How can I let go of this repressed anger?

Anon since this is quite personal.

Background info; My dad was married before, ended up divorced and then married my mother and had me and my brother. He left behind his previous wife and a daughter (I haven't ever met either). I'm 18 atm and my half-sister is probably around 30ish and she was probably about 8 at the time of the divorce.

Even though, I've always known this, it's always felt like a bit of a myth. But recently I can't help thinking about all these inter-related issues. In all this time, my dad's never ever once visited her or done anything of the fatherly sort (his divorce was kinda rough) and it just makes me think, why was it so easy for him to walk away from his whole family and never look back? Things aren't exactly peachy between my parents and its been clear for a long time that they're only together for the sake of me and my bro so I just can't help but feel, if and when necessary, my dad could just leave and never look back without a second's thought.

I do love my dad and in every way, he's a very kind man but I feel like because of this, I can't really respect him as much I could probably otherwise. Also, I always feel guilty because I have my dad but my half-sister never had that and even though, I'm not responsible for any of this, the thought of her sitting somewhere and cursing me for having my dad makes me feel so uncomfortable.

And annoyingly because of all this, I feel like in the future I'll find it very easy to bail on relationships and walk away, be aloof etc (For the large part, I am my father's daughter). If somehow I don't, then I feel as if the other person definitely will. It sounds pretty irrational (because it is) but I can't help but feel like this. :frown:

These thoughts just make me feel as if I've been pretty much screwed over from the start and I can just feel myself harbouring a grudge against my dad, even though that's not what I want. How do I get past this?

ps; talking to my dad about it isn't really an option since he'd feel it's all pretty out of the blue and I don't realy share that-talk-about-anything relationship with him. Plus, I think the issue is with me and my destructive trains of thoughts.

Reply 1

joey11223

Just keep dealing with it, there's no point making a big family argument about it. My mum and dad separated when I was like 2-3, although he'd come and sleep on the couch sometime when he was ill(depression) or wanted money... :rolleyes:

If that girl is anything like me she probably doesn't really care. I mean I see my dad but if he ****** off tomorrow I wouldn't give a damn, he's either drunk or bitching about my mum..usually both. I feel like I'm sitting next to a waste of existence when I'm with him, no joke I don't care how bad that sounds.

It's like he stayed at our house for nearly a year not working when I was like 8 because of depression and so she looked after him. So he has the audacity to talk about how she always controls everything and everything goes her way and all this ****, if he felt like that he could have pissed off and topped himself.

try and not let it get to you, if he leaves he leaves, up to you if you want to keep in contact. That girl probably thinks men are bastards though.

Reply 2

roots

Anonymous

Even though, I've always known this, it's always felt like a bit of a myth. But recently I can't help thinking about all these inter-related issues. In all this time, my dad's never ever once visited her or done anything of the fatherly sort (his divorce was kinda rough) and it just makes me think, why was it so easy for him to walk away from his whole family and never look back? Things aren't exactly peachy between my parents and its been clear for a long time that they're only together for the sake of me and my bro so I just can't help but feel, if and when necessary, my dad could just leave and never look back without a second's thought.

So you're confused. You love your Dad and he's kind but you can't understand how he never got in touch with his daughter. Maybe he did but you don't know about it. Maybe you don't know the full story.

I think he realised the mistake he made. He has after all stuck with you. He might regret that but he's probably learnt to cope with it. He had you to look after.

Why would your Dad leave anyway. Assuming he is secure and settled Why would he give up everything. All couples go through rough patches and different phases in their relationshop where they relate to one another differently. Its natural.

I do love my dad and in every way, he's a very kind man but I feel like because of this, I can't really respect him as much I could probably otherwise. Also, I always feel guilty because I have my dad but my half-sister never had that and even though, I'm not responsible for any of this, the thought of her sitting somewhere and cursing me for having my dad makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Thse thoughts need not affect you relationship with your Dad. You seem to have a good relationship.

You're not responsible and i doubt that she would blame you for anything.

And annoyingly because of all this, I feel like in the future I'll find it very easy to bail on relationships and walk away, be aloof etc (For the large part, I am my father's daughter). If somehow I don't, then I feel as if the other person definitely will.

You don't need to do what your parents did. It isn't something that is genetically wired so youi've no reason to worry about it.

Don't feel badly about yourself. From reading this you truly seem like a nice person who is considerate of others and appreciates the value of the simple but important things in life. Noones going to bail. You don't need to bail, i can see you have the sense not to.

It sounds pretty irrational (because it is) but I can't help but feel like this. :frown:

Ignore your thoughts. You've said that it isn't what you want so stick to it.

If you don't want to talk to your Dad, try talking to someone else who knows about it.

I reckon you want to have some contact with your half sister. You need to know if you are ready. Would it be awkward etc? What would you say?

Most of all make your mind up about what you want to do. Don't tear yourself up. From reading this it seems to me that you've decided that you don't want to be angry and you don't want to worry.

You can try to get rid of anger a few ways. Is that your question?

How can I let go of this repressed anger?

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