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Why don't I feel like a 'normal' 18 year old? watch

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    This thread seems a lot similar to another one I read

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    I can't wait for uni in 1 year. I don't go clubbing I go to parties quite a bit recently and it's all good fun. I do stuff like footy and gym and that with my mates and town and stuff. Last week my mate came on hols with us. it's not all about getting ******. In uni I wanna be doing stuff every mi9nute of every day
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    I'm not interested in the stereotypical clubbing, drinking etc.
    It's really nothing to be ashamed of and it pisses me off that the people who aren't in to that kind of thing are made out to be "sad" or "outcast", because really the people who are poisoning their bodies should in theory be the ones that get seen that way.
    I don't know why it's the norm to do that to yourself and to go clubbing which is technically not the nicest situation - well, that's how I feel about it personally, but I don't see what other people see in it.
    I think you should just be yourself and do what you enjoy doing rather than conforming just for the sake of it. That's probably not going to do you any favours if you don't really enjoy it for yourself. I've met my closest friends by being who I am and they're the best friends I could ask for and they feel the same about the drinking/ clubbing lifestyle as me, so we'll do different things together.
    I really don't see why it should be a problem.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thanks for the advice guys, I just needed a bit of reasurerance from people who have experienced life at Uni that all is not doom and gloom and that I can start again. I realise that there are so many other people on here who post the same kind of threads and it must get really boring but hey. This time though I think I will pick my friends more carefully than I did in secondary school, I have learnt a lot about people and what sort of people I get on best with ( which is pretty much everyone but there are some people I just don't hit it off with).
    As for the relationships thing, I hope that sorts its self out. It's not so much that I want to be in a relationship but its a case of I only feel lonely when it is brought to my attention, when everyone else is together and when people treat you like an invalid when you say you are single there is nothing worse than people saying to you "ohh don't worry you'll find someone"...like I'm waiting for a kidney donor or something pfft.

    I guess I'm just consumed by worry at the moment as I really want things to be better than they have been and I always put my self out there its the rejection I can't handle.
    10 pints of snake and black on day one of uni and you'll be fine...
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    I'm not interested in the stereotypical clubbing, drinking etc.
    It's really nothing to be ashamed of and it pisses me off that the people who aren't in to that kind of thing are made out to be "sad" or "outcast", because really the people who are poisoning their bodies should in theory be the ones that get seen that way.
    I don't know why it's the norm to do that to yourself and to go clubbing which is technically not the nicest situation - well, that's how I feel about it personally, but I don't see what other people see in it.
    I think you should just be yourself and do what you enjoy doing rather than conforming just for the sake of it. That's probably not going to do you any favours if you don't really enjoy it for yourself. I've met my closest friends by being who I am and they're the best friends I could ask for and they feel the same about the drinking/ clubbing lifestyle as me, so we'll do different things together.
    I really don't see why it should be a problem.
    Yeah I just feel like everyone is in a race to grow up and I'm bringing up the rear...
    My friends and I used to have the same views on things like sex but then something changed we grew up and now everyone seems to be doing it. I'm not trying to sound dogmatic or anything but with some of the things that people come out with I just don't fully understand the excitement behind it and I doubt that I ever will but maybe that will change but only because I want it to.
    It's diffcult because my friends have done a lot of growing up socially but I have done the most growing up mentally if that makes sense. But I guess that Uni will be a better experience because there will obviously be more people there than at college where everyone is living in each others pockets and knows everybodies business. I just can't wait for the results to come in and to wipe the slate clean. I really am suprised and glad to hear that not EVERYONE has the same life style as people in my college I guess am 'normal' in my own right. It's just a case of having to spot comparing my self to people all the time. It's my biggest vice, there is always someone better looking than me or taller than me and I know I shouldnt do it but it's kinda habbit. :o:
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    Yeah I made a similar thread to this a while ago, same situation with mates etc. Anyway, I've been out with them since a few times and you really aren't missing out much. I get the impression a lot of people go out every week 'cause 'its the thing to do' rather than enjoyment. When I went out with my mates they weren't pulling girls or having an amazing time like they made out, they were just as awkward, dancing around like idiots to Lady Gaga or who-ever for all of 10 minutes before nipping back out for a fag, then claiming it was an AWESOME night on the way back.

    I think at Uni there's more to do then going out to the same places every night, you'll be around people who'll just want to go for a drink and a chat in the pub, game of snooker, night on the 360.
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    #3

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was just surfing facebook today and looking at friends photoalbums and they seem to be full of pictures of them out with friends drinking, out clubbing with boyfriends/girlfriends and just generally having fun with friends and it's only just dawned on me that my social life isn't really that of a typical 18 year old.

    Agreed. If im honest my social life hasn't always been that of a typical teenager... My friends used to go out all the time, not always drinking, but just going and hanging out. I would usually sit at home studying for my exams and school work.

    They always wanted me to come out drinking, but my dad didn't want me to go out, and wanted me to keep on track with school and exams. Which I was more than happy to do.

    It wasn't until I got to 18 back in January that I started to go out properly with my friends. Even now though my social life isn't typical because I concentrate a lot on my working life, because I have a job I enjoy, and usually only go out like once or twice a month, whereas many of my friends go out most friday and saturday nights....

    So your not alone OP.
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    I'm not interested in the stereotypical clubbing, drinking etc.
    It's really nothing to be ashamed of and it pisses me off that the people who aren't in to that kind of thing are made out to be "sad" or "outcast", because really the people who are poisoning their bodies should in theory be the ones that get seen that way.
    I don't know why it's the norm to do that to yourself and to go clubbing which is technically not the nicest situation - well, that's how I feel about it personally, but I don't see what other people see in it.
    I think you should just be yourself and do what you enjoy doing rather than conforming just for the sake of it. That's probably not going to do you any favours if you don't really enjoy it for yourself. I've met my closest friends by being who I am and they're the best friends I could ask for and they feel the same about the drinking/ clubbing lifestyle as me, so we'll do different things together.
    I really don't see why it should be a problem.
    seriously, wtf?
    so you think that you're better than people who go clubbing. to be honest, i can't see how people here can be seen getting away with that. just generalising a whole group. how about if i called you anti-social etc. you like that? the problem with people here is that they don't want to try new things and because they refuse to expand their comfort zone, they are still shy, anti-social and act as if they aren't the problem but everyone else around them is. Get over yourselves because you can act like you feel fine and happy "being yourself" but it's just another way to stop you going out and trying new things in case it's not "true to yourself"
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    You're an 18 yr old - no-one's expecting you to be a limitless mine of anecdotal gold, so don't worry!

    Uni is a fresh start.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I was just surfing facebook today and looking at friends photoalbums and they seem to be full of pictures of them out with friends drinking, out clubbing with boyfriends/girlfriends and just generally having fun with friends and it's only just dawned on me that my social life isn't really that of a typical 18 year old.

    Since the second year of A levels I had a really tough time dealing with personal issues such as self worth and confidence, I began to sink deeper and deeper into my own little world of self pitty and that the world was against me. My few close friends decided to cut and run (which I don't blame them for as I did nothing to make them want to stay) which did nothing for my confidence. Being out of practice with socialising I feared that I had become boring and that no one would want to get to know me. I was quite depressing seeing everyone making arrangements in their social groups and having big nights out while I stayed home and revised. I don't regret revising at all but at the same time it meant that I wasn't able to go out. The last party I went to was in March. I feel that I haven't been able to enjoy my self that much as a teenager, I haven't met many new people and my old friends don't seem to want to know me anymore. I've only ever had one relationship which I don't really count because it was in year 9.

    I feel a bit out of practice with the opposite sex and am afraid that when I go to Uni that I will have no anecdotes to share. I feel like I have wasted the last two years, having strict parents its diffcult to go out clubbing etc and well I feel like I'm not growing up quick enough..

    It's not so much that I'm moaning but I just want some advice on getting out there and acting more like my age or am I fine the way I am and shoudn't conform to the stereotypical idea of an 18 year old....any sensible suggestions?

    :eek: I actually could have written that. I know exactly how you feel, I am in the same boat.
    If you feel confident enough to PM me and chat then feel free to.
    Chin up, life can only get better for us right?
    • #4
    #4

    (Original post by Davezk)
    Facebook is styled to make people look/act/feel popular. In reality, they're probably not that much different from you.
    That couldn't be any more true.

    Even in my pics I look all happy, popular and active, and have lots of friends, but deep down I'm pretty much just like the OP. Deep down I'm rolling in a mud of self pity.

    I can guruantee you alot of other teenagers aren't happy with their life, they just put on a mask to hide their true emotions. In fact, the people who I respect most out of life are actually emos, because they are true to themselves and show their true feelings to the world.
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    Im the same sort of. Ive got friends who like to have a good drink and get totally wrecked. But I really dont get the whole going out and getting drunk. What satisfaction do you get out of that i really dont get it haha! I would much rather grab a chinese and muck about with some sober friends at home! There have been many photo albums on my facebook where alcohol or partying hasnt been needed and weve had just as much fun!

    So its not surprising that i get a lot of banter from my Family and friends, I have several nicknames including The Nun and The Geek, But i really dont mind . The worst thing i can think of that i could do is go out and make a total and utter fool of myself getting drunk!

    As for the out of practise bit Im the same, but im not particularly worried about it now knowing theres people like you who are in exactly the same situation. Im sure youve got things going for you, youve just got to wait till You feel its right (Whenever that is )

    I would say good on you for revising but i cant really advise on the losing your old friends thing cause ive managed to keep the right balance between school and socialising. But I think youve got your priorities right completely. I would say maybe dont make the mistake of totally "Ignoring" *for want of a better way of saying this* your friends cause you dont want to end up a recluse! X)

    I would agree with the people who say that theres plenty of oppourtunities to gain new friends and stuff in uni and i assume there definately will be but of course just remember what your there for in the first place.
    Its all about striking a balance me thinks =/.

    Of course being 17 im a year behind you, But then im not a normal 17 year old X). Like i said i really dont get a thrill out of drinking excessively (Though i must admit there have been times where my and a few friends have opened a bottle of bubbly to wash down our chinky ). (In the prescence of adults of course )

    Im sure youve got nothing to worry about so just be yourself X). And for goodness sakes dont pretend that you flushed a cat down the toilet

    Hope this helps
    Jd x
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    Hey anon,

    I'll tell you how it is as a graduate who was a bit shy going into uni... I did have a bit of a social life but I was always the quiet one.. had a rubbish job that meant it was hard to go on nights out etc...

    But anyways, although I was in an odd set of halls (lots of third years / international students) in fact it eased me into myself and it really is about just meeting so many people (from your course, societies, randomly on nights out, in your halls) these past four years I've learnt so much about life, people and love...

    As someone said it really is the start of your days.. it is scary at first but you'll enjoy it :-D
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    I think you're fine the way you are and SHOULD NOT act like a stereotypical 18 year old.
    i've just turned 18 and i highly doubt that i will be going out clubbing and getting drunk every night... its just not me... and i wouldnt change that just because everyone else is doing so. and i kind of enjoy being alone rather than have loads of friends.

    dont feel like you have to go clubbing etc just cos everyone else is and you want to fit in, you'll be wasting money and energy, yeah, short term it might be fun, but in the long run... i dont think theres any positives.
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    Be cautious about your decisions. Your time at University is only a very short time of your life. Try and keep a broader perspective on things.

    Our generation has glorfied the University years and have marketed it as some sort of experience to obtain. Be wary of a) conducting yourself based upon feelings- the human heart is extremely deceitful; b) putting too much worth upon other people's acceptance of you. Students generally have little perspective of their entire life span. Focussing on the present and its trifles can have disastrous consequences later in life.

    I am sorry though that you are finding you are not fitting in. But really, I wonder why you are really that bothered about it? Does your conscience not tell you that the riches to be gained at University by the 'student life' are not really dung dressed up as sweeties?
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    I think the problem with us "loners" is that we hide, so don't see each other to realise just how many of us there are. Those who are out lots or on facebook looking drunk are far more obvious so seem to be normal. I too see no point in clubbing (you go somewhere that is too hot, the music is too loud so you shout till your throat hurts in the morning and you get drunk so you don't even remember it... if you find it fun fair enough, but accept it isn't for everyone).

    I went to uni with a similar attitude as the OP and met great people straight away in halls (very lucky, most people didn't) but after the 3 years we are all living hundreds of miles apart, I've returned to my birthtown and am more of a loner than ever as I cut off most of my friends here.

    Definitely keep an eye on the bigger picture!
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    (Original post by 9MmBulletz)
    seriously, wtf?
    so you think that you're better than people who go clubbing. to be honest, i can't see how people here can be seen getting away with that. just generalising a whole group. how about if i called you anti-social etc. you like that? the problem with people here is that they don't want to try new things and because they refuse to expand their comfort zone, they are still shy, anti-social and act as if they aren't the problem but everyone else around them is. Get over yourselves because you can act like you feel fine and happy "being yourself" but it's just another way to stop you going out and trying new things in case it's not "true to yourself"
    Wtf? That's not what I said in the slightest.
    I'm not stereotyping anyone - alcohol is a poison, that is a fact. Humans in general strive for survival, so it's perhaps ironic that they poison their bodies with alcohol, no? My point being, those that drink are the ones deviating from the inherent order of things and their natural interests (health) if that makes any sense. Not the ones who choose to not do those things.
    I didn't say anywhere that I feel I'm better than those who drink and go clubbing or whatever. In no way did I apply that, that's just what you took from it.
    I didn't say everyone else is a problem, I said that everyone who makes those choices which are actually detrimental to their own health are the ones that would scientifically be considered as the outsiders as it's not the natural human instinct.
    I have no problem with people who drink and go clubbing. Each to their own. My boyfriend does both of those things, and he is lovely. I know lots of brilliant people that are in to different things.
    Clubbing and drinking make me personally unhappy - I'm not going to do something that makes me unhappy to please other people when it's not what I enjoy.
    There's a very accurate quote from Kurt Cobain who said "I'd rather people hated me for who I am than loved me for who I am not" - yes, philosophical, but true. I'm not going to go out and have a **** time because people expect me to enjoy it when I don't. If they don't like the fact that I'm not in to that, that's their problem.
    There's no law that there's only one thing that can make people happy. I would much prefer to stay in and watch a good DVD or whatever with a friend, and in that way I'd probably get more conversation and socialising in than standing in a packed area having to shout the odd few words over the music and ending up with a headache.
    That's just how my body and mind respond to the situation, I don't like it. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean I'm anti-social in the slightest.
    You're the one who just generalised a whole group, i.e. "the problem with people here..." - I never said anything like that.
    I suggest you double check what people mean by what they say before you go criticising them.
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    (Original post by malleablegrace)
    Wtf? That's not what I said in the slightest.
    I'm not stereotyping anyone - alcohol is a poison, that is a fact. Humans in general strive for survival, so it's perhaps ironic that they poison their bodies with alcohol, no? My point being, those that drink are the ones deviating from the inherent order of things and their natural interests (health) if that makes any sense. Not the ones who choose to not do those things.
    I didn't say anywhere that I feel I'm better than those who drink and go clubbing or whatever. In no way did I apply that, that's just what you took from it.
    I didn't say everyone else is a problem, I said that everyone who makes those choices which are actually detrimental to their own health are the ones that would scientifically be considered as the outsiders as it's not the natural human instinct.
    I have no problem with people who drink and go clubbing. Each to their own. My boyfriend does both of those things, and he is lovely. I know lots of brilliant people that are in to different things.
    Clubbing and drinking make me personally unhappy - I'm not going to do something that makes me unhappy to please other people when it's not what I enjoy.
    There's a very accurate quote from Kurt Cobain who said "I'd rather people hated me for who I am than loved me for who I am not" - yes, philosophical, but true. I'm not going to go out and have a **** time because people expect me to enjoy it when I don't. If they don't like the fact that I'm not in to that, that's their problem.
    There's no law that there's only one thing that can make people happy. I would much prefer to stay in and watch a good DVD or whatever with a friend, and in that way I'd probably get more conversation and socialising in than standing in a packed area having to shout the odd few words over the music and ending up with a headache.
    That's just how my body and mind respond to the situation, I don't like it. There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean I'm anti-social in the slightest.
    You're the one who just generalised a whole group, i.e. "the problem with people here..." - I never said anything like that.
    I suggest you double check what people mean by what they say before you go criticising them.
    :rolleyes:
    OK, fair enough. but i'm saying don't disregard anything until you've done it.
    Alcohol isn't poisonous unless you have double the weekly limit all the time.
    I would argue that watching too much TV is poison to the brain but it's petty.
    To be hoenst, you are saying that you are better than those drinking alcohol. Because according to your expertise knowledge, everyone drinking alcohol is poisononing themselves, and abstaining from drinking alcohol would mean you are avoiding a "trap" and by avoiding this trap you self-conclude that you are better than others. i'm not saying get plastered every night, but don't knock things that other people like to do. Alcohol is perfectly fine in reasonable amounts, but accordding to you, touching anything with a miligram of alcohol will poison you.
    I'm not perfect either, but you have tarred every drinker with the same brush, saying they are poisoning themselves.
    I'm not here to change your views, although that would be desirable. And I have checked what you mean, you can see it in the highlighted bits.
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    I'm 17, I don't really have much of a social life outside my boyfriend and two best friends - and even then we never go out drinking, we prefer to go to the cinema or out for a meal or something.. when everyone else was out getting drunk or whatever in our GCSE year, (fair enough if you enjoy it, but some people over do it) I stayed in and revised - it was sooo worth it on results day, seeing their faces. Same this year, and it will be worth it on results day.. so I wouldn't worry too much about conforming to your age group.. it's better to be different, right?
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    (Original post by 9MmBulletz)
    :rolleyes:
    OK, fair enough. but i'm saying don't disregard anything until you've done it.
    Alcohol isn't poisonous unless you have double the weekly limit all the time.
    I would argue that watching too much TV is poison to the brain but it's petty.
    To be hoenst, you are saying that you are better than those drinking alcohol. Because according to your expertise knowledge, everyone drinking alcohol is poisononing themselves, and abstaining from drinking alcohol would mean you are avoiding a "trap" and by avoiding this trap you self-conclude that you are better than others. i'm not saying get plastered every night, but don't knock things that other people like to do. Alcohol is perfectly fine in reasonable amounts, but accordding to you, touching anything with a miligram of alcohol will poison you.
    I'm not perfect either, but you have tarred every drinker with the same brush, saying they are poisoning themselves.
    I'm not here to change your views, although that would be desirable. And I have checked what you mean, you can see it in the highlighted bits.
    I'm talking about the science of alcohol here, not my opinion on what it is. It's literally science. Fair enough, anything is poison in large doses and most things in moderation are okay but in a society where a hell of a lot of people binge drink, they don't realise what they are inflicting on their bodies. I know, not everyone binge drinks but bodies are very sensitive things - everything we put in is going to go somewhere and have some effect on every part of our systems. That's just logic, or to me it is.

    I have tried alcohol, don't assume that just because I don't like drinking I haven't tried it. I've tried it, and for that reason I feel it is fine to disregard it. I have tried it, and I don't enjoy it, hence why I choose not to do it. Not because I'm "better" than anyone else, but because it makes me physically sick/ ill and the physical effects for me aren't worth it, and because I've had alcoholics close to me and I don't like what it's done to them. I don't like the effect it has on people mentally and unlike a lot of people I don't feel I have to drink to have a good time. Again, not because I'm better than them, but I feel that we're all capable of having a good time without drugs.

    I'm not saying I'm avoiding a trap. I'm saying I don't enjoy drinking and clubbing, there's no "trap" there. It's just not something I like doing.

    As I said, I don't feel I'm "better" than anyone who drinks at all, but I DO feel that I'm giving myself a better chance of maintaining a healthy liver as I get older.

    I'm not knocking things that other people like to do. Like I said, each to their own, if you enjoy drinking that's fine, but as I said in my original post in response to the OP's concern about *not* drinking, there's nothing wrong with that. And that's when I said that technically putting unnatural chemicals into your body is against natural instinct in response to the idea that people think that not drinking is unnatural, because it's not. But I am well aware that we all do that in some way or another with some things we eat/ drink/ use on our bodies.

    How would you feel if I said I find it desirable to want to change your views on it?

    I'm not going to change and you're not going to change - like I said, people can choose what they want to do and that's absolutely fine, I have nothing against anyone who drinks.

    I do have something against people who tell me that I should drink against my will, though, just because society says so.
 
 
 
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