What would have to be proven for that to happen?

    Obviously they know best :rolleyes:.. but IMO its silly you cant have the option of seeing other people..
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Hmm.. so I am guessing this team either includes or sends you too the same psychiatrist each time?

    Is there no way to get these people off your back? What would have to be proven for that to happen?

    Obviously they know best :rolleyes:.. but IMO its silly you cant have the option of seeing other people..
    By people you mean this doctor/team? All I need to do is not call them, they don't have details of my new address, I wouldn't register a new address with a GP and they can go **** themselves. I mean...they might contact my university to find out where I'm living, but they can't force me to do anything, I gave them a chance and they refuse to help.

    Of course in that scenario, I also definitely wouldn't be able to get a prescription for a different antidepressant and any visit to a&e wouldn't go as smoothly.

    I know, it's retarded. I have to see this doctor because of the city I'm in and I can't see another one not affiliated with this team because they say it has to be them. Even though these people refuse to do anything and even say that. :banghead:

    Sorry for the rant. I'm so frustrated with the whole thing, I'm confused about everything right now and trying to decide what to do when I get back. Don't see why they won't do their job.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    By people you mean this doctor/team? All I need to do is not call them, they don't have details of my new address, I wouldn't register a new address with a GP and they can go **** themselves. I mean...they might contact my university to find out where I'm living, but they can't force me to do anything, I gave them a chance and they refuse to help.

    Of course in that scenario, I also definitely wouldn't be able to get a prescription for a different antidepressant and any visit to a&e wouldn't go as smoothly.

    I know, it's retarded. I have to see this doctor because of the city I'm in and I can't see another one not affiliated with this team because they say it has to be them. Even though these people refuse to do anything and even say that. :banghead:

    Sorry for the rant. I'm so frustrated with the whole thing, I'm confused about everything right now and trying to decide what to do when I get back. Don't see why they won't do their job.
    Took my sleeping tablets about 15 mins ago and so my brain is turning to liquid mush.

    I will reply tomorrow I just dont want you to think I am not replying.. its just if I did now tonight it would be useless.
 
 
 
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