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    I wish I could just give up :sad:
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    I was going to do Humanities open programme at Hertfordshire, I should have given it a go at least but I cancelled before I went. I wont be ready till 55 at this rate, im just scared all the time, it isn't normal. I cant just get on the uni train. Im going to be 22 when i leave uni as I am a youngie, thats if I go for it next year... As I say I keep having breakdowns so.
    I was exactly the same. Big bad of nerves before I left, I couldn't eat couldn't sleep, literally shivering shaking having panic attacks all through the build up and I was sick when my parents left. It took me a week to start eating again but once I moved in it was ok. I'd say go for it because the longer you leave it the bigger the problem will seem. It will only get worse. I'm a still terribly anxious person, still get the panic attacks , the horrible fears and thoughts but moving away from home has been the best thing for me. It gives me a sense of achievement, I know that I can do it. I still get the fears and tears but then I remind my self that I am still here and I have come this far. You can do it too. Just go for it, if it doesn't work out you can say you have tried or maybe you can go somewhere close to home. You've got to believe that you are in control of your own happiness.:yes: I'm still not 100% but thats due to other things but seriously I was petrified of coming here, now I'm scared of going home, I love the space.

    Are you really close/attached/dependent on your family? I am especially to my mum, I think because she did everything for me I doubted that I could live without her, I always second guessed my self but now I'm doing fine and get wound up when she tries to do things for me lol. The irony is quite laughable.
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    Malsy and Nothos, whats up?
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    I was going to do Humanities open programme at Hertfordshire, I should have given it a go at least but I cancelled before I went. I wont be ready till 55 at this rate, im just scared all the time, it isn't normal. I cant just get on the uni train. Im going to be 22 when i leave uni as I am a youngie, thats if I go for it next year... As I say I keep having breakdowns so.
    It's perfectly normal, most people aren't ready for uni when they go. Contrary to what films and tv may tell you, your uni life is not going to be perfect, but you just have to give it your best go.
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    Jonathan122 couldn't put it better myself, its always when you feel you can't cope that everyone else seems to be doing fine but it isn't alway the case. I was telling my friend about how I'm really struggling to be positive about things and she couldn't believe me because I hide it so well, I really do and I'm sure a lot of others do too. Uni is a GIANT leap!
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    My best go is not going at the moment, i mean what kind of life is that... I cant comprehend how anybody can ever leave home when its so comfortable.
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    My best go is not going at the moment, i mean what kind of life is that... I cant comprehend how anybody can ever leave home when its so comfortable.
    Is that fair on your parents? You can't stay at home forever, and it's going to get harder and harder to leave the longer you leave it.
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    Exactly, but the fact that i've left it so long to come around to the idea has made me depressed. Its a horrible cycle! and i have a lazy attitude
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    My best go is not going at the moment, i mean what kind of life is that... I cant comprehend how anybody can ever leave home when its so comfortable.
    Could you not apply to somewhere near home so that you can stay there but just commute? And then maybe next year if you're up for it try moving out? You don't want to put your whole life on hold. I thought I'd never be able to do it but I'm coping really well. Coming out of your comfort zone will make you a stronger person and you will learn to rely on yourself but you've got to do it because you want to not because you feel you are being forced otherwise you'll just be miserable. What are you most scared about? I'd say weigh up the pros and cons talk to your family and friends about it and think about what you want to gain from this. Ask your self what would make you really happy, being comfy at home or giving it a go and moving out for a while. Do you have relatives you could stay with as a tester. Try living with them for a few days/weeks, almost like practice for Uni, it might help. I completely understand your fears and worries, I've been there and still am battling with it but it is a lot easier than it was when I first moved out. It's just a matter of me getting into a routein now. But there are people who will help you every step of the way, and everyone is really nice at Uni. :hugs: hope this has helped a little.
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    Exactly, but the fact that i've left it so long to come around to the idea has made me depressed. Its a horrible cycle! and i have a lazy attitude
    Are you receiving any medical or therapeutic treatment at the moment? You really need to do something to break the cycle.
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    I know I need therapy. I am insane. I have thought about Hull, I have family there so it wouldn't be a disaster. I don't know what would break the cycle but I am just scared of growing up. I can see myself in 10 years with nothing now of course. Whereas this time last year I could see myself with a wife and children. I think ahead too much. I think too much. I live in West Essex so my nearest University is UEL.
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    Since when have I been a member of this? :confused:
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    I know I need therapy. I am insane. I have thought about Hull, I have family there so it wouldn't be a disaster. I don't know what would break the cycle but I am just scared of growing up. I can see myself in 10 years with nothing now of course. Whereas this time last year I could see myself with a wife and children. I think ahead too much. I think too much. I live in West Essex so my nearest University is UEL.
    I don't think you're insane, but it sounds like you are going to need help to get yourself back on track. Are you seeing a counsellor at all?
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    I know I need therapy. I am insane. I have thought about Hull, I have family there so it wouldn't be a disaster. I don't know what would break the cycle but I am just scared of growing up. I can see myself in 10 years with nothing now of course. Whereas this time last year I could see myself with a wife and children. I think ahead too much. I think too much. I live in West Essex so my nearest University is UEL.
    Wow its like talking to myself, kinda nice to know I'm not the only one who wouldn't mind being Peter Pan lol. You should go for it though in all seriousness. The world and time seems to be moving so fast and I know it can get very overwhelming, I often burst into tears thinking about how fast everything is moving and how I'm not ready for it but it wont change the fact that it is happening and we are going to have to either sink or swim, I'm sure you want to swim don't you? Or at least doggy paddle ( sorry for the analogies). I think too far ahead too, its scary isn't it, its the uncertainty more than anything else which scares me but the future is something we do and don't have control over...if that makes sense. We can shape our future to a certain extent e.g moving out getting a degree but at the same time we don't know what is round the corner which is the scary thing. I'm so used to nowing what to expect. Growing up I knew ok next is secondary school, GCSEs A Levels, everything was so predictible and straightforward where as now we are going out into the big wide word there are so many more options and decissions to make, nothing is for certain but in a way that is exciting isn't it? I'm trying to convince my self that. What we must learn to do is to livin in the PRESENT. We spend so much time planning ahead thinking a head while what is happening now is just passing us by. We miss out on the good times, the special moments because we are constantly worring about tomorrow, next week, month year...its not a healthy mind set to have when it prevents you from doing the things you want to do. Acknowledging it is one thing, I know I have a problem, but tackling it is the real battle, it isn't going to go away over night but its better to act now otherwise it will get bigger and bigger. It wont go away unless you take the steps to make it go away. Like I said spend a few nights away from home see how that goes. Try commuting and then gradually move out when you are ready. I think for me I just had to do it, face my fears because I always take the safe comfy option, I'm glad I decided to move out because I've demonstrated to my self that I can do it. Now its just shutting up the voices.

    By the way like Jonathan has said, try seeing a counsellor, you aren't insane, a lot of people have the same fears as you, especially students moving away from home. I'm seeing one at the moment and it just helps to talk because it sort of makes you realise the only person who can set you free from your problems is you, but you have to want it enough and be focused enough to see a change.
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    good stuff. Well I cant do that tonight so I will see doctor in the morning probably. Good stuff. Im glad to see at least one person who is a good and nice and kind person like me who hasn't done things conventionally. It doesnt mean its wrong does it? Its just you. and we need to love ourselves. My mood swings up and down like crazy. I had a bad day today. Last night was a good night relaxing..... ups and downs ups and downs, i feel like patrick bateman in american psycho
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    (Original post by Andyuhoh)
    good stuff. Well I cant do that tonight so I will see doctor in the morning probably. Good stuff. Im glad to see at least one person who is a good and nice and kind person like me who hasn't done things conventionally. It doesnt mean its wrong does it? Its just you. and we need to love ourselves. My mood swings up and down like crazy. I had a bad day today. Last night was a good night relaxing..... ups and downs ups and downs, i feel like patrick bateman in american psycho
    :yes: its like that good days, easy days, hard days, really crappy "oh my gosh why can't I just be dead?" days. Happens to the best of us honestly, I doubt that anyone is constantly happy but when its constant mood swings from one day to the next it can become very frustrating, you almost fear getting up in the morning not knowing what the day is going to be like. But just because you wake up feeling crap it doesn't mean the whole day has to be crap, do things you enjoy, keep busy, this often helps me to take my mind off things, especially when I really start to think, I just listen to music, talk to a friend anything to keep my mind from listening to those negative voices. We all have a good voice and a bad voice, a sort of Jekyll and Hyde and sometimes the Hyde, the negative side to us seems to dominate the Jekyll voice. We need to try and convince ourselves that all the negative thoughts are rubbish, its healthy to get worried from time to time but when it begins to have an effect on your life, relationships and health then thats when its time to get a little help. When I started having panic attacks out of the blue thats when I knew I had a problem and contacted the conselling service at Uni. I'm glad I did it. Its not a sign of weakness, weakness is just accepting defeat and not doing anything about it. There is nothing wrong with getting help, thats what they are there for. When you are suffering from flu you don't just lie in bed hoping it will go away, you nip down to the pharmacy/GP and get something to help you get better, you get out side help in order to get better. Its exactly the same with getting counselling except it is for the mind. It doesn't always work for everyone but you have to keep an open an positive mind about it to gain anything from it. I've had 3 sessions so far and by no means am I "back to normal" but I am no longer the shivering, sleepless, fearful of food, wreck I used to be only a month ago. I have days were I sometimes have an attack or can't eat or feel anxious but the difference is now I'm beginning to control it. My attacks used to last for up to 30 minutes, now they last for about 5minutes, 10 max.

    You aren't a psycho you're just going through a hard time. There is a lot of stigma attached to mental health/counselling/therapy but its all ignorance and it usually comes from people who haven't been through what we are going through. It hard but there is support. You aren't mad, I promise.
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    Grrrrr. i only slept 2 and a half hours and now im back here again. I am so ******* scared. I cant all the time. Absolute Regret is making me feel sick inside...
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    Its too much for me. ive lost it. Im going into a psychiatric ward.
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    Everyone has deep life-changing regrets, trust me, I do. You just have to weigh everything up; you're regretting things still not out of reach so please put things into perspective and you'll come out fine
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    Andyuhoh I know it's easier said then done but you just have to try and calm yourself down. I was just talking with my flat mates now about the first time I moved here, I threw up when my parents left, I cried, couldn't sleep couldn't eat and had so many panic attacks I was physically shaking, but I got through it and you will be able to get through it too. THe horrible thing about anxiety is that the brain tricks us into thinking we are going mad. I remember sitting there thinking "OH SNAP I've lost the plot, I am officially insane, I can't live any more" but its just the hormones messing with you. Adrenaline is one of the hormones responsible for anxiety and panic attacks, its usually released when we feel we are in danger, fight or flight, but when we are anxious, we may NOT be in danger but out brains are telling us we are so we get all the responses such as rapid heart rate, shortness of breath, as if we were in a life threatening situation. But we arent. Its just a matter of controlling those thoughts and thus controlling when adrenaline is released. Again easier said than done but it CAN be done, you ARE in control. You haven't always been like this have you? THere was a time when things didn't seem unbearably scary. If you've done it in the past chances are you can do it again. Its like learning to swim, not doing it for years you then doubt you can do it but once you take to the water again its fine. Its a matter of identifying the irrational fears and thoughts and little by little each day trying to overcome the fear. The thoughts my not go away completely but it is just about you being able to keep the door closed to those thoughts and fears, knowing that as long as you don't listen to those fears that nothing bad can come of it. If you begin to think that think bad thoughts convince yourself that "yeah sure things are bad now but then the only way is up, they can only get better they can't get any worse." Hope is a precious thing, without hope we are helpless, hope for a better life, hope for a better future and hope to get rid of those fears can sometimes be all you need to get out of this hole. Knowing that you will get out of it. The attitude we have towards our times of trouble determine how long we stay in that hole. If we continue to be negative about things then nothing positive will ever come out of it.

    Watch this if you like, its about trying to defeat bad thoughts and trying to gain control over your way of thinking. Don't worry I'm not Bible Bashing or anything, I don't believe in shoving religion down peoples throats. Like I said, I don't know if any of you are religous, you don't have to be to listen to this but it makes sense, what she is saying. Everything I'm saying now is inspired by her, you don't have to take her advice about praying etc but the idea of casting out those bad thoughs and having hope...its pretty good what she is saying, let me know what you think:

    http://www.joycemeyer.org/ourministries/broadcast/





    Oh a little bit of advice, try to stay away from alcohol or have it in moderation, as it is a depressant, I've had to learn the hard way. I feel so great when I'm on it but sobering up....its the worst feeling in the world, sleepless nights and depression...crying..wanting life to be over...not good. Late nights aren't good either.
 
 
 
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