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    Thanks Jonathan for your kind concern.:hugs: I was wondering whether I should have posted it in this society instead :o: but I haven't really talked about me in here for just over a year now, just been on my own way with depression *sings All By Myself!* so not sure if I have any place here anymore.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    :cry: I feel so sad. I wish I was stronger. I can't seem to be good enough at anything. I keep forgetting the simplest of things, I feel horrible because I've eaten so much today and I want to be sick because I feel sick at the idea of food being inside me, I feel like a baby. I just want someone to hug me and tell me everything will be ok. I don't feel like things will ever be better. I feel like things are getting worse. I feel so fragile and so empty and sick. I miss my friends but I don't want to go to the party that's happening tomorrow.

    I hope you are all ok. Sorry for the self absorbed moan.
    :hugs: Moan to us anytime you like.

    Are you receiving help (e.g. therapy, etc.) for the food problems?

    :hugs: I hope thing get better soon. :hugs:
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    (Original post by Elements)
    Thanks Jonathan for your kind concern.:hugs: I was wondering whether I should have posted it in this society instead :o: but I haven't really talked about me in here for just over a year now, just been on my own way with depression *sings All By Myself!* so not sure if I have any place here anymore.
    :hugs: You certainly have a place here whenever you want to post here - I suppose it would probably be even better if none of us felt the need to post in a depression forum, but on the other hand, I've made a lot of good friends here, which helps to ease the pain somewhat .

    How are you feeling? :hugs:
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: Moan to us anytime you like.

    Are you receiving help (e.g. therapy, etc.) for the food problems?

    :hugs: I hope thing get better soon. :hugs:
    Sort of... my psychologist is saying I have to put on weight and if I don't I'll need 'additional support' whatever the hell that means. It's not even like I was trying to lose weight or anything, food is just repulsive to me.:puke: But at the same time, and this is going to sound really weird/eating disorder-y, I kind of feel proud of myself for managing to lose weight even though I know I'm nowhere near fat and if anything I need to put on weight but I'm scared.

    Every female in my close family (apart from my sister and me) is overweight or obsese and I don't want to be like them. But I know I should put on weight. But I don't want to because it involves eating and food is horrible. If there was something I wanted to eat I would but nothing seems appetising. But today I got made to eat breakfast and I had pizza for dinner because my mum made me and I kept snacking all day and I feel like that's enough food for the entire weekend. But that's not right is it? Oh I don't know. I'm so confused. Everyone keeps saying make yourself eat and I do but I feel so horrible afterwards it doesn't feel like it's worth it. I don't want to get an eating disorder or anything so I know I have to change the thinking but I don't think there's anything wrong with not eating when I'm not hungry.

    Sorry for moaning AGAIN. It's like once I start I can't stop.

    Thanks Jonathan, you seem like such a lovely person.
    How are you feeling today? :hugs:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Are you a science student? You sound like a scientist! :p:

    I have so much work to do and I want to do it, so so badly but my mind won't let me focus. It's sort of the opposite to your thing.
    I was pursuing a degree in physics until roughly 1:30 pm today.

    Spoiler:
    Show
    Now I'll be pursuing degrees in physics and mathematics :ninja:
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    I have no reason whatsoever to be sad...But I am
    I'm at uni and its freshers week and I've met loads of nice people,have been out more time in the past week than I have in the past year but I havent found anyone that I click with and feel a tiny bit out of place.
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    My friend Jack's dad died yesterday. I've always been really close to his parents. Me and jack haven't talked in over a year but I still see his parents quite a lot and still call them mum and dad. They've done so much for me and been there when my own parents weren't. I can't believe he's gone. I can't stop crying and my brother thinks i'm being an idiot because he wasn't even my dad but this has hit me really hard.

    I sat down feeling really good about myself because i'd taken the dog out for an hour and cleaned the kitchen and conservatory and then I get this call that says he's died. I just don't know what to do with myself
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    im really sorry to hear that dd. :hugs: :console:
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    I am so sorry DD, :hugs: for you and Jack

    (Original post by jonathan122)
    I'm sorry today has been so awful for you, Nat.

    Please do post tomorrow to let us know how you are - we'll all be thinking of you. :console:
    Work went well, I was on the floor collecting glasses so ran around like a blue arsed fly for 4 hours, I quite enjoy doing it because the workload can be so variable and it's got a definate end goal! My manager let half the staff go at half 10 because it was dead... not realising that people had been out flyering and at half 11 a massive group turned up so we were rushed off our feet I could've gone home but at work (besides from when they played The Goo Goo Dolls; Iris, which always makes me cry whatever mood I'm in!) my mind was off of everything and I could just listen to music, talk to my colleagues and run around like a mad'un...

    Still feel **** today, woke up with a massive stomach ache that I get some times, after an hour or two and a good few ibuprofen it always goes away and never stops me doing something that is in the future, such as going to work tonight... My mum came in and started shouting at me that I wasn't going to go to work, I might as well just give my job in and I'm worthless again :sad: She doesn't even try and understand. She knows that sometimes I get a stomach ache but it always goes after a few hours at the most and I will try my best to do what I need to do but when I'm in so much pain I can't move I need to wait for the pain killers to kick in! She's spoken to me twice since I got up (at 4 :o: I wanted to be in town by half 3 but the stomach ache stopped that ) and both times have been to verbally abuse me. I don't know what she wants anymore. I'm fed up of her! She moans all the time that I have no confidence or that I'm not motivated but she herself spends half her time telling me how crap I am :mad:

    Thanks guys for yesterday :hugs: TL;DR of it is I'm feeling a bit better but still not fab
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    I am so sorry DD, :hugs: for you and Jack


    Work went well, I was on the floor collecting glasses so ran around like a blue arsed fly for 4 hours, I quite enjoy doing it because the workload can be so variable and it's got a definate end goal! My manager let half the staff go at half 10 because it was dead... not realising that people had been out flyering and at half 11 a massive group turned up so we were rushed off our feet I could've gone home but at work (besides from when they played The Goo Goo Dolls; Iris, which always makes me cry whatever mood I'm in!) my mind was off of everything and I could just listen to music, talk to my colleagues and run around like a mad'un...

    Still feel **** today, woke up with a massive stomach ache that I get some times, after an hour or two and a good few ibuprofen it always goes away and never stops me doing something that is in the future, such as going to work tonight... My mum came in and started shouting at me that I wasn't going to go to work, I might as well just give my job in and I'm worthless again :sad: She doesn't even try and understand. She knows that sometimes I get a stomach ache but it always goes after a few hours at the most and I will try my best to do what I need to do but when I'm in so much pain I can't move I need to wait for the pain killers to kick in! She's spoken to me twice since I got up (at 4 :o: I wanted to be in town by half 3 but the stomach ache stopped that ) and both times have been to verbally abuse me. I don't know what she wants anymore. I'm fed up of her! She moans all the time that I have no confidence or that I'm not motivated but she herself spends half her time telling me how crap I am :mad:

    Thanks guys for yesterday :hugs: TL;DR of it is I'm feeling a bit better but still not fab
    Your mum reminds me so much of mine. Especially the bolded bit. I'm glad you're feeling a little better and I'm so proud of you for managing to go to work the way you were last night. Please don't believe ANYTHING your mum says, believe it or not, you aren't crap. You are strong and special and if your mum can't see it, frankly it's her that has the problem.

    Deathdrop, I'm so sorry. :hugs:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Sort of... my psychologist is saying I have to put on weight and if I don't I'll need 'additional support' whatever the hell that means. It's not even like I was trying to lose weight or anything, food is just repulsive to me.:puke: But at the same time, and this is going to sound really weird/eating disorder-y, I kind of feel proud of myself for managing to lose weight even though I know I'm nowhere near fat and if anything I need to put on weight but I'm scared.

    Every female in my close family (apart from my sister and me) is overweight or obsese and I don't want to be like them. But I know I should put on weight. But I don't want to because it involves eating and food is horrible. If there was something I wanted to eat I would but nothing seems appetising. But today I got made to eat breakfast and I had pizza for dinner because my mum made me and I kept snacking all day and I feel like that's enough food for the entire weekend. But that's not right is it? Oh I don't know. I'm so confused. Everyone keeps saying make yourself eat and I do but I feel so horrible afterwards it doesn't feel like it's worth it. I don't want to get an eating disorder or anything so I know I have to change the thinking but I don't think there's anything wrong with not eating when I'm not hungry.

    Sorry for moaning AGAIN. It's like once I start I can't stop.

    Thanks Jonathan, you seem like such a lovely person.
    How are you feeling today? :hugs:
    :hugs:

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with not eating when you're not hungry, and you certainly shouldn't force yourself to eat things you don't want to. However, if you genuinely feel that food is repulsive, then that's a different matter, and it could be a potential problem. I don't think trying to force yourself to eat more is really the answer, and I certainly think that your mum forcing you to eat pizza and stuff like that is really not helpful .

    Don't apologise for moaning. It's what this thread is for.

    I'm ok at the moment - I went out with my parents today, which was quite nice, took my mind off worrying about uni next weekend.

    :hugs:
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    sorry i've not posted for a while guys, ive been so busy and had a lot to deal with lately. i upped my dose on citalopram to 20mg which seems to be working a lot better for me, and ive been seeing my counsellor for 3 times now. It's brought up a lot of stuff for me from my childhood which i never thought would affect me now or have affected me in anyway, i had a massive cry about it before with my housemate and she made me feel a lot better. you know your life has been bad when you nearly make the counsellor cry! i saw my exs gf too this week which brought all that unhappineess again for a few days and i discussed it with the counsellor and she said my reaction to it is that im still hurt by it but my childhood experiences have been brought into the hurt so im also hurting for that hence why i took the whole breakup so badly. im trying my best to trust the counsellor and be totally honest woith her, she's really lovely and makes me feel good about myself but it's still hard discussing your deepest darkest feelings, i'm not used to discussing them with anyone, let a stranger. People have commented saying something's changed about me in a good way or that i look a lot happier, i do feel it too, hopefully i am coming to the end of this depressive episode or maybe i'll only know in a few months time when i come off the AD's hopefully. I'm worried about getting used to not speaking to a counsellor once the 6 sessions have finished, because i'm already half way through, i think me crying was a breaki through in the counselling because i havent cried during or after the past 2 ones until now, she makes me feel normal though and not a freak like i'm used to feeling. she makes me feel like my feelings and thoughts have worth, which ive never really thought before, i feel sleepy now and drained from the crying....
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i dont see myself ever getting better.
    Very few people never recover from this. The odds are on your side. :hugs:

    How are you feeling today?
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i dont see myself ever getting better.
    you will do, we are stronger than we think, never forget you are an amazing person who has come this far, have hope malsy :hugs:
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    Hey guys, I hope everyones OK. I have another account on here and this is a dupe account as I want to keep this stuff a bit more private. If you recognise me :shh:
    I have had depression for years and it was really bad over the summer so now I'm back at uni I've started having counselling and I've seen a psychiatrist.

    I guess seeing twizzle's post made me want to post about it. Twizzle, your counselling sounds really helpful to you and I'm glad.

    I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with mine though I've only had a couple of sessions so far. I find it weird that I've told my counseller a lot about me and yet she says things sometimes that make me think she really doesn't know me at all. And I'm definitely really scared of crying infront of her, I guess its just not something I do.
    The first session was ok because it was talking about everything in not much detail. The second session I really hated because I went in feeling like I had nothing to talk about and then I did do a lot of talking, mostly prompted, but it was about stuff that in a way I don't think bothers me that much (family mainly).

    I have my third session coming up and I have thought of a couple of things I want to talk about this time which is good, I dont know how to bring them up though, and I still don't think its going to take that long. And I think I'll back out of the subjects if they start upsetting me though I suppose I hope I don't.

    Talking to a psychiatrist was almost better but then he made me feel a bit stupid at the end too even though he was nice. I have another session with him this week. All these sessions just make me feel like this is all my fault. That its just me being irrational and blowing things out of proportion. Maybe thats true but I don't do it on purpose. It is slightly empowering which is good. I'm slightly proud I've actually made the effort to see these people and sort my life out. But even with a slightly greater sense of control, I don't know how to use it or anything. There is honestly nothing I can look forward to or really care about so I have nowhere to really direct any energy to change things. I feel a lot better than I did over the summer but its still just lingering in the background.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    thank you guys but honestly you dont understand the damage is set in stone(if thats the right phrase) like totally done and just so bad.
    I'm sorry you feel like that, Malsy.

    My personal belief is that, as long as your heart's still beating, there is always a way back, no matter what you've done, or what's been done to you. I understand you don't feel up to telling us what's happened in any great detail, but I think you would genuinely benefit from telling somebody. There are a lot of people out there that want to help you. :hugs:

    I'm sorry if I've said anything out of order. :o:

    :hugs:
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    (Original post by Rileigh)
    Hey guys, I hope everyones OK. I have another account on here and this is a dupe account as I want to keep this stuff a bit more private. If you recognise me :shh:
    I have had depression for years and it was really bad over the summer so now I'm back at uni I've started having counselling and I've seen a psychiatrist.

    I guess seeing twizzle's post made me want to post about it. Twizzle, your counselling sounds really helpful to you and I'm glad.

    I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere with mine though I've only had a couple of sessions so far. I find it weird that I've told my counseller a lot about me and yet she says things sometimes that make me think she really doesn't know me at all. And I'm definitely really scared of crying infront of her, I guess its just not something I do.
    The first session was ok because it was talking about everything in not much detail. The second session I really hated because I went in feeling like I had nothing to talk about and then I did do a lot of talking, mostly prompted, but it was about stuff that in a way I don't think bothers me that much (family mainly).

    I have my third session coming up and I have thought of a couple of things I want to talk about this time which is good, I dont know how to bring them up though, and I still don't think its going to take that long. And I think I'll back out of the subjects if they start upsetting me though I suppose I hope I don't.

    Talking to a psychiatrist was almost better but then he made me feel a bit stupid at the end too even though he was nice. I have another session with him this week. All these sessions just make me feel like this is all my fault. That its just me being irrational and blowing things out of proportion. Maybe thats true but I don't do it on purpose. It is slightly empowering which is good. I'm slightly proud I've actually made the effort to see these people and sort my life out. But even with a slightly greater sense of control, I don't know how to use it or anything. There is honestly nothing I can look forward to or really care about so I have nowhere to really direct any energy to change things. I feel a lot better than I did over the summer but its still just lingering in the background.
    :jumphug:

    Hello and welcome.
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    (Original post by twizzle)
    sorry i've not posted for a while guys, ive been so busy and had a lot to deal with lately. i upped my dose on citalopram to 20mg which seems to be working a lot better for me, and ive been seeing my counsellor for 3 times now. It's brought up a lot of stuff for me from my childhood which i never thought would affect me now or have affected me in anyway, i had a massive cry about it before with my housemate and she made me feel a lot better. you know your life has been bad when you nearly make the counsellor cry! i saw my exs gf too this week which brought all that unhappineess again for a few days and i discussed it with the counsellor and she said my reaction to it is that im still hurt by it but my childhood experiences have been brought into the hurt so im also hurting for that hence why i took the whole breakup so badly. im trying my best to trust the counsellor and be totally honest woith her, she's really lovely and makes me feel good about myself but it's still hard discussing your deepest darkest feelings, i'm not used to discussing them with anyone, let a stranger. People have commented saying something's changed about me in a good way or that i look a lot happier, i do feel it too, hopefully i am coming to the end of this depressive episode or maybe i'll only know in a few months time when i come off the AD's hopefully. I'm worried about getting used to not speaking to a counsellor once the 6 sessions have finished, because i'm already half way through, i think me crying was a breaki through in the counselling because i havent cried during or after the past 2 ones until now, she makes me feel normal though and not a freak like i'm used to feeling. she makes me feel like my feelings and thoughts have worth, which ive never really thought before, i feel sleepy now and drained from the crying....
    :hugs:
 
 
 
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