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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    I just had to google that to find out what it was... and all I can say is that I want one now! They seem awesome, I want home made slushies
    :yep: now I have no money!
    and I am low now and my throat hurts
    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Loz17)
    In a way thats not too bad. But in others its not good :hugs:

    Let us know if the dose increase works

    I'm seeing my doctor about coming off the citalopram next week. But I want to take some 1st week of uni though. Just want a script to take with me.
    So are you planning on stopping it after the first week of uni or stop it and then re-take it in the first week.. because I thought AD's can take a while to kick in?
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    (Original post by sauce)
    :yep: now I have no money!
    and I am low now and my throat hurts
    :hugs:
    Oh ok, that means you wont be needing the slushie mug then. Hand it over! :hmmm:
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    I'm going to go have a breakdown in front of my Mum I think*. Things are flying too fast at me right now and I can't handle it.

    *=means hugs but unsympathetic words. :sad: It's a trade off I'll have to live with
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm going to go have a breakdown in front of my Mum I think*. Things are flying too fast at me right now and I can't handle it.

    *=means hugs but unsympathetic words. :sad: It's a trade off I'll have to live with
    Whats up? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    So are you planning on stopping it after the first week of uni or stop it and then re-take it in the first week.. because I thought AD's can take a while to kick in?
    I've been on them since Janurary. I know they work now so if I do replase I can go back on them.

    I'm gonna finish my last box of 20mg, then reduce the dose to 10mg for a month, then alternate days for 1 or 2 months.
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    (Original post by fire2burn)
    I'm sure you don't repulse anyone And people not moving out the way occurs everywhere I'm afraid, it's one of my pet annoyances... people who refuse to move standing there oblivious to the world. Is it anxiety in public places that triggers the teary eyes? I used to get it and I always remember swearing and threatening myself in my head trying to stop it.

    Never know with uni though things might improve might meet new and better people. There's always hope.

    And I agree this section is a really good place to rant.
    I suppose, it does annoy me when you have to walk in the middle of the road because three people want to walk in a line.

    Yeah it is often in public that I get this feeling. It was really bad last year, I used to get panic attacks just walking down the street but it got better.
    I just want to be able to forget the past year and start again. Hopefully I can :o: .

    Hope you're ok
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    I'm either having a low or it's just because I'm run-down. :nothing:
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    I'm going to go have a breakdown in front of my Mum I think*. Things are flying too fast at me right now and I can't handle it.

    *=means hugs but unsympathetic words. :sad: It's a trade off I'll have to live with
    :hugs: whats wrong? remember you told me that things will get better, the same applies to you, you arent an exception you deserve happiness too :yep:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :hugs: whats wrong? remember you told me that things will get better, the same applies to you, you arent an exception you deserve happiness too :yep:
    It turns out I'm just ill haha. I've always been miserable when I get ill haha.
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    (Original post by steffi.alexa)
    It turns out I'm just ill haha. I've always been miserable when I get ill haha.
    lol good, well not good that you're ill but good that.....:facepalm: ohh well you get what I mean HAHA!
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    I'm definitely going to see my GP tomorrow, can't put it off any longer really. I'm just so apprehensive about what they will say. :/
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    (Original post by irdk)
    I'm definitely going to see my GP tomorrow, can't put it off any longer really. I'm just so apprehensive about what they will say. :/
    Don't worry about it, just be honest with them about whatever it is you want to say
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    :hugs: I hope your situation improves. At least you know what the other guy was after before it was too late. I know its frustrating going through all the emotions but you are stronger than you think you just have to believe it and you will get through it with the help and support of others.
    Thank you :hugs:

    I feel all refreshed from my holiday, mood has been up down and round the corner, half the time very happy and half the time moody as hell but I'm still learning I think... it feels like I'm relearning how to react to people and situations. Especially with the whole assertiveness thing... (I swore I'd never do CBT and I've only dipped into it but it's looking quite helpful, and something I'd like to pursue)

    Really starting to get stressed and nervous about uni though The black hole has appeared; different this time in that I don't want to die but still there in that I can't even begin to imagine what I'll be doing in 8 days time :sad:
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    :cry: It's not fair
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    :cry: It's not fair
    Whats up? :hugs:
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Whats up? :hugs:
    Life is going well right now. But I still can't feel truly happy. I always have this demon nipping at my heels and I can't get free of it :cry:
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    Firstly, sorry if I end up posting this like five times, TSR is being really weird and I keep getting error messages and time-outs when I try to do anything.

    I feel really silly for talking about this, but it's really bothering me...

    Last summer, I started three day a week group therapy. It was for teenagers that needed more intensive treatment than one-on-one weekly therapy, but we weren't thought to be at risk enough for us to be placed in the in-patient unit. Most of the other people actually came from the in-patient unit after long stays, but a couple like me were coming from one-on-one therapy. The problems ranged from eating disorders to social and anxiety problems, but all linked with depression.

    The other young people there were great for the most part, supportive while all of us just acting like normal teenagers for once. One girl, let's just call her Jess for conversation's sake, stood out for me. I won't go into a bunch of love-at-first site bull-****, but I really felt drawn to her. She made me happy, just by being there. We all became pretty good friends, since it's a long process with little changes to the groups over a course of months, but I still felt a special attraction to her. Never mentioned it, since even if I wasn't awkward as **** I didn't want to mess up the group dynamic and risk harming people's, and my own really, recoveries.

    Six months or so pass, and she's discharged to the less intensive one-on-one thing I mentioned. We promise to keep in touch through Facebook (side note: **** facebook man, people should just use MSN). We actually seem to form a much deeper friendship through private online conversations, I guess it's just easier to open up, and I manage to show her some really personal writing, which I've only showed a few other people all of which I had never actually met in real life. She opens up too, telling me things I obviously can't share, while always being extremely eager about my writing for whatever reason, even showing some to her dad for reasons I never asked about.

    A couple months pass and another person is discharged, and she decides we should all try to meet up for coffee or something, which we do. In the end it's me, 'Jess, and two other girls we're both close too who meet up. I get hugged, best day of my life,blah blah blah. It should be noted that both the other girls are well aware of my feelings for Jess, as is everyone in the entire world but the girl in question it seems, and I'm lightly teased for it while she just seems confused.

    A week or two after that day, I ask Jess if she wants to maybe see a film together that she mentioned that day, I think it was that Lovely/Lonely Bones thing that came out at the start of the year. She replies that she had seen it a few days ago with her sister, and then asks if I was wanting us to see it together and when I say yes she says she wishes she hadn't seen it then. Then I ask her if she saw Skins that night, since she rejected me as nicely as she could and I wanted to avoid awkwardness.

    More months pass (I too get discharged in this time, finally), but instead of my feelings or crush or whatever just fading away, it just gets stronger. I've been told on countless forums that teenagers don't fall in love, too many hormones, but **** I don't know what else to call it. Anyway, about two months ago, I can't even remember how it came up, but I just offhandedly mentioned my feelings for her, since I thought she obviously knew. Apparently not and she's completely shocked, blah blah blah I elaborate and have a gayass declaration of love on ************* Facebook. Yeah, I'm like an e-Casanova, right? She rebuffs me as gently and as self-deprecating as possible, talking about how my happiness is so important and she's so sorry if she's ever hurt you, this goes on for at least two hours before we move onto softer subjects.

    Next couple weeks are normal e-convos for the most part, if a little less frequent, but I just feel worse and worse knowing that she doesn't return my feelings, despite having already been 100% certain of that fact despite one of the other girls always telling me to go for it. Eventually I just ditch Facebook, I only had like 6 other contacts anyway, telling her I just felt like a break from everything.

    ....I last about a week and a half before sending her a massive essay-length e-mail about my feelings, it probably came off as creepy and stalkerish, but the general vibe at the end was that I wouldn't bother her again.

    So I'm slowly going crazy over the past month-ish, since with the added weight of starting college I also ****** up the one friendship that made me happy in life, with her never responding to the e-mail. Anyway, about thirty minutes ago I decided to delete things off my computer that reminded me of her, poetry inspired by her, stories that only she saw, some poetry she's written that she sent me, etc. I also needed to delete that e-mail from my sent folder so I log on to Hotmail only to find out that she has responded. About three hours ago. I think the universe is conspiring against me on that, but that's besides the point. Without any detail, her e-mail was very short (just one line) saying that she's feeling really bad and doesn't know what to do. I really have no idea how the **** to respond.

    Sorry for this massive rant, but I have literally no friends or even acquaintances, in real life OR online, so I don't exactly have anyone else to ***** to
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    (Original post by Bookface)
    Firstly, sorry if I end up posting this like five times, TSR is being really weird and I keep getting error messages and time-outs when I try to do anything.

    I feel really silly for talking about this, but it's really bothering me...

    Last summer, I started three day a week group therapy. It was for teenagers that needed more intensive treatment than one-on-one weekly therapy, but we weren't thought to be at risk enough for us to be placed in the in-patient unit. Most of the other people actually came from the in-patient unit after long stays, but a couple like me were coming from one-on-one therapy. The problems ranged from eating disorders to social and anxiety problems, but all linked with depression.

    The other young people there were great for the most part, supportive while all of us just acting like normal teenagers for once. One girl, let's just call her Jess for conversation's sake, stood out for me. I won't go into a bunch of love-at-first site bull-****, but I really felt drawn to her. She made me happy, just by being there. We all became pretty good friends, since it's a long process with little changes to the groups over a course of months, but I still felt a special attraction to her. Never mentioned it, since even if I wasn't awkward as **** I didn't want to mess up the group dynamic and risk harming people's, and my own really, recoveries.

    Six months or so pass, and she's discharged to the less intensive one-on-one thing I mentioned. We promise to keep in touch through Facebook (side note: **** facebook man, people should just use MSN). We actually seem to form a much deeper friendship through private online conversations, I guess it's just easier to open up, and I manage to show her some really personal writing, which I've only showed a few other people all of which I had never actually met in real life. She opens up too, telling me things I obviously can't share, while always being extremely eager about my writing for whatever reason, even showing some to her dad for reasons I never asked about.

    A couple months pass and another person is discharged, and she decides we should all try to meet up for coffee or something, which we do. In the end it's me, 'Jess, and two other girls we're both close too who meet up. I get hugged, best day of my life,blah blah blah. It should be noted that both the other girls are well aware of my feelings for Jess, as is everyone in the entire world but the girl in question it seems, and I'm lightly teased for it while she just seems confused.

    A week or two after that day, I ask Jess if she wants to maybe see a film together that she mentioned that day, I think it was that Lovely/Lonely Bones thing that came out at the start of the year. She replies that she had seen it a few days ago with her sister, and then asks if I was wanting us to see it together and when I say yes she says she wishes she hadn't seen it then. Then I ask her if she saw Skins that night, since she rejected me as nicely as she could and I wanted to avoid awkwardness.

    More months pass (I too get discharged in this time, finally), but instead of my feelings or crush or whatever just fading away, it just gets stronger. I've been told on countless forums that teenagers don't fall in love, too many hormones, but **** I don't know what else to call it. Anyway, about two months ago, I can't even remember how it came up, but I just offhandedly mentioned my feelings for her, since I thought she obviously knew. Apparently not and she's completely shocked, blah blah blah I elaborate and have a gayass declaration of love on ************* Facebook. Yeah, I'm like an e-Casanova, right? She rebuffs me as gently and as self-deprecating as possible, talking about how my happiness is so important and she's so sorry if she's ever hurt you, this goes on for at least two hours before we move onto softer subjects.

    Next couple weeks are normal e-convos for the most part, if a little less frequent, but I just feel worse and worse knowing that she doesn't return my feelings, despite having already been 100% certain of that fact despite one of the other girls always telling me to go for it. Eventually I just ditch Facebook, I only had like 6 other contacts anyway, telling her I just felt like a break from everything.

    ....I last about a week and a half before sending her a massive essay-length e-mail about my feelings, it probably came off as creepy and stalkerish, but the general vibe at the end was that I wouldn't bother her again.

    So I'm slowly going crazy over the past month-ish, since with the added weight of starting college I also ****** up the one friendship that made me happy in life, with her never responding to the e-mail. Anyway, about thirty minutes ago I decided to delete things off my computer that reminded me of her, poetry inspired by her, stories that only she saw, some poetry she's written that she sent me, etc. I also needed to delete that e-mail from my sent folder so I log on to Hotmail only to find out that she has responded. About three hours ago. I think the universe is conspiring against me on that, but that's besides the point. Without any detail, her e-mail was very short (just one line) saying that she's feeling really bad and doesn't know what to do. I really have no idea how the **** to respond.

    Sorry for this massive rant, but I have literally no friends or even acquaintances, in real life OR online, so I don't exactly have anyone else to ***** to
    Its a shame things have worked out this way. I'm going to be annoying and say it probably isn't 'love'. It's an attachment and I think people with depression are particularly prone to make strong attachments to people, often their therapists. But that doesn't change the way you feel and missing someone is terrible. I think it does lessen over time, but its always there.

    Have you replied to her short email? She sounds really low at the moment and desperate and her email's obviously asking for support, she knows you care.

    I think if you really care about her then you'll have to put your feelings aside for now and help her- and let her know that you're just there as a friend. (Even though I know you want more, but that isnt likely at the moment)
    :hugs:
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    Yeah, I actually responded to her immediately after posting that. I'd much rather her be happy than myself be happy.

    I think what you said, a strong attachment because of the depression, is probably likely. I honestly don't know. ****, I'm probably not even capable of love. My family are, for the most part, loving and supportive, but I honestly haven't felt any kind of affection for them in years. Four, maybe five. I've never had a properly close friendship for even longer, really only when I was a little kid. I tried getting to know strangers online to the point where our little group would call ourselves best friends, a few even developed romantic feelings and have eRelationships, but I never felt any kind of affection, it was just to waste time and fill boredom. I just... feel either nothing or self-hate, except in regards to her. But she deserves better, much better, so I'll just try to support her when she's desperate like this, do whatever little things I can to make her happy, and be lonely. Hell, you get used to loneliness right? I mean I was lonely before I met her, and I dealt with it, so eventually things will go back to how they were, yeah?
 
 
 
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