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    Hey guys, not been feelin brill for past couple of days and need to get some stuff off my chest. I started uni a month ago and am really struggling to settle in. My flatmates are quite cool, but they never want to do anything together, i've only really met a couple of people on my course but not the sort to go out with and because this is getting me down I am struggling to get down to work. I cried every day for the first 2 weeks, then just as I thought things were getting a little better, I feel really down again. I'm just lucky that I live so close to home and that I already have a couple of friends who are in uni here. I'm also pretty homesick and i'm really tempted to go home for the weekend, but I think it may make me feel when I come back. I felt depressed earlier in the year and looked to uni as an escape, but feel like it may have made things worse. Just don't know what to do . Dropping out is an option, as I already have a Foundation Degree so it wouldn't be the end of the world.
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    (Original post by kiss_me_now9)
    Not so great, I feel very out of sorts with myself atm. I'm meeting my best mate for coffee later so that will be good Other than that I'm just working to get to the end of this week, I only have college Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because half term starts on Thursday for me
    I'm going to assume "half term" is a break of sorts. Yank in the room :p:

    A break will be nice, I bet. Are you seeing a doc?
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    Guys, I have decided to see a doc. next week. I don't know how to express everything though.
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    Guys, I have decided to see a doc. next week. I don't know how to express everything though.
    It isn't hard :hugs:
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    Guys, I have decided to see a doc. next week. I don't know how to express everything though.
    I'm so pleased you've decided on this :hugs: My hypocriticalness aside, going to the Docs will help. I took advice from a few people on here and wrote down a list of things that I was feeling. Or you could print out a few of your posts and take them in... And if you don't want to, don't feel pressured to tell the receptionist what it's about :rolleyes:

    D-Day, half term is basically a week off college, apart from I get a week and a bit because Friday is a teacher training day and I have Thursdays off as part of my course anyway.

    Uhm, no, hypocrit bit coming up, despite what I just said to Mals I still haven't gone back to my GP, and now have a follow up appt. letter sitting on my desk that I recieved yesterday and don't wish to reply to
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    i'm just so ******* fragile though. even reading your lots responses i'm in tears. god knows what I'll be like when i get there.
    i think doctors are used to it to be honest. saying out loud that you've got a problem tends to open the floodgates so I reckon a lot of people end up in tears, I know i did. I couldn't even speak half the time, i just nodded or shook my head to his questions. That's why i think it's a good idea to write stuff down (like kiss_me said).
    my counsellor is always telling me that nobody is 'normal'. that each individual has a natural response and that's as close to normal as you'll get.
    The odds say that if you want to get better then they can help you, half of improving your life and your state of mind is your attitude. just try to go in to it with a positive attitude instead of thinking that you're screwed before you start!!!
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I'm sorry, I have to get off in a sec 'cause my mum's going to kill me but just wanted to give you a :hugs: and say good luck with STEP when you start it. Are you despairing because you couldn't eat any of the desserts? How's your eating? Is the restriction just desserts or is it most food? Sorry for all the questions xx

    Hi Kiss me now and Rachel and Malsy and anyone else if you're online. :hugs: to you all and hope you're doing well. Night xx
    Thanks for the hugs. I'm despairing because I know I'm getting into a cycle that's going to be hard to get out of but at the moment I really really don't want to change. I'm barely eating at all - less than 300 calories a day if I can. My friend with anorexia read my online journal last night and texted me begging me to get help because she doesn't want me to go down that road but I can't. I won't be like her. I'll be ok. I can stop it when I want. I don't know what I'm doing.
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    (Original post by becki08)
    Thanks for the hugs. I'm despairing because I know I'm getting into a cycle that's going to be hard to get out of but at the moment I really really don't want to change. I'm barely eating at all - less than 300 calories a day if I can. My friend with anorexia read my online journal last night and texted me begging me to get help because she doesn't want me to go down that road but I can't. I won't be like her. I'll be ok. I can stop it when I want. I don't know what I'm doing.
    Oh honey, please get help. I know you don't think it's a problem but it will be, it really will be if you don't start eating. You say you can stop it when you want but can you? Really? Because soon you'll probably start being really scared of food and you won't be able to eat if you try. I feel a bit hypocritical tbh, because reading this reminds me of me. I don't really know what to say but please don't let this get worse. It's so hard to eat and it's so hard not to eat. Please try to eat,even a little bit. Maybe a small bowl of soup or something?

    I watched this documentary on youtube with people at Rhodes Farm and it really disturbed me because 1) I didn't think any of those girls looked ridiculously skinny and 2) The thought of being tube fed horrible things like chocolate spread and cream and stuff like that made me want to vomit and cry and 3) They all looked so sad and old and it broke my heart. I don't want to be like them.

    I think the only way you're going to eat is if you want to. You need help to sort out what's stopping you from eating. As do I really. I know exactly what you mean when you say you're fine and you aren't going to be like your friend or in my case, the sad anorexics at Rhodes Farm. But the truth is, it will only get worse. The more you don't eat, the harder it will be to start.

    Do you feel any physical effects from not eating?
    I feel like I have no right to say anything. I haven't even had the green tea I wanted to have when I woke up because I'm too scared.
    This is horrible.

    I can only give you a million hugs and hope it helps ease the despair. Do you have the conflict between not eating and eating? Like do you know you have to eat but inside you scream thinking about it? It hurts so much. And yet, at least for me, it's a lot better than the depression.

    I don't know what I'm trying to say.... I really hope this doesn't sound patronising. Just, please see someone. Before it gets worse. I want you to be ok. :hugs:
    xx
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    Oh honey, please get help. I know you don't think it's a problem but it will be, it really will be if you don't start eating. You say you can stop it when you want but can you? Really? Because soon you'll probably start being really scared of food and you won't be able to eat if you try. I feel a bit hypocritical tbh, because reading this reminds me of me. I don't really know what to say but please don't let this get worse. It's so hard to eat and it's so hard not to eat. Please try to eat,even a little bit. Maybe a small bowl of soup or something?

    I watched this documentary on youtube with people at Rhodes Farm and it really disturbed me because 1) I didn't think any of those girls looked ridiculously skinny and 2) The thought of being tube fed horrible things like chocolate spread and cream and stuff like that made me want to vomit and cry and 3) They all looked so sad and old and it broke my heart. I don't want to be like them.

    I think the only way you're going to eat is if you want to. You need help to sort out what's stopping you from eating. As do I really. I know exactly what you mean when you say you're fine and you aren't going to be like your friend or in my case, the sad anorexics at Rhodes Farm. But the truth is, it will only get worse. The more you don't eat, the harder it will be to start.

    Do you feel any physical effects from not eating?
    I feel like I have no right to say anything. I haven't even had the green tea I wanted to have when I woke up because I'm too scared.
    This is horrible.

    I can only give you a million hugs and hope it helps ease the despair. Do you have the conflict between not eating and eating? Like do you know you have to eat but inside you scream thinking about it? It hurts so much. And yet, at least for me, it's a lot better than the depression.

    I don't know what I'm trying to say.... I really hope this doesn't sound patronising. Just, please see someone. Before it gets worse. I want you to be ok. :hugs:
    xx
    You don't sound patronising at all :hugs:

    I've done this before and have always managed to start eating again. Admittedly it was very hard and the only reason I did was because my parents cottoned on and forced me but now I'm at uni so I don't have that problem. I'm already scared of food. It's surprising how quickly I've slipped back into this mindset. Yet like you say - I also find it better than depression. I definitely have that conflict in my head too. I don't have many physical effects from not eating as I've only been doing it a week and a half so far this time. I just have tingling hands and feet, feel cold, my concentration is worse and I sometimes feel light-headed and shaky. I just wish I could want to eat, I wish I could want to stop this, but at the moment I really don't want to. My mental health advisor and doctor know this is going on but I'm not talking to them about it. I just can't help thinking that all this is fine and I'll be ok. I'm probably kidding myself but I don't know.

    :hugs: Please try to have the green tea. Could you maybe have a banana or something as well? I feel like a hypocrite now but...argh why does this have to be so hard?! Here if you want to talk.
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    Have you measured your BMI, becki? and dd for that matter:hugs:
    I just checked mine and surprisingly I'm in the 'healthy' category-not because I thought I was underweight but I thought I would be a tad bit overweight as I'm not fit at all; but if my stats. were correct (student measured my height/nan's weight scales:p: )then I think thats OK. But I comfort eat a lot. but I'm extremely ''germ-concious'' in that I never eat lunch that school make etc. but i like being that way so
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    Have you measured your BMI, becki? and dd for that matter:hugs:
    I just checked mine and surprisingly I'm in the 'healthy' category-not because I thought I was underweight but I thought I would be a tad bit overweight as I'm not fit at all; but if my stats. were correct (student measured my height/nan's weight scales:p: )then I think thats OK. But I comfort eat a lot. but I'm extremely ''germ-concious'' in that I never eat lunch that school make etc. but i like being that way so
    My BMI is in the healthy range. It was overweight a couple of weeks ago because I've just come out of a bingeing phase where I put about 2 stone on. That's why I don't think I have an ED because it's not like I stick to one thing, I switch between them.
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    I'm officially on a diet as of today, for four weeks. If I don't lose anything i'm going to shoot myself.

    hopefully doing this should work because someone's done all the thinking for me. I just have to eat what i'm supposed to and dog walking is more exercise than it tells you to do anyhow. It's hard to believe I was a healthy weight back in january. It would have been worth it if the anti depressants had made me feel even the slightest bit better but to be told I should never have been on them is just....really annoying.

    how are you all tonight?
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    (Original post by Malsy)
    Have you measured your BMI, becki? and dd for that matter:hugs:
    I just checked mine and surprisingly I'm in the 'healthy' category-not because I thought I was underweight but I thought I would be a tad bit overweight as I'm not fit at all; but if my stats. were correct (student measured my height/nan's weight scales:p: )then I think thats OK. But I comfort eat a lot. but I'm extremely ''germ-concious'' in that I never eat lunch that school make etc. but i like being that way so
    My BMI was 16 last week :erm:
    It went from 18--> 17 ---> 16 in about 2-3 months.
    But it's probably gone up because I accidentally weighed myself without realising (while I was on the phone) and I'm 7 stone again.
    My mum tried to make me eat a scone and I got out the packet and everything but then I got put off so I had a bit of yogurt and a ginger biscuit and now I feel sick and that's enough for me now.
    I'm not fit either. I used to be when I was in year 7 and did athletics but now I get out of breath running for the bus. Meh.
    I don't like this ****. :mad:
    I want to comfort eat. I'm craving cake right now, I just can't imagine eating it.

    Becki, please speak to your doctor about it. At least so they can tell you it isn't a problem. If you knew it was ok you wouldn't be so hesitant to speak about it, which I suppose is good in a way because it means a tiny bit of you knows that this could be a problem. :hugs:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    My BMI was 16 last week :erm:
    It went from 18--> 17 ---> 16 in about 2-3 months.
    But it's probably gone up because I accidentally weighed myself without realising (while I was on the phone) and I'm 7 stone again.
    My mum tried to make me eat a scone and I got out the packet and everything but then I got put off so I had a bit of yogurt and a ginger biscuit and now I feel sick and that's enough for me now.
    I'm not fit either. I used to be when I was in year 7 and did athletics but now I get out of breath running for the bus. Meh.
    I don't like this ****. :mad:
    I want to comfort eat. I'm craving cake right now, I just can't imagine eating it.

    Becki, please speak to your doctor about it. At least so they can tell you it isn't a problem. If you knew it was ok you wouldn't be so hesitant to speak about it, which I suppose is good in a way because it means a tiny bit of you knows that this could be a problem. :hugs:
    You're probably out of breath because your body isn't getting enough energy to function. Could you maybe just have a very small slice of cake? You're probably craving sweet food because it's your body's way of telling you you need to eat. I'm also craving ice-cream.

    I see my doctor on Monday but I'm too scared to talk to her about it because when she mentioned it last week she seemed to think it was a problem and laughed at me when I said I didn't have an ED.

    I'm supposed to be going out tonight but I can't because I have an infected blister on the bottom of my foot and can't walk properly.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    I'm officially on a diet as of today, for four weeks. If I don't lose anything i'm going to shoot myself.

    hopefully doing this should work because someone's done all the thinking for me. I just have to eat what i'm supposed to and dog walking is more exercise than it tells you to do anyhow. It's hard to believe I was a healthy weight back in january. It would have been worth it if the anti depressants had made me feel even the slightest bit better but to be told I should never have been on them is just....really annoying.

    how are you all tonight?
    It's good that someone's going to help you with it. That should help you stay in control and not over/under-eat. Could you ask your GP to change anti-depressants if they're not helping? :hugs:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    My BMI was 16 last week :erm:
    It went from 18--> 17 ---> 16 in about 2-3 months.
    But it's probably gone up because I accidentally weighed myself without realising (while I was on the phone) and I'm 7 stone again.
    My mum tried to make me eat a scone and I got out the packet and everything but then I got put off so I had a bit of yogurt and a ginger biscuit and now I feel sick and that's enough for me now.
    I'm not fit either. I used to be when I was in year 7 and did athletics but now I get out of breath running for the bus. Meh.
    I don't like this ****. :mad:
    I want to comfort eat. I'm craving cake right now, I just can't imagine eating it.

    Becki, please speak to your doctor about it. At least so they can tell you it isn't a problem. If you knew it was ok you wouldn't be so hesitant to speak about it, which I suppose is good in a way because it means a tiny bit of you knows that this could be a problem. :hugs:
    That clearly doesn't sound right then. Anything below 18 is probably bad i think. You should try to eat more/gain some weight/get to a healthy weight and if you feel you can't do it on your own then go see your doc. My cousin once went and was put on a nutrition scheme or something as she's quite thin, naturally, but she wasn't overly overweight. so there is help.
    oh and scones are lovely! warm and with a nice cuppa
    (see I'm a right fatty!:p: )
    I do comfort eat though, but I hope I don't get any bigger-it doesn't seem like I am or will do but who knows in two years time for example-the weight could be slowly piling on. meh. i honestly don't care though. I know this might seem stupid but my other problems are so much more serious that i am just not a ''normal'' teenager in that i don't care about my weight or anything-my first priority goes to other stuff hence i comfort eat.:erm:

    anyway :hugs:
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    My BMI was 16 last week :erm:
    It went from 18--> 17 ---> 16 in about 2-3 months.
    But it's probably gone up because I accidentally weighed myself without realising (while I was on the phone) and I'm 7 stone again.
    My mum tried to make me eat a scone and I got out the packet and everything but then I got put off so I had a bit of yogurt and a ginger biscuit and now I feel sick and that's enough for me now.
    I'm not fit either. I used to be when I was in year 7 and did athletics but now I get out of breath running for the bus. Meh.
    I don't like this ****. :mad:
    I want to comfort eat. I'm craving cake right now, I just can't imagine eating it.

    Becki, please speak to your doctor about it. At least so they can tell you it isn't a problem. If you knew it was ok you wouldn't be so hesitant to speak about it, which I suppose is good in a way because it means a tiny bit of you knows that this could be a problem. :hugs:
    #

    I think we're complete opposites, I eat everything in site, but I'm still ultra slim (: And 7 stone is tiny! How thin are you?

    I love your profile, you're a pianist eh?
 
 
 
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