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    plz keep anon or delete.
    I am at a point in my life where i dont want to live anymore. I have been thinking of ways to die and not found a successful one yet. I find myself a big-time coward. Reasons why i want to end my life:
    1) I feel cheap like a prostitute cos i use myself in that way
    2) My head dont work anymore
    3) I go thru frequent mood swings
    4) I watch porn. I watch it cos I feel my life is like the ones i see in the vid: sex is cheap and life is cheaper.
    5) I very frequently get the urge to bash myself up to the point of absolute physical numbness:but i dont know how to hit oneself that bad!(any suggestions on this is appreciated as well)
    6) I go to uni, but am almost going to fail year 2 for a second time. My parents have no idea that their daughter is slowing turning into a prostitute but I dont have the guts to tell them that either.

    HELP!
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    hey.....
    your post is kinda vague so there's not much i could say that would be specific but i get the gist you're generally unhappy with your life and where it's going but you have the POWER to change it.

    yeah ok you've made mistakes but who's to say it's too late to stop and turn it around? you have the advantage of choice on your side....... don't waste your life, not when there's so much potential (which you may not see right now)

    please do pm me as i do want to help. i won't ask for your name or anything irrelevant, i just wanna help
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    I'm sure it's not so bad as to be a prostitute. Even if work's a basher (sorry, not so sure how to fix that) at least try to have fun while you're still in college. Perhaps delay gratification, yum.
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    (Original post by nutellaturtle)
    hey.....
    your post is kinda vague so there's not much i could say that would be specific but i get the gist you're generally unhappy with your life and where it's going but you have the POWER to change it.

    yeah ok you've made mistakes but who's to say it's too late to stop and turn it around? you have the advantage of choice on your side....... don't waste your life, not when there's so much potential (which you may not see right now)

    please do pm me as i do want to help. i won't ask for your name or anything irrelevant, i just wanna help
    yeah ok you've made mistakes but who's to say it's too late to stop and turn it around? you have the advantage of choice on your side....... don't waste your life, not when there's so much potential (which you may not see right now)

    please do pm me as i do want to help. i won't ask for your name or anything irrelevant, i just wanna help[/QUOTE]
    oh ok,here's more about my situation.
    As i said above, I am repeating my year 2 at uni and possibly will fail this year too ...It all started with me being thru rape several years ago. Although I am a heterosexual, I hate men (a lot), and what I see on the porn vids reminds me of the bad time i went thru and it all somehow seems to be part of me. I feel promiscous. I hate sex. I hate men. I hate that men do these sort of things to women (prostitues)under the label of 'legal' and consensual...what happened to me is not legal but am I any different (in my make, i.e. i am a female human) than these prostitues? I feel not. Well, I dont have much respect for my body as I dont 'feel care' for it. I guess I am not making sense, but its hard to describe what i feel unless I put it in graphic detail and then it'll be gross..way too gross I s'pose.
    I will pm u probably, but i'd like to know what gender are you. I am equally happy to receive advice/help/suggestions from males as well as females but it just helps me to someone;s age and gender to decide how much i can possibly tell them.
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    hi, my advice is to find a doctor first.
    You torch you a lot but it's not your fault. You have to try to forget the miseries and start new lives. Everday is a new start and if you think you can make it you can make it.
    best wishes
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    All girls go through frequent mood swings. Everything is sex related nearly in your life, so maybe just get a partner and they will be able to help you through it and see your life differently. If you're stuggling at uni you can always go to them for help. Maybe you just need to concentrate more.

    Connexions might be able to help you out.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    oh ok,here's more about my situation.
    As i said above, I am repeating my year 2 at uni and possibly will fail this year too ...It all started with me being thru rape several years ago. Although I am a heterosexual, I hate men (a lot), and what I see on the porn vids reminds me of the bad time i went thru and it all somehow seems to be part of me. I feel promiscous. I hate sex. I hate men. I hate that men do these sort of things to women (prostitues)under the label of 'legal' and consensual...what happened to me is not legal but am I any different (in my make, i.e. i am a female human) than these prostitues? I feel not. Well, I dont have much respect for my body as I dont 'feel care' for it. I guess I am not making sense, but its hard to describe what i feel unless I put it in graphic detail and then it'll be gross..way too gross I s'pose.
    I will pm u probably, but i'd like to know what gender are you. I am equally happy to receive advice/help/suggestions from males as well as females but it just helps me to someone;s age and gender to decide how much i can possibly tell them.
    See-I-dunno-what-to-believe.

    most
    -rape-victems-shy-away-from-human-contact-especially-male.Although-you-say-you-hate-sex-and-hate-men-but-then-say-you-feel-like-a-prostitute-for-sleeping-around-yeah-that-doesn't-seem-that-logical.

    However-if-all-thats-the-truth-which-it-very-well-could-be-then-go-and-see-a-doctor=instead-of-posting-on-here
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    You need to go and see a psychiatrist/psychologist. You've obviously not gotten over the rape and it's still playing a dominant role in your life.

    Now, if other things go wrong, then the importance of new problems and the rape will magnify to the point where you start viewing things illogically and see suicide as a logical conclusion, when everyone (including you) knows it's not.
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    Please do seek medical advice as soon as possible. I have suffered depression before and it is a terrible illness. Many times I felt like killing myself. I couldn't turn my life round on my own - only medical help could have done that.

    I have been through some terrible things - different to yours, but terrible. But I can now feel happy. Please don't give up, but seek professional help - admitting the way you feel to someone who can help is the most difficult part. Once you have done that, you will realise how normal you are.

    Good luck
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    (Original post by daveroberts79)
    Please do seek medical advice as soon as possible. I have suffered depression before and it is a terrible illness. Many times I felt like killing myself. I couldn't turn my life round on my own - only medical help could have done that.

    I have been through some terrible things - different to yours, but terrible. But I can now feel happy. Please don't give up, but seek professional help - admitting the way you feel to someone who can help is the most difficult part. Once you have done that, you will realise how normal you are.

    Good luck
    no i am not going through depression! I have been thru depression in the past, but i have overcome that now. What i feel, I'd probs feel the same way if rape never happened to me. I have been trying to believe in a better world:if rape is condemned and society seriously dont want it, then why do most rapists hardly serve more than a couple of months in prison? if its really true, that women are given respect in society then why is it that all the porn sites exist that abuse women beyond speakable words...bad things happen to people at all times, but there are good things also that one can believe in and console oneself with. what can I beleive in? the women whose bodies i see used on these porn websites,remind me vividly of the my body was used: if their abuse is accpetable to society then what I should have faith in of the society i live in that they'll condemn wht have become of me. Its easy to say that a prostitute and raped woman are far from the same; i have been thru it and I'll tell u tht they are not really tht different. My inner mind 'feels' like a whore. There's nothing in the world that can delete feelings. except reason. And I have nothing solid against to reason. Under a different label (of prostitution) society accpets wht is actually rape. Agreed in one you consent and the other u dont, but oftentimes a consent is not really a consent. I might sound mad, but there have been countless times that I have wanted to say away from my siclky porn-watching, self-porn committing inner urge and something in me just 'flows' towards an evil self-acceptance of abuse.
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    (Original post by Pickford)
    All girls go through frequent mood swings. Everything is sex related nearly in your life, so maybe just get a partner and they will be able to help you through it and see your life differently. If you're stuggling at uni you can always go to them for help. Maybe you just need to concentrate more.

    Connexions might be able to help you out.
    well, if I do have a partner and i did have one after my rape it was/will be a male. and guess what most males are like? the first and last thing on their list is how should they feel pleased about the relationship. its not about selflessness, not about understanding, not about invaluable care and love and all those things most people brag love and romance is all about. Love=sex. And men=need to have sex. Well, i am not a sexual object and neither a sex machine.
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    i have been to countless counsellors, 2 doctors, 2 medical teams, friends, strangers, professors, even enemies...the list goes on...the only people i can never bring myself to talk to about this are my parents....I am mad, arent i? I need to work on how to find an effective way to punish myself so that once i have punished myself, inner forgiveness can begin. so anyone have any idea on how to punish oneself? I am not into cutting myself up-never was keen on it and still not into it. however, i do self-inflict wounds to myself but only i need to do it on a gretaer degree to the point where it actually counts as punishment to myself! anyone any suggestions of how to do this? i need ideas cos I know no one here on tsr and anywhere in this world has an answer for me...
    SO WHOEVER IS READING THIS THREAD DROP ME A LINE ON WHATEVER U WANT TO SAY ON THIS MATTER! EVEN IF U ONLY WANT TO ASSURE ME THT I AM A WHORE!
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    Who negged me?

    I made a completely vaild point.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    no i am not going through depression! I have been thru depression in the past, but i have overcome that now. What i feel, I'd probs feel the same way if rape never happened to me. I have been trying to believe in a better world:if rape is condemned and society seriously dont want it, then why do most rapists hardly serve more than a couple of months in prison? if its really true, that women are given respect in society then why is it that all the porn sites exist that abuse women beyond speakable words...bad things happen to people at all times, but there are good things also that one can believe in and console oneself with. what can I beleive in? the women whose bodies i see used on these porn websites,remind me vividly of the my body was used: if their abuse is accpetable to society then what I should have faith in of the society i live in that they'll condemn wht have become of me. Its easy to say that a prostitute and raped woman are far from the same; i have been thru it and I'll tell u tht they are not really tht different. My inner mind 'feels' like a whore. There's nothing in the world that can delete feelings. except reason. And I have nothing solid against to reason. Under a different label (of prostitution) society accpets wht is actually rape. Agreed in one you consent and the other u dont, but oftentimes a consent is not really a consent. I might sound mad, but there have been countless times that I have wanted to say away from my siclky porn-watching, self-porn committing inner urge and something in me just 'flows' towards an evil self-acceptance of abuse.
    We can't PM you as you are anonymous. But PM me and I will help as much as I can.
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    so???????? no one has anything to say??!
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    i do - sorry just got in
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    PM me.
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    (Original post by daveroberts79)
    i do - sorry just got in
    so tell me how you think u could help me? what advice do u have for me? I dont want to pm you as i want to be anon. But tell me whatever you want to say on here. Maybe your advice will help someone else as well(who might just be browsing these forums). thanks! look froward to whatever u have got to say.
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    Counselling.

    You need to speak someone about this in person and tackle your demons face on. Get at the roots of the problem.
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    (Original post by Reflexive)
    Counselling.

    You need to speak someone about this in person and tackle your demons face on. Get at the roots of the problem.
    I have been to counselling countless times. Everytime it ends the same way: the counsellor asks me to talk about that night and I say I dont think I trust her enough. And its true. I dont trust people like that. Unless they are someone I have known for a while..otherwise, if I can be totally anon as in here, yea I can talk everything...been to doctors as well.
 
 
 
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