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    So I found out earlier that my grandpa will not likely see the weekend. I now regret all the years since I've seen him and all the time since we've even talked. Damn
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    Thank you - that's a wonderful gift to everyone.
    You too deserve to be listed there for the kindness you have shown to me and my son.

    (Original post by Antimatter)
    Everybody.
    www.givesmehope.com

    ... Just read, for a couple of minutes, and smile
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    We all feel like this but clearly this is not true...your friend sees the real and beautiful you...cherish that and try to see yourself as he sees you.

    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I'm fat, ugly and stupid. I get in everyone's way. All I ever seem to do is really upset my only friend, he'd be a million times better off without me around even if he refuses to admit it. I wish I'd killed myself 3 years ago before I even met him and saved him all the trouble, but it's too late for that. He won't be upset for long, and he'll find someone much better who doesn't make him cry frequently and not be able to focus on his work.
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    I forgot to bring my meds with me back home and to London.
    Back to starving it is, then. :mad:
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    (Original post by Antimatter)
    I forgot to bring my meds with me back home and to London.
    Back to starving it is, then. :mad:
    Hi, you can get emergency supplies from a pharmacy until you're meds are sent down to you.
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    Hi, you can get emergency supplies from a pharmacy until you're meds are sent down to you.
    I'm back at uni now. I have them now
    I'll take them tonight.
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    does anyone else find that they'll just start crying and feel incredibly sad, having felt fine literally moments before?

    I have no idea how to explain it to my partner.

    Oh, On the upside I've managed to shift half a stone of my anti depressants weight this month. which I think is pretty good going for me personally.

    how's everyone else?
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    Feel completely hopeless. I have the means to kill myself, got it all planned out I just need a trigger. Right now all I can think of is cutting to make everything go away but if stuff gets any worse then I've decided. Can't trust myself to cut atm, it's always too deep. I can't cope with everything right now and there's only one way out. I emailled the samaritans the other night and felt a little better so might email them again tonight but it's not enough. I don't want to call the crisis team, I don't do telephones. I haven't done any work in nearly 2 weeks, getting so far behind. Lectures and seminars just go right over my head. I cried in the toilets after one yesterday. It takes all I have not to cry during them. I keep thinking about dropping out...again. I haven't been to the gym or played sports in ages either. I just sit refreshing tsr all day not even reading it because I'm incapable of following more than a few lines and writing draft suicide notes. I don't know why I'm ranting here. Sorry guys.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Feel completely hopeless. I have the means to kill myself, got it all planned out I just need a trigger. Right now all I can think of is cutting to make everything go away but if stuff gets any worse then I've decided. Can't trust myself to cut atm, it's always too deep. I can't cope with everything right now and there's only one way out. I emailled the samaritans the other night and felt a little better so might email them again tonight but it's not enough. I don't want to call the crisis team, I don't do telephones. I haven't done any work in nearly 2 weeks, getting so far behind. Lectures and seminars just go right over my head. I cried in the toilets after one yesterday. It takes all I have not to cry during them. I keep thinking about dropping out...again. I haven't been to the gym or played sports in ages either. I just sit refreshing tsr all day not even reading it because I'm incapable of following more than a few lines and writing draft suicide notes. I don't know why I'm ranting here. Sorry guys.
    *hugs*
    Maybe being at university isn't the best thing for you? have you thought about open uni?
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    *hugs*
    Maybe being at university isn't the best thing for you? have you thought about open uni?
    neither of my parents has room in their houses for me so i'd be on my own and given my complete lack of friends I know I'd never talk to anyone if I was doing OU. Also I've ****** about enough with uni that I have to finish it: I'm in second year but I've already had 3 years funding. I don't know...I'm not making much sense, because tbh I don't know why I just know I can't. I have to finish. And I can't do that either. ****.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    neither of my parents has room in their houses for me so i'd be on my own and given my complete lack of friends I know I'd never talk to anyone if I was doing OU. Also I've ****** about enough with uni that I have to finish it: I'm in second year but I've already had 3 years funding. I don't know...I'm not making much sense, because tbh I don't know why I just know I can't. I have to finish. And I can't do that either. ****.
    I guess you just have to keep pushing, get all the help that you can. You've done really well to get this far, and remember that if it does come to a point where you have to leave it won't have been for nothing, you still get your certificate of higher education.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    I guess you just have to keep pushing, get all the help that you can. You've done really well to get this far, and remember that if it does come to a point where you have to leave it won't have been for nothing, you still get your certificate of higher education.
    I can't leave. The thought of total failure, 4 years of debt and misery all for nothing I think it would push me over the edge. But then again, if I stay I'm pretty close too.

    Are you ok?
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    I can't leave. The thought of total failure, 4 years of debt and misery all for nothing I think it would push me over the edge. But then again, if I stay I'm pretty close too.

    Are you ok?
    sounds like a lose lose situation atm . I'd say if you get to a point where you've decided it's too much and you're going to end it then you have nothing to lose by leaving. You may be in debt but you'll still have your life.


    Bit annoyed with work, webber works so much that I hardly get any time with him as it is, and because I only worked an extra 6 hours instead of an extra 7 so that I could get an hour with him today my brother (who I work with) was going on about how lazy I am. It's alright for him, he gets 2 whole days and 4 other evenings with his partner. I get one whole day, an evening, an hour in the middle of the day and the time we spend sleeping. I'm not about to give that up for a bit of extra cash and it's nothing to do with me being lazy.

    haven't had a counselling appointment in 3 weeks because of double booking and things, so I'm feeling a bit overfull of emotions atm.

    And my brother's still being a ****. webber went to have a donut earlier but they're all gone, decided to have an ice cream instead - they're all gone. half our loaf of bread has disappeared, the chicken I was defrosting for dinner tonight is all gone, my crisps have all gone and the toblerone I bought for my dad is gone as well.
    totally takes the piss that he's living here rent free, doesn't pay anything towards the bills, and he's let his brother (my step brother) move in with us as well - which I don't mind but he should be contributing to our bills and the mortgage imo.

    ranted on a bit there, I tend not to get started these days because I can't put the lid back on.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    sounds like a lose lose situation atm . I'd say if you get to a point where you've decided it's too much and you're going to end it then you have nothing to lose by leaving. You may be in debt but you'll still have your life.


    Bit annoyed with work, webber works so much that I hardly get any time with him as it is, and because I only worked an extra 6 hours instead of an extra 7 so that I could get an hour with him today my brother (who I work with) was going on about how lazy I am. It's alright for him, he gets 2 whole days and 4 other evenings with his partner. I get one whole day, an evening, an hour in the middle of the day and the time we spend sleeping. I'm not about to give that up for a bit of extra cash and it's nothing to do with me being lazy.

    haven't had a counselling appointment in 3 weeks because of double booking and things, so I'm feeling a bit overfull of emotions atm.

    And my brother's still being a ****. webber went to have a donut earlier but they're all gone, decided to have an ice cream instead - they're all gone. half our loaf of bread has disappeared, the chicken I was defrosting for dinner tonight is all gone, my crisps have all gone and the toblerone I bought for my dad is gone as well.
    totally takes the piss that he's living here rent free, doesn't pay anything towards the bills, and he's let his brother (my step brother) move in with us as well - which I don't mind but he should be contributing to our bills and the mortgage imo.

    ranted on a bit there, I tend not to get started these days because I can't put the lid back on.
    Seems fair enough to me that you want to work less to see webber more. I mean what's the point in having a bit more money if it makes you unhappy. Doesn't seem like laziness.

    My brother is a bit like that, he'll eat anything left out no matter who bought it but he's got an excuse he's 17. Is there no way you could ask him to contribute a bit? You said he's working so how come he gets to live for free? It seems pretty unfair.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    Seems fair enough to me that you want to work less to see webber more. I mean what's the point in having a bit more money if it makes you unhappy. Doesn't seem like laziness.

    My brother is a bit like that, he'll eat anything left out no matter who bought it but he's got an excuse he's 17. Is there no way you could ask him to contribute a bit? You said he's working so how come he gets to live for free? It seems pretty unfair.
    alastair (the younger one) has been unemployed for around 2 years now, and it's not just stuff that's left out, or stuff that's in the fridge/in our cupboard - he goes in to my room all the time and steals money/food/whatever he wants and we don't have a door on one of the doorways so a lock isn't going to happen.
    We have to put all our wages straight in to the bank now because last month £200 went missing out of webber's wages.

    The other brother is working, but apparently he's not living here. Which is odd, because he sleeps here every night and uses the shower, oven and washing machine almost every day.

    It's a total piss take, me and webber are essentially buying this house, yet we don't the ability to tell him to get out. :mad:

    excuse my ranting, but all I get from anyone else is "why don't you just move out?" when I shouldn't be the one who's forced out.

    edith, and I didn't want to work less than normal to see webber more, I just didn't want to do as much overtime. If I was skipping out of the work I usually do then I would semi understand him calling me lazy.
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    (Original post by death.drop)
    alastair (the younger one) has been unemployed for around 2 years now, and it's not just stuff that's left out, or stuff that's in the fridge/in our cupboard - he goes in to my room all the time and steals money/food/whatever he wants and we don't have a door on one of the doorways so a lock isn't going to happen.
    We have to put all our wages straight in to the bank now because last month £200 went missing out of webber's wages.

    The other brother is working, but apparently he's not living here. Which is odd, because he sleeps here every night and uses the shower, oven and washing machine almost every day.

    It's a total piss take, me and webber are essentially buying this house, yet we don't the ability to tell him to get out. :mad:

    excuse my ranting, but all I get from anyone else is "why don't you just move out?" when I shouldn't be the one who's forced out.

    edith, and I didn't want to work less than normal to see webber more, I just didn't want to do as much overtime. If I was skipping out of the work I usually do then I would semi understand him calling me lazy.
    That sounds really ****. Is there nothing you can do about them? If it's your house why not just demand they pay you money? Like if Alastair has been unemployed he should be able to get housing benefit which he could pay the rent with. No offence intended but it sounds like no one is putting their foot down and making it known that this kind of thing is pretty unacceptable and extremely unfair.
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    :cry:
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    That sounds really ****. Is there nothing you can do about them? If it's your house why not just demand they pay you money? Like if Alastair has been unemployed he should be able to get housing benefit which he could pay the rent with. No offence intended but it sounds like no one is putting their foot down and making it known that this kind of thing is pretty unacceptable and extremely unfair.
    well we're paying the mortgage and the rent, but it's all still in my mum's name so legally we don't have any say in anything.

    He can't claim housing benefit because it's officially mum's house, even it it were mine he wouldn't be able to unless we had a formal tenancy agreement.

    I don't find it offensive at all, it's true. And I'm starting to really resent my mum for it because by not doing anything about it it's almost like she's saying it's ok.

    thanks for the chat tonight, has really helped to get stuff off my chest. Hope you feel a little better in the coming days.
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    (Original post by Sabertooth)
    :cry:
    :hugs: Do you have anybody that you can talk to regularly, like a mentor or a counsellor?
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    (Original post by jonathan122)
    :hugs: Do you have anybody that you can talk to regularly, like a mentor or a counsellor?
    I have a community psychiatric nurse who I can call when I feel **** or just someone to talk to but often I can't use the phone as they won't let me so she's not that great.

    How are you getting on?
 
 
 
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