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I need some help regarding my brother Watch

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    (Original post by sigstuff)
    No it's not selfish at all I think anyone in your position would be glad to get away. Why don't your parents just kick him out, that way reality will hit him and he might try to sort himself out. I'm not trying to critisize your parents but I think they are part of the problem and probably won't do anything until someone gets hurt and your brother eventually becomes violent towards you or one of them.
    That's what I hate about people sometimes. He's part of the family, if this guys parents do throw him out he'll resent them. They'll lose him forever - is that the answer to solving the problem?? I don't think so somehow.
    I can understand that what OP's brother is doing is wrong, but someone needs to have a word with him. He just seems so down and depressed to me. Why do you think he's violent?? I'm sure he's not happy about what he's doing but can't control his anger.
    I think more then anything he's angry at himself.
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    Actually, I just realized upon that last post, If I'm not wanting to call the police and do something about his rage fits then what am I doing complaining about it if I could put a stop to it? Next time things get out of hand I'm going to consider getitng something done about it, even if my mother hates me for it at least it was for her benefit as well.
    Thanks everybody.
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    I agree with some of the posts on here, spending a few nights out on the street without his beloved Army things will soon make him realise how good he has it. It's undoubtedly going to be hard for your mum, he is her son afterall, but in the long run she'll be doing him a BIG favour.

    EDIT - I just noticed you live in Gateshead, I'll sort him out for you, I'll be across the Tyne Bridge pronto!
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    i would hve kicked his ass right there, when he came into ur room and started tearing up ur stuff... if i were u, i would warn him now.... tell him that if he dares to destroy ur things then it wont be good for his health and that u would destroy all his stuff as welll....
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    (Original post by Heir-Head)
    I agree with some of the posts on here, spending a few nights out on the street without his beloved Army things will soon make him realise how good he has it. It's undoubtedly going to be hard for your mum, he is her son afterall, but in the long run she'll be doing him a BIG favour.

    EDIT - I just noticed you live in Gateshead, I'll sort him out for you, I'll be across the Tyne Bridge pronto!
    i will join in aswelll... if u need any help...
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    I agree that the one who needs to stop this is your Mum. He's perfectly old enough to be living on his own, and your Mum should kick him out.
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    (Original post by jaison2)
    i will join in aswelll... if u need any help...
    Wey Aye, man. The more the merrier. Looks like OP's brother deserves it,
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    Your brother really needs to grow the **** up, thinking he can sit in his bedroom playing Action Man all day long is just ridiculous. Take comfort in the fact that you're making something of your life and don't want to end up like him. Also, don't blame yourself, you're not being selfish. He's just acting like a child. A child with a flagrant disregard for anyone or anything but himself. He should be ashamed. None of this is your fault. I can see why you don't want to cause any more trouble, seeing as he thinks he likes to trash your house/upset your mum etc. One day, your Mum will have had just about enough, I'm sure. Just treat him like complete ****, and if he tries to hit you, hit him back. Hard. Self-defence. Don't worry, OP. You won't have to live with it forever. :hugs:



    You could, alternatively, put some laxatives in his 2 litres of tea. (:
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    Christ, he sounds like a b***dy nightmare. He obviously needs a kick up the backside from your mother. And he needs it for two reasons; one) it's not right how he's treating his family and parental home two) it sounds like he's just given up on life and he needs someone to help him. It's hard to think of him in a 'victim' light when he's being such a f***ing arse but nobody behaves like this because they like it, they behave like this because they have some serious issues. I mean, how s**t is his life? You're correct about your mother, she is being spineless, however she's in a difficult situation. I don't imagine that she enjoys seeing her son like this, she probably doesn't know what the hell to do about him. She doesn't want to chuck him out because he's already in a state and she doesn't know how to help him sort himself out, so she instead ignores it. I can't tell you for certain what to do about him, perhaps you can't do anything, however because he's your brother (And for your own sanity) I think you should try. Perhaps make a list of the things he could do, possitive things, to make progress to sorting himself out. At the moment his life has no point or aim, he has nothing. Just bare that in mind and try to sypathise with that.

    On the list you should probably include;
    - stop smoking weed
    - clean his room
    - eventually get a job a contribute to household bills

    The way to sort this out is to try and not make him the bad guy (even though he's behaving that way). Reach out to him. I think you should go to him, knock on his door when he's alone. Bring him a drink as a sort of peace offering and then sit down and talk to him. Just be nice and kind. Even if he doesn't deserve it. I know it may be difficult to do this but I really think its the only way. Try not to accuse him, try to form what you want to say in a way that will prevent him for being on the defense. After a few chats like this, spread out over a few days of just coming and talking to him, suggest helping him clean his room. Now I know you're probably thinking "why the hell should I? What's he ever done for me but be a horrible son of bi***?". That's all true. It depends really how badly you want this situation to be sorted. Because sometimes sorting a situation like this out isn't neccessarily done by attack, making friends with your brother all over again and forming a bond is the way to influence him into getting a job and to stop smoking weed. Screaming and shouting and going to the police is just so messy and so tiring, and it generally gets you nowhere and it doesn't improve things. Everyone is just angry and hurt. Learning to care and more importantly like him, and actually to eventually forgive him for how he's behaved, is how to sort this all out. Help him and that in turn will help you. Wouldn't you prefer a friendly, happy, good brother who you can rely on instead of an enemy or somebody you butt heads with all the time?
    Good luck I really hope things become better.
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    (Original post by ~emy~)
    That's what I hate about people sometimes. He's part of the family, if this guys parents do throw him out he'll resent them. They'll lose him forever - is that the answer to solving the problem?? I don't think so somehow.
    I can understand that what OP's brother is doing is wrong, but someone needs to have a word with him. He just seems so down and depressed to me. Why do you think he's violent?? I'm sure he's not happy about what he's doing but can't control his anger.
    I think more then anything he's angry at himself.
    People have tried to 'have a word with him' but it's quite clearly not had any impact. Just because he can't control his anger doesn't give him the right to take it out on others, there's a serious lack of discipline and he needs to understand that his actions have consequences. He needs to get help that's for sure, but it's up to him to take that step. He could apply for jobs, move out and start his own life if he really wanted to but he seems quite happy sponging off his parents and it's partly their fault for letting him.
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    an alternative if you dont want to go to the police is to ring crimestoppers. there annonymous and could give you advice on what would be the best way to deal with the drug taking/property destruction.

    also going to the doctors for help would also be helpful, not just for your brother but for you as well. You can ask them about drugs programmes for your brother or councilling or something like that and it would mean that its not you having to carry all the burden by yourself by not saying anything to upset the family.
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    (Original post by oh_adele)

    You could, alternatively, put some laxatives in his 2 litres of tea. (:
    Haha, thats a cool idea!


    Btw, what/who is OP?
    • PS Helper
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    PS Helper
    sounds like an absolute ******* tbh. I don't think you, being a sibling, should really do anything. You need your mum or this congenial stepdad to start doing something. Needs to get out of the house and get a job.
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    (Original post by AnthonyShock)
    Haha, thats a cool idea!


    Btw, what/who is OP?
    OP = You!

    The 1st post/thread starter.
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    (Original post by sigstuff)
    People have tried to 'have a word with him' but it's quite clearly not had any impact. Just because he can't control his anger doesn't give him the right to take it out on others, there's a serious lack of discipline and he needs to understand that his actions have consequences. He needs to get help that's for sure, but it's up to him to take that step. He could apply for jobs, move out and start his own life if he really wanted to but he seems quite happy sponging off his parents and it's partly their fault for letting him.
    I see your point but all I'm saying is that he is after all a part of the family. By involving the poilce or crimestoppers or whatever it's not going to solve matters.
    Why is everyone on here so intent on breaking apart a family, all I'm saying is ways to keep the family together. There are always ways to solve problems before involving the police or throwing this guy out of his home.
    Probably you all are saying this becasue you're all not in the sitiuation. Nothing like this has happened to me but I would imagine (and hope) that I would be mature enough and good enough to try to solve matters in other ways then rip apart the family. Imagine if that was your brother or your son? Would you call the police on him or throw him out just because he no longer is young enough to get away with it? No matter what age someone is or how angry they get, they don't stop being family. Thats the difference between me and the rest of the people on here giving advice. You all seem intent on breaking apart an already fragile family.
    I agree that it should be the elder brother who changes his ways, but it won't make anyone else less of a person to show some kindness first. Don't argue, show this guy some respect (whether he deserves it or not at the moment) and try to understand his point of view and how he feels and you never know things may work out for the better.
    Don't you think by calling the police it will make things worse? He'll get angrier and probably do something much worse then puching a wall.
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    lol is the worst thing to write but its how i start all my replys
    hear me out i do feel for u and at least uve done the first step and told someone
    best answer to this is to kick him out
    but depending on how old you are or how ur mom feels. tell some of ur other relativces unlces perhaps and that will make him feel bad and he may change or leave
    i thought my life was bad
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    Poor you Go speak to a counsellor if you want to and if your mum is so hell bent on not kicking him out then honestly consider the Jeremy Kyle show haha (honestly though they give you support and follow up apparently - they'd put your brother in anger management and boost your mum's confidence. It's all free as well.
    Just don't let your brother influcence your results, keep working hard.
    The police honestly don't do anything, my dad beat up my mum and they've done **** all so I wouldn't bother that much if it's going to make your mum really angry with you. I'm saying this if he punches the wall, if he ever lays a finger on your mother def call the police.

    Him bringing up your father is absolutely disgusting. If your mum, even after you speak to her, still doesn't want to kcik him out thenjust move out and let her deal with him. Maybe she's scared of him? But she's an adult and at the end of the day, it's her house, her rules and if she refuses to see that she's just helping your brother's drug addiction and by not kicking him out, encouraging him to stay home and not get a job, then at the end of the day it's her decision and her burden. Let her know that if she ever needs you you'll be there for her but you'll be movingo ut next year no? Just one more year.... Good luck OP!!!
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    (Original post by Wild Thing)
    Poor you Go speak to a counsellor if you want to and if your mum is so hell bent on not kicking him out then honestly consider the Jeremy Kyle show haha (honestly though they give you support and follow up apparently - they'd put your brother in anger management and boost your mum's confidence. It's all free as well.
    Just don't let your brother influcence your results, keep working hard.
    The police honestly don't do anything, my dad beat up my mum and they've done **** all so I wouldn't bother that much if it's going to make your mum really angry with you. I'm saying this if he punches the wall, if he ever lays a finger on your mother def call the police.

    Him bringing up your father is absolutely disgusting. If your mum, even after you speak to her, still doesn't want to kcik him out thenjust move out and let her deal with him. Maybe she's scared of him? But she's an adult and at the end of the day, it's her house, her rules and if she refuses to see that she's just helping your brother's drug addiction and by not kicking him out, encouraging him to stay home and not get a job, then at the end of the day it's her decision and her burden. Let her know that if she ever needs you you'll be there for her but you'll be movingo ut next year no? Just one more year.... Good luck OP!!!
    Cheers, I like your advice.
    I don't think I could go through the Jeremy Kyle thig though, didn't realize it was that helpful though.

    I tried to talk to my mum ths morning. I kept really calm about it at first and explained how she is being sponged off and she needs to at least try and tlak to him about things (he never really communicates with her or any of us). She kept trying to brush it off I think, she kept replying "I know, yes I know". Then I explained to her that I'd probably have tocall the police next time and then she totally lost it with me. She said that we'd probably get kicked out of our house (we live in a council house) if we caused bother with the police (which I don't think is true, we don't really disturb the neighbours (apart from my brother's tantrums). Then I began to lsot my temper and started saying things such as "its about time you had the **** scared out of you to do something about it" and she started having a go at me saying I was acting really selfish and being too opinionated about everything. I couldn't be arsed from then on and just went to my room. I haven't spoken to ehr the rest of the day. It really frustrated me how she said I was selfish when there's an even bigger example of selfish in the house.

    I think she might be scared of him or something, like nobody ever goes in his room because he goes off it if anybody does, yet he is always going into mine during the day and taking things like this PDA my dad bought me for Xmas one year (I don't use it much now, I keep it in a box under my bed as a sentimental sort of thing). He also takes things like my pillows and swaps them with tatty ones that are really flat, he takes my arabic language books (probably to do with his army stuff).

    I know this is so unfair but I just have to live with it because I just want to get on with it. I feel like giving my mum a huge big slap across the face, which is starting to really scare me.

    How would I even go about getting counselling? Do I have to go to the doctors?
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    Who would win in a fight?

    I'd have knocked 7 bells out of him mate. He sounds a right ****.
 
 
 
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