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    In deep doo-doo tomorrow, this is not going to be nice. Why the **** am I honest with people?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    In deep doo-doo tomorrow, this is not going to be nice. Why the **** am I honest with people?
    Whats up?

    Oh and Ape I will reply to that PM you send me the other day tomorrow, I havn't had the motivation to type anything for a couple of days.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Whats up?

    Oh and Ape I will reply to that PM you send me the other day tomorrow, I havn't had the motivation to type anything for a couple of days.
    Saw a GP today, she wanted to call the crisis team, instead tomorrow she's going to call the people I've been avoiding. Just wanted something to help me get to sleep now I've got all this mess. Bugger.


    How's the new thing working out for you?
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    I miss being 14. When work didn't matter, when I spent my weekends riding and playing with the horses at the stable, when going down town with mates was an amazing treat and most of all, when I really honestly didn't care what people thought. :/
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Saw a GP today, she wanted to call the crisis team, instead tomorrow she's going to call the people I've been avoiding. Just wanted something to help me get to sleep now I've got all this mess. Bugger.


    How's the new thing working out for you?
    Tell her no? Do you HAVE to see them?

    It made me sleep a bit, mehh.. I dont really care.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Tell her no? Do you HAVE to see them?

    It made me sleep a bit, mehh.. I dont really care.
    I dunno, just really really worried about having to take those ******* drugs again. I swear that doctor is only nice to me so I tell her stuff I shouldn't, way too ******* trusting that's the problem. :rolleyes:

    :hugs: hopefully it'll help, might take a bit though.
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    Got an earlier appointment, 2pm this afternoon.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Got an earlier appointment, 2pm this afternoon.
    I hope it goes well for you.
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    "take your meds"

    NO. I refuse to be controlled by them any longer. :mad: And their lies and distortions.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    "take your meds"

    NO. I refuse to be controlled by them any longer. :mad: And their lies and distortions.
    Good on you for standing up to them.
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    I'm a disgusting awful pathetic excuse for a human i didnt eat for days for someone, i dind't want to wreck their life now they go mental at me. I was trying to help them and not **** everything up, the stomach pain and headaches are so bad but i did it for them and they throw it all back screamng. i cant ******* do anythign right. i hate myself so much. im not meant to cut but why the **** now they are already so angry.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I'm a disgusting awful pathetic excuse for a human i didnt eat for days for someone, i dind't want to wreck their life now they go mental at me. I was trying to help them and not **** everything up, the stomach pain and headaches are so bad but i did it for them and they throw it all back screamng. i cant ******* do anythign right. i hate myself so much. im not meant to cut but why the **** now they are already so angry.
    Hey whats happened? :hugs:
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Hey whats happened? :hugs:
    didn't eat so I wouldn't die so it wouldnt mess their life up like they told me before but today they were like wtf and tried to force me to screaming and hating me even though i did it for them. just didn't want to mess theirl ife up but I can't even do that right

    cant even ******* get the razor blade out im ******* useless :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    didn't eat so I wouldn't die so it wouldnt mess their life up like they told me before but today they were like wtf and tried to force me to screaming and hating me even though i did it for them. just didn't want to mess theirl ife up but I can't even do that right

    cant even ******* get the razor blade out im ******* useless :rolleyes:
    Who is them? :hugs:

    Who was the answer?
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Who is them? :hugs:

    Who was the answer?
    girl/friend - told me if i kill myself/die it will **** up their university education. so I did what i could to not die and now they're angry, i don't get it wtf. i was trying to help them and they go mental at me. apparently i'm insane im irrational i'm a moron, i dont know why as i only did it for them to stop them failing.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    girl/friend - told me if i kill myself/die it will **** up their university education. so I did what i could to not die and now they're angry, i don't get it wtf. i was trying to help them and they go mental at me. apparently i'm insane im irrational i'm a moron, i dont know why as i only did it for them to stop them failing.
    Live life for yourself not to help others, your a good guy and you have your own life ahead of you.

    Cutting or anything else is not the solution.
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    (Original post by Idiot-Finder)
    Live life for yourself not to help others, your a good guy and you have your own life ahead of you.

    Cutting or anything else is not the solution.
    I'm just going to tell them that's it. I mess up their life whatever I do, so I'll go back to living in a ****** little room, drinking myself into oblivion every night then at least I won't drag anyone down with me.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I'm just going to tell them that's it. I mess up their life whatever I do, so I'll go back to living in a ****** little room, drinking myself into oblivion every night then at least I won't drag anyone down with me.
    Live life for yourself and **** other peoples opinions.
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    CBT is annoying. My doctor is a cool guy, but it's supremely uncomfortable. We were talking about why I don't like socialising, and all I could think of was it basically boiled down to me being an unlikeable, judgemental prick, and because I know people won't like me and I certainly won't like them, I just try to avoid making contact at all. He says I just use the judgemental thing as a defence, and I justify in my mind reasons why I'm better off just hanging out alone. Like the first example was watching films/tv alone, I said it's better because you don't have some ******** making comments and you can focus, and he said while it's technically correct I'm missing part of the point.

    I don't understand, it makes perfect sense to me. Although I guess that's what he said I do, but it's frustrating. Next time we meet (Tuesday) we're going to look at emotions more closely, since he says I tend to just ignore that and try to think through everything methodically and rationally. Which is only somewhat true, but he doesn't understand my thought process and it seems like that would be incredibly difficult to share with someone since I've never done that before since I think it would seem nonsensical to other people...

    ****, I'm going to be thinking about this all week.
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    Weighting up the ultimate decision. I don't even know myself anymore :cry:
 
 
 
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