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I want to kill myself before I go to university Watch

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    Anon or delete plz.

    I'm going to university surprisingly soon now. Its less than 2 months away and I've been dreading it ever since we had to start thinking about uni in June 2008 when we first started doing our personal statement and UCAS stuff. Its become more and more scary the closer it gets and I struggled with the tail end of my A Level work. How am I realistically meant to cope with uni work if I struggled with A Levels?

    I have not had a smooth ride this past 18 months. Far from it. My mum has become increasingly ill (not cancer, but general stress, depression and so on). My dad has treated me more and more horribly since he's realised I can't cope with a high workload very well (he noticed I was flagging in my final year of school). My sister hates me all the time, constantly insulting me and playing loud music in her room. My brother hardly ever returns home (he left uni a year or two ago). My gran is getting old and has cancer, so my dad is always really edgy. There is tension concerning financial issues between my dad and my aunt so I can't properly see my cousins, and I was really good friends with them.

    I have not had the best 18 months as you can tell. To top that off, I was bullied at the end of year 12 and throughout year 13 but the school did not help me very much. They could see I was struggling but they care more for the people who do really well. Horrible, completely untrue rumours have spread and I have remained at home most of the time instead of being able to socialise properly.

    I have not drunk any alcohol (or virtually none) and I am told freshers week is a drinking fest where if you don't drink shots that are put in front of you, everyone will hate you. I'm having horrible nightmares about it all. Can someone help please? I feel like I have turned everywhere and gotten all the help I can but its still not enough. Sorry for the long speech, I hope you can read it and help me.
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    If you are really considering it, please talk to the Samaritans instead as they are qualified to give you proper advice. :hugs:
    http://www.samaritans.org/


    It won't be like you think, people do exist that don't drink alcohol. And at uni you will be studying something you enjoy, A levels are meant to be more difficult than university anyway. People become ill and you won't always get on with your family but remember you are going off to uni to get a fresh start. There are people out there that never get this opportunity and have it a lot worse than you, keep your chin up and put things into perspective.
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    Something I would like to add. I am sure you inferred it from the above statement.

    I am the biggest and most boring social retard imaginable.
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    Hey, I'm sure that's not true! There will be people at uni who you naturally get on with, you just have to look for them.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I am the biggest and most boring social retard imaginable.

    It is likely you would think that as you have low self esteem. You will be in the same position as everyone else where people will be nervous and not know one another. Everyone is in the same boat, no one will look at you and think this. It will be easier to make friends at uni than ever before because everyone's looking to make friends, they will feel just as lost and worried probably as you.
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    Well all I can say is that when you go to uni, you can start a fresh, i.e/ no one will know your history and what you've done, unless some people from your college are going to your uni
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    Treat university as a new start, OP; you'll be fine. Most of your problems seem to stem from the household you live in, and since you won't be there when you're at university, you can sort things out.
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    lol, you have some picture that uni if full of people who have awesome social skills and are all uber cool and you'll be the freak who sits in the corner.

    Not true. I know plenty of people who are more than socially inept. Uni is a brilliant thing, it allows you to be who you want to be. If you engage it and give you all you'll be fine. If you don't then things will carry along trotting on as they have been for the past forever.

    Give it a go, you might like it.

    And if you don't like it and it all turns to **** (probably won't) you can still kill yourself after.
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    To be honest going to university could be the best thing for you at the moment. I know you can't do much about your family, but in social terms going to uni is a chance to start afresh and essentially build a new life.
    I found the first year of uni considerably easier than A Levels - its really a case of getting used to things and scraping a pass, which doesn't take a lot of effort when I think about it. You'll be fine as long as you put a bit of work in and turn up to a few lectures
    Yes there is a lot of alcohol consumed during freshers week, but you can still come out the other side with lots of friends and great memories even if you don't drink much.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have not drunk any alcohol (or virtually none) and I am told freshers week is a drinking fest where if you don't drink shots that are put in front of you, everyone will hate you. I'm having horrible nightmares about it all.
    I don't drink alcohol at all and I survived freshers week without any problems and I managed to make friends in spite of being a git.

    Universities are usually large enough places for there to be something for everyone - have a look at the societies fair and you'll find there are groups for everything under the sun. You'll also find a lot of people who don't really join in anything or do anything much but still manage to find like minded people to do nothing with.

    I don't know what course you are doing at uni so I can't say whether it will be easier or harder than A-levels. I'm doing medicine and it is totally different to A-level work but I wouldn't actually say it is harder. Many degree courses have different assessment methods and you may find that you have less pressure on you than at school.
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    You want to kill yourself before you go to university?

    Something tells me that you haven't thought this plan through properly. Suicide is permanent.
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    I hope I live somewhere close to you (I probably do, I cannot find out though ) because I'd go into your school and speak to those teachers for you. I honestly hate the whole "putting the able kids before the less able kids". I've seen how teachers treat kids differently based upon this, they just give the larger fraction of their time to the brainier kids because they want to keep them satisfied so they don't flump their results or run off to college.

    I totally understand how you're feeling about Uni. I'm feeling a bit uneasy about the type of people I'm going to meet and if I'll get with people who are like me. I was fine with Uni before I started a summer school at the start of July and honestly, I hated it. I was put in this pre-organized group of 12 people my age and they were horrible, they weren't like me at all they were like proper chavs! Now, I'm not anti-social, I like gettin drunk responsibly and having a laugh (I'll always stop myself before I get to the "projectile vomiting" phase! It just ruins the experience and it's embarassin!). But these people were so stuck-up and made out they had loads of money and always ahd to wash their hands during the day, which i thought was weird, I thought after toilet-time and before makin meals was enough:confused:. Really, I'm sure people at Uni aren't all like that but I still worry lol

    I'm not sure what to suggest. Try get yourself out of your house as much as possible. Go for a little walk to somewhere where you can just sit, not worry about anybody you know seeing you and looking silly and spend some time there. Try and get to know yourself a bit and be at ease with yourself. A really good way of doing this is to look up your star sign. Don't worry if you don;t believe in that lark, just find a webpage that describes the traits of your star sign and it will put you into a self-reflective state. As you read what this page describes of you, you will look at yourself and question and see if you're like that, or if you're not. You don;t have to believe everything it says is what you are, it just puts you in a state where you're looking at yourself and asking questions like "Am I really the independant type of person" "Do I have an interest in Aviation?" "Am I very capable in learning languages?" "Do I have the gift of the gab?":p:

    Try it! I once wasn;t sure what type of person I was because I was so mixed up and one day I'd be one type of person and the next day something else and after looking at myself according to what this astrology was saying and questioning if it was true or not really helped me know miself! Good Luck! PM me if you want anymore help
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Anon or delete plz.

    I'm going to university surprisingly soon now. Its less than 2 months away and I've been dreading it ever since we had to start thinking about uni in June 2008 when we first started doing our personal statement and UCAS stuff. Its become more and more scary the closer it gets and I struggled with the tail end of my A Level work. How am I realistically meant to cope with uni work if I struggled with A Levels?

    I have not had a smooth ride this past 18 months. Far from it. My mum has become increasingly ill (not cancer, but general stress, depression and so on). My dad has treated me more and more horribly since he's realised I can't cope with a high workload very well (he noticed I was flagging in my final year of school). My sister hates me all the time, constantly insulting me and playing loud music in her room. My brother hardly ever returns home (he left uni a year or two ago). My gran is getting old and has cancer, so my dad is always really edgy. There is tension concerning financial issues between my dad and my aunt so I can't properly see my cousins, and I was really good friends with them.

    I have not had the best 18 months as you can tell. To top that off, I was bullied at the end of year 12 and throughout year 13 but the school did not help me very much. They could see I was struggling but they care more for the people who do really well. Horrible, completely untrue rumours have spread and I have remained at home most of the time instead of being able to socialise properly.

    I have not drunk any alcohol (or virtually none) and I am told freshers week is a drinking fest where if you don't drink shots that are put in front of you, everyone will hate you. I'm having horrible nightmares about it all. Can someone help please? I feel like I have turned everywhere and gotten all the help I can but its still not enough. Sorry for the long speech, I hope you can read it and help me.
    I understand what you may be feeling at this time and how everything seems to be overwhelming you at once.

    But the truth is you're not alone in your circumstances as I and am sure countless others have experienced the events you mention in your post.

    Firstly, I did pretty badly at A level and I only managed to achieve 2 Cs and a D. I put off higher education for a year as my results made me believe I wouldn't be able to cope with the workload. I ended up graduating with a first and am now about to mark on a masters degree so believe me when I say that A level results have no indication on ability to study at degree level.

    Around the end of my A levels I also had a lot of family tension. My step-sister and I were in constant arguments and your comments about your sister playing loud music ring true to me on many levels. Also I lost my grandfather on my dads side to cancer at the same time.

    I was also bullied a lot at school, even when I was in year 11 kids from year 8/9 would pick on and physically attack me (I was a terrible weakling).

    Finally with regards to drinking before I started uni, like you I had hardly ever touched alcohol and was worried I would stand out and wouldn't fit in.

    The truth is, I managed to change my old ways, start afresh, make great friends, become much more socially outgoing and discover my true personality whilst at uni.

    Don't let your fears ruin what will be the greatest time of your life
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I have not drunk any alcohol (or virtually none) and I am told freshers week is a drinking fest where if you don't drink shots that are put in front of you, everyone will hate you..
    Haha. Kiddin, like?

    Nonsense, if you don't want to drink in Freshers week then don't. You will not be the only one.

    To be honest, going to University is probably the best thing for you right now. Think of it as a fresh start. You'll meet new people, become independent and leave all your troubles behind. You are going out of town for Uni aren't you?
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    Sounds like University could be the break you really need from your family. Rather than contemplating suicide, look forward to a new future with a clean slate. I mean you have nothing to lose by waiting a few months and seeing how your life pans out rather than taking it immediately.

    Plus if you don't want to drink at University then you don't have to drink. Come on, you're an adult now and your future friends, if they're mature enough, will most likely respect your decision. Get some balls girl!
    • #2
    #2

    Are you a boy or a girl? Speak to your brother or sister. Surely they should understand about the stress. A problem shared is a problem halved
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    I agree with what the others above have said.
    Good luck!
    • #3
    #3

    I am an academic person. I went sixth form did my work and came home and worked.

    I don't drink because I like to be fully conscious all the time I also don't like to sleep.

    I'm not at all worried that I won't make friends. Surely people will go out in the day time or will need a friend in their lecture.

    Heck go out and just don't drink. I dislike going out and at the start of sixth form I told everyone that I would rather read a good book then go out.

    I went out once or twice and when someone said what are you drinking I'd say organge juice or coke. Or I'd get it myself. All fine. Just relax and try to become relaxed and just take it as it comes. Don't overthink cause it might be different to whats in your head.

    I know you situation is bad. But man oh man I have seen much worse. Find out why you went wrong in your a-levels and correct it.

    Good luck!
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    Nothing is worth killing yourself over. If you're dreading uni that much, simply get a job instead or defer to next year when you feel better. Some people aren't cut out for it. On the other hand, your worries may be over nothing. If you struggle with the work, you'll have a lot of academic support available and possibly some new friends who can help. Freshers week isn't one huge booze-fest - not if you don't want it to be. I didn't get drunk every night and nobody forced me to do shots or whatever. Do what you want to do, you may even end up enjoying it. I was quite shy before uni and it really brought me out of myself. Swallow the nerves and just enjoy yourself, it could be the best thing for you.
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    dont worry about uni work. I hope you have chosen a course that you are sure you will enjoy, because if its something you enjoy, it wont be as much hard work as A levels.
    I found my A levels very difficult, but I found university much easier - work wise. The workload was more, and things were harder of course but I enjoyed it and so, it wasnt that much of a burden.
    As 4 your family.. I know this is harsh, but once you're away at uni, you'll be in your own world and you'll escape (for a while) from all the problems of home. I loved uni for that.
    Forget about school and bullies - uni is amazing , you'll meet different people all the time and make better friends.
    As for drinking and freshers week - DO NOT WORRY! I don't drink at ALL (personal reasons) but I still had a great freshers week and time at uni. Just go out clubbing and to the bars with your friends but nobody says you have to drink. As long as you're outgoing and FUN, it won't make any difference to you or anyone else that you don't drink. But if you go out, and stand there like a misery guts, people may be all "oh you're so uptight you dont drink, you need some alcohol." Just be outgoing all the time and itll be fine, I swear
    Dont ever think about killing yourself! You hear it all the time and it probably bounces off you now - but it REALLY ISN'T WORTH IT! University life is soooo exciting, you discover yourself (as cheesy as that sounds) and life afterwards is exciting too!
 
 
 
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