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    (Original post by becki08)
    kiss_me_now9, I hope your call goes ok on Thursday. Please don't do anything stupid to try and avoid it. If you really can't face it then tell your GP or don't answer the call but try to do it if you can because it might help. Yes it will be hard but it'll be worth it in the long run.


    I'm really struggling at the moment. Don't want to burden everyone with it here but I've posted about it in H&R.
    You're not burdening anyone, thats what this society is here for *hug*
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    Thanks Rachel. Just guess if I said everything it would be rather long! I've recently come out of hospital and I was really hoping that I could keep things stable for a while but they're already falling to pieces. Really finding it hard to cope.
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    ive fallen for a girl i cant have, who lives in another city and told me if i lived there she'd be with me but she has a boyf and stops paying me attention so i am now hung up and depressed my face in my profile pic is how i look 24/7 atm *sigh*
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    "Will you ever really understand what I feel? Will you ever know what the stories woven into the delicate tangles of scars that sadly decorate the skin of my pale arms will ever really entail? When the truth is told, will you ever truly believe it? Will you be able to distinguish the real happiness from the fake? And when it comes down to it, will I ever be able to know all of that for you? I guess you can read my words and relate. You will interlace your experiences with mine in vague attempt to know what it feels like. You will tell me stories of your own pain and tell me you've felt the same. I will claim that no one has ever felt this hurt. Not like I have. I mean, it's hard to comprehend someone, somewhere in the world is experiencing the same things and reacting in the exact same way. Then something will enter my mind, the words I've read from someone else, words that I could have sworn were my own. A paragraph that I am so tempted to put my name next to because it is impossible that someone else could ever write out the things I feel in such a way if they have not been inside me. Then something else will lace my concentration. Music to which another set of words fit. A song that, once again, seems to depict exactly what I feel. Something that I could not have written. Something someone else felt at a completely different time about entirely different people, yet is exactly the same. So maybe, just maybe you will understand...you will know what I feel and what I have felt. You may not be able to put it into words or even express it...but you will feel something that tells you exactly what it is like. And maybe there are others, people I shall never even meet, who understand exactly what it is to hurt. And maybe there will be people who go through so much worse times than I will ever even imagine and they will survive. And because of the slight pain I feel now, I will be able to tie a string of recognition to their pain and nurse them back to a happy existence. What a person feels can never be measured. The surface ripples can be felt through words or music, or even a slight expression that flits across someone's face. Maybe there is someone who will understand, someone who has been through nothing but feels the same. For even a person who has everything may not be happy. Even if you do not know it, you are not alone. There are people who feel perfect, people who feel worse...and maybe, somewhere, people who feel exactly the same."

    - RubyToosday (on bolt)
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    (Original post by Laus)
    "Will you ever really understand what I feel? Will you ever know what the stories woven into the delicate tangles of scars that sadly decorate the skin of my pale arms will ever really entail? When the truth is told, will you ever truly believe it? Will you be able to distinguish the real happiness from the fake? And when it comes down to it, will I ever be able to know all of that for you? I guess you can read my words and relate. You will interlace your experiences with mine in vague attempt to know what it feels like. You will tell me stories of your own pain and tell me you've felt the same. I will claim that no one has ever felt this hurt. Not like I have. I mean, it's hard to comprehend someone, somewhere in the world is experiencing the same things and reacting in the exact same way. Then something will enter my mind, the words I've read from someone else, words that I could have sworn were my own. A paragraph that I am so tempted to put my name next to because it is impossible that someone else could ever write out the things I feel in such a way if they have not been inside me. Then something else will lace my concentration. Music to which another set of words fit. A song that, once again, seems to depict exactly what I feel. Something that I could not have written. Something someone else felt at a completely different time about entirely different people, yet is exactly the same. So maybe, just maybe you will understand...you will know what I feel and what I have felt. You may not be able to put it into words or even express it...but you will feel something that tells you exactly what it is like. And maybe there are others, people I shall never even meet, who understand exactly what it is to hurt. And maybe there will be people who go through so much worse times than I will ever even imagine and they will survive. And because of the slight pain I feel now, I will be able to tie a string of recognition to their pain and nurse them back to a happy existence. What a person feels can never be measured. The surface ripples can be felt through words or music, or even a slight expression that flits across someone's face. Maybe there is someone who will understand, someone who has been through nothing but feels the same. For even a person who has everything may not be happy. Even if you do not know it, you are not alone. There are people who feel perfect, people who feel worse...and maybe, somewhere, people who feel exactly the same."

    - RubyToosday (on bolt)
    Really nice :yes: thanks for sharing.
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    i don't know, but i only come on here at my lowest times. went to uni today, stressed me out far too much, nearly cried in the lecture for no reason and as soon as i left it, kept repeating to myself and rocking "too much, too much" just the amount of people there and attempting to concentrate overwhelmed me, i'm startin hate crowds and want to be alone all the time, tried exercising afterwards but physically and mentally couldn't. Came home and screamed and cried and sobbed. Punched pillows and kept throwing my whole body across my bed from side to side and playing the loudest screamiest music i could find, the counsellor reckons something wants to get out inside me as have been feeling more this way all the time....but i don't have many thoughts. I just feel not in control. Of my own life. Hate been on antidepressants, i just want to be normal. Been feeling more and more paranoid lately and wanted to throw myself off a bridge earlier....oh god i hope im not heading for another breakdown....
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    (Original post by Cassanata)
    ive fallen for a girl i cant have, who lives in another city and told me if i lived there she'd be with me but she has a boyf and stops paying me attention so i am now hung up and depressed my face in my profile pic is how i look 24/7 atm *sigh*
    No, you aren't.
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    I feel so empty at the moment. Just a total disconnect from all the good things. I had such a nice time on the days me and webber went away, everything was perfect, and yet I still found myself waiting for him to go to sleep, going and having a wash and then sitting in the bathroom crying until I had to sleep.

    Since I went to see jake the other night we've been texting. Mainly him telling me he's sorry blah blah blah and me saying that I don't care. so a couple of nights ago he sends me this text, and he's got this idea that we should get together and have a baby. he'll support us and we can be a happy family. which is what i've always wanted apparently. where the **** he gets the idea I want to shack up with my long term abuser I do not know. he just acts like money will solve everything. like he can take back all he did by offering to buy me things or 'look after' me.
    I'm so sick of him, I don't get why he doesn't just skip town again.
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    I have reached a very strange point. I just feel totally numb right now. Things that usually make me happy, like my family or friends don't make me feel happy and things that normally make me sad like a particular song don't make me feel sad.And for someone with bipolar, feeling neither happy nor sad is strange. It's like I can't feel any emotion.It's bizzare and I don't know what to do.I'd like it to stop.

    Has anyone else ever felt like this?
    Help.Please.
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    (Original post by gooner1991)
    I have reached a very strange point. I just feel totally numb right now. Things that usually make me happy, like my family or friends don't make me feel happy and things that normally make me sad like a particular song don't make me feel sad.And for someone with bipolar, feeling neither happy nor sad is strange. It's like I can't feel any emotion.It's bizzare and I don't know what to do.I'd like it to stop.

    Has anyone else ever felt like this?
    Help.Please.
    :hugs:
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    So ******* retarded.

    Didn't get 'the' phone call this morning.

    Why?

    Because I put my phone on silent last night and it went to voicemail :facepalm:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    Damn. My phone's always on silent. Don't stress too much over it though I guess it wasn't meant to be today? Maybe hopefully rearrange. Sounds like you're more positive about it though which is a good thing, and next time you'll probably value the call more as you'll be wanting it this time. I dunno..maybe, anyway :hugs:
    Very annoyed at myself. I thought they'd try the home phone - which is sat next to my bed - but apparently not. I'm going to ring them and try to arrange another appointment, for next Thursday afternoon. I'm going to see my friends in Nottingham next Wednesday and travelling back home on Thursday... So if I ask for it at like, 4, I should be home by then? I'm not really sure if that's the best plan, but I can't think of when else to arrange it for :dontknow: I'm in college til 5 on Monday, til 4 on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday and I sleep most of the day Saturday because of work!
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Very annoyed at myself. I thought they'd try the home phone - which is sat next to my bed - but apparently not. I'm going to ring them and try to arrange another appointment, for next Thursday afternoon. I'm going to see my friends in Nottingham next Wednesday and travelling back home on Thursday... So if I ask for it at like, 4, I should be home by then? I'm not really sure if that's the best plan, but I can't think of when else to arrange it for :dontknow: I'm in college til 5 on Monday, til 4 on Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday and I sleep most of the day Saturday because of work!
    Yeah best to give them a ring to rearrage if you still want to go ahead with it. I had my first session today. It went better than expected I think...I did shed a few tears a bit, I think I needed to do that. I think with counselling it is about letting you feel incontrol by letting you find the answers to your own problems...thats the impression I got anyway.
    I'm still scared of food ( sounds stupid) but am forcing my self to eat it, and trying not to be so hard on myself...why do the simplest of things prove to be so difficult. I get so jealous watching people eat to their hearts content and enjoy food...while I can't, and I really want to.
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    I'm a stupid idiot. My housemates are going out tonight so I worked myself to go out with them (I get scared of nightclubs because of something bad that happened a few years ago). I got ready and then found out I wasn't invited because you have to be on the guest list. I'm so stupid for presuming I could go. Now I'm in the dilemma of do I wash my make-up off so they don't see how stupid I've been or keep it on because they're phoning their friends to see whether I can come anyway (which I doubt). Oh well on the up side, if I don't go I have a few hours in which I can cut badly and go to A&E without them finding out. I hate me.
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Yeah best to give them a ring to rearrage if you still want to go ahead with it. I had my first session today. It went better than expected I think...I did shed a few tears a bit, I think I needed to do that. I think with counselling it is about letting you feel incontrol by letting you find the answers to your own problems...thats the impression I got anyway.
    I'm still scared of food ( sounds stupid) but am forcing my self to eat it, and trying not to be so hard on myself...why do the simplest of things prove to be so difficult. I get so jealous watching people eat to their hearts content and enjoy food...while I can't, and I really want to.
    You sound like me with the food thing.
    Except I can't really make myself eat anymore. The pain afterwards and the way I berate myself just isn't worth it. It's weird, the time I used to semi *enjoy* food was only a few weeks ago. I don't understand it. I'm trying to force myself to eat like really trying but it's it's just disgusting and I'm not even hungry and I refuse to eat if I'm not hungry. I went food shopping yesterday, put a few things in my basket then convinced myself I didn't want to eat any of them and put them all back. I know I have to eat but I just can't. It makes me feel sick and scares me and it's so much effort and I don't want to. Even though I know I need to. So annoying. I'm taking supplements so at least I'm getting vitamins. And I think I'm starting to like not eating a bit too much and that's bad. I have to stop it before it gets worse but I really don't know how.

    I just associate food with being sick and I feel better when I don't eat. Right now I feel lightheaded but in a good way. If I ate now, I'd have horrible stomach cramps and end up being sick and have a headache so I don't want to.
    But my mum's making dinner so she'll probably make me sit at the table until I do eat. I don't want to worry her but I just don't want anything. I'm not even hungry even though I've only had a rasin (which made me feel sick ) and a piece of chewing gum and a chocolate bar (which I really needed.)
    But I really really have to eat. I can feel myself shaking and I'm sitting by the radiator. But I don't want to. Everyone keeps telling me to eat but I can't. Just the thought of an actual meal sounds repulsive.
    What the hell is this? I keep screaming at myself to eat in my head but it doesn't work. I don't want this to get worse so I have to eat but... I'm scared.

    Is your food thing like this or different? Am I just weird? I don't understand what this is. It's not like a proper eating disorder because I don't think I'm fat. I just don't want/need/like food.
    I hope you're ok and sorry for the rant. Glad counselling went well. And well done for making yourself eat! I suppose that's the hardest step. :hugs:
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    I feel like absolute ****, physically and mentally. I seem incapable of living properly.
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    i hate this feeling.
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    How is everyone tonight? :hugs: to all those who need them.
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    I just want to be normal
 
 
 
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