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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: What's up?
    Everything. :cry:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Everything. :cry:
    Want to talk about it?
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    Want to talk about it?
    I don't know where to start... I have so much work to do which I can't - emailled the disability people they haven't got back to me. I ended up getting more stitches today. I fell out with my only friend. They won't leave me the **** alone. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I just want everything to go away.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I don't know where to start... I have so much work to do which I can't - emailled the disability people they haven't got back to me. I ended up getting more stitches today. I fell out with my only friend. They won't leave me the **** alone. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I just want everything to go away.
    :hugs: I'm so sorry, but please don't give up. You should go see the disability people in person and explain what's going on. Please be strong...
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    I'm actually feeling pretty ******* good right now. I do like keeping myself busy.
    And now I have a whole double room to myself. So, I'm paying the cheapest rents on campus and I have a double bed. :awesome: much?
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    (Original post by Nothos)
    :hugs: I'm so sorry, but please don't give up. You should go see the disability people in person and explain what's going on. Please be strong...
    Thanks for the hugs bruce. appreciate it. I might go see them I dunno it means actually going to see them.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    struggling again
    :hugs: Remember after the rain there will be the sun. You can get through it, I have every faith that you will . You've made it this far, it may seem hard but you are coping and you are here which is half of the battle.

    First day to not experience a low in the past week...good stuff. Bad thing is I haven't done any work.
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    (Original post by Antimatter)
    I'm actually feeling pretty ******* good right now. I do like keeping myself busy.
    And now I have a whole double room to myself. So, I'm paying the cheapest rents on campus and I have a double bed. :awesome: much?
    Good stuff good stuff. Keeping busy helps me too, if I'm too caught up in something else then I don't have time to think and listen to the stupid voices.

    Me: 1 Voices: 0 today
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: Want to talk about what's up?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :hugs: Want to talk about what's up?
    I don't know, everything's just ****.

    How're you feeling today, saber? :hugs:
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    I don't know, everything's just ****.

    How're you feeling today, saber? :hugs:
    I'm about a while if you want to say what's going on jonathan.

    I'm not great, trying to get an extension on an essay and it seems like no one at uni ever bothers replying to emails :mad:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I'm about a while if you want to say what's going on jonathan.

    I'm not great, trying to get an extension on an essay and it seems like no one at uni ever bothers replying to emails :mad:
    Ah yeah I know, my tutor doesn't even exist, would help if he would give us an email to let us know he is acutally around. Everyone else has met theirs but us...hmm.

    Hope you are feeling ok Saber and Jonathan, your days been good?

    Felt really unmotivated today, like I just didn't want to be there, I just wanted to sleep, I get this strange spinning sensation in my head from time to time, especially when I'm eating, and shortness of breath.:confused:
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    (Original post by RachelOranges)
    Ah yeah I know, my tutor doesn't even exist, would help if he would give us an email to let us know he is acutally around. Everyone else has met theirs but us...hmm.

    Hope you are feeling ok Saber and Jonathan, your days been good?

    Felt really unmotivated today, like I just didn't want to be there, I just wanted to sleep, I get this strange spinning sensation in my head from time to time, especially when I'm eating, and shortness of breath.:confused:
    Yeah I haven't seen my personal tutor and it's 6 weeks in, then she doesn't answer emails either. I could go see her but her hours are thursday and that's leaving it a bit late - essay due monday I've been trying to work all day just stressing myself out though and I really can't get stressed out atm the results are not pretty. :no:

    Know the unmotivated feeling. Haven't heard about strange spinning before, could it be linked to medication if you're on any? They can have weird effects or maybe low blood pressure :p: I dunno really I'm just guessing you'd be best checking it out to make sure it's nothing.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Yeah I haven't seen my personal tutor and it's 6 weeks in, then she doesn't answer emails either. I could go see her but her hours are thursday and that's leaving it a bit late - essay due monday I've been trying to work all day just stressing myself out though and I really can't get stressed out atm the results are not pretty. :no:

    Know the unmotivated feeling. Haven't heard about strange spinning before, could it be linked to medication if you're on any? They can have weird effects or maybe low blood pressure :p: I dunno really I'm just guessing you'd be best checking it out to make sure it's nothing.
    Is there someone else you can contact about the deadline? Yeah stress isn't a good thing just try and tackle one section at a time, thats what I'm trying to do. Break it down, if you try to attempt it all at once it seems to be more of a bigger tast which can be scary.

    Nah I'm not on any meds, its hard to explain...and I get the tingling in the legs too, especially when I'm a bit on edge. Its stange, I tell my friends that I suffer from panic attacks and am really anxious but they say I seem like the most mellow and relaxed person ever, I guess I'm just used to keeping things quiet, been brought up to just get on with things rather than talk it out/ be honest. I'm off home this weekend, hopefully whatever it is that is making me anxious about being home will disappear. I don't want to push my family away.
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    Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted for a while. Hope you're all ok.

    I went to see the student support person at my college and she wans lovely and told me to go and see the study skills person who will help me manage my workload and stuff so I'm feeling a little more postive.

    Saw my psych today and I don't understand.... I told him I didn't want to talk about eating and we somehow ended up talking about it anyway. He basically said I have an anorexic BMI and show the cognitive signs of an ED and he said he wants to refer me to an ED specialist. I panicked and told him I was fine and that I'd put on weight and I didn't need to see anyone and I didn't even need to see him anymore because I feel a million times happier and not depressed and I'm wasting his time. He told me that we'd continue the conversation because he really thinks it would be good if I went but if I really didn't want to do the whole outpatient thing there, I'd have to decide a minimum calorie intake and not go any lower than that and tell my mum what it is so she doesn't nag me but the trouble with that is, I feel beyond horrible if I go any higher than 300 and there is almost nothing I can eat apart from chocolate (oddly enough) that doesn't make the voice scream at me. I can't eat 1000 calories a day. I can't. I've tried but then I end up restricting more and I can't really go any lower that what I'm having at the moment.
    I don't really understand why everyone's making this out to be a big deal. I've never been much of an eater and I've always been slim. I don't look any skinner now than I did a few months ago and I feel better than I did a few months ago so this is a good thing. I don't want to have to go somewhere I don't belong. I begged my psych not to diagnose me with anything (I know... that's his job! But I don't want to hear whatever label he wants to give me) and if I go there he's probably going to have to diagnose me with something and I don't want to be diagnosed.
    Argh, sorry for the rant. I just really don't understand. I don't have an ED. Everyone seems to think I'm in denial but I'm not. I actually don't. The whole ED thing just isn't me. :mad: :rant:

    I'm starting to wish I'd applied for uni this year. I want to get away from everyone and I cba with my gap year plans anymore. *sigh*

    On a postive note, I'm going to send in my form for a Saturday Drama class thingy. Maybe that will help me channel my nervous energy lol

    *shuts up*
    Sorry, I talk too much I know. Don't mean to be so self absorbed. Are you guys all doing ok?? xx :hugs:
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    I feel so unhappy. :cry: I don't think things are going to get better. I've been filling in an application form, and it's just hit me that this is for life, it's not a one-off. I just feel so lonely. :cry: I want my friends to like me again. :cry:
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    I feel so unhappy. :cry: I don't think things are going to get better. I've been filling in an application form, and it's just hit me that this is for life, it's not a one-off. I just feel so lonely. :cry: I want my friends to like me again. :cry:
    :hugs: :hugs:

    I like you.
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    (Original post by diamonddust)
    I'm starting to wish I'd applied for uni this year. I want to get away from everyone and I cba with my gap year plans anymore. *sigh*
    it may not be too late to get in contact with your university and ask them if you could start late. I changed my mind about university in November, phoned them up on a Friday and started on the Monday.

    glad to hear your student support is going well

    unfortunately, people are making your eating out to be a big deal because it is. You do have a problem, whether you want to hear it or not. Even if you don't feel there's an issue, could you just give it a go? I know it's not intentional but you're doing harm to yourself and to those around you by not accepting it.
    You don't have to suddenly triple your intake, just take it very gradually. You clearly have people there who want to help you and you will have their support no matter what.

    (Original post by jonathan122)
    I feel so unhappy. :cry: I don't think things are going to get better. I've been filling in an application form, and it's just hit me that this is for life, it's not a one-off. I just feel so lonely. :cry: I want my friends to like me again. :cry:
    It doesn't have to be for life. Have you thought about joining some kind of club in order to meet some new people?


    I'm feeling absolutely terrible. Everything is going so badly. I ended up crying hysterically in the middle of sex the other night and I don't even know why. We'll just be doing stuff and he'll do something insignificant that triggers me. I can't even talk to him about things. I try so hard but it all gets stuck. I want pain. I have no idea who I am without it. I wish there was something I could do that would satisfy me and not leave evidence. I want someone to hurt me, for my body to ache to match all that I feel inside. I don't deserve this wonderful boyfriend and this relationship. I don't deserve anything good. I don't even know if I'm saying this or if he just told me so many times that my brain now spews it out. I feel like I am his. He's twisted my mind this way and he's damaged my body like this. My leg aches with the cold and the damp where he broke it. Every time anyone comes in me it burns where he scarred me - like it's telling me that I'm doing something wrong in being with another man. Every time I get turned on i feel like i'm having period pains, this started after the repeated beatings. I look in the mirror and I see the same dead eyes I saw in his bathroom mirror the day he first raped me. everything about me is a product of his conditioning. I'm not my own person. right now I feel like giving up and sinking back into his comforting sadism. To have real, quantifiable pain instead of all this **** inside me. I want to show webber how I feel but without blood and wounds I don't know how. All this writing and I still feel the same. maybe I should give up on trying to change at all. I'm a mess.
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    things are going to be for life for me. i will always always be sad, inside, deep down and it's killing me. life is so unfair.
    i am eternally sad.
 
 
 
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