Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free

does this count as cheating and should i tell him? Watch

    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    i've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years and we're great together. but around december, we were going through a rough patch.

    but anyway, it was around this time that a male friend of mine confessed to having feelings for me. this threw me a bit and i guess i was flattered. my boyfriend and i were hardly speaking at the time and if i'm honest i thought our relationship was coming to an end. i did tell this guy that i loved my boyfriend and i wanted to make it work with him (which was true) and therefore nothing could happen between us. see this guy knew all about the problems i was having with my boyfriend and to me now, he seemed to have tried to take advantage of that.

    but this guy didn't give up that easily. he kept trying to hold my hand and stroke my leg or the small of my back. i must have pushed him off like a million times but he kept trying. and i know it was stupid but i eventually i just let him. i was worn out from arguing with my boyfriend, angry at him, flattered that this guy wanted me so bad and i just really wanted a little bit of affection.

    i know it was a stupid thing to do. we held hands a few times, i let him stroke my leg and the small of my back but that was it. after a week of this i stopped him because i felt so awful. the guy at first ignored me when i told him to stop and i had to keep saying it and pushing his hand away.

    my friend has moved on now, he's been with plenty of girls since whatever it was that happened between us. but we still hang out together in big groups.

    question is, should i tell my boyfriend about this? i know it was wrong and i'd be upset if it was the other way round. is it cheating? should i tell him? this was all over the space of about two weeks and about a week after i told my friend no then my boyfriend and i started to get back on track.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    i would say tell him, however, it was in december, if you truly have no feelings for this other guy, and it isn't getting in the way of you're relationship now, then part of me says won't. But if i were you i would, if he's the kind of guy who values trust, then this will show him you truly care about him, and if it went no where, he may be a bit upset but i think he'll forgive you, good luck
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I wouldn't consider that cheating, and I don't really see the point in telling him that some guy made a move on you.


    But that's how I see it,
    If you really feel that you have to tell him,
    then tell him.
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    you're cleary upset by this, and you know it was wrong, why bring up more pain by telling your boyfriend and worrying him/making him feel insecure. you realise what you did was kinda wrong, so leave it at that. no point causing unneccesary hurt over something you realised you shouldnt have done. if you kissed him or went further i would say you should tell him.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i know it was wrong and i'd be upset if it was the other way round. is it cheating? should i tell him?
    You're answer is in this quote.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Yes it is, cheating on someone isnt just a physical act, its also an emotional one. Letting someone feel you leg up and hold you in a romantic-ey way is cheating on your boyfriend emotionally, its also shown by the fact you feel bad about it.

    Whether you tell him or not depends on you, do you think it would do any good to the relationship/your head if you told him? Or is it a case of 'what he doesnt know cant hurt him?'. I dont know, but your timing couldnt have been much worse. It does make you seem a bit untrust-worthy, like the second your having problems your already looking for someone else. That might not be how it actually is, but its how it looks.
    Offline

    10
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by NW86)
    No point causing unneccesary hurt over something you realised you shouldnt have done. if you kissed him or went further i would say you should tell him.
    I agree. Let sleeping dogs lie. It's not like you slept with him, and I don't see the point of dragging something up that is pretty trivial when you thik about it.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I don't think it's cheating, and given you were so upset at the time, it's understandable. And it's not like you didn't try to stop the other guy.

    You can tell your boyfriend or not... honestly, I don't think it should make any difference. You guys were fighting at the time and you said you never wanted to be with the other guy anyway, and had tried to stop his advances.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 9, 2009
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Have you ever participated in a Secret Santa?
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Quick reply
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.