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Our parents don't let us sleep in the same room together Watch

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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    First of all, I didn't say the parents had to encourage it or make it clear that they are happy with it. But unless they have a rational justification, they cannot expect their children to respect their rules.

    If I have a daughter, I will more than likely shudder to imagine her having sex with some boyfriend at 16 years old. But her sex life is her sex life, it's nothing to do with me. I don't have to know if it's happening, I don't have to know when it's happening, I don't have to approve of it, I don't have to acknowledge it, I don't have to encourage it, and I don't have to make myself clear that I'm happy about it. I should have absolutely no involvement in it whatsoever, because it's nothing to do with me. Naturally, I won't like the idea, but rationally, I refuse to object, because I'd have no rational justification to do so.

    I share a bed with my partner quite a lot, and whilst sex is a major part of our life, it's not uncommon for us to go to sleep together without sex in the same bed. That intimacy that comes from simply sleeping in the same bed is enough to strengthen a relationship by vast amounts.

    Further to that, the excuse that 'there's plenty of time for that when you're older' is ridiculous. If she was 14, her parents would tell her 'nah, not until you're 16'. Then she turns 16, and they come out with 'plenty of time when you're older'. Well this, again, has no rational basis. It's nothing but an excuse for unwitting parents to keep the minds at peace, happy in the knowledge that their natural urges to protect their child do not yet need to be exercised. It's quite frankly pathetic.

    Now, I'm not 16, I'm almost 20, and my girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now. I didn't lose my virginity until 18, and it was with her. I was quite frankly not interested in sex until I was in a relationship with somebody I really liked, and when that happened, I went ahead with it. Now, I don't really give a **** that this happened at 18. If it had happened at 20, 16, or 14, it would have made no difference to me. The fact of the matter is that I, since the age of about 14, have been mature enough for a sexual relationship, and savvy enough to take precautions against accidents. If I had met my girlfriend at 14, I would have felt the same way about her that I did when I met her at 18, and I would have been equally as mature and ready for a sexual relationship with her. Sure, I 'could wait', and 'there was no rush', but so what? Why should I wait? I've found a girl I truly like, and who truly likes me, we're both ready for sex, and we're mature enough to take appropriate precautions... what possible reason is there for delaying it? NO REASON WHATSOEVER, THAT'S WHAT. That's why I had sex when I did, and that's why the OP should have sex if she wants.

    Then again, the OP never mentioned sex, she only mentioned sleeping in the same bed together... my girlfriend and I did that for a while before having sex, and that too was something we were both ready for, something meaningful for our relationship, and something that there was absolutely no conceivable reason to delay.

    Without a reason to delay, do not delay. And the 'reasons' her parents have given are simply not good enough reasons to delay.
    But if the parents allow the OP and her bf to share a bed under their roof in their house where they make the rules about EVERYTHING else, then surely that logically follows that they're encouraging her to have sex with her bf if she wants to, that they're happy with it, that they approve of it, and they'd have to be pretty stupid if they didn't acknowledge it when its happening under their roof and they start finding used condoms and wrappers in their rubbish. I can understand why quite alot of parents wouldn't want to be in that situation! And by allowing their child to sleep under their roof with their bf (and probably having sex) then they are also getting involved with her sex life. If she gets pregnant, the responsibility will fall to them. Its understandable why they'd want to try and prevent this or make it difficult for them. Also, you're assuming that the parents have banned sex altogether. We don't know that. My parents knew I was having sex at 17, 18 years old. That doesn't mean that they had to make it easy for me to have MORE when they were sleeping in the next room at night!

    My parents didnt let me sleep in the same room with my boyfriend...so we just had to wait until they were out. Doesn't mean we went to find a "love shack." Not everyone can afford hotel rooms you know. You're making generalisations. And I'm bored now.
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    they is like such **** blockers.

    :awesome:
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    WHY are they not comfortable with it though? That's the problem that I'm having. There is absolutely no rational reason for them to be uncomfortable with it. As far as I can see, there are only 3 rational reasons why a parent would be uncomfortable and those are:

    1) She might get pregnant.
    2) She might get used and abused.
    3) She might get STDs.

    NONE of these problems are solved by banning sex from the house. Not one of them.

    So either they are departing from rationality by making up bad solutions to real problems, or they are departing from rationality by being uncomfortable without without a good reason. Either way, it's not something I would respect.



    At the age of 16, you take your own responsibilities regarding sex. So if the girl gets pregnant, there should be no pointing of fingers in any direction other than at the couple who had sex with the necessary precautions. If a girl gets pregnant, and her parents start looking for other parents to blame, than this is nothing about another indication that the parents are deluded as to their own daughters innocence. She's 16, she's a young lady, she makes her own sexual decisions, and if she gets pregnant, then it's her fault and her partner's fault, nobody else's. So again, I don't see why we should erect these bans on sex in order to stop the blame being passed to parents. The blame shouldn't be getting passed to parents under ANY instances.

    If a 16 year old accidently chops off his fingers whilst making a sandwich, we don't blame the parents for providing the environment and the tools for sandwich making. After all, if he had done it properly, there would have been no accident. The same goes for pregnancy. If a 16 year old accidentally gets pregnant whilst having sex, we don't blame the parents who provided the environment and the tools for safe sex. After all, if the teens had done it properly, there would have been no accident.



    As I've explained above, if I have a daughter, I will not want to know whether or not she is having sex. If I have raised her properly, then I will be able to send her into the real world aged 16 and not have to worry about her sex life, knowing that I've produces a girl capable of making mature decisions, and taking the appropriate precautionary measures against accidents. I want zero involvement with her sex life because I wouldn't be comfortable with knowing about it. But guess what... that discomfort would be irrational. When I have a problem which is borne out of irrationality, then I deal with it in my own head, not by making the rest of the world suit itself to my irrationality. So yes, when I have a daughter, I will calm my irrationality by firstly raising her to be responsible, and secondly ignoring her sex life at all costs. I want zero involvement, and without rational justification, I will not impose any restrictions on it. That's up to her.



    When you produce an opinion based on rationality, I will cease.
    Oh god. PLEASE go to the debate and discussion forum and write pages and pages about something that actually MATTERS!
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    First of all, I didn't say the parents had to encourage it or make it clear that they are happy with it. But unless they have a rational justification, they cannot expect their children to respect their rules.

    If I have a daughter, I will more than likely shudder to imagine her having sex with some boyfriend at 16 years old. But her sex life is her sex life, it's nothing to do with me. I don't have to know if it's happening, I don't have to know when it's happening, I don't have to approve of it, I don't have to acknowledge it, I don't have to encourage it, and I don't have to make myself clear that I'm happy about it. I should have absolutely no involvement in it whatsoever, because it's nothing to do with me. Naturally, I won't like the idea, but rationally, I refuse to object, because I'd have no rational justification to do so.

    I share a bed with my partner quite a lot, and whilst sex is a major part of our life, it's not uncommon for us to go to sleep together without sex in the same bed. That intimacy that comes from simply sleeping in the same bed is enough to strengthen a relationship by vast amounts.

    Further to that, the excuse that 'there's plenty of time for that when you're older' is ridiculous. If she was 14, her parents would tell her 'nah, not until you're 16'. Then she turns 16, and they come out with 'plenty of time when you're older'. Well this, again, has no rational basis. It's nothing but an excuse for unwitting parents to keep the minds at peace, happy in the knowledge that their natural urges to protect their child do not yet need to be exercised. It's quite frankly pathetic.

    Now, I'm not 16, I'm almost 20, and my girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now. I didn't lose my virginity until 18, and it was with her. I was quite frankly not interested in sex until I was in a relationship with somebody I really liked, and when that happened, I went ahead with it. Now, I don't really give a **** that this happened at 18. If it had happened at 20, 16, or 14, it would have made no difference to me. The fact of the matter is that I, since the age of about 14, have been mature enough for a sexual relationship, and savvy enough to take precautions against accidents. If I had met my girlfriend at 14, I would have felt the same way about her that I did when I met her at 18, and I would have been equally as mature and ready for a sexual relationship with her. Sure, I 'could wait', and 'there was no rush', but so what? Why should I wait? I've found a girl I truly like, and who truly likes me, we're both ready for sex, and we're mature enough to take appropriate precautions... what possible reason is there for delaying it? NO REASON WHATSOEVER, THAT'S WHAT. That's why I had sex when I did, and that's why the OP should have sex if she wants.

    Then again, the OP never mentioned sex, she only mentioned sleeping in the same bed together... my girlfriend and I did that for a while before having sex, and that too was something we were both ready for, something meaningful for our relationship, and something that there was absolutely no conceivable reason to delay.

    Without a reason to delay, do not delay. And the 'reasons' her parents have given are simply not good enough reasons to delay.

    Wow, maybe I should show this to my parents, this would give them a thing or two to think about (so far Phugoid I think you've got the best reply yet)
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    Tell him to sex you during the day.

    Problem solved.
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    #2

    Ha... I am 19 and my bf is 20 and we don't sleep in the same bed when I stay over, and not in the same room even. But then his parents are Indian :P
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    (Original post by veronica111)
    Wow, maybe I should show this to my parents, this would give them a thing or two to think about (so far Phugoid I think you've got the best reply yet)
    I think they would laugh at you. I know my parents would. All of Phugoids points are defeated by the fact that they're your parents, they provide for you and you're living in their house. When you live on your own, you can do what you want. Technically, you're not an adult or an independent until you're 18, and even then if you're still living in their house then you're still subject to their rules. So I think you need to get over it. Why is it such a big deal that you have to sleep apart? I assume your parents let you have private time in your room where you can have sex if you want to, or else you'd be whingeing about that too. At least you get your own space and privacy! Alot of people don't! And alot of people aren't allowed boyfriends to sleep over at their house. I think this whole thread is a total fail tbh.
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    (Original post by sophisticated)
    But if the parents allow the OP and her bf to share a bed under their roof in their house where they make the rules about EVERYTHING else, then surely that logically follows that they're encouraging her to have sex with her bf if she wants to, that they're happy with it, that they approve of it, and they'd have to be pretty stupid if they didn't acknowledge it when its happening under their roof and they start finding used condoms and wrappers in their rubbish.
    Not particularly. Parents don't usually make rules to PERMIT things, they usually make rules to ban things.

    For example, I'm pretty certain that the OP is not banned from dancing around naked in her room with nobody else in there. Simply because it is not banned does not mean the parents approve of it though, does it? Hopefully, her parents haven't considered that she might be dancing around naked, but since she does it alone, they would never no, and it would make no difference to their lives if she did or not. So they don't actively encourage it, but they also haven't banned it - they're simply ignorant of it. The same should be said for sex.

    But I can understand why quite alot of parents wouldn't want to be in that situation! And by allowing their child to sleep under their roof with their bf (and probably having sex) then they are also getting involved with her sex life. If she gets pregnant, the responsibility will fall to them. Its understandable why they'd want to try and prevent this or make it difficult for them.
    There's no reason to blame a parent if their child gets pregnant. Like I said in a post above, when a person becomes 16, they are in charge of their own sexual decisions, and any blame for the outcome of these decisions lies squarely with them. Any parent accused of being at fault should quite rightly shrug off such accusations...

    As I said above, you wouldn't blame a parent for a 16 year old child who chops off his fingers whilst making sandwiches. You wouldn't say that the parent should have banned sandwich making because it could possibly have led to such an accident. You blame the 16 year old child for being complacent in their sandwich making. The same goes for pregnancy.

    My parents didnt let me sleep in the same room with my boyfriend...so we just had to wait until they were out. Doesn't mean we went to find a "love shack." Not everyone can afford hotel rooms you know. You're making generalisations. And I'm bored now.
    LOL. Yeah, well that's brilliant isn't it? You've proved my point. What the hell is the point in making the rules if you know they aren't going to make a blind bit of difference - ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE NO RATIONAL BASIS.

    And it's not really a generalisation. All teenage couples are capable of finding somewhere to have sex.
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    (Original post by lieux)
    I think any 16 year old is too young to be sleeping in the same bed as their bf/gf
    agreed
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    (Original post by sophisticated)
    Oh god. PLEASE go to the debate and discussion forum and write pages and pages about something that actually MATTERS!
    I'm sure the OP is thinking very highly of your advice right now, considering that you think her predicament simply doesn't matter.

    Irrationality does matter, and when it ends up oppressing relationships, doubly so.
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    (Original post by sophisticated)
    I think they would laugh at you. I know my parents would. All of Phugoids points are defeated by the fact that they're your parents, they provide for you and you're living in their house. When you live on your own, you can do what you want. Technically, you're not an adult or an independent until you're 18, and even then if you're still living in their house then you're still subject to their rules. So I think you need to get over it. Why is it such a big deal that you have to sleep apart? I assume your parents let you have private time in your room where you can have sex if you want to, or else you'd be whingeing about that too. At least you get your own space and privacy! Alot of people don't! And alot of people aren't allowed boyfriends to sleep over at their house. I think this whole thread is a total fail tbh.
    None of my points are defeated by anything you've said, because everything you've said ends with 'just because'.

    But why should I respect my parents wishes? Just because.

    But why do they think that keeping us from sleeping together is good for us? Just because.

    But why is 16 too young? Just because.

    Simply because they are parents does not make them always right. They can have rules if they want, I never said they couldn't. All I'm saying is that without good reasons for them, they can't expect their children to respect these rules, and they certainly can't justify them against all the arguments I've made.
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    WHY are they not comfortable with it though? That's the problem that I'm having. There is absolutely no rational reason for them to be uncomfortable with it. As far as I can see, there are only 3 rational reasons why a parent would be uncomfortable and those are:

    1) She might get pregnant.
    2) She might get used and abused.
    3) She might get STDs.

    NONE of these problems are solved by banning sex from the house. Not one of them. Less sex = less chance of pregnancy, for one.

    So either they are departing from rationality by making up bad solutions to real problems, or they are departing from rationality by being uncomfortable without without a good reason. She's their child. They brought her up since she was a baby. Good enough reason for me.Either way, it's not something I would respect.



    At the age of 16, you take your own responsibilities regarding sex. Does she really though? Imagine if the OP got pregnant. OP doesn't provide for herself. If the OP had a child, then the parents would end up providing for the baby too, and no doubt babysitting it when the OP wanted to go out partying. The parents would have to be mugs to allow this to happen.So if the girl gets pregnant, there should be no pointing of fingers in any direction other than at the couple who had sex with the necessary precautions. If a girl gets pregnant, and her parents start looking for other parents to blame, than this is nothing about another indication that the parents are deluded as to their own daughters innocence. She's 16, she's a young lady, she makes her own sexual decisions, and if she gets pregnant, then it's her fault and her partner's fault, nobody else's. So again, I don't see why we should erect these bans on sex in order to stop the blame being passed to parents.Its not a ban from sex, its a ban from sleeping in the same room. Totally different The blame shouldn't be getting passed to parents under ANY instances.

    If a 16 year old accidently chops off his fingers whilst making a sandwich, we don't blame the parents for providing the environment and the tools for sandwich making. After all, if he had done it properly, there would have been no accident. The same goes for pregnancy. If a 16 year old accidentally gets pregnant whilst having sex, we don't blame the parents who provided the environment and the tools for safe sex. After all, if the teens had done it properly, there would have been no accident. Seriously, I know its a saturday night and there's nothing on TV, but this seems pointless time wasting to me. Really?



    As I've explained above, if I have a daughter, I will not want to know whether or not she is having sex. If I have raised her properly, then I will be able to send her into the real world aged 16 and not have to worry about her sex life, knowing that I've produces a girl capable of making mature decisions, and taking the appropriate precautionary measures against accidents. Often, its not that the parents don't trust their kid, its that they don't trust OTHER PEOPLE. I want zero involvement with her sex life because I wouldn't be comfortable with knowing about it. But guess what... that discomfort would be irrational. When I have a problem which is borne out of irrationality, then I deal with it in my own head, not by making the rest of the world suit itself to my irrationality.I still don't see how anyone can argue that its rational or irrational. They're her parents, so what they say goes. Just because they said so. Haven't your parents ever said that to you when you've asked why or why not you have to or can't do something? "Because I said so" is the most irritating response, but they're parents and technically they can tell you what to do while you're living in their house so yeah, deal with it. So yes, when I have a daughter, I will calm my irrationality by firstly raising her to be responsible, and secondly ignoring her sex life at all costs.Ignoring it by allowing it to happen in your house? Will you be able to ignore it when you hear the sound effects at night, or empty the trash out of her room? I think not. I want zero involvement, and without rational justification, I will not impose any restrictions on it. That's up to her.



    When you produce an opinion based on rationality, I will cease.You use that word too much. Yawn.
    Here you go. My responses in red.
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    Not particularly. Parents don't usually make rules to PERMIT things, they usually make rules to ban things.

    For example, I'm pretty certain that the OP is not banned from dancing around naked in her room with nobody else in there. Simply because it is not banned does not mean the parents approve of it though, does it? Hopefully, her parents haven't considered that she might be dancing around naked, but since she does it alone, they would never no, and it would make no difference to their lives if she did or not. So they don't actively encourage it, but they also haven't banned it - they're simply ignorant of it. The same should be said for sex.



    There's no reason to blame a parent if their child gets pregnant. Like I said in a post above, when a person becomes 16, they are in charge of their own sexual decisions, and any blame for the outcome of these decisions lies squarely with them. Any parent accused of being at fault should quite rightly shrug off such accusations...

    As I said above, you wouldn't blame a parent for a 16 year old child who chops off his fingers whilst making sandwiches. You wouldn't say that the parent should have banned sandwich making because it could possibly have led to such an accident. You blame the 16 year old child for being complacent in their sandwich making. The same goes for pregnancy.



    LOL. Yeah, well that's brilliant isn't it? You've proved my point. What the hell is the point in making the rules if you know they aren't going to make a blind bit of difference - ESPECIALLY IF THEY HAVE NO RATIONAL BASIS.

    And it's not really a generalisation. All teenage couples are capable of finding somewhere to have sex.
    One point. No harm is going to come to anyone while they're dancing naked around their bedroom, is it? Fail.
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    None of my points are defeated by anything you've said, because everything you've said ends with 'just because'.

    But why should I respect my parents wishes? Just because. Because she lives in their house and they pay and they're older than her and probably know better and just want whats best for OP.

    But why do they think that keeping us from sleeping together is good for us? Just because. Not "good" for them clearly because the OP is throwing a hissy fit over it, but simply because the parents feel it would be inappropriate to allow them to sleep together. Perhaps its the way they were brought up too.

    But why is 16 too young? Just because."Just because" the OP is the age of consent, doesn't mean she automatically has rights to sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend. She's not an adult yet, not 18 yet. Who knows, maybe the parents wont allow bed sharing in their house until she's 30! Its all irrelevant when the OP is living under their roof because thems the rules, yeah? Just because they flippin said so. That was good enough for other 16 year olds, including me when I was that age, so why can't it be good enough for princess OP huh? :rolleyes:

    Simply because they are parents does not make them always right. They can have rules if they want, I never said they couldn't. All I'm saying is that without good reasons for them, they can't expect their children to respect these rules, and they certainly can't justify them against all the arguments I've made.Lol ok lets see OP present your points to the parents and see if it makes any difference. I'm sure the parents will completely change their ways and bow down just because some kiddy on the internet has an opinion about how they're bringing up their child haha.
    Blah blah blah.
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    (Original post by Wild Thing)
    SLIGHT difference: he was 18, you're 16.
    I was going to be horribly patronising, but i'm in a nice mood, so i'll just point out the words the OP actually used; "when my 18 year old brother was my age".

    And as others have said, you're a girl, and can therefore fall pregnant. In my (albeit limited) experience, parents are much more neurotic, naive and protective over their daughters as compared to their sons.
    • #3
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    (Original post by Phugoid)
    First of all, I didn't say the parents had to encourage it or make it clear that they are happy with it. But unless they have a rational justification, they cannot expect their children to respect their rules.

    If I have a daughter, I will more than likely shudder to imagine her having sex with some boyfriend at 16 years old. But her sex life is her sex life, it's nothing to do with me. I don't have to know if it's happening, I don't have to know when it's happening, I don't have to approve of it, I don't have to acknowledge it, I don't have to encourage it, and I don't have to make myself clear that I'm happy about it. I should have absolutely no involvement in it whatsoever, because it's nothing to do with me. Naturally, I won't like the idea, but rationally, I refuse to object, because I'd have no rational justification to do so.

    I share a bed with my partner quite a lot, and whilst sex is a major part of our life, it's not uncommon for us to go to sleep together without sex in the same bed. That intimacy that comes from simply sleeping in the same bed is enough to strengthen a relationship by vast amounts.

    Further to that, the excuse that 'there's plenty of time for that when you're older' is ridiculous. If she was 14, her parents would tell her 'nah, not until you're 16'. Then she turns 16, and they come out with 'plenty of time when you're older'. Well this, again, has no rational basis. It's nothing but an excuse for unwitting parents to keep the minds at peace, happy in the knowledge that their natural urges to protect their child do not yet need to be exercised. It's quite frankly pathetic.

    Now, I'm not 16, I'm almost 20, and my girlfriend and I have been going out for quite some time now. I didn't lose my virginity until 18, and it was with her. I was quite frankly not interested in sex until I was in a relationship with somebody I really liked, and when that happened, I went ahead with it. Now, I don't really give a **** that this happened at 18. If it had happened at 20, 16, or 14, it would have made no difference to me. The fact of the matter is that I, since the age of about 14, have been mature enough for a sexual relationship, and savvy enough to take precautions against accidents. If I had met my girlfriend at 14, I would have felt the same way about her that I did when I met her at 18, and I would have been equally as mature and ready for a sexual relationship with her. Sure, I 'could wait', and 'there was no rush', but so what? Why should I wait? I've found a girl I truly like, and who truly likes me, we're both ready for sex, and we're mature enough to take appropriate precautions... what possible reason is there for delaying it? NO REASON WHATSOEVER, THAT'S WHAT. That's why I had sex when I did, and that's why the OP should have sex if she wants.

    Then again, the OP never mentioned sex, she only mentioned sleeping in the same bed together... my girlfriend and I did that for a while before having sex, and that too was something we were both ready for, something meaningful for our relationship, and something that there was absolutely no conceivable reason to delay.

    Without a reason to delay, do not delay. And the 'reasons' her parents have given are simply not good enough reasons to delay.

    DUDEE you talk a load of BS! you seriously need to get a life!!


    its only some 16 year old girl wondering why she cant share a bed with her bf of 7months, which in the grand scheme of things isnt very long, and when you're that young most people wait a year or so.
    a parent can enforce whatever rules they like in their house (within reason). and saying your daughter cannot shag under their rule is within reason.
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    (Original post by veronica111)
    I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 and a bit months, we're both 16, but neither of our parents let us sleep in the same bed together. It's really bugging me, is it wrong for us to sleep in the same bed together? I mean it doesn't seem it, 4 of my best friends all have boyfriends and they've been sleeping in the same bed/room together for agess!!! It's so irritating, so do you think my parents should let me? If you do, how do you think I could convince my parents, lol

    And, when my 18 year old brother was my age, he always had his girlfriend stay over, my parents even let her come on holiday with us and stay in the same room as my brother, so why am I treated any differently? :mad:
    At least they let you have a bf...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)

    DUDEE you talk a load of BS! you seriously need to get a life!!


    its only some 16 year old girl wondering why she cant share a bed with her bf of 7months, which in the grand scheme of things isnt very long, and when you're that young most people wait a year or so.
    a parent can enforce whatever rules they like in their house (within reason). and saying your daughter cannot shag under their rule is within reason.
    Halle flippin lujah!
    Someone speaks sense!
    :woo:
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    OP, it's your parents' house, so their word is final. The double standard seems a bit off (you could discuss this with them) but maybe they have their reasons for you being held to different standards. Whilst you're under their roof, you should abide by their rules.

    The rules of my parents' house are very clear...If you're not married, you're not sharing a room in their house (my Aunts and Unless have same rule!).
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    To counter a number of the female responses who suggested that they are treated differently; my mother did not allow my girlfriend to sleep in my bed - this was when I was a 17/18. She eventually softened though.
 
 
 
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