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Those with divorced parents, grown up too quickly? watch

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    #1

    My parents got divorced when I was about 11, we are all fine and I have always seen my dad regularly.

    Thing is, I'm a bit unsocial (probably due to shyness and I found it difficult to start a new life, new school, friends etc. when we moved away), and also quite serious and some say boring. I also find it hard to relax and just let go sometimes.

    A few people have told me (I'm 22 now) that it's probably because I grew up too quickly, and some of those suggested that it was because of what happened.
    Basically that I had felt that I was now the man of the house (I'm the oldest) and so needed to be responsible and dependable etc. for my mother and siblings (my dad has always been there for them anyway btw, my mum has her parents and has had a few boyfriends over the years but none worked out).

    I've never really felt that way or thought about it before, so I wonder what other people think, having or having not been in / known of similar situations. Now people have pointed it out, I think I really might have grown up too quickly and missed the later years of childhood/young adulthood.

    Obviously I've helped out a lot as anyone would, around the house and so on, what my dad would have done before and I didn't/don't mind this at all. I have known almost everything about the divorce, money issues and house things and so on from my mum from the start, and I know this worried me.

    I do feel that in some ways I'm much older than I actually am.

    I'm keen to hear your thoughts on this or anyone been through the same and feel the same way.
    • #2
    #2

    my parents split up a week after i was born, and got divorced when i was 4 months, atleast u grew up seeing them together
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    my parents split up a week after i was born, and got divorced when i was 4 months, atleast u grew up seeing them together
    My parents broke up when my dad was only 5. I WIN!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    My parents got divorced when I was about 11, we are all fine and I have always seen my dad regularly.

    Thing is, I'm a bit unsocial (probably due to shyness and I found it difficult to start a new life, new school, friends etc. when we moved away), and also quite serious and some say boring. I also find it hard to relax and just let go sometimes.

    A few people have told me (I'm 22 now) that it's probably because I grew up too quickly, and some of those suggested that it was because of what happened.
    Basically that I had felt that I was now the man of the house (I'm the oldest) and so needed to be responsible and dependable etc. for my mother and siblings (my dad has always been there for them anyway btw, my mum has her parents and has had a few boyfriends over the years but none worked out).

    I've never really felt that way or thought about it before, so I wonder what other people think, having or having not been in / known of similar situations. Now people have pointed it out, I think I really might have grown up too quickly and missed the later years of childhood/young adulthood.

    Obviously I've helped out a lot as anyone would, around the house and so on, what my dad would have done before and I didn't/don't mind this at all. I have known almost everything about the divorce, money issues and house things and so on from my mum from the start, and I know this worried me.

    I do feel that in some ways I'm much older than I actually am.

    I'm keen to hear your thoughts on this or anyone been through the same and feel the same way.
    Hmm, it's an interesting theory, and I suppose it applies to me in some regard.

    My parents split up when I was just about to enter 2nd year of high school, I think.

    I went with my dad though, so I wasn't suddenly the 'man of the house' or anything, but because my dad has such a relaxed parenting style compared to my mum, I was kind of tossed from the frying pan on over-protection into the fire of complete independence. So yes, I did a lot of growing up very, very quickly through those years.

    I think I am more intellectually mature than my similar-aged peers, but I don't know if I would attribute it to 'growing up too fast' due to divorce.
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    Yes, definitely. Although my parents are unusual in that they've been going through the divorce for 4 years (3 of which includes my dad in a separate country!) and my mum has developed mental problems.

    I'm not quite sure about the divorce, although I know it took me a long time to realize that even I didn't want them to be together anymore. What matured me too quickly for my liking was the sole responsibility of looking after my mum (even moreso when she doesn't acknowledge she has a problem), and like you, doing more around the house. Also, financial restraints meant I had to learn to be responsible/mature with money probably moreso than other kids (ie. I'd always save just in case, and it's usually for my mum). I became hugely independent too - although I don't think that's a bad thing.

    My uncle said I should look towards all this as life experience; sure I've faced more hurdles than most kids my age, but I'm also a lot grown stronger as the result. I hope he's right
    • #2
    #2

    i am almost 20 btw, and none of my parents would tell me about it
    was living between 4 families, 4 houses, moving from one to the other every 3/4 months, but dont think i "grew up fast", but had a happy childhood
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    Hey,

    I come from a similar situation. My parents split up when I was 8, and I was the youngest of 2, My sister was 15 at the time.

    I totally agree with everything you have said. I think being as young as we were, we unfortunately have grown up too quickly as we seem to have both been exposed to money issues and the reality that our parents are not superheroes as such too early.

    I also believe I am too old headed for my age (20) I cant put that down solely to my parents divorce though, as Ive had other experiences such as being bullied that have made me grow up quickly, yet I also think im quite vulnerable in a way, and I think both of these things did start with the divorce, as I had my security blanket as such taken away from me.

    Ive also seen how it has affected my sister in a different way, she doesnt seem to be as serious as me, yet she hides away from alot of problems, which could also be a cause of the divorce.

    Am I making any sense? Lol.
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    I'm also 22.
    My parents divorced when I was 3. Haven't seen my real dad since 1989. Not that I'm bothered. Even from that age I can still remember the violence that was inflicted on me and my mother.

    I guess I had to grow up quickly too. From that age i've been the "man of the house" or so my mother told me back then anyway.

    I guess you just have to play with the cards life deals you. I'm not exactly a wonderful example of a human being but there are far worse out there.

    I try not to think about it too much to be honest.
    Have a beer and relax.
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    I guess I could relate to you, my parents divorced when I was 8. At such a young age, you have to balance yourself equally as you can with the two parents, spending time equally, watching them bicker, etc.

    I noticed I had more responsibilities at each house because neither parent had time to do everything, like washing the pots, cleaning your room, I became more financially independent as well. So yes, I guess in a way children grow up a lot quicker with divorced parents.
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    Mine are split and I did alright tbh. It's always someone elses fault, isn't it OP? :rolleyes:
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    My dad died, and I was kinda forced to become an adult when all my friends were playing with Barbies. I'm thankful for what I have though, life's too short to dream of other situations, like, say, where he thought 'Hell, my family's more important to me than killing myself'.
    • #1
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    #1

    Cheers for the responses.

    (Original post by Bubbles*de*Milo)
    Mine are split and I did alright tbh. It's always someone elses fault, isn't it OP? :rolleyes:
    I'm not blaming anyone, it's just a life observation.
    I'm actually glad they split up, for everyone's sake.
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    My parents split when I was 3, I haven't seen my dad for 13 years, I don't mind since he was a complete tosser. I grew up with more responsibility, which I think made me a better person, and my mum's done a damn good job.
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    my parents split when I was 14/15 ..I've turned out alright ..I don't think I've grown up too quickly.
    • #3
    #3

    My parents divorced when I was 11 and it was quite traumatic. I definitely feel I have been rendered much stronger as a result, but I always look at other people my own age (I'm 16) who have both parents living with them, and I feel such profound sadness and longing. It's quite sad really, but I don't think anyone realises how upsetting and life-altering parental separation can be.
 
 
 
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