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my girlfriend has got a male friend and its bothering me Watch

    • #3
    #3

    To the girl on the previous page: I honestly can't see how a healthy relationship can exist when sleeping with two guys in their boxers doesn't cause any kind of tension. Either your boyfriend back then was lying to you, or there simply wasn't enough love in the relationship.

    Jealousy is part of all intense relationships, eg i could never spend the rest of my life with someone that i was happy to spend loads of time with another guy. It just shows that the relationship isn't as intimate and close as it should be.

    For example for the OP; I think alot of you are being a bit accusing here.

    (Notice how in EVERY thread about when a guy is jealous, the girls always say he's a possessive moron. Agreeing strongly with Burge, I think that most of these girls are simply trying to impose the lack of jealousy they'd want in their on boyfriend, when they do actually get around to finding one..)

    OP just tell her you feel uncomfortable for not being the person with the closest emotional connection to her, as tbh I could never be in a relationship where I wasn't #1.

    Is someone really going to quote this and say that an intimate loving relationship could exist where one side's emotional bond is higher with someone outside of it?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    To the girl on the previous page: I honestly can't see how a healthy relationship can exist when sleeping with two guys in their boxers doesn't cause any kind of tension. Either your boyfriend back then was lying to you, or there simply wasn't enough love in the relationship.

    Jealousy is part of all intense relationships, eg i could never spend the rest of my life with someone that i was happy to spend loads of time with another guy. It just shows that the relationship isn't as intimate and close as it should be.

    For example for the OP; I think alot of you are being a bit accusing here.

    (Notice how in EVERY thread about when a guy is jealous, the girls always say he's a possessive moron. Agreeing strongly with Burge, I think that most of these girls are simply trying to impose the lack of jealousy they'd want in their on boyfriend, when they do actually get around to finding one..)

    OP just tell her you feel uncomfortable for not being the person with the closest emotional connection to her, as tbh I could never be in a relationship where I wasn't #1.

    Is someone really going to quote this and say that an intimate loving relationship could exist where one side's emotional bond is higher with someone outside of it?
    My current girlfriend* (the same one that I'm currently with) knows that both of the friends I've slept in the same bed as are practically my brothers. We had seperate bedcovers, we were just sharing bed space so they weren't crippled by my bedroom floor. She's been near them enough times to know what they're like. The OP rejected his girlfriend's friend's invite of getting to know him, something that would probably really reduce the amount of stress to the OP. I can understand the need of being #1 in a relationship but she has needs that can't be fulfilled entirely by this relationship and shouldn't be expected to cut a friend off just because OP is terrified that his girlfriend will run away with her friend. If that's how the relationship is now, it's never going to last.

    I have a very very clingy personality and my jealousy can go off the scale but I'd never tell her she couldn't see somebody just because I thought something could happen. That's practically guaranteed to make her resent you and the relationship.

    *And yes, I'm gay but I've had male/female relationships before so the trust is still there.

    And sorry Burge, and thanks for the apology. I assumed it was you as you were the one to attack my post.
    • #3
    #3

    (Original post by snoogy)
    My current girlfriend* (the same one that I'm currently with) knows that both of the friends I've slept in the same bed as are practically my brothers. We had seperate bedcovers, we were just sharing bed space so they weren't crippled by my bedroom floor. She's been near them enough times to know what they're like. The OP rejected his girlfriend's friend's invite of getting to know him, something that would probably really reduce the amount of stress to the OP. I can understand the need of being #1 in a relationship but she has needs that can't be fulfilled entirely by this relationship and shouldn't be expected to cut a friend off just because OP is terrified that his girlfriend will run away with her friend. If that's how the relationship is now, it's never going to last.

    I have a very very clingy personality and my jealousy can go off the scale but I'd never tell her she couldn't see somebody just because I thought something could happen. That's practically guaranteed to make her resent you and the relationship.

    *And yes, I'm gay but I've had male/female relationships before so the trust is still there.
    OK i think we're a bit more on the same wavelength now. I also have a very clingy personality which is why I decided to defend OP a little bit.

    I personally would never tell my GF to stop seeing a male friend (i dont know if the OP actually said he was going to do this?) but i would say to her that it was a bit iffy if she was closer to him than me (which i think she clearly is.)

    In my life I've never really had a REALLY close best friend that i'd talk about everything with, which is why i'm so thankful i have my current girlfriend because I think its so much more fulfilling to share not only your thoughts and secrets with (like a best friend can do), but also love and intimacy.

    The fact that you're gay does make a slight difference to the fact you slept in a bed with two boys. My problem with most girls on TSR is that if a girl posts saying their boyfriend has been seeing a girl that he's known for ages, the other girls will all back her up and say "he's being a ****!" and whatever, whereas when a boy posts with any sort of jealous query the girls completely turn against him. Oh I do love TSR :p:
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    (Original post by explosions hurt)
    Just because he has a penis, it doesn't mean he wants to put it in her.
    Wrong.
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    I think you're being daft, and if you treat him like a threat then it's only going to make your girlfriend more annoyed at you. I know jealousy is kinda inevitable – I've had boyfriends in the past who have been jealous of my clearly gay male best friend – but try to chill out a bit! If she's with you, it's because she wants to be with you, and you should trust her.
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    She won't lose a friend she has had longer over a new relationship.
    Just learn to accept this, and maybe start to get to know him.
    And fgs trust your girlfriend :rant:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    something happen lol hes no threat to me and he couldnt get her the ugly *******
    i smell BS - if he's honestly no threat and an ugly ******* then it wouldnt bother you

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I thought bff & gf were more important than friends. I think I should be the only boy in her life.
    HA - with an attitude like that you'l be single soon and then wont have to worry about it
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Gaara.)
    She won't lose a friend she has had longer over a new relationship.
    Just learn to accept this, and maybe start to get to know him.
    And fgs trust your girlfriend :rant:
    why would I want to know him?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I reallly dont like him, hes with my girlfriend alone all the time. I have met my girlfriend in our 2nd year of college and started going out half way through. She met him in the 2nd year of secondary school. They are just too close, I think. On her 18th I took him aside and said "I think you and my gf hang out too much so can you please leave her alone" and he said " you dont own her, she can choose herself if she wants to see me". I have spoke to her and she says there isnt a problem. she talks to him about me and when I asked him about this he said "girls talk to their friends about boyfriends, It just happens im a boy aswell"

    Is there anyway to get rid of him?
    Should I ask them to stop talking about me?
    Should I say its him or me?

    He's a problem. Seriously, she will screw you over if you aren't careful...

    I mean come on alone with your gf isn't a good thing...

    Wait for her to say... "this isn't working out "...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    he couldnt if he tried lol he cant get gfs lol
    So, you're paranoid over a homosexual?

    Dearie me.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I reallly dont like him, hes with my girlfriend alone all the time. I have met my girlfriend in our 2nd year of college and started going out half way through. She met him in the 2nd year of secondary school. They are just too close, I think. On her 18th I took him aside and said "I think you and my gf hang out too much so can you please leave her alone" and he said " you dont own her, she can choose herself if she wants to see me". I have spoke to her and she says there isnt a problem. she talks to him about me and when I asked him about this he said "girls talk to their friends about boyfriends, It just happens im a boy aswell"

    Is there anyway to get rid of him?
    Should I ask them to stop talking about me?
    Should I say its him or me?
    If you can't get a grip of the fact that having friends =/= cheating, you're going to be miserable for a long time.

    She's human, she's free, she's not stepping outside of reasonable relationship boundaries. If you make her 'give him up', she'll hate you and you have no right to make such demands.

    You need to earn your place as the most important man in her life. You don't just get it because you happen to be dating. Even if you are with her for years and years, you won't necessarily be more important than her closest friends unless you also become her friend, and not just her lover and keeper.
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    (Original post by Nutta!)
    He's a problem. Seriously, she will screw you over if you aren't careful...

    I mean come on alone with your gf isn't a good thing...

    Wait for her to say... "this isn't working out "...
    You are joking, right?
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    You got to occupy her; take her out to places, talk to each other on the phone now & again. Raise your game! Hope for the best.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by Schmokie Dragon)
    If you can't get a grip of the fact that having friends =/= cheating, you're going to be miserable for a long time.

    She's human, she's free, she's not stepping outside of reasonable relationship boundaries. If you make her 'give him up', she'll hate you and you have no right to make such demands.

    You need to earn your place as the most important man in her life. You don't just get it because you happen to be dating. Even if you are with her for years and years, you won't necessarily be more important than her closest friends unless you also become her friend, and not just her lover and keeper.
    hes her only friend, they are both misfits. I think I have earnt it even though I have only known her for a year and him 6 years.
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    Join the club...
    Its your problem not their, you cant stop her seeing a friend shes had for that long, just try to get over it. If you cant that sucks but... **** happens.
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    (Original post by Joel-M)
    Kill him........ It's the only way
    I say, castrate him!! That way OP gets what he wants and his gf keeps her friend :mob:

    Srsly bring this issue on the plate and talk. Nothing better than talking -


    at least that's what they say
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hes her only friend, they are both misfits. I think I have earnt it even though I have only known her for a year and him 6 years.
    So you'd make her drop her only friend because you're insecure?!

    Some boyfriend you are. If that's your attitude she'd be better off without you.
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    i was in the same situation, but was a 5year relationship and she became friends with a cousin she didnt know she had. knew him for 4months (the last 4months of our relationship) she ending up 'falling in love' with him and left me. i just wish i wasnt so naive and stopped them hanging out, damn imbreds...
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hes her only friend, they are both misfits. I think I have earnt it even though I have only known her for a year and him 6 years.
    So you expect her to dump her only friend in favour of a relationship that might not last? Having read this thread its easy to see that all the guys are saying he's going to try and sleep with her, what hasn't stopped him doing that before you came along? All the girls are saying you're being clingy and paranoid and they're right.

    You need to accept that he's a big part of her life, if you can't do that I suggest you move on. Also, its not very nice calling her a misfit :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    hes her only friend, they are both misfits. I think I have earnt it even though I have only known her for a year and him 6 years.
    You can't decide whether you've 'earnt' the position of top-man. That's a matter of how she feels about you and how she feels about the other person, not a matter of how good a boyfriend you think you've been.

    If he's her only friend, you have even less of a right to make her stop seeing him. Believe it or not, you don't own her, she isn't obliged to be happy with just you for a friend and she is allowed to have other people in her life that she has a strong emotional connection to.

    Get. Over. It.
 
 
 
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