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Can't move on from my awful final year at uni..please help Watch

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    I've had a really difficult year and I'm finding it really hard to forget about and move on from what happened. This is just a summary as the full story of what went on is too long. Sorry if this sounds like a ramble but I just need to write it down. I'd really appreciate any advice about how to just forget about it all and move on.

    During my final year of uni, I lived with 2 girls who I thought were good friends and another girl who I hardly knew. To cut a long story short, one of my 'friends' and this other girl made my life hell. They locked me out of the house, *****ed about me so I could hear, spread rumours about me, messed with all my kitchen stuff and food, left abusive notes aimed at me around the house, trashed my room, listened into my phone calls outside my door and ran up over £200 in bills that were in my name.

    The bullying and arguments got so bad that I moved out of the house halfway through the uni year and lived at home. After this, they harrassed me at my home address by sending piles of junk mail under a made up name. They complained to our estate agent about me and lied about everything, making it look like I was the one who started all the trouble. I ended up having to pay rent for my room, as the estate agents wouldn't let me out of the contract. When I found someone to replace me, these girls purposefully left the house in a mess on the day of the viewing so he just wasn't interested.

    While all this was going on, my other friend who lived in the house joined in with them because she was scared of being the next target. She helped them trash my room and sometimes joined in with the arguments. I found this quite hurtful as I'd lived with her since the first year and I thought we were close friends. One of the arguments even started because I stuck up for her when they were blaming her for something she didn't do.

    To make the situation even worse, these 2 girls told a completely different story to the rest of my friendship group. People who I thought were my friends took their side, even though it was obvious they were bullying me. Nobody believed me or was even interested, though it was clear I needed help. These were people I'd been really close to in the first two years and I was so gutted at the way they all turned on me.

    I found out that some of these friends had been meeting up with the 2 girls and *****ing about me while I was having to live at home and commute. If I ever said anything about the way they'd treated me, all I got from my old friends was, "well, theres 2 sides to every story..."

    I guess the reason they took their side was that they'd all lived together in the 2nd year while I'd lived somewhere else before moving in with these 2 girls. But that shouldn't have mattered, seeing as we were still meant to be good friends and had spend a lot of time together before.

    All this happened the last academic year (which has just ended) but I still feel angry about it. One of the girls is still at uni, and has moved in with one of my ex-'friends' - in fact, the first good friend I ever made at uni. They seem to be having a great time and its like theres no justice in the whole thing. I'm finding it hard to sleep and get really down because I can't get over what happened and how its all so unfair.

    I am completely broke because these girls ran up £200 in bills and I can't do anything about it as its all in my name. They lie if anyone confronts them about not paying. I feel lonely and hurt, as the people who I thought were my friends at uni ended up stabbing me in the back. Everyone just seemed to care about these bullies and nobody even thought about me. My last year of uni was miserable and stressful and one of these girls who caused it is now living in a happy house and seems like shes going to have a fun final year - which I feel she cheated me out of.

    I apologise to everyone for the whinge but I really need some advice about how to move on from this. I think I still have a lot of psychological damage from the actual bullying. I was even scared to leave my room to go to the toilet at one point, because these girls would shout and ***** at me for it. I was really down all the time.

    I can't believe my friends dropped my like that and not one of them stood up for me. I feel such hatred towards these 2 girls for the way they treated me and how they basically got off with it scot-free while I was left to pick up the pieces, emotionally and financially
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    Oh god, I really feel for you. They sound like incredibly spiteful people. I can't suggest anything other than giving it time, and don't bottle it up. If you have friends at home talk to them, and spend as much time with them as you can.
    If you're really not able to move on from it maybe seeing a councillor would be a good step.
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    Maybe it would be good for you to change uni and move to another city. It might help you to forget about everything and start again
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    (Original post by salt&pepper)
    Maybe it would be good for you to change uni and move to another city. It might help you to forget about everything and start again
    From the sounds of it though, the OP has just graduated?

    OP, I'd get as far away from these vile people as you can - and, like has already been suggested, consider some counselling. Take care x
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    thats rough i feel bad for u..

    take a bat to their face may make u feel a bit better
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    (Original post by hayyleyy)
    You could write either or both the girls a calm, mature letter about how they have affected you and how you feel cheated of what should have been happy memories of university. You don't even have to send it, but it might release some of these feelings. And take comfort knowing that you are a good, strong minded and decent person, which it does not seem can be said for any other of the people you knew. All the best.
    No. I don't think the OP needs to write a letter. This girls will just manipulate the OP and do something worst. OP forget about them. You now know how manipulative people can be and how much hurt they can give you. Now you have a degree forget about them. Focus on your future. I know it's still hurts but you must focus on your future. Everything happens for a reason. You just need to find it. If you look at it in a different way, the past has thought you different things and you might have matured and learned a lot from the event. Don't look at it in a negative way, try to look at it in a different way. A wise person doesn't look straightly at things. A wise person will try to understand why things happens and try to look at it from multiple perspective, reason with it, and adapt it with the current life and future. Once you look back, you'll be happy you have ride through the storm and manage to find your way. Hope it helps.
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    There is always a reason for this kind of behaviour. I find it very hard that these girls just woke up one day and said you know what lets make our friends life hell. But now its done. The past is the past so you just have to move on. Make new friends and just get on with your life. There is very little else I can say.
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    If the bills were all in your name you should have had everything cut off.
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    why were they doing this to you
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    (Original post by JC.)
    If the bills were all in your name you should have had everything cut off.
    You can't cut things off tiill the bill is paid, i should know. I had a simular situation where one prick i lived with was making everyone miserable, he didn;'t pay his way and as i am the only one who called the respective companies and toold them what was going on i was liable to pay the bills. I am lumbers with c/tax, utilities and we all lost our deposits because the ******** didnt pay rent for 3 months.

    Anyway all you can do is grit you teeth, pay the money and move on, i'm sorry that there isn't an revenge tactic or anyway to make them pay, there isn't. This guy caused me to drop out of uni for the crap he put me through and he has got off scot free whilst i'm left paying 100's of pounds of bills on my £185 a week.

    You will feel better and you will move and you will meet people who aren't such abhorrent specimens of human filth. I suggest getting these bills out of the way and maybe going on a nice holiday with a few of the friends you have left and learn to trust people again.

    Good luck.
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    Egg them, or throw a bucket of fish guts at them.

    They sound like vile, disgusting people, the ver scum of the earth. See a councillor, I think you need it. And, Your "friends" were in the wrong...."there's two sides to every story"...wtf?!?! Horrendus. I feel for you, I really do. You didn't deserve that.
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    Can't you sue them for emotional distress or something like that? (forgive me, I'm not the lawyer kind of person) Also, if they are putting financial obligations under your name when it was them who actually signed up for it, that would be classed as fraud wouldn't it?

    Gotta learn to stand up for yourself some more. I don't want to make you feel worser than you already do, but there will always be people like this in the world (usually a minority) just waiting to screw you over.
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    (Original post by Trigger)
    You can't cut things off tiill the bill is paid, i should know. I had a simular situation where one prick i lived with was making everyone miserable, he didn;'t pay his way and as i am the only one who called the respective companies and toold them what was going on i was liable to pay the bills. I am lumbers with c/tax, utilities and we all lost our deposits because the ******** didnt pay rent for 3 months.
    I wasn't aware of that?
    In light of that, i'd have taken a more pro-active solution and turned the water off at the mains and then taken the fuses out of the circuit breaker.

    I can't see the childish games continuing after 24 hours of no electric and water!
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    Wow how can people in their last year of Uni be so childish?!? Poor you OP, I'd just try and get away from your 'friends' and make new ones because they clearly aren't very caring people.
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    (Original post by JC.)
    I wasn't aware of that?
    In light of that, i'd have taken a more pro-active solution and turned the water off at the mains and then taken the fuses out of the circuit breaker.

    I can't see the childish games continuing after 24 hours of no electric and water!
    Obviously you've never lived with ass holes then have you. If you did you would realise that doing what you suggested is retarded.
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    Thanks for the advice everyone. I don't know why they did it really...but I found out after I'd moved out that they both have a history of this sort of thing. One of the girls in particular was very scheming. She isolated a girl she'd lived with previously and convinced everyone else in the house she was insane when in reailty she was paranoid and was acting very introverted because of the bullying. I would hear her on the phone sometimes planning how she'd ruin the 21st birthday party of one of her friends at home. She also went out a guy just to cheat on him, then she smashed up his motorbike when he'd done nothing wrong. I sometimes think she had slight mental problems because of the way she seemed to get pleasure out of other people suffering. In my case, I think I was just too nice and they could easily take advantage of that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice everyone. I don't know why they did it really...but I found out after I'd moved out that they both have a history of this sort of thing. One of the girls in particular was very scheming. She isolated a girl she'd lived with previously and convinced everyone else in the house she was insane when in reailty she was paranoid and was acting very introverted because of the bullying. I would hear her on the phone sometimes planning how she'd ruin the 21st birthday party of one of her friends at home. She also went out a guy just to cheat on him, then she smashed up his motorbike when he'd done nothing wrong. I sometimes think she had slight mental problems because of the way she seemed to get pleasure out of other people suffering. In my case, I think I was just too nice and they could easily take advantage of that.
    She sounds as if she needs mental health care. Seriously.

    You have my greatest sympathies, really How utterly horrible and awful, what a terrible thing to have happen to you, especially when you and your "friends" are all in your 20s and should have grown out of such inane and stupid behaviour about 10 years ago. To me, it sounds as if, with the exception of the ringleader (is that this scheming one you talk about above?), the others were all just saving their own necks. This girl sounds dangerously mixed up; I hope she gets help soon. And because she was so volatile and manipulative and scary, the others were siding with her. Unfortunately, out of the two of you, they'd want to appease her, the scary one, more than you, the nice normal one, because they know they won't get any serious consequences from you (as in you won't scream at them and ruin their lives - I know you yourself suffered tremendous emotional effects, but everyone's first priority is themselves).

    When these *****es told the rest of your friendship group some crappy story to suggest that you were the awful one, I bet they took it in with open arms - probably they unconsciously knew that the story wasn't true, but it suited their sense of righteousness to feel that no, they weren't siding with the scary one because she was scary and they were saving their own skins, it was because you, the nice normal one, was actually a bad egg. How horrible for you.

    I'm sure you've gone over analysing and analysing their behaviour and wondering how on earth they could all act like that. I find that understanding someone's behaviour is the key to moving on, so I hope that helps. Basically, don't feel bad, you've just uncovered the basest of human instincts, to save oneself and one's own genes. Yes, it's still there, lurking under our scientific advances and our chain supermarkets. Survival - everyone does it, but some people (no doubt you yourself) think about others as well.

    And as someone else said, try and see it as a learning experience. A 2 year friendship isn't long, probably not long enough for your "friends" to swear unyielding fealty to you. They don't know you well enough to out and out reject the story the scary one has spun to them. And you've learnt that you can survive the most outrageous and horrific behaviour, and still come out at the other end considering yourself a "nice person". And that, my friend, is true survival.

    Good luck getting those *****es out of your head.
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    I really feel for you. This girl sounds messed up, and I know that people like that do exist as I knew one in the past too.

    There really isn't anything you can do unfortuantely. Trying to explain to your old friends or work it out with these girls obviously seems like want you want to do - because you hate the fact they think badly of you and are trusting these girls. However it really wont help. They will only make it worse for you and as hard as it is, you really just need to drop them and move on. I don't blame you at all for feeling bitter but please just don't give them the satisfaction by rising to the bait. I hope things are better now.
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    What is the story the girls are telling everyone about what happened?
    I can't understand why all of your friends would believe them over you.
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    (Original post by Abhead)
    What is the story the girls are telling everyone about what happened?
    I can't understand why all of your friends would believe them over you.
    They said vague things at first - stuff like I never paid my share of bills in the house, I never did any housework etc (which wasn't true, I was the one who contributed the most). Then they made up stories to imply that I was crazy, I was antisocial when they had people over, all of it was just lies to make me look bad.
 
 
 
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